Childhood friend left without saying goodbye
Discussion
A childhood friend of mine left the UK for good and moved to Vancouver recently. He didn't even tell me he's moving and left without saying goodbye.
We grew up together. My father died in his father's arms. Been reasonably close growing up. We spent a fair bit of time together as we got older and less time after we married with an occasion once or twice a year meet up. I always considered him a friend and at times a brother... I've known him for 35 years.
Interestingly he is so so busy as a teacher he doesn't have time. He manages to see other mates. Over the past 7 months he ignored my WhatsApp messages. I suspect blocked them as they didn't appear to be delivered. I noticed he checked out my LinkedIn profile a few months ago as it notified me.
I can't help but feel like s
t. I suppose he didn't think that way about me.
We grew up together. My father died in his father's arms. Been reasonably close growing up. We spent a fair bit of time together as we got older and less time after we married with an occasion once or twice a year meet up. I always considered him a friend and at times a brother... I've known him for 35 years.
Interestingly he is so so busy as a teacher he doesn't have time. He manages to see other mates. Over the past 7 months he ignored my WhatsApp messages. I suspect blocked them as they didn't appear to be delivered. I noticed he checked out my LinkedIn profile a few months ago as it notified me.
I can't help but feel like s
t. I suppose he didn't think that way about me.Edited by Cimaguy on Monday 27th July 08:19
Some friends are like that. Don't take it personally, he's probably done it to lots of people.
I have a friend I've known since I was 5, done all sorts for him, put him up for 2 years, let him stay in my second home rent free, got him a job - twice.
Never so much as bothered to tell me his knew address, so now dont bother with him (he's still on Facebook panicking about covid19). lifes much easier
I have a friend I've known since I was 5, done all sorts for him, put him up for 2 years, let him stay in my second home rent free, got him a job - twice.
Never so much as bothered to tell me his knew address, so now dont bother with him (he's still on Facebook panicking about covid19). lifes much easier
sociopath said:
Some friends are like that. Don't take it personally, he's probably done it to lots of people.
I have a friend I've known since I was 5, done all sorts for him, put him up for 2 years, let him stay in my second home rent free, got him a job - twice.
Never so much as bothered to tell me his knew address, so now dont bother with him (he's still on Facebook panicking about covid19). lifes much easier
Have similar friend, comes always 1 way, I moved Locally and didn’t hear anything from him asking how new house was etc. Had a baby and sent him a Christmas card with new baby name in it two years on trot, didn’t hear anything so gave up. Some people just think differently I have a friend I've known since I was 5, done all sorts for him, put him up for 2 years, let him stay in my second home rent free, got him a job - twice.
Never so much as bothered to tell me his knew address, so now dont bother with him (he's still on Facebook panicking about covid19). lifes much easier
Spare tyre said:
Why’d he move
His wife is Canadian and always hated it in the UK. He is a teacher so limited pay and is unable to provide needs of his family. His in-laws in Vancouver are rich. He's currently living with them in their mansion.Given he hasn't been able to sell his house in London, a property his in-laws part funded, he will probably use their support out there. The end goal I suspect of achieving a better standard of living will be achieved.
Also as his wife's parents get older they will take over the assets.
KrazyIvan said:
You met up once or twice a year....I see my dentist more than that and wouldnt expect him to tell me if he was moving.
Sorry but from what you describe you were close but grew apart, as happens with life, and you were little more than acquaintances at the end.
Yep I unfortunately have realised I value relationships too highly. Others don't carry the same views. Sorry but from what you describe you were close but grew apart, as happens with life, and you were little more than acquaintances at the end.
I've hurt myself with my views.
KrazyIvan said:
You met up once or twice a year....I see my dentist more than that and wouldnt expect him to tell me if he was moving.
Sorry but from what you describe you were close but grew apart, as happens with life, and you were little more than acquaintances at the end.
That may be so of some relationships, but not all.Sorry but from what you describe you were close but grew apart, as happens with life, and you were little more than acquaintances at the end.
I have a best mate. We've been friends for 37 years having met at school aged 13. We regard eachother as brothers. When our respective parents were all alive we were treated by them as family. His Dad (the only parent left out of the 4) is like my uncle.
We live 30 miles from eachother. In a normal year - pre lockdown - we'd meet 2-3 times a year. Our birthdays are in the same week, so at a minimum we meet up for a joint daytime piss-up and meal.
We love one another like brothers. There's nothing we can't talk about, and no problem that together we can't solve or at least do something about .
My wife often says we should meet up more, but it's not essential to our friendship.
Strangely, because of lockdown, we've had more contact with regular Zoom drinks. He's one of those annoyingly multi-talented types this includes being a musician with a large collection of guitars. We've now combined zoom drinks with him jamming.
OP, I'm sorry your mate did a bunk. I totally get why it upsets you. Maybe his Mrs is making him distant? Who knows. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.
Edited by Wildcat45 on Monday 27th July 09:22
Cimaguy said:
Spare tyre said:
Why’d he move
His wife is Canadian and always hated it in the UK. He is a teacher so limited pay and is unable to provide needs of his family. His in-laws in Vancouver are rich. He's currently living with them in their mansion.Given he hasn't been able to sell his house in London, a property his in-laws part funded, he will probably use their support out there. The end goal I suspect of achieving a better standard of living will be achieved.
Also as his wife's parents get older they will take over the assets.
Argleton said:
OP how did you find out that he'd moved?
I happened to be on his road and noticed his house was up for sale. I checked the listing to it said there's no chain. I guessed as he isn't particularly we off he is either moving in with his parents or to Canada! I've check with a mutual friend and he told me he's moving! My wife says he clearly isn't a good friend. I think it isn't as clear as that. Either I've been blind for 35 years or he had an issue. I just can't reconcile it.
So weird. I appreciate this type of stuff happens a lot with people
Wildcat45 said:
That may be so of some relationships, but not all.
I have a best mate. We've been friends for 37 years having met at school aged 13. We regard eachother as brothers. When our respective patented were alive we were treated by them as family. His Dad (the only parent left out of the 4) is like my uncle.
We live 30 miles from eachother. In a normal year - pre lockdown - we'd meet 2-3 times a year. Our birthdays are in the same week, so at a minimum we meet up for a joint daytime piss-up and meal.
We love one another like brothers. There's nothing we can't talk about, and no problem that together we can't solve or at least do something about .
My wife often says we should meet up more, but it's not essential to our friendship.
Strangely, because of lockdown, we've had more contact with regular Zoom drinks. He's one of those annoyingly multi-talented types this includes being a musician with a large collection of guitars. We've now combined zoom drinks with him jamming.
OP, I'm sorry your mate did a bunk. I totally get why it upsets you. Maybe his Mrs is making him distant? Who knows. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.
Thanks - it's good to know I'm not over thinking this and getting too emotional. It's nice to see folks have such good friendships with people.I have a best mate. We've been friends for 37 years having met at school aged 13. We regard eachother as brothers. When our respective patented were alive we were treated by them as family. His Dad (the only parent left out of the 4) is like my uncle.
We live 30 miles from eachother. In a normal year - pre lockdown - we'd meet 2-3 times a year. Our birthdays are in the same week, so at a minimum we meet up for a joint daytime piss-up and meal.
We love one another like brothers. There's nothing we can't talk about, and no problem that together we can't solve or at least do something about .
My wife often says we should meet up more, but it's not essential to our friendship.
Strangely, because of lockdown, we've had more contact with regular Zoom drinks. He's one of those annoyingly multi-talented types this includes being a musician with a large collection of guitars. We've now combined zoom drinks with him jamming.
OP, I'm sorry your mate did a bunk. I totally get why it upsets you. Maybe his Mrs is making him distant? Who knows. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.
Cimaguy said:
A childhood friend of mine left the UK for good and moved to Vancouver recently. He didn't even tell me he's moving and left without saying goodbye.
We grew up together. My father died in his father's arms. Been reasonably close growing up.
Would have been expected to be consulted.... We grew up together. My father died in his father's arms. Been reasonably close growing up.
Cimaguy said:
We spent a fair bit of time together as we got older
Would have expected to be told it was happening..Cimaguy said:
and less time after we married with an occasion once or twice a year meet up.
Wouldn't have expected to be told.. Unfortunately it's the way it goes. I'm 38 and have found that friends I grew up with (and were really close to) have just gone off the radar since getting married and particularly after having kids. To be honest things just change and there isn't time to see or even think about everyone so you have to prioritise.
Don't take it personally and just enjoy the friends you have in the here and now.
An old school mate of mine just cut contact out of the blue, all of a sudden. He Stopped responding to texts/Phone calls/ Etc . To this day, I still have no idea what on Earth I did to make him grow distant.
But looking back, these things happen. People grow and move into new social circles all the time.
Regarding your situation, could the wife have poisoned him against you in any way?
But looking back, these things happen. People grow and move into new social circles all the time.
Regarding your situation, could the wife have poisoned him against you in any way?
Wildcat45 said:
OP, I'm sorry your mate did a bunk. I totally get why it upsets you. Maybe his Mrs is making him distant? Who knows. Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.
This is entirely possible - any previous signs she's controlling? Happened to my best friend; happily he's away from her now and we're talking again after 18 years... he's still in America though!
Cf Harry+Megan, currently.
Or, he could have just drifted away from you... it doesn't take two to drift; stuff happens.
Wouldn't dwell on it, sometimes the blinkers of our private life can mean we don't communicate how we should.
Had a really good friend who was a ex colleague.
When I left work we met up a few times, always had a real good laugh.
Then just dried up.
One time I did visit his Mrs wasn't particularly hospitable, actually quite rude looking back.
Think will put it down to that rather than anything I did
Shame, don't make good friends as easy as time goes by.
Had a really good friend who was a ex colleague.
When I left work we met up a few times, always had a real good laugh.
Then just dried up.
One time I did visit his Mrs wasn't particularly hospitable, actually quite rude looking back.
Think will put it down to that rather than anything I did
Shame, don't make good friends as easy as time goes by.
From the other side:
I went through a phase years ago where I cut off contact with some of my best friends, and it was a classic case of "it's not you, it's me".
I stopped responding to texts and messages, often wouldn't answer calls, never interacted on social media, stopped turning up to things, and so on.
Friends would ask each other if anyone had seen me recently and occasionally send me messages such as "Are you ok? Are you still alive?"
Even if something big was happening in my life (like the OP's example of moving country) I probably wouldn't have told them.
The reason for all this was that I was going through a difficult period, and I simply didn't want to speak to many people. I'm not the sort of person who feels better by talking to people about issues, I hate it, I find the mere concept of struggling with something as 'embarrassing' and I would rather my problems were never discussed or mentioned.
I avoided all my friends because I just didn't want to discuss my life with anyone, or have to answer any questions, however well meaning they were.
I'll try to keep this brief, but my personal issues revolved around business. I had started a new company to much fanfare by those who knew me. Company then got really busy and expanded rapidly, but several years later I was also working on other business ideas, and desperately wanted 'out' of my own company but felt like I was under a lot of pressure from those around me to stick it out and continue being Mr Company for the long haul. The issue was compounded by the fact that a good friend had come to help manage my company, and I would be 'running out' on him as well. I also felt like I would face a lot of questions by those close to me about why on earth I would just abandon a 'great business'. Was I stressed? Was I not capable of running it? Was I having a breakdown of some kind?
I sold the company, and transitioned into my new business, and thankfully it all worked out. I suddenly felt like a massive weight had been lifted and I could speak to people again. Things are now great with all my friends again, and after a chat about what happened, they understand that I am now much happier and it is reflected in my behaviour. I am grateful they were understanding.
I appreciate all this waffle probably sounds stupid, but what I am trying to say is that it is entirely possible your friend is avoiding contact with you and his other friends because of issues he currently has in his life, and he doesn't want to face anyone.
I went through a phase years ago where I cut off contact with some of my best friends, and it was a classic case of "it's not you, it's me".
I stopped responding to texts and messages, often wouldn't answer calls, never interacted on social media, stopped turning up to things, and so on.
Friends would ask each other if anyone had seen me recently and occasionally send me messages such as "Are you ok? Are you still alive?"
Even if something big was happening in my life (like the OP's example of moving country) I probably wouldn't have told them.
The reason for all this was that I was going through a difficult period, and I simply didn't want to speak to many people. I'm not the sort of person who feels better by talking to people about issues, I hate it, I find the mere concept of struggling with something as 'embarrassing' and I would rather my problems were never discussed or mentioned.
I avoided all my friends because I just didn't want to discuss my life with anyone, or have to answer any questions, however well meaning they were.
I'll try to keep this brief, but my personal issues revolved around business. I had started a new company to much fanfare by those who knew me. Company then got really busy and expanded rapidly, but several years later I was also working on other business ideas, and desperately wanted 'out' of my own company but felt like I was under a lot of pressure from those around me to stick it out and continue being Mr Company for the long haul. The issue was compounded by the fact that a good friend had come to help manage my company, and I would be 'running out' on him as well. I also felt like I would face a lot of questions by those close to me about why on earth I would just abandon a 'great business'. Was I stressed? Was I not capable of running it? Was I having a breakdown of some kind?
I sold the company, and transitioned into my new business, and thankfully it all worked out. I suddenly felt like a massive weight had been lifted and I could speak to people again. Things are now great with all my friends again, and after a chat about what happened, they understand that I am now much happier and it is reflected in my behaviour. I am grateful they were understanding.
I appreciate all this waffle probably sounds stupid, but what I am trying to say is that it is entirely possible your friend is avoiding contact with you and his other friends because of issues he currently has in his life, and he doesn't want to face anyone.
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 27th July 11:56
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff