Teenager problems - help and advice sought
Discussion
Hi All,
A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
Not everyone is destined for A's and universities, nor should they be.
I did mediocre at GCSE's, did one year of A levels and then dropped out, partied lots, and get into (proper, good earning) full time work almost immediately, and if I may say so myself, done bloody well for myself considering, in most cases, more than other university educated peers.
I do see the merits of uni and good grades, and will encourage my son to try, but it's not the be all and end all of life.
I did mediocre at GCSE's, did one year of A levels and then dropped out, partied lots, and get into (proper, good earning) full time work almost immediately, and if I may say so myself, done bloody well for myself considering, in most cases, more than other university educated peers.
I do see the merits of uni and good grades, and will encourage my son to try, but it's not the be all and end all of life.
There is only so much you can do really... he is the master of his own destiny at the end of the day, it may just be that he's not mature enough yet to realise the importance of studying and the impact it could have, or it could simply be that he doesn't "want" it at this stage in life and isn't ready.
My wife left high school with sh*t grades and didn't apply herself in school at all, never went to college... she trained as and worked as a massage therapist for a few years, then decided in her late 20s that it was time to go back to school. She went to community college and got excellent grades, got into a good US university, and now has two masters on top of that.
All you can do is try to steer him in vaguely the right direction, which it sounds like you're already doing. A-levels and university aren't the be-all end-all...he can still grow up to be a successful person, more than one way to skin a cat and all that.
My wife left high school with sh*t grades and didn't apply herself in school at all, never went to college... she trained as and worked as a massage therapist for a few years, then decided in her late 20s that it was time to go back to school. She went to community college and got excellent grades, got into a good US university, and now has two masters on top of that.
All you can do is try to steer him in vaguely the right direction, which it sounds like you're already doing. A-levels and university aren't the be-all end-all...he can still grow up to be a successful person, more than one way to skin a cat and all that.
I was like your son, and totally under achieved at school and college. Didn't matter what my parents, or teachers said to get me to knuckle down and I reckon I got to my mid twenties before realising I messed up. My parents eventually gave up and let me find my own path-i really wish they hadnt!
Not very helpful I know, but my advice would be to keep on keeping on at him
Not very helpful I know, but my advice would be to keep on keeping on at him
sidekickdmr said:
Not everyone is destined for A's and universities, nor should they be.
I did mediocre at GCSE's, did one year of A levels and then dropped out, partied lots, and get into (proper, good earning) full time work almost immediately, and if I may say so myself, done bloody well for myself considering, in most cases, more than other university educated peers.
I do see the merits of uni and good grades, and will encourage my son to try, but it's not the be all and end all of life.
Sounds like you have very high expectations, as the title of your thread states, I was expecting to be reading about a teenager stealing from the house to support his crack and hooker habit, not someone who got great results but not 100% straight A's!I did mediocre at GCSE's, did one year of A levels and then dropped out, partied lots, and get into (proper, good earning) full time work almost immediately, and if I may say so myself, done bloody well for myself considering, in most cases, more than other university educated peers.
I do see the merits of uni and good grades, and will encourage my son to try, but it's not the be all and end all of life.
Apprecaite everyone is different. Life isnt infinite and I had some of the best times of my life as a teenager and have done well in business as well. No Im not a high powered CEO, but you find that only the 0.000001% can physically be!
Like other posters have said - you can steer, cant force your ideals as that can lead to a very unhappy person, who certainly wont be a powerful CEO!
Ive spoken to lots of Asians who had a total mysery of a childhood, work and more work with some more work chucked in for good measure. We are all at the same level. The only difference is that I had a great life.
Get him to focus on what he wants to do after A-Levels. If he wants to do a certain course at University then that's the carrot to focus on the A-Levels.
If he wants to go to work then there's plenty of Apprenticeships with multinationals in the IT or engineering world as an alternative to university, again that will give the focus to current studies.
If he's just doing A-Levels because "that's what 16-18yr olds do" then all the parental pressure won't help. Perhaps a year working an entry level job might focus the mind onto what he wants to do long term.
If he wants to go to work then there's plenty of Apprenticeships with multinationals in the IT or engineering world as an alternative to university, again that will give the focus to current studies.
If he's just doing A-Levels because "that's what 16-18yr olds do" then all the parental pressure won't help. Perhaps a year working an entry level job might focus the mind onto what he wants to do long term.
Also, it's worth adding that 50% A's and 50% Bs at GCSE in today's education system are excellent grades...
They are more than enough to get him to the next stage (A levels or college), and will mean precisely f*ck all once he graduates uni (if he goes that route).
If he was getting C's and D's but capable of far more, then there is maybe more cause for concern.
I cruised my GCSEs because I knew that A-levels and Uni were more important, I put loads of effort into the subjects I knew I could get good grades in and wanted to continue to A level, and let the others fall aside... it's a numbers and points game ultimately, no point burning yourself out.
They are more than enough to get him to the next stage (A levels or college), and will mean precisely f*ck all once he graduates uni (if he goes that route).
If he was getting C's and D's but capable of far more, then there is maybe more cause for concern.
I cruised my GCSEs because I knew that A-levels and Uni were more important, I put loads of effort into the subjects I knew I could get good grades in and wanted to continue to A level, and let the others fall aside... it's a numbers and points game ultimately, no point burning yourself out.
You don't say what he's planning on doing as a career or studying at university?
I underachieved massively at gcse, went to college and dropped out and spent that academic year stacking shelves before returning and doing my a levels. I was fortunate enough to have an amazing teacher for some of my a level subjects and he showed me a chart which mapped expected performance at gcse and a level and I was far beyond what was expected of me based on my gcse performance. By the time I had finished a levels and spend a year travelling and a year working I had got a lot of the partying out of my system and was mature enough and focused enough to know that I wanted to go to university and succeed at it. This made university very simple as I was motivated. I still attribute a lot of this to the patience of my parents- I wasn't lazy or dependent but they allowed me time to grow as a person and figure out what I wanted to do without constant pressure and setting targets.
Is he already set on a career where places are highly competitive on a university course? Doctor, vet etc? If not by the time hes done a levels his gcse results shouldn't really matter. I'd say to get a grades and b grades shouldn't exclude him hugely from much progression and highlighting these as a failure and adding a lot more pressure may do a lot more harm to your relationship than necessary.
I always think as long as his grades haven't hindered him from taking the next step in learning about his interests there's very little harm in a bit of underachievement, particularly if he's developing well socially and gaining life experience alongside it.
I underachieved massively at gcse, went to college and dropped out and spent that academic year stacking shelves before returning and doing my a levels. I was fortunate enough to have an amazing teacher for some of my a level subjects and he showed me a chart which mapped expected performance at gcse and a level and I was far beyond what was expected of me based on my gcse performance. By the time I had finished a levels and spend a year travelling and a year working I had got a lot of the partying out of my system and was mature enough and focused enough to know that I wanted to go to university and succeed at it. This made university very simple as I was motivated. I still attribute a lot of this to the patience of my parents- I wasn't lazy or dependent but they allowed me time to grow as a person and figure out what I wanted to do without constant pressure and setting targets.
Is he already set on a career where places are highly competitive on a university course? Doctor, vet etc? If not by the time hes done a levels his gcse results shouldn't really matter. I'd say to get a grades and b grades shouldn't exclude him hugely from much progression and highlighting these as a failure and adding a lot more pressure may do a lot more harm to your relationship than necessary.
I always think as long as his grades haven't hindered him from taking the next step in learning about his interests there's very little harm in a bit of underachievement, particularly if he's developing well socially and gaining life experience alongside it.
Just to add the people who Ive seen who go to university based on the expectation of their parents fresh out of a levels are usually (but by no means always) the ones who are overwhelmed by their new freedom, spend too much time enjoying it and aren't focused at all on studying because they've basically picked a course their parents approved of to keep them happy. In terms of academic achievement and future job prospects I don't think it was worth the 3 years spent or the debt they generated, I'm sure they will tell you it was worth it for the lifestyle though 
There is quite a lot of pressure put on people to "do well" at education, I did not do well, but I "did well" at work and that's what pays the bills and we live very comfortably.
Finding his balance between what makes him happy and what give him the type of life he wants is the key here.
When you are young it all seems so far away, why save money, that's ages away.... Its not, its a blink of an eye. I was lucky that I realised that when I was young enough to gift myself a really good present day.
Finding his balance between what makes him happy and what give him the type of life he wants is the key here.
When you are young it all seems so far away, why save money, that's ages away.... Its not, its a blink of an eye. I was lucky that I realised that when I was young enough to gift myself a really good present day.
My lad screwed up his A levels, partially not his fault, but there you go.
Explained I’d support him, but he needed a plan, as life wasn’t going to be ‘free’ as it were. He went off to college for a year doing a BTEC, got the points he needed and had a part time job as well and is now in his second year at uni doing Business. In all honesty I think that extra year has given him the space and chance to mature a bit. He’s now thriving.
The point is OP that everyone matures and gets where they need to be differently, support him, but ensure he knows it’s not a free ride. I’m sure it’ll sort out well in the end.
Explained I’d support him, but he needed a plan, as life wasn’t going to be ‘free’ as it were. He went off to college for a year doing a BTEC, got the points he needed and had a part time job as well and is now in his second year at uni doing Business. In all honesty I think that extra year has given him the space and chance to mature a bit. He’s now thriving.
The point is OP that everyone matures and gets where they need to be differently, support him, but ensure he knows it’s not a free ride. I’m sure it’ll sort out well in the end.
IceBoy said:
Hi All,
A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
Are you serious? none of this sA little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
t matters, A levels and GCSEs are completely irrelevant these days they are just stepping stones to getting into university and what university you get into doesn't matter, all universities fk you around and are useless, unless he has the drive to track towards a directorship a degree is pretty pointless. Its all about self learning, learning on your own time and actually having skill employers want, which aren't taught by school or universities.. You don't need to pay a university for that. Its all about who you are, not what qualifications you have.
This is the reality, if he wants to earn the big money, knock off doing this s
t, he's better of learning a trade, sparky, joiner, plumber whatever, you can earn a mint and of course not pay tax, you should see the amount the company I work for spends on trades man, £800 to change a bulb etc, these guys make bank. If he's smart and bookish he will get far because of all the H&S paperwork probably makes up 75% of the workload these days.What does he actually think he wants to do for a living?
Edited by Foliage on Tuesday 8th October 11:41
Edited by Foliage on Tuesday 8th October 11:42
My eldest was similar, did well at GCSE, didnt do very well at A levels, got frog marched to Macclesfield College to find something, saw a Plane used by the Aeronautical course and decided there and then he wanted to do that, did two years and some Work Experience at Thomas Cook, applied himself to getting on the Apprenticeship scheme there and really pulled out all the stops and had three good years until the company went under, now has moved to Scotland to continue his career.
Girls as a broad generalisation will work hard with no carrot other than doing well, lads need a very clearly defined carrot they want more than any other carrot, at that point nothing will stop them.
Hard part is convincing them what their carrot is and how to get it, as generally they dont have one and loads of boring ste they cant see the point of to do before it appears.
Girls as a broad generalisation will work hard with no carrot other than doing well, lads need a very clearly defined carrot they want more than any other carrot, at that point nothing will stop them.
Hard part is convincing them what their carrot is and how to get it, as generally they dont have one and loads of boring s
te they cant see the point of to do before it appears.FFS. ou're going to do our level best to make sure he hates the education system as much as possible. Has anyone thought about asking him what he wants?
Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBpaUICxEhk
Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBpaUICxEhk
GCSEs are much harder now than they were a few years ago as the difficulty has been increased, amount of course work reduced, and a greater focus on memorising things rather than concepts pushed.
Somebody getting straight 9s in 7 or more subjects is part of the top 0.16% of kids in the entire country taking GCSEs that year, only about 800 kids (after remarks, on exam day it was about 700) in the entire country achieved that in 2018.
7s and 8s should be considered the new A*, even though a 7 is nominally the same as an A under the new system. However the difficulty in achieving a 7 now means many who scraped an A* previously would be doing well to get a 7 in the new system.
Under the new system it is no longer enough to be bright to get the top grades across a wide range of subjects, you have to work, because of all the rubbish you have memorise and you have to understand the marking scheme so that you can demonstrate that properly.
A levels are very similar, they are much harder than a few years ago and require a lot more revision outside of lessons than previously. If he is serious about getting good results then he'll need to work hard from the first term as the pace for the harder subjects like Maths and Chemistry is very fast paced and they have a large step up in subject matter from GCSE.
Unis need to reduce their published offer grades in the prospectus, many do not get anywhere near the published grades now outside of things like Medicine. This is resulting in reduced offers ahead of exam day (my son was offered BBB on a course marketed as AAA), kids getting in with several grades lower, and a much increased number through clearing.
Somebody getting straight 9s in 7 or more subjects is part of the top 0.16% of kids in the entire country taking GCSEs that year, only about 800 kids (after remarks, on exam day it was about 700) in the entire country achieved that in 2018.
7s and 8s should be considered the new A*, even though a 7 is nominally the same as an A under the new system. However the difficulty in achieving a 7 now means many who scraped an A* previously would be doing well to get a 7 in the new system.
Under the new system it is no longer enough to be bright to get the top grades across a wide range of subjects, you have to work, because of all the rubbish you have memorise and you have to understand the marking scheme so that you can demonstrate that properly.
A levels are very similar, they are much harder than a few years ago and require a lot more revision outside of lessons than previously. If he is serious about getting good results then he'll need to work hard from the first term as the pace for the harder subjects like Maths and Chemistry is very fast paced and they have a large step up in subject matter from GCSE.
Unis need to reduce their published offer grades in the prospectus, many do not get anywhere near the published grades now outside of things like Medicine. This is resulting in reduced offers ahead of exam day (my son was offered BBB on a course marketed as AAA), kids getting in with several grades lower, and a much increased number through clearing.
Edited by tankplanker on Tuesday 8th October 12:09
IceBoy said:
Hi All,
A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
Have you asked him what he wants to do? Might not fancy the studying/uni route? A trade might be more of his thing? A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
I'll probably be in the minority here but job/life satisfaction over money every single time.
Your son appears to have very normal case of 'being a teenage boy'. His priorities are elsewhere right now and frankly they are his priorities, not yours.
It's intensely frustrating (I could have written what you wrote, pretty much word for word, a year ago) and it can be very hard to know what to do - but for sure, the single thing that is guaranteed to drive him away is to keep telling him he's doing things wrong and that he should be more like what you want him to be.
Especially, having the same conversation (you need to work hard to get good A levels and get into a good uni and get a good job) is just going to annoy him. You think he doesn't know that? You think he's somehow forgotten that he needs to work and that A levels are hard? He gets that rammed down his throat all the time at school.
On the plus side, the start of sixth form is a wonderful time of his life - he's just done a load of exams and so can relax for a bit, he's being treated differently at school, his social life has probably taken a good bump and he's just enjoying being a young man doing things that young men do. So cut him some slack. Let him make his own choices. Don't nag him, too much. If he's only just started year 12 then give him some time, see what his teachers say at parents evening. At the very least, let him feel that he's in control of his life and that, actually, he doesn't need to do what his parents want him to.
Either he'll come round of his own accord and start putting in the effort later in the year - or he will decide that actually, that's not his priority. Which is of course a whole different conversation. But the key is that projecting your desires onto him won't work. Telling him he's doing it wrong won't work. Telling him what he already knows won't work. It has to come from him.
It's intensely frustrating (I could have written what you wrote, pretty much word for word, a year ago) and it can be very hard to know what to do - but for sure, the single thing that is guaranteed to drive him away is to keep telling him he's doing things wrong and that he should be more like what you want him to be.
Especially, having the same conversation (you need to work hard to get good A levels and get into a good uni and get a good job) is just going to annoy him. You think he doesn't know that? You think he's somehow forgotten that he needs to work and that A levels are hard? He gets that rammed down his throat all the time at school.
On the plus side, the start of sixth form is a wonderful time of his life - he's just done a load of exams and so can relax for a bit, he's being treated differently at school, his social life has probably taken a good bump and he's just enjoying being a young man doing things that young men do. So cut him some slack. Let him make his own choices. Don't nag him, too much. If he's only just started year 12 then give him some time, see what his teachers say at parents evening. At the very least, let him feel that he's in control of his life and that, actually, he doesn't need to do what his parents want him to.
Either he'll come round of his own accord and start putting in the effort later in the year - or he will decide that actually, that's not his priority. Which is of course a whole different conversation. But the key is that projecting your desires onto him won't work. Telling him he's doing it wrong won't work. Telling him what he already knows won't work. It has to come from him.
IceBoy said:
Hi All,
A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
You need to chill out a bit. A little background, my son who is a bright young man was very studious as a youngster and got a place at Grammar school…..completed his GCSE’s and came out with what many would consider really good GCSE results.
However, these results were much lower than we all expected including him! I think we were all shocked that he did not get straight A’s with some A*……it’s all a bit new-fangled now with numerical grades but he still came away with 50% A’s and 50% B’s.
What we noticed was that at around the age of 15 he left his football team (Saturday youth Berkshire league div 1), stopped playing as many video games and become more in interested in girls….
….I know what you going to say but it effected his studies and now that he is studying for his A-levels (Maths, Physics, Economics, Geography) all pretty serious A-levels, we are just worried he is going to follow the downward trend in his studies in the pursuit of his new found hobby as well as partying.
I’ve had lots of talks with him about how hard A-levels are and about getting in to a good university etc but he just is not putting enough effort in to his studies anymore.
I have no problems with partying and girlfriends....I'm very much of the work hard and party hard type of guy.....but you have to put the work hard bit in!
Advice and experience would really help me and Mrs Ice, we're pulling our hair out.
IceBoy
Seems you have already decided on his immediate future for him. You should advise but leave him to make his own judgements and decisions.
At his age he is ripe for rebellion and you will only drive him away from where you want him to be otherwise.
Some people need the carrot, some need the stick, but the stick often goes awry.
I can appreciate your concern as I do think that education and qualifications are so important. Whilst many can become millionaire entrepreneurs with just one D grade GCSE to their name, millions more with a similar aspiration will be flipping burgers and scanning barcodes for the rest of their lives. The easiest way to make a decent living is through having a solid career based on decent qualifications. I say this as someone who has done the education thing and is now doing the entrepreneur thing.
However, I would be aiming to get more "balance". I agree that girls and partying is fine but you also have to work hard, as you say. So try asking him what his long term goals are eg where he would like to be when he's 25. See where the conversation leads. What are his aspirations? His drives and motivations? Let him think. Do it over a beer, perhaps, to treat him like an adult. Ask questions, don't tell him what you want him to do.
However, I would be aiming to get more "balance". I agree that girls and partying is fine but you also have to work hard, as you say. So try asking him what his long term goals are eg where he would like to be when he's 25. See where the conversation leads. What are his aspirations? His drives and motivations? Let him think. Do it over a beer, perhaps, to treat him like an adult. Ask questions, don't tell him what you want him to do.
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