Dad heading into catfish scam
Discussion
My dad is 82 and lost his wife (My mother) last year after 60+ years being together, so he’s feeling pretty lonely.
I recently found out from a relative that he’s been communicating with ‘Lucy’ for some time and even though they’ve not yet met, she wants her to be introduced as his fiancé when she meets his family!
He finally lets slip to me this week what he’s up to, also tells me she’s half his age and is very persistent.
Now it’s obviously giving him a boost and he’s planning to meet her, I try to deter him as it’s obvious to me ‘she’s’ catfishing.
I got him to send me a picture of her, after a quick reverse image search it turns out it’s a stock picture used umpteen times by scammers, so I let him know, but he’s undeterred.
He’s not wealthy or healthy (Mentally astute in other respects!) and he won't even acknowledge my claims that he's heading into a scam, however I’m more concerned he could be physically harmed. He thinks he’s meeting an attractive blonde, yet my name search suggests it’s a Nigerian lady from Luton!
Has anyone else experienced this with a family member? Not sure what I can do, it doesn’t help I live hundreds of miles away.
I recently found out from a relative that he’s been communicating with ‘Lucy’ for some time and even though they’ve not yet met, she wants her to be introduced as his fiancé when she meets his family!
He finally lets slip to me this week what he’s up to, also tells me she’s half his age and is very persistent.
Now it’s obviously giving him a boost and he’s planning to meet her, I try to deter him as it’s obvious to me ‘she’s’ catfishing.
I got him to send me a picture of her, after a quick reverse image search it turns out it’s a stock picture used umpteen times by scammers, so I let him know, but he’s undeterred.
He’s not wealthy or healthy (Mentally astute in other respects!) and he won't even acknowledge my claims that he's heading into a scam, however I’m more concerned he could be physically harmed. He thinks he’s meeting an attractive blonde, yet my name search suggests it’s a Nigerian lady from Luton!
Has anyone else experienced this with a family member? Not sure what I can do, it doesn’t help I live hundreds of miles away.
I would seek professional advice on this. An elderly family friend got sucked into one of these and it went on for years. They took everything from him, and he'd even "borrowed" money off our family (thankfully off somebody who had bugger all) to fund it.
Some of the stuff they claimed was utterly absurd but, for somebody in their 80s who's vaguely aware of the invention of the internet and wifi, it's amazing what you can just explain as "the latest technology".
One I remember was apparently the invisible cash they were sending. If you're buying stuff on the internet, you're paying by invisible cash aren't you, therefore, we've sent your payment in invisible cash.
When a member of our family started handing over money we contacted the police and the banks. Although they agreed it was happening, there wasn't much they could do other than offer advice; it's ultimately not up to the state how people spend their own money.
I think these things tap into the same human condition as being in love, where you can become totally blind to rational thought. Good luck.
Some of the stuff they claimed was utterly absurd but, for somebody in their 80s who's vaguely aware of the invention of the internet and wifi, it's amazing what you can just explain as "the latest technology".
One I remember was apparently the invisible cash they were sending. If you're buying stuff on the internet, you're paying by invisible cash aren't you, therefore, we've sent your payment in invisible cash.
When a member of our family started handing over money we contacted the police and the banks. Although they agreed it was happening, there wasn't much they could do other than offer advice; it's ultimately not up to the state how people spend their own money.
I think these things tap into the same human condition as being in love, where you can become totally blind to rational thought. Good luck.
durbster said:
When a member of our family started handing over money we contacted the police and the banks. Although they agreed it was happening, there wasn't much they could do other than offer advice; it's ultimately not up to the state how people spend their own money.
It certainly is a police matter if you can prove the other 'lady' isn't who she says she is. Thats fraud and a criminal offence. If he's hooked up with some 23 year old student in real life who's rinsing him of his money then as distasteful as that would be it won't be illegal.
t hits the fan is it worth taking dad away to the coast or something for a week?NDA said:
Where is the first meeting to take place?
There won't be a first meeting, there won't be any meetings."I need £ for a visa / bus / train / plane ticket, send me the money I'll see you soon xoxo".
And the excuses will keep coming, "My sister is ill I need money for hospital fees then I'll be on the first train / plane over".
The scammer will be a 20-30 something Indian man in Chennai.
Personally, I'd be over there now with a big print off of similar scams documented all over the internet and have a logical conversation. Your dad is lonely, can you fix him up with an alternative activity in daily life? Dance? Bridge? Join a club for isolated elderly people, get the bus to pick him up and take him in to town with similar widows etc? Something to look forward to or similar. He needs some social interaction by the sounds of it, sadly that's come in the form of someone who is out to deceive and relieve him of money. If that's the only game in town then of course he is latching on to it. It's better than total isolation, he might even know deep down it's a scam, but something is better than nothing.
I used to work with a guy who was a floor manager in a call centre for QVC and said most people were elderly and calling up for a chit chat, he said it was heart breaking. In a way, that's what is happening in these scams, except he won't be getting the Porcelain Dorset duck statuette in the post at the end.
Guffy said:
I got him to send me a picture of her, after a quick reverse image search it turns out it’s a stock picture used umpteen times by scammers, so I let him know, but he’s undeterred.
That's the bit that worries me. Could you reenact this process in his presence? If you've emailed this revelation or relayed it over the phone he may hear "so I looked at her photo, IT blah IT blah IT blah, and it's a fake", whereas if you actually show him how you can see it's a fake, he might twig. It’s a rum do for sure. Unfortunately there’s only so much you can do. Tell him what’s what, point out a few previous cases to him, then ( if he is compos mentis ) you can do no more. There’s always an outside chance that this is genuine ( I doubt it from what you say ) but he’s going to end up with a big grin on his face, and probably dead from exhaustion, if it is.
loskie said:
Have you tried contacting someone like Age Concern regarding this for advice? You could and I think should also log a complaint with the police.
+1 If he can't be reasoned with you need to head it off.But don't try to take control of his finances or technology as he'll just clam up and you won't find out anything.
Call age concern, as in earlier post. They will have seen this before & i’m sure they will offer sound advice
(they helped me when an elderly relative was regularly ‘lending’ money to a family member (who was into drugs) to fix his car to get to work!. Sent me some leaflets which I left at hers. End of)
(they helped me when an elderly relative was regularly ‘lending’ money to a family member (who was into drugs) to fix his car to get to work!. Sent me some leaflets which I left at hers. End of)
Needs to go like this:
Dad, you may not believe me, but you need to listen to this and think about it.
Show him the scam, the fact that this image has been used before.
Lay out the chronology. 6 months email, then a meeting which won't happen, then a request for cash. Persuade him that going for a meeting with some random off the internet is a bad idea unless you are careful (this applies whatever age you are). Public place, back out plan etc.
When the meeting doesn't happen, and they ask him for £50 train money, if he's smart he'll start listening to you. At the moment, its all good, he's talking to a hot chick on the web who is asking for nothing.
I'm very grateful that my mother (89) is a suspicious old goat, and while similar people have tried to attach themselves to her, she's got rid very quickly. She's also been trained to give anyone my number when talking about finances - no matter what they say, the answer is "my son deals with all my money, here's his number". Unsurprisingly the police/bank/GCHQ/CIA never call me....
Dad, you may not believe me, but you need to listen to this and think about it.
Show him the scam, the fact that this image has been used before.
Lay out the chronology. 6 months email, then a meeting which won't happen, then a request for cash. Persuade him that going for a meeting with some random off the internet is a bad idea unless you are careful (this applies whatever age you are). Public place, back out plan etc.
When the meeting doesn't happen, and they ask him for £50 train money, if he's smart he'll start listening to you. At the moment, its all good, he's talking to a hot chick on the web who is asking for nothing.
I'm very grateful that my mother (89) is a suspicious old goat, and while similar people have tried to attach themselves to her, she's got rid very quickly. She's also been trained to give anyone my number when talking about finances - no matter what they say, the answer is "my son deals with all my money, here's his number". Unsurprisingly the police/bank/GCHQ/CIA never call me....
Guffy said:
Has anyone else experienced this with a family member? Not sure what I can do, it doesn’t help I live hundreds of miles away.
You need to go there in person and speak to him imo.Algarve said:
It'd probably be a bit of a blow to his self confidence but if that was my old man I'd be taking over control of his finances. He's clearly no longer capable of doing it himself if you've provided proof its a scam and he refuses to believe you.
You can't just take over control of his finances because of that.You need to demonstrate lack of capacity (which can be very complicated and may involved a solicitor and specialist doctor).
People make irrational decisions in the face of overwhelming evidence all the time, doesn't mean they lack capacity.
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