If You Have Nothing Nice to Say...
Discussion
If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing.
I'm a bit torn over this statement. Starting a conversation is inviting responses. You can't then dictate opinions by stipulating that you will only accept comments you agree with? I recently had a spat on Nextdoor after a woman asked if anyone knew what was going on as she saw an ambulance a police cars outside a house. My 'participation' was restricted after I suggested that whatever it is, the right people are there taking care of the situation and perhaps she shouldn't be so nosey. I was shot down by people using the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' line.
The thread continued and people were getting involved in trying to find out what was going on. After my three days in a gag I was allowed to speak again. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone back, and should have just accepted that there are people there who spend a lot of time behind their curtains, but maybe there is an element of trolling in it; not because I get off on it, but it's quite interesting - in a perverse way - how a lot of people behave in these community groups.
In another conversation, a woman said she would pray for people (feared dead) in a car crash and I suggested that if prayers actually worked, people around the world wouldn't need others to pray for them. My comment was deemed 'nasty' and it didn't take long for the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' comment to waft its way in.
Another example: someone posts an image of a job they've just done. Let's say it's a guy who's just tiled a wall. If it's a s
t job (clearly a very bad effort by someone purporting to be a professional) why can't someone speak either the truth (which is clear for all to see) or what they honestly/really think, if the matter is subjective?
Doesn't the 'if nothing nice' statement simply mean: I only want you to say nice things to me?
If someone posts a statement and says something you have an objective opinion to, why should you be criticised for saying so?
I'm a bit torn over this statement. Starting a conversation is inviting responses. You can't then dictate opinions by stipulating that you will only accept comments you agree with? I recently had a spat on Nextdoor after a woman asked if anyone knew what was going on as she saw an ambulance a police cars outside a house. My 'participation' was restricted after I suggested that whatever it is, the right people are there taking care of the situation and perhaps she shouldn't be so nosey. I was shot down by people using the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' line.
The thread continued and people were getting involved in trying to find out what was going on. After my three days in a gag I was allowed to speak again. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone back, and should have just accepted that there are people there who spend a lot of time behind their curtains, but maybe there is an element of trolling in it; not because I get off on it, but it's quite interesting - in a perverse way - how a lot of people behave in these community groups.
In another conversation, a woman said she would pray for people (feared dead) in a car crash and I suggested that if prayers actually worked, people around the world wouldn't need others to pray for them. My comment was deemed 'nasty' and it didn't take long for the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' comment to waft its way in.
Another example: someone posts an image of a job they've just done. Let's say it's a guy who's just tiled a wall. If it's a s
t job (clearly a very bad effort by someone purporting to be a professional) why can't someone speak either the truth (which is clear for all to see) or what they honestly/really think, if the matter is subjective? Doesn't the 'if nothing nice' statement simply mean: I only want you to say nice things to me?
If someone posts a statement and says something you have an objective opinion to, why should you be criticised for saying so?
I take nice simply in the context of don't be nasty to the OP personally with your differing opinion or critique.
If one is not willing to take the negatives along with the positives, then one should consider not posting at all.
e.g. if someone posts a picture of their new interior in all it's porn-throbber cerise velour trim, then you could say that they must be a paedo, or a pimp, or their mother is a prossie - or you could just say that it's not to your taste or hurts your eyes.
Both replies lets them know you don't like it, but one makes it personal (just like the post in the BMW forum about a 'unique/rare' car that was nothing of the sort - but the OP wanted everyone to say how lucky he was to have such a unique/rare car and wouldn't listen to anyone else's view.
If the OP gets 'nasty' first, then the gloves should rightly come off.
If one is not willing to take the negatives along with the positives, then one should consider not posting at all.
e.g. if someone posts a picture of their new interior in all it's porn-throbber cerise velour trim, then you could say that they must be a paedo, or a pimp, or their mother is a prossie - or you could just say that it's not to your taste or hurts your eyes.
Both replies lets them know you don't like it, but one makes it personal (just like the post in the BMW forum about a 'unique/rare' car that was nothing of the sort - but the OP wanted everyone to say how lucky he was to have such a unique/rare car and wouldn't listen to anyone else's view.
If the OP gets 'nasty' first, then the gloves should rightly come off.
Edited by mmm-five on Sunday 17th May 12:31
Oh yes
I am quite active on Instagram where people ask for opinions on paints or ideas and if you say anything negative or anything against the preformed idea that the person wants praise for you get called a troll and a awful person etc
One woman asked for opinions of crushed velvet sofas, I said they are awful and belong in a skip which is my opinion and she got all stty and called me a troll ffs
Another example, people will never take your ideas on board when they have their own ideas. There was recently a email thread at my work saying why are people being expected to work why can’t the company pay us etc
They just couldn’t grasp when I said well a company has a lot of other overheads you would soon miss if they weren’t there like all our tools, good vans etc.
I am quite active on Instagram where people ask for opinions on paints or ideas and if you say anything negative or anything against the preformed idea that the person wants praise for you get called a troll and a awful person etc
One woman asked for opinions of crushed velvet sofas, I said they are awful and belong in a skip which is my opinion and she got all s
tty and called me a troll ffsAnother example, people will never take your ideas on board when they have their own ideas. There was recently a email thread at my work saying why are people being expected to work why can’t the company pay us etc
They just couldn’t grasp when I said well a company has a lot of other overheads you would soon miss if they weren’t there like all our tools, good vans etc.
Glassman said:
If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing.
Doesn't the 'if nothing nice' statement simply mean: I only want you to say nice things to me?
If someone posts a statement and says something you have an objective opinion to, why should you be criticised for saying so?
I tend to think that in the world of social media, it's absolutely the case that people want endorsement or adulation for whatever they think/do/say.Doesn't the 'if nothing nice' statement simply mean: I only want you to say nice things to me?
If someone posts a statement and says something you have an objective opinion to, why should you be criticised for saying so?
In the old days, when the internet was all fields, it was possible to have a conversation made up of differing opinions and points of view, and nobody (generally) took offence. I think that's still the case, but when it comes to any social media channel people want their opinions endorsed, and others will either side with them or against them and very often which way they go is down to how the wind is blowing rather than what the really think.
When I was at school there was a rather obnoxious young lady who took an instant dislike to me and made no secret of it.
I had no idea why, but generally gave her a wide berth. She would accuse me and various others of "looking at her in a funny way", whatever that meant.
Avoiding her only seemed to provoke fury even more, and once I let her scream and hurl abuse at me while ignoring her (this approach really seems to wind a certain type of person up), while at the same time giving her the chance to make herself look a complete tit in front of everyone.
This culminated in her screaming 'I hope you die of cancer' at me. I just shrugged and walked away.
Years later I ran into her at a barbeque. I recognised her and thought 'oh crap'
, but she came over and she was (initially) nice as pie.
Her : "Hello. It's Littleowl, isn't it? We were at school together"
Me : "Yes, we were".
Her : "So what are you up to these days?"
Me : "I'd really prefer not to talk to you".
Her (looking confused) : "Why what's wrong?"
Me : "I 'd prefer not to. As you say, we were at school together and my overriding memory of you is not pleasant"
Her: That's not very polite. Perhaps you are right and if you can't say anything nice, you should say nothing".
Me : "Correct. Though quite how having 'I hope you die of cancer' screamed at you fits into your school of thought there, I;m not sure, but that's my main memory of you."
I walked off and spent the rest of the afternoon, with my back purposely to her, but could feel the daggers
I also had the misfortune to once be in a pub that she was in. She didn't say anything this time, but spent the evening giving evil looks to me & my mate (who had also been on the receiving end of the 'stop looking at me in that way' bks).
Complete mentalist
I had no idea why, but generally gave her a wide berth. She would accuse me and various others of "looking at her in a funny way", whatever that meant.
Avoiding her only seemed to provoke fury even more, and once I let her scream and hurl abuse at me while ignoring her (this approach really seems to wind a certain type of person up), while at the same time giving her the chance to make herself look a complete tit in front of everyone.
This culminated in her screaming 'I hope you die of cancer' at me. I just shrugged and walked away.
Years later I ran into her at a barbeque. I recognised her and thought 'oh crap'
, but she came over and she was (initially) nice as pie. Her : "Hello. It's Littleowl, isn't it? We were at school together"
Me : "Yes, we were".
Her : "So what are you up to these days?"
Me : "I'd really prefer not to talk to you".
Her (looking confused) : "Why what's wrong?"
Me : "I 'd prefer not to. As you say, we were at school together and my overriding memory of you is not pleasant"
Her: That's not very polite. Perhaps you are right and if you can't say anything nice, you should say nothing".
Me : "Correct. Though quite how having 'I hope you die of cancer' screamed at you fits into your school of thought there, I;m not sure, but that's my main memory of you."
I walked off and spent the rest of the afternoon, with my back purposely to her, but could feel the daggers
I also had the misfortune to once be in a pub that she was in. She didn't say anything this time, but spent the evening giving evil looks to me & my mate (who had also been on the receiving end of the 'stop looking at me in that way' b
ks).Complete mentalist
Edited by littleowl on Sunday 17th May 21:08
Glassman said:
My 'participation' was restricted after I suggested that whatever it is, the right people are there taking care of the situation and perhaps she shouldn't be so nosey. I was shot down by people using the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' line.
Why did you feel the need to suggest that the person was being nosey? Perhaps she was. Or perhaps she was just being a concerned neighbour. Perhaps her friend lived nearby and couldn't reach her to find out what was going on. You made an unfounded judgement on someone you don't know and a situation you knew nothing about.
Glassman said:
In another conversation, a woman said she would pray for people (feared dead) in a car crash and I suggested that if prayers actually worked, people around the world wouldn't need others to pray for them. My comment was deemed 'nasty' and it didn't take long for the 'if you don't have anything nice to say' comment to waft its way in.
Again, what did you hope to achieve with this statement other than inflict your own views on others that didn't ask for it? Is that not the same as the person who made the initial comment?Glassman said:
Another example: someone posts an image of a job they've just done. Let's say it's a guy who's just tiled a wall. If it's a st job (clearly a very bad effort by someone purporting to be a professional) why can't someone speak either the truth (which is clear for all to see) or what they honestly/really think, if the matter is subjective?
If it's clear for all to see, why make the effort of providing added commentary?t job (clearly a very bad effort by someone purporting to be a professional) why can't someone speak either the truth (which is clear for all to see) or what they honestly/really think, if the matter is subjective? For all you know, the guy could have been on the outward curve of some major trauma in his life and felt particularly proud of something he'd done. Your comment may have knocked him back mentally to a place from which he might not ever recover.
I understand the spirit of your post but the reality is that unless you know the context and the people, it is sometimes best to keep schtumm.
There are also LOADS and I really do mean HUGE NUMBERS of people who are pretty well fully functional, but have mostly psychological and sometimes psychiatric issues which leads them to communicate in, erm, a let's call it 'odd' manner.
There are absolute piles of them on the internet. In fact the internet probably provides a good outlet for them which prevents them having to release their issues in other far darker ways.
A lot of it's obviously related to anger and stress and frustration. But some of it's got far deeper and more complicated origins.
There are absolute piles of them on the internet. In fact the internet probably provides a good outlet for them which prevents them having to release their issues in other far darker ways.
A lot of it's obviously related to anger and stress and frustration. But some of it's got far deeper and more complicated origins.
Groat said:
There are also LOADS and I really do mean HUGE NUMBERS of people who are pretty well fully functional, but have mostly psychological and sometimes psychiatric issues which leads them to communicate in, erm, a let's call it 'odd' manner.
There are absolute piles of them on the internet. In fact the internet probably provides a good outlet for them which prevents them having to release their issues in other far darker ways.
A lot of it's obviously related to anger and stress and frustration. But some of it's got far deeper and more complicated origins.
Remember it's Sunday. Take the blue pill then the yellow one. There are absolute piles of them on the internet. In fact the internet probably provides a good outlet for them which prevents them having to release their issues in other far darker ways.
A lot of it's obviously related to anger and stress and frustration. But some of it's got far deeper and more complicated origins.
It's different between male friends. You take the piss, even if if they bought the best car on the planet, or the coolest suit, or the trendiest trainers. They know this and it doesn't last. Women don't share this sense of humour. Taking the piss is an insult to be remembered. Americans are strange ones. They don't 'get' friendly sarcasm - it's an insult as far as they are concerned.
What I find really weird are people who go to quite a lot of effort to post on something like a newspaper comments section where the subject of the article just doesn't merit that effort. For example, a featured house. People will go the trouble of registering an account just so they can post that they don't like the curtains or the dog kennel in the garden, or even weirder, that they wouldn't want the £X million pound property if they were given it.
I knew there were weirdos about but social media has shown me just how many there are. Be kind.
What I find really weird are people who go to quite a lot of effort to post on something like a newspaper comments section where the subject of the article just doesn't merit that effort. For example, a featured house. People will go the trouble of registering an account just so they can post that they don't like the curtains or the dog kennel in the garden, or even weirder, that they wouldn't want the £X million pound property if they were given it.
I knew there were weirdos about but social media has shown me just how many there are. Be kind.
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