Experiences please - 10yr old sons behaviour
Discussion
Not entirely uncommon or worrying at that age - they are maturing in humour, observation, independent thought etc but their emotional intelligence is often a long way behind.
Keep an eye on it, call it out when it's inappropriate but don't overly worry about it would be my suggestion - oh, and perhaps add in another core-day at the gym......
Keep an eye on it, call it out when it's inappropriate but don't overly worry about it would be my suggestion - oh, and perhaps add in another core-day at the gym......
I’m inclined to suggest that his behaviour is just a phase, although one that should be discouraged and monitored closely.
My daughter, (also 10), is just starting to act mildly in the same way. She refers to it as “roasting”, which I believe is an internet thing. At the moment her comments are directed only at me, are often quick witted, sarcastic and hard not to find mildly amusing. The moment her comments are directed at anyone else or her comments cross the line will be the moment that her behaviour gets reigned in pretty fast.
Perhaps take a look at the sort of videos your son watches on YouTube? They don’t call these people ‘Influencers’ for nothing.
Have you spoken to your son about how such behaviour is unacceptable or given him a taste of his own medicine to see how he likes it?
My daughter, (also 10), is just starting to act mildly in the same way. She refers to it as “roasting”, which I believe is an internet thing. At the moment her comments are directed only at me, are often quick witted, sarcastic and hard not to find mildly amusing. The moment her comments are directed at anyone else or her comments cross the line will be the moment that her behaviour gets reigned in pretty fast.
Perhaps take a look at the sort of videos your son watches on YouTube? They don’t call these people ‘Influencers’ for nothing.
Have you spoken to your son about how such behaviour is unacceptable or given him a taste of his own medicine to see how he likes it?
Is this behaviour that he's seen from someone else? A friend at school, an uncle, dare I say yourself??
My youngest son is 12 and I've noticed him emulating things I do and say.
Explain why he shouldn't be doing this, that it upsets people, and try to remove the source.
Lieing, both mine went through a phase of trying this. They were younger and weren't very good at it! Used this period to show that telling the truth resulted in no further repercussions, whereas continuing to lie meant things rapidly went south.
My youngest son is 12 and I've noticed him emulating things I do and say.
Explain why he shouldn't be doing this, that it upsets people, and try to remove the source.
Lieing, both mine went through a phase of trying this. They were younger and weren't very good at it! Used this period to show that telling the truth resulted in no further repercussions, whereas continuing to lie meant things rapidly went south.
Edited by Chester draws on Monday 10th August 08:10
anonymous said:
[redacted]
A phase.My kids when they were similar ages went through similar periods. I always gently corrected them "that's not a nice thing to say" etc. I didn't make a big thing of it, nor did I laugh or fight against it - I worried it would only amplify the behaviour. But I never let the comments/remarks just pass either.
There's a lot of stuff seen on social media/youtube etc that can influence behaviour.
My son, particularly, used to lie about absolutely everything - the truth was an unknown land for him. Deny, deny, deny! Gradually came good though.
hyphen said:
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Are you spending a decent amount of 1-2-1 time whith him? If not take him fishing or camping and so on. And regularly take him out for food, burger, chips and milkshake kinda stuff.Oh, how we laughed.
There's a fine line between banter and bullying, it varies a lot depending on who it's aimed at, and it's not easy to tell from the outside where that line is for each person... I'd want to make very sure he understands that.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Children also learn that it's fun to poke fun at figures of authority (like their dad), but hopefully your wife will also play a part in saying 'that's a hurtful thing to say' type of thing - rather than laughing?I'm no expert, just a parent. But I know that these are phases, pushing the boundaries.
It might be interesting to ask your son if anyone has ever said anything to him that made him upset - and how did he feel about that (upset obvs).... calling someone fat or chubby (or whatever) doesn't upset you, but it might really upset someone else.
Anyhow, by and large, these are just phases and don't translate into ASBO-bearing yobbos.
10 is the perfect time to be experimenting with boundaries, with the expectation of finding them!
You need to get him captive, a walk together, meal, whatever it may be away from others/distractions and start having chats man to ‘man’. He simply needs the message of what is and isn’t acceptable reinforcing.
If you can gain the role of confidant during the next few years of his life, being the guy he can come to for advise rather than judgment, you’ll have a lovely lad at the other end.
It’s the exact opposite of the ‘taste of his on medicine’ approach, which will only drive a wedge.
You need to get him captive, a walk together, meal, whatever it may be away from others/distractions and start having chats man to ‘man’. He simply needs the message of what is and isn’t acceptable reinforcing.
If you can gain the role of confidant during the next few years of his life, being the guy he can come to for advise rather than judgment, you’ll have a lovely lad at the other end.
It’s the exact opposite of the ‘taste of his on medicine’ approach, which will only drive a wedge.
It is a phase, but it's also important not to let it become normality.
Our approach (admittedly 20+ years ago) was to call out hurtful or unnecessary stuff, without getting angry.
We found "that wasn't very nice, why did you say it?" worked a whole lot better than arguing or lecturing (yes, we did that too ... mostly in frustration).
Not sure how we'd have dealt with parenting in the social media world though. Bloody grateful we never had to.
k
flashbang said:
Limit internet access and set up a time schedule. Every time he's rude etc, that's another 10 minutes off the internet, phone, games console etc.
Tried that and it really didn't workEven trued the opposite of rewarding good behaviour, That didnt work either.
Old school reward systems of carrot and stick do not work in the work place or at home.
Our two are 5 and 8 - neither have or will be playing Fortnite - I have seen the effects on others and basically it's not been mentioned; our friends with similar aged kids are the same - they don't appear any the worse for not playing it.
Ours can watch 'kids youtube' but have strict screen time limits on their tablets - linked to our Google accounts so we can switch them off remotely and they don't know their log-in pin number. Eldest started watching Oyster opening videos after going to a birthday party (where the 'enthusiastic' host reveals vast swathes of multicoloured pearls from inside mail-order Oysters?!?) Being a massive cynic I voiced my doubts on the possibility of the videos being genuine and she's thankfully, rapidly, lost interest - not before buying some of the stinky bloody things mind.......
I worry sometimes they are missing out; but they are in to coding and are learning touch typing after really enjoying ICT time at school.
Guilty of working too much/long hours during the week - but weekends are firmly FAMILY TIME since they were born.
Lockdown was spent, in the main, on bike-rides and walks - fortunate to be on the edge of the Cotswolds - and practical stuff (they can both change a bike wheel/tyre or adjust their chain with supervision and know when their brakes are iffy). The extra time has really brought us together - this mornings first question was how far can we bike-ride in two hours? We've been fishing a few times since the laws have been relaxed - the weather has really helped here too. They'll tidy the gardens with us and no issue with getting their hands in.
I have bought them minimotos for Christmas; still working on the Mrs that they will be OK with all the gear on a proper circuit (again; helpfully there are a few local to us).
We work on the shared interest type of thing - but if they don't respond to something we persevere - they really liked FootGolf at the weekend......
We have defined bedtimes (since as long as I can remember) and they are in bed by 7pm unless it's special occasion
I do fear the time they won't respect or listen to us - but we do get comments from others on how polite and respectful they are so hope we are doing something right........
Back to the gardening before work this Afternoon.......just got the Daddy's on his phone again look.......
Ours can watch 'kids youtube' but have strict screen time limits on their tablets - linked to our Google accounts so we can switch them off remotely and they don't know their log-in pin number. Eldest started watching Oyster opening videos after going to a birthday party (where the 'enthusiastic' host reveals vast swathes of multicoloured pearls from inside mail-order Oysters?!?) Being a massive cynic I voiced my doubts on the possibility of the videos being genuine and she's thankfully, rapidly, lost interest - not before buying some of the stinky bloody things mind.......
I worry sometimes they are missing out; but they are in to coding and are learning touch typing after really enjoying ICT time at school.
Guilty of working too much/long hours during the week - but weekends are firmly FAMILY TIME since they were born.
Lockdown was spent, in the main, on bike-rides and walks - fortunate to be on the edge of the Cotswolds - and practical stuff (they can both change a bike wheel/tyre or adjust their chain with supervision and know when their brakes are iffy). The extra time has really brought us together - this mornings first question was how far can we bike-ride in two hours? We've been fishing a few times since the laws have been relaxed - the weather has really helped here too. They'll tidy the gardens with us and no issue with getting their hands in.
I have bought them minimotos for Christmas; still working on the Mrs that they will be OK with all the gear on a proper circuit (again; helpfully there are a few local to us).
We work on the shared interest type of thing - but if they don't respond to something we persevere - they really liked FootGolf at the weekend......
We have defined bedtimes (since as long as I can remember) and they are in bed by 7pm unless it's special occasion
I do fear the time they won't respect or listen to us - but we do get comments from others on how polite and respectful they are so hope we are doing something right........
Back to the gardening before work this Afternoon.......just got the Daddy's on his phone again look.......
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff