A Rather Sad Situation
Discussion
Over 20 years ago, I had a younger brother who died at a little over 6 weeks old. Obviously it was hugely difficult time. At the same time, there was a young lady - I’d guess 30s who worked for my dad. She also unfortunately passed away from an illness. I believe my mother and this lady formed a bond over mutual support in the loss of their children.
Fast forward a little and this lady’s (who was an only daughter) husband (who was an only son) and child (who was an old child) had both died. My mother and her daughter’s best friend started to care for this old lady. All her contemporaries and friends are also dead.
My mother is the most selfless person and has looked after this lady, almost religiously, for at least a decade, most probably longer. Multiple times a week.
Anyway, I find out today that the old lady died a couple of weeks ago and her cremation/funeral is tomorrow and there’s likely to be 4, maybe 5 people present (my mum and dad, the daughter’s best friend and husband) and possibly the accountant.
When I found this out, I felt a weird wave of sadness - that an old lady achieved 98 and a bit years on this planet...to have got to the end of her life, survived a world war, numerous revolutions and ends up with a handful of people at her funeral. I just felt this was really sad. 11:45am tomorrow and she’ll be confined to history predominantly in a funeral homes receipts book!
I know that this must happen all day, every day up and down the country, but I’d never really given it much thought before.
Nothing more to say really!
Fast forward a little and this lady’s (who was an only daughter) husband (who was an only son) and child (who was an old child) had both died. My mother and her daughter’s best friend started to care for this old lady. All her contemporaries and friends are also dead.
My mother is the most selfless person and has looked after this lady, almost religiously, for at least a decade, most probably longer. Multiple times a week.
Anyway, I find out today that the old lady died a couple of weeks ago and her cremation/funeral is tomorrow and there’s likely to be 4, maybe 5 people present (my mum and dad, the daughter’s best friend and husband) and possibly the accountant.
When I found this out, I felt a weird wave of sadness - that an old lady achieved 98 and a bit years on this planet...to have got to the end of her life, survived a world war, numerous revolutions and ends up with a handful of people at her funeral. I just felt this was really sad. 11:45am tomorrow and she’ll be confined to history predominantly in a funeral homes receipts book!
I know that this must happen all day, every day up and down the country, but I’d never really given it much thought before.
Nothing more to say really!
I’m sure it’s the same thing that happens day in, day out.
I also feel sorry for my mother I guess - I just hope the passing of this old lady isn’t emotionally some split between my mum and my late brother. If they supported each other through that nightmare, I hope it isn’t too upsetting for mum.
Oh well, obviously I’m just overthinking this!
I also feel sorry for my mother I guess - I just hope the passing of this old lady isn’t emotionally some split between my mum and my late brother. If they supported each other through that nightmare, I hope it isn’t too upsetting for mum.
Oh well, obviously I’m just overthinking this!
Matt that is sad but the lady lived the fullest of full lives and saw so much, her existence is measured in those 98 years not the 2 hours of her funeral.
Creds to your mum as well, it’s a rare quality of person who genuinely gives selflessly.
My brother died 12 years ago at 57 and that changed my entire attitude and outlook on life.
But to pinpoint your post, if you want lots of people at your funeral you need to die youngish with about 2 months notice - church will be packed. (Tongue in cheek).
All that s
t people say about life not being a rehearsal and you only live once - it’s true.
Creds to your mum as well, it’s a rare quality of person who genuinely gives selflessly.
My brother died 12 years ago at 57 and that changed my entire attitude and outlook on life.
But to pinpoint your post, if you want lots of people at your funeral you need to die youngish with about 2 months notice - church will be packed. (Tongue in cheek).
All that s
t people say about life not being a rehearsal and you only live once - it’s true.DSLiverpool said:
Matt that is sad but the lady lived the fullest of full lives and saw so much, her existence is measured in those 98 years not the 2 hours of her funeral.
Creds to your mum as well, it’s a rare quality of person who genuinely gives selflessly.
My brother died 12 years ago at 57 and that changed my entire attitude and outlook on life.
But to pinpoint your post, if you want lots of people at your funeral you need to die youngish with about 2 months notice - church will be packed. (Tongue in cheek).
All that st people say about life not being a rehearsal and you only live once - it’s true.
You are correct of course! I do also agree that life is not a rehearsal (hence the move to the USA!).Creds to your mum as well, it’s a rare quality of person who genuinely gives selflessly.
My brother died 12 years ago at 57 and that changed my entire attitude and outlook on life.
But to pinpoint your post, if you want lots of people at your funeral you need to die youngish with about 2 months notice - church will be packed. (Tongue in cheek).
All that s
t people say about life not being a rehearsal and you only live once - it’s true.But yes, as cliche as it sounds, my mother is a wonderful person who gives selflessly to anyone that needs it.
This happened in my family as well. My Gran who brought me up after my parents were killed when I was 1, died a few years ago at 98 years old.
She outlived my Grandad by 20 years, all her sisters even though she was the oldest, and pretty much all of her friends. Her friends who were still alive are in homes or immobile.
Her funeral was attended by my wife and eldest daughter, my in-laws, my Uncle and his 2 grown up kids and my Grans cleaner.
A life well lived though!
She outlived my Grandad by 20 years, all her sisters even though she was the oldest, and pretty much all of her friends. Her friends who were still alive are in homes or immobile.
Her funeral was attended by my wife and eldest daughter, my in-laws, my Uncle and his 2 grown up kids and my Grans cleaner.
A life well lived though!
TwigtheWonderkid said:
In some ways, the longer you live, the fewer people will be at your funeral, so it's something to aspire to. You've outlived your friends, siblings, and maybe your children.
Yeah this is kinda my sentiment on it, you either die young enough for people to mourn you, or you outlive everyone and nobody is there to see you go.Similar story for my great aunt. She out survived all her siblings and her close friends. Never had any kids. She was in SA as a refugee in the war and had a huge circle of friends when working back in Perth Scotland in the tax office. Upon retiring she volunteered every day in a McMillan hospice and/ or their tea rooms to raise funds (she lost her sister to cancer)
During the last 2 years, needing care for cancer herself, she moved 200 miles from her lifelong home to her nieces house.
The only relatives involved with her were the children of her brother and their children (me and my cousins).
Due to a large rift amongst those siblings, there were a grand total of eight of us at her funeral. There were 7 from the funeral director!
It was utterly horrible. If I’d have been involved I’d have sent a message to all the other estranged siblings, which includes my own ahole of a father that I have not seen since I was 6, just so they had a chance to say goodbye.
None of them were told of great aunts passing until after the funeral. A spiteful move to get one final poke in the eye between squabbling siblings.
During the last 2 years, needing care for cancer herself, she moved 200 miles from her lifelong home to her nieces house.
The only relatives involved with her were the children of her brother and their children (me and my cousins).
Due to a large rift amongst those siblings, there were a grand total of eight of us at her funeral. There were 7 from the funeral director!
It was utterly horrible. If I’d have been involved I’d have sent a message to all the other estranged siblings, which includes my own a
hole of a father that I have not seen since I was 6, just so they had a chance to say goodbye. None of them were told of great aunts passing until after the funeral. A spiteful move to get one final poke in the eye between squabbling siblings.
My father became good friends with a guy he served with (RAF) during WW2, they kept in touch for a few years after the war then lost touch. Then in the late 90's the friend made contact again, they would then meet up 2 or 3 times a year. Then the friend became ill and moved in to a nursing home. Dad would still visit but he had stopped driving so I would take him, that's how I got to meet him, a lovely old guy.
The inevitable happened and at the funeral there were four people mourning, dad and I, the nursing home manager and a guy from the local RAFA.
So sad that there were so few there, he was a single child so no siblings and seemingly no other living relatives. No ex-colleagues or neighbours. I wondered if this was an age thing, late 88 (I think) when he died, highly probably most of the aforementioned would have gone by then.
The inevitable happened and at the funeral there were four people mourning, dad and I, the nursing home manager and a guy from the local RAFA.
So sad that there were so few there, he was a single child so no siblings and seemingly no other living relatives. No ex-colleagues or neighbours. I wondered if this was an age thing, late 88 (I think) when he died, highly probably most of the aforementioned would have gone by then.
Butter Face said:
Yeah this is kinda my sentiment on it, you either die young enough for people to mourn you, or you outlive everyone and nobody is there to see you go.
This is why 80-100 year olds need to take up skateboarding or drill rapping. All that mourning youth will make you look dead cool. If I were looking up or down on my sparsely-attended funeral having made it to great ancientness, I wouldn't feel any sadness for myself, more for those who are long gone too.
My dad died at 76 - first of his siblings / in laws to die, none of his friends had died yet.
His funeral was massive, standing room at the back of the church.
I would give anything to have him back, he could wait and have a quiet funeral with not many people at it.
Such is life, I guess.
His funeral was massive, standing room at the back of the church.
I would give anything to have him back, he could wait and have a quiet funeral with not many people at it.
Such is life, I guess.
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