Make me macho again
Discussion
After reading this thread and is having some resonance with me: https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
I noticed that I am becoming more and more introverted and almost timid as I age.
I used to be life and soul of the party, despite hating that phrase, getting involved, talking, meeting new people, etc.
Now, over the past few years, I barely speak in social situations, it makes me look weird and I really want to get back to being that guy again.
On the flip side, and this is the bit that the aforementioned thread resonated, I have always been a bit of a pushover, a doormat if you will.
Even if I know something is detrimental to me, I will almost let it happen because I'm scared of acting up.
This can be in a hypothetical petrol station situation like above or in a shop with a faulty product. I'm the kind of guy who would end up returning the product and repaying for a replacement because the shopkeeper told me so.
What can I do PH?
Call of 'Man up' are expected but I kind of need more. It's embarrassing and demeaning.
I noticed that I am becoming more and more introverted and almost timid as I age.
I used to be life and soul of the party, despite hating that phrase, getting involved, talking, meeting new people, etc.
Now, over the past few years, I barely speak in social situations, it makes me look weird and I really want to get back to being that guy again.
On the flip side, and this is the bit that the aforementioned thread resonated, I have always been a bit of a pushover, a doormat if you will.
Even if I know something is detrimental to me, I will almost let it happen because I'm scared of acting up.
This can be in a hypothetical petrol station situation like above or in a shop with a faulty product. I'm the kind of guy who would end up returning the product and repaying for a replacement because the shopkeeper told me so.
What can I do PH?
Call of 'Man up' are expected but I kind of need more. It's embarrassing and demeaning.
Applying a bit of management bulls
t here (sorry), you need to set yourself some specific, measurable objectives, then you can take steps towards those objectives.
For example, "I want to speak before a group of X or more people by date Y" is a lot more manageable that "I want to be less introverted". By making it specific enough to know whether you've succeeded, you know precisely what you're working towards and the steps to get there become far more apparent.
At the moment, your goal feels a wooly. You'll never know if you make it and you don't really know what steps will get you there. You need to define a goal specific enough that you can then direct yourself towards it.
Google SMART objectives. They do work in situations like this.
Management bullst over. 
Another good approach is to join a club and get out there. Find something that interests you, get outside of your comfort zone and turn up. This being PH, a car club for your particular vehicle, perhaps?
Achievements will then breed confidence, as will a fitness goal.
t here (sorry), you need to set yourself some specific, measurable objectives, then you can take steps towards those objectives.For example, "I want to speak before a group of X or more people by date Y" is a lot more manageable that "I want to be less introverted". By making it specific enough to know whether you've succeeded, you know precisely what you're working towards and the steps to get there become far more apparent.
At the moment, your goal feels a wooly. You'll never know if you make it and you don't really know what steps will get you there. You need to define a goal specific enough that you can then direct yourself towards it.
Google SMART objectives. They do work in situations like this.
Management bulls
t over. Another good approach is to join a club and get out there. Find something that interests you, get outside of your comfort zone and turn up. This being PH, a car club for your particular vehicle, perhaps?
Achievements will then breed confidence, as will a fitness goal.
Edited by Baldchap on Tuesday 3rd December 10:28
I'd also recommend CBT along with the acknowledgement that people and personality styles change regularly. If you undertake a Myers Briggs (or similar) assessment every 24mths you'll see shift in the results
I wouldn't worry about it, embrace who you are
It's very possible there isn't an underlying cause
I wouldn't worry about it, embrace who you are
It's very possible there isn't an underlying cause
BigGingerBob said:
Now hang on, I think therapy is a bit much.
I wasn't abused or anything.
Haha a lot of counsellors nowadays you just sit and talk - get stuff off your chest. That's it. You don't have to be abused!I wasn't abused or anything.
With CBT the therapist offers a you solution rather than you work it out yourself. Long term working it out yourself can be better.
Edited by popeyewhite on Tuesday 3rd December 10:55
I too used to be a lot more social.
Enjoyed hobbies, car meets, photography.
Haven't used my camera in 2 years and could quite easily/happily go 2 weeks without leaving the house.
The post above about setting yourself goals and targets is good.
But also we need to be fair, especially with busy lives and other stresses, it's hard to find time for yourself , work , partner / relationship as well as friends / social events.
Enjoyed hobbies, car meets, photography.
Haven't used my camera in 2 years and could quite easily/happily go 2 weeks without leaving the house.
The post above about setting yourself goals and targets is good.
But also we need to be fair, especially with busy lives and other stresses, it's hard to find time for yourself , work , partner / relationship as well as friends / social events.
TurboHatchback said:
Gameface said:
Start injecting HGH and testosterone and you'll be strutting about like right in no time...
That would do it. in no time...There's the slight downer of looking pregnant and never being able to stop without becoming a eunuch but best not to worry about such details.
BigGingerBob said:
Now, over the past few years, I barely speak in social situations, it makes me look weird and I really want to get back to being that guy again.
xjay1337 said:
The post above about setting yourself goals and targets is good.
I'd agree about the setting goals. For example, you say you feel awkward in social situations (which suggests you do at least go out/end up in social situations). Perhaps next time you go to a party or social gathering, set yourself a goal of going up to one person that you don't know, and talk to them? In advance, have a few open-ended questions lined up, and take a genuine interest in their answers. Most people are really happy to talk about themselves and you'll probably find something in common to discuss.If it doesn't work out, don't be discouraged, and try again the next time you're out.
xjay1337 said:
I too used to be a lot more social.
Enjoyed hobbies, car meets, photography.
Haven't used my camera in 2 years and could quite easily/happily go 2 weeks without leaving the house.
I found myself going the same way - especially if I have time off work, I can stay in for several days just watching films, browsing the web/forums etc. Enjoyed hobbies, car meets, photography.
Haven't used my camera in 2 years and could quite easily/happily go 2 weeks without leaving the house.
This year in particular, I've tried to get out a bit more and especially use my camera. It has helped me to make a commitment in advance, so one example was that I'd read about a photo meet in London (on the TalkPhotography forum), and put my name down. When it came close to the date, I thought about not going, but managed to walk out the door. It was a bit nerve wracking meeting up with a bunch of strangers, many who seemed to know each other, but a few chats with people (it helped we had a common interest), and it turned into an interesting and ultimately enjoyable day.
I've also been making an effort to go to a few local (small) gigs and take photos. It's technically challenging (low light), but bands are usually very happy to have a few photos, and it can be good fun chatting to other photographers that may be there. I'll stress I'm not doing this to make money - just as an interest in photography, so no pressure at all really, which also helps it to be enjoyable.
Don't know about "macho", but two things I did after I was widowed which pushed me out of my comfort zone - I got a personal trainer, and I got singing lessons. I'd played the guitar for 20-odd years, but always thought I couldn't sing, which is a bit limiting. A friend of mine was insistent that anyone could do it, so I took the challenge and booked a lesson. The teacher said I was in tune and there was a decent voice to be found in there, which amazed me, but I was more surprised that I really enjoyed it. Took a lot more lessons, and like the work in the gym with my trainer, I found it very therapeutic.
otolith said:
Don't know about "macho", but two things I did after I was widowed which pushed me out of my comfort zone - I got a personal trainer, and I got singing lessons. I'd played the guitar for 20-odd years, but always thought I couldn't sing, which is a bit limiting. A friend of mine was insistent that anyone could do it, so I took the challenge and booked a lesson. The teacher said I was in tune and there was a decent voice to be found in there, which amazed me, but I was more surprised that I really enjoyed it. Took a lot more lessons, and like the work in the gym with my trainer, I found it very therapeutic.
I had a personal trainer last year, it was okay. I managed to lift quite well in the end.I have messaged an MMA school in a nearby town who offer Thai Kickboxing lessons to beginners like me.
This might help as perhaps shedding some serious pounds will help (I've put on a lot of weight over the past 5 years).
BigGingerBob said:
I had a personal trainer last year, it was okay. I managed to lift quite well in the end.
I have messaged an MMA school in a nearby town who offer Thai Kickboxing lessons to beginners like me.
This might help as perhaps shedding some serious pounds will help (I've put on a lot of weight over the past 5 years).
I have messaged an MMA school in a nearby town who offer Thai Kickboxing lessons to beginners like me.
This might help as perhaps shedding some serious pounds will help (I've put on a lot of weight over the past 5 years).
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