Opinions of the great minds of PH sought..
Discussion
Good morning to the great minds of Pistonheads
As per the thread title, I'm after the collective opinions of the good, the great and the wise that frequent these fine forum pages, and unfortunately, it is a questions that loosely involves the current favourite topic of coronavirus.. but please don't let that put you off and please read on, as I really am looking for a collective opinion
Now in this case, it relates to seeing my 10 year old daughter during the current "lock down" that the PM has ordered.. According to Michael Gove, (although it took him a couple of bites of the cherry to be "clear" on this) it is OK to move a child under the age of 18 between the houses of divorced parents that have shared custody, which we do.. But whilst of course that means that whilst I can go and collect my daughter and drop her back, it doesn't mean i should..
Now I should add some basic facts.. Her Mother isn't trying to stop me seeing my daughter, in fact it is being encouraged. Like all parents, I love my daughter and miss her like mad, as i currently haven't seen her now for over a week, other than phone calls and Facetime chats.. Distance, the driving etc. are not an issue..
This is simply a case of morality.. And I am torn.. Of course i want to see her, but, moving her between her Mother's house and mine, and of course back again, poses a risk to everyone involved..
So, the questions itself - What would you choose to do in the same situation ?
ETA: As I'm currently low on fuel (car was supposed to be changed this week) I would need to visit a fuel station.. So more interactions with other people..
As per the thread title, I'm after the collective opinions of the good, the great and the wise that frequent these fine forum pages, and unfortunately, it is a questions that loosely involves the current favourite topic of coronavirus.. but please don't let that put you off and please read on, as I really am looking for a collective opinion
Now in this case, it relates to seeing my 10 year old daughter during the current "lock down" that the PM has ordered.. According to Michael Gove, (although it took him a couple of bites of the cherry to be "clear" on this) it is OK to move a child under the age of 18 between the houses of divorced parents that have shared custody, which we do.. But whilst of course that means that whilst I can go and collect my daughter and drop her back, it doesn't mean i should..
Now I should add some basic facts.. Her Mother isn't trying to stop me seeing my daughter, in fact it is being encouraged. Like all parents, I love my daughter and miss her like mad, as i currently haven't seen her now for over a week, other than phone calls and Facetime chats.. Distance, the driving etc. are not an issue..
This is simply a case of morality.. And I am torn.. Of course i want to see her, but, moving her between her Mother's house and mine, and of course back again, poses a risk to everyone involved..
So, the questions itself - What would you choose to do in the same situation ?
ETA: As I'm currently low on fuel (car was supposed to be changed this week) I would need to visit a fuel station.. So more interactions with other people..
Edited by Superhoop on Wednesday 25th March 08:31
Women turn into absolute b
hes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.
If you are healthy, the girl is healthy, the mother is healthy and you don't take her anywhere except home I would go for it.
hes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.If you are healthy, the girl is healthy, the mother is healthy and you don't take her anywhere except home I would go for it.
Options
She stays with 1 parent and sees the other on video calls or in an open space but staying 2 metres apart.
If both parents have been isolated for 7 days and are still isolating, then you know both houses aren't ill then move her and don't worry about it.
If parents both going to work and risking bringing virus into the house I'd keep her at the house she's at until it's had 7 day isolation.
IANA expert!
She stays with 1 parent and sees the other on video calls or in an open space but staying 2 metres apart.
If both parents have been isolated for 7 days and are still isolating, then you know both houses aren't ill then move her and don't worry about it.
If parents both going to work and risking bringing virus into the house I'd keep her at the house she's at until it's had 7 day isolation.
IANA expert!
Myself and my wife have been separated for a number of years now and our son who is approaching 18, typically spends 1 week with me and 1 week with his mam and so on and so on.
This week would usually be the week in would have him.
However my current partner was advised to work from home on Sunday afternoon as she had been in a meeting with another person at work who had started to show symptoms of the virus.
From that point on both of us are now working from home and not leaving the house.
My sons mother on the other hand is also working from home at present and as far as I am aware is not leaving the house either.
My son being the lazy teenager that he is wont be leaving home other than to maintain his fitness as he was hoping to progress his application for the forces this week as his deferal is now up.
As myself and my ex wife have a good relationship I spoke to her on Sunday and agreed that it would be best for our son to stay with her for at least this week until we can be sure that neither myself nor my partner are showing any symptoms, at which point he will then come and stay with me again.
If you and your ex wife have a similar amicable relationship it might be worth you considering doing something similar? Keep your daughter where she is now, both you and your wife do all you can (assuming that you can?) To minimise your risk of infection and then if neither of you are showing symptoms then go back to your normal routine of when each of you see your daughter.
I understand that it is really tough but hopefully your daughter is of an age where she can understand why you're having to do this? And maybe you can set up times when you can facetime each other during th4 day?
This week would usually be the week in would have him.
However my current partner was advised to work from home on Sunday afternoon as she had been in a meeting with another person at work who had started to show symptoms of the virus.
From that point on both of us are now working from home and not leaving the house.
My sons mother on the other hand is also working from home at present and as far as I am aware is not leaving the house either.
My son being the lazy teenager that he is wont be leaving home other than to maintain his fitness as he was hoping to progress his application for the forces this week as his deferal is now up.
As myself and my ex wife have a good relationship I spoke to her on Sunday and agreed that it would be best for our son to stay with her for at least this week until we can be sure that neither myself nor my partner are showing any symptoms, at which point he will then come and stay with me again.
If you and your ex wife have a similar amicable relationship it might be worth you considering doing something similar? Keep your daughter where she is now, both you and your wife do all you can (assuming that you can?) To minimise your risk of infection and then if neither of you are showing symptoms then go back to your normal routine of when each of you see your daughter.
I understand that it is really tough but hopefully your daughter is of an age where she can understand why you're having to do this? And maybe you can set up times when you can facetime each other during th4 day?
I am in a very very similar situation. My eldest daughter is 120 miles away and the weekend gone I was deterred by my ex from picking up my daughter as the family at that end were, 'under the weather' so she suggested not.
I'm now working from home so no London commuting or contact with the outer world anyway. That said my other half is a key worker and my youngest (who lives with us) is attending a nursery on a Friday. Otherwise though we are pretty locked down as we are meant to be.
The government has now given the nod for separated parents to see their children so I have approached the subject with my ex. She's flapping and stressing far more than is necessary in my opinion anyway. In general not specifically about me seeing my daughter.
Like you though OP there's a question of if I should or not. I think we're being pragmatic about things and realistically the risk is very low. Also, the roads are extremely quiet so actually the drives would be a breeze.
I'm now working from home so no London commuting or contact with the outer world anyway. That said my other half is a key worker and my youngest (who lives with us) is attending a nursery on a Friday. Otherwise though we are pretty locked down as we are meant to be.
The government has now given the nod for separated parents to see their children so I have approached the subject with my ex. She's flapping and stressing far more than is necessary in my opinion anyway. In general not specifically about me seeing my daughter.
Like you though OP there's a question of if I should or not. I think we're being pragmatic about things and realistically the risk is very low. Also, the roads are extremely quiet so actually the drives would be a breeze.
It's sensible to question whether you should and discuss it with your ex so you're both in complete agreement, that's certainly what my ex and I have done.
As long as we're confident that both households are sensibly limiting their exposure and no symptoms are evident in either then my son will continue to live in both houses.
As long as we're confident that both households are sensibly limiting their exposure and no symptoms are evident in either then my son will continue to live in both houses.
Johnspex said:
Women turn into absolute bhes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.
Good god, that didn't take long. OP has stated ex's attitude isn't an issue, and here you are warning him of what's definitely going to happen down the line based on your own bitter and twisted interactions with a completely different woman. There are 3.5 billion of them you know, and they are all individuals. hes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.It might be that OP's ex is actually a decent human being, and perhaps he picked better than you did when choosing who to have children with?
Monkeylegend said:
I was going to post then re-read the thread title.
But I agree with airsafari.
Same. If you're both properly isolated and have been for a period of time that you can be quite confident that you're both OK and can travel without any appreciable risk then I'd be happy. But I agree with airsafari.
My sister in law had her kids at their fathers at the weekend and he had them wandering all over Newcastle and at friends houses, so he won't be seeing the kids for some time now.
airsafari87 said:
However my current partner was advised to work from home on Sunday afternoon as she had been in a meeting with another person at work who had started to show symptoms of the virus.
As myself and my ex wife have a good relationship I spoke to her on Sunday and agreed that it would be best for our son to stay with her for at least this week until we can be sure that neither myself nor my partner are showing any symptoms, at which point he will then come and stay with me again.
Much as I don't want to keep you from seeing your son, shouldn't you wait 14 days, rather than 7? Or have I mis-interpreted the timeline from your post?As myself and my ex wife have a good relationship I spoke to her on Sunday and agreed that it would be best for our son to stay with her for at least this week until we can be sure that neither myself nor my partner are showing any symptoms, at which point he will then come and stay with me again.
Europa1 said:
Much as I don't want to keep you from seeing your son, shouldn't you wait 14 days, rather than 7? Or have I mis-interpreted the timeline from your post?
A bit of both.You misinterpreted it a little, and I wasn't 100% clear in my post.
I said `At least a week' so with this week being my normal week with him that means he would normally be with his mam next week, therefore taking us up to 14 days.
Thankfully none of us are showing any symptoms of any sort as yet, so as with everything else surrounding this period in time I will continue to take things day by day and act accordingly.
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Johnspex said:
Women turn into absolute bhes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.
Good god, that didn't take long. OP has stated ex's attitude isn't an issue, and here you are warning him of what's definitely going to happen down the line based on your own bitter and twisted interactions with a completely different woman. There are 3.5 billion of them you know, and they are all individuals. hes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.It might be that OP's ex is actually a decent human being, and perhaps he picked better than you did when choosing who to have children with?
But you're absolutely right. If I told you about my marriage you'd think I'm an even bigger d
head than you do now. She gave me great kids but made my life an absolute misery and lied and blackmailed during the separation .I'm in the High Risk group through my meds with Rheumatoid Arthritis (immunosuppressant).
I have my 10yo son every other week and see him Tuesday nights for dinner somewhere. I called his mum to tell her it might be an good thing to keep away from him for a while. I worried what she might say.
I needn't have worried. She said she was glad I raised this as she was worrying how to tell me the same. She thinks it was a wise thing to decide and this was before the lockdown.
My lad understands and we can Facetime whenever we want.
When I can get some time in between him playing xBox/TV etc, that is...
2-4 weeks maybe, won't be that bad. 12 weeks might be worse but its necessary I think.
I have my 10yo son every other week and see him Tuesday nights for dinner somewhere. I called his mum to tell her it might be an good thing to keep away from him for a while. I worried what she might say.
I needn't have worried. She said she was glad I raised this as she was worrying how to tell me the same. She thinks it was a wise thing to decide and this was before the lockdown.
My lad understands and we can Facetime whenever we want.
When I can get some time in between him playing xBox/TV etc, that is...
2-4 weeks maybe, won't be that bad. 12 weeks might be worse but its necessary I think.
Johnspex said:
TwigtheWonderkid said:
Johnspex said:
Women turn into absolute bhes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.
Good god, that didn't take long. OP has stated ex's attitude isn't an issue, and here you are warning him of what's definitely going to happen down the line based on your own bitter and twisted interactions with a completely different woman. There are 3.5 billion of them you know, and they are all individuals. hes in these situations. I speak from experience. She'll use it against you if you don't try to see your daughter. Don't give her anything to damage your case for custody.It might be that OP's ex is actually a decent human being, and perhaps he picked better than you did when choosing who to have children with?
But you're absolutely right. If I told you about my marriage you'd think I'm an even bigger d
head than you do now. She gave me great kids but made my life an absolute misery and lied and blackmailed during the separation .Big-Bo-Beep said:
What is it that's so complicated about the required government recommendation: Stay In Your House ?
Dude, stay in your house.
Easy for me to understand, not as easy for my 10 year old daughter.. Of course i agree with the statement, and I have cancelled her coining to me this weekend... Dude, stay in your house.
Thank you all for your thoughts.... The final straw for me was the need for milk and some other basic food supplies today today.. unfortunately, whilst it is possible to try and keep a safe distance from other people, other people around you don't share the same view, or in fact, just don't understand personal space..
Superhoop said:
Good morning to the great minds of Pistonheads
As per the thread title, I'm after the collective opinions of the good, the great and the wise that frequent these fine forum pages, and unfortunately, it is a questions that loosely involves the current favourite topic of coronavirus.. but please don't let that put you off and please read on, as I really am looking for a collective opinion
Now in this case, it relates to seeing my 10 year old daughter during the current "lock down" that the PM has ordered.. According to Michael Gove, (although it took him a couple of bites of the cherry to be "clear" on this) it is OK to move a child under the age of 18 between the houses of divorced parents that have shared custody, which we do.. But whilst of course that means that whilst I can go and collect my daughter and drop her back, it doesn't mean i should..
Now I should add some basic facts.. Her Mother isn't trying to stop me seeing my daughter, in fact it is being encouraged. Like all parents, I love my daughter and miss her like mad, as i currently haven't seen her now for over a week, other than phone calls and Facetime chats.. Distance, the driving etc. are not an issue..
This is simply a case of morality.. And I am torn.. Of course i want to see her, but, moving her between her Mother's house and mine, and of course back again, poses a risk to everyone involved..
So, the questions itself - What would you choose to do in the same situation ?
ETA: As I'm currently low on fuel (car was supposed to be changed this week) I would need to visit a fuel station.. So more interactions with other people..
exact same situation here - not seeing her, speak to her and all that but not seeing her.As per the thread title, I'm after the collective opinions of the good, the great and the wise that frequent these fine forum pages, and unfortunately, it is a questions that loosely involves the current favourite topic of coronavirus.. but please don't let that put you off and please read on, as I really am looking for a collective opinion
Now in this case, it relates to seeing my 10 year old daughter during the current "lock down" that the PM has ordered.. According to Michael Gove, (although it took him a couple of bites of the cherry to be "clear" on this) it is OK to move a child under the age of 18 between the houses of divorced parents that have shared custody, which we do.. But whilst of course that means that whilst I can go and collect my daughter and drop her back, it doesn't mean i should..
Now I should add some basic facts.. Her Mother isn't trying to stop me seeing my daughter, in fact it is being encouraged. Like all parents, I love my daughter and miss her like mad, as i currently haven't seen her now for over a week, other than phone calls and Facetime chats.. Distance, the driving etc. are not an issue..
This is simply a case of morality.. And I am torn.. Of course i want to see her, but, moving her between her Mother's house and mine, and of course back again, poses a risk to everyone involved..
So, the questions itself - What would you choose to do in the same situation ?
ETA: As I'm currently low on fuel (car was supposed to be changed this week) I would need to visit a fuel station.. So more interactions with other people..
Edited by Superhoop on Wednesday 25th March 08:31
She is ok with it, so is her mum. Have said that if it gets too much at hers that she can come over but if she does its a minimum 2 weeks here, alls good.
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