Teenagers and lockdown

[surveyor]

I have a 14 year old daughter, and am becoming a bit bothered by lock-down, as it becomes longer term.

We rarely see her at the moment - and she sleeps in for longer than I would like. Normal perhaps. The school sets little work, and offers no feedback on what they do, giving little motivation to do more... She says she can't sleep hence the lie ins. No structure to the day is what I think.

She is normally fairly sociable, but obviously that is all online nowadays. One of her friends is dong worse than her and did take an overdose.

Trying to introduce a family night is officially 'uncool', so I'm not sure what else to do.

I don't see much changing till September - which is a bit longer away than I would like.

Any other teenager parents in similar?

[cossy400]

surveyor said:

I have a 14 year old daughter, and am becoming a bit bothered by lock-down, as it becomes longer term.

We rarely see her at the moment - and she sleeps in for longer than I would like. Normal perhaps. The school sets little work, and offers no feedback on what they do, giving little motivation to do more... She says she can't sleep hence the lie ins. No structure to the day is what I think.

She is normally fairly sociable, but obviously that is all online nowadays. One of her friends is dong worse than her and did take an overdose.

Trying to introduce a family night is officially 'uncool', so I'm not sure what else to do.

I don't see much changing till September - which is a bit longer away than I would like.

Any other teenager parents in similar?

Have no kids so just throwing it out there, are you getting out for walks etc

[Jasandjules]

Obviously I am only joking because our masters tell us it is wrong, but why not just have a friend or two over for a few hours to chat - they can all sit in the garden 6 ft apart....

[surveyor]

cossy400 said:

Have no kids so just throwing it out there, are you getting out for walks etc

To a degree. Have a Dalmatian so walking is compulsory . Teenagers joining in is harder to negotiate.

[tonyvid]

Wait until she is 20 and in an enforced home-ness from University...they don't get up until about 3pm, grump about and then game until the early hours!

Try and put some routines in and don't tiptoe about the place if you are up at normal times - it isn't easy and to them there is "no point" in getting up as it will just be the same as yesterday. Maybe get her doing the cooking etc, really stuff to put some value in the day?

If she is genuinely struggling maybe she could do with a chat to a therapist to share her feelings outside of her family? My psychotherapist partner is doing online sessions to support her clients and there has definitely been an increase in cases like hers but is suspect she just can't see the point of getting up right now(when I was 14 I didn't either!)

[omniflow]

Assuming you have the flexibility, I would be encouraging her to meet with her friends in some suitable location - the front garden of a pub that's closed, the local park, the war memorial etc. Drive her there if you need to, tell her you'll collect her at any time and don't set any time limits

Personally, I wouldn't be too bothered if she met with more than one friend at a time, but that's your decision.

Also - depending on how mature a 14 she is, I might consider giving her a couple of cans of cider to take.

The other thing is, as a household you are now effectively allowed a "day out". On Wednesday of last week we drove to Milton Keynes, got some chips from the chip shop, sat on a bench at Willen Lake eating them, and then took a leisurely stroll around the lake. It's still only a walk, but it seems a bit more exciting.

[Centurion07]

omniflow said:

Personally, I wouldn't be too bothered if she met with more than one friend at a time, but that's your decision.

Also - depending on how mature a 14 she is, I might consider giving her a couple of cans of cider to take.
.

This is a joke, right...?

[Hoofy]

Depression?

[omniflow]

Centurion07 said:

This is a joke, right...?

Not at all - one of the biggest challenges of this lockdown is maintaining the mental health of those around you. Giving a teenager who is struggling some options to safely "rebel" is perfectly acceptable in my opinion. However, it is definitely something the parents need to decide whether or not they are happy with. Kids are different - they start doing things at different ages. 14 is not young.

[hotchy]

Centurion07 said:

omniflow said:

Personally, I wouldn't be too bothered if she met with more than one friend at a time, but that's your decision.

Also - depending on how mature a 14 she is, I might consider giving her a couple of cans of cider to take.
.

This is a joke, right...?

At 13 we was all down the town park with £1 bottle of carbon white... lol good times. Save a pound a day dinner money and the weekend was sorted lol

[Robotron-2084]

My 6 and 9 year olds are acting in a way they wouldn’t normally behave as well.

I think it’s the lack of discipline and routine that they get from school?

I’m dreading my 9 year old daughter getting to 14

[anonymous-user]

I have a 16 year old and an 18 year old. Both get up around 3pm for breakfast and stay up until about 4am. Read them the riot act last week at 3am and told them the WiFi was going off permanently. I wake up to the kitchen of destruction after late night feasts, mouldy plates and cups in their rooms, all perfectly normal. Son walks round in his pants etc.

Also they do go out to spend time with one or two friends at a time outside. Both happy with their slovenly lifestyles. Son responds well to cider to cheer him up.

My advice is talk to your daughter and ask her what she wants to do, it’s probably not be family time. You’re “old and know nothing”

Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 18th May 19:03

[croyde]

Big problems with our 17 year old who lives at his mum's.

Refuses to come to mine as he's too tired. Because he's gone nocturnal. Up all night gaming and screaming on his headset, sleeps all day.

Abusive and violent. Police were around last night. Their 4th or 5th visit this year.

I had to get him out of cells in Feb with a solicitor in tow for assaulting his mum and younger brother. I'm powerless to do anything thanks to liberal laws and besides he towers over me and weighs probably half as much more.

He was such a sweet kid and we still have, rarely, good days and a laugh but few and far between.

It was bad before lockdown, but now.

My younger son we finally allowed out at about 6 weeks to cycle and hang out with his mates. He was getting so depressed and there was no way I wanted him ending up like his big brother.

I really don't think those in charge really thought this business through.

Mental health help, especially for teens was close to collapse before, it will be a right mess now and going on.

[Spare tyre]

Where are you based op, I’d try a trip to Brighton or similar - far enough so there’s no danger of seeing a friend, dominoes pizza on beach have a chilled time

[Bob-iylho]

hotchy said:

At 13 we was all down the town park with £1 bottle of carbon white... lol good times. Save a pound a day dinner money and the weekend was sorted lol

I used to do this in my early teens with thunderbird, did me no harm at all ................. apart from being a 24/7 alcoholic by the age of 25, losing an incredible career and just about everything else over the next 10 years.

[surveyor]

Spare tyre said:

Where are you based op, I’d try a trip to Brighton or similar - far enough so there’s no danger of seeing a friend, dominoes pizza on beach have a chilled time

Up north in Doncaster... our ‘local’ resorts are ‘closed’ with no facilities or parking..

[omniflow]

Bob-iylho said:

I used to do this in my early teens with thunderbird, did me no harm at all ................. apart from being a 24/7 alcoholic by the age of 25, losing an incredible career and just about everything else over the next 10 years.

Compared with the alternative mentioned in the OP - I think I'd risk a couple of cans of cider.

surveyor said:

She is normally fairly sociable, but obviously that is all online nowadays. One of her friends is dong worse than her and did take an overdose.

[Bob-iylho]

omniflow said:

Bob-iylho said:

I used to do this in my early teens with thunderbird, did me no harm at all ................. apart from being a 24/7 alcoholic by the age of 25, losing an incredible career and just about everything else over the next 10 years.

Compared with the alternative mentioned in the OP - I think I'd risk a couple of cans of cider.

Why not a couple of joints as well, might as well go the whole hog?

[red_slr]

omniflow said:

Also - depending on how mature a 14 she is, I might consider giving her a couple of cans of cider to take.
.

Funny thing is kids these days are not into alcohol. It seems to be hippy crack is popular so maybe get that or if you can’t find any then just some regular old fashioned crack.

[Spare tyre]

I must be old, hippy crack?