Moments you feel like an idiot
Discussion
Got my first ever computer way back in the day. A Dell which as I remember cost the best part of 1200 quid.
Bear in mind I was about 35 so hadn’t the slightest experience of them.
It arrived, set it up physically without any problems and went to switch it on.
Of course it asks you to set up user names and passwords.
Well I phoned the helpline because I couldn’t understand why my password was always showing up as asterisks when I was typing in letters
I still cringe to this day when I recall that.
Had to take a mattress to my brothers, didn't want to do it but got badgered into it, no rope so lashed it to the roof of our Galaxy with duct tape, loads of it and resolved to drive the 4 miles slowly and carefully, got some speed up, was fine, maybe 35, didn't account for the Transit Luton coming the other way at full tilt with a massive bow wave of air pressure that tore the mattress lose and sent it skyward, briefly I expect showing up on radar at Manchester airport, It landed in a sort of ditch at the side of the road, tangled into some barbed wire in a place that wasnt easy to get to and to stop the car either,.
I went home in a foul mood, I had to leave it where it landed as it took two to lift it up and it was in an awkward place, I got back and told my wife who thought it was absolutely f
king hilarious and has passed into family legend, it is brought up every time a mattress movement is mentioned.
I did feel a plank and also so glad it didn't flatten a cyclist or Biker. I called East Cheshire Council and explained that it wasnt fly tipping but I appear to have deposited a mattress in a gully at the side of the road and I am sorry but I am not able to retrieve it, the chap was a bit grumpy about it at first but when I explained fully he was almost crying
Said he would dispatch his crew to get it and it wasnt there next time I passed.
I went home in a foul mood, I had to leave it where it landed as it took two to lift it up and it was in an awkward place, I got back and told my wife who thought it was absolutely f
king hilarious and has passed into family legend, it is brought up every time a mattress movement is mentioned.I did feel a plank and also so glad it didn't flatten a cyclist or Biker. I called East Cheshire Council and explained that it wasnt fly tipping but I appear to have deposited a mattress in a gully at the side of the road and I am sorry but I am not able to retrieve it, the chap was a bit grumpy about it at first but when I explained fully he was almost crying
Said he would dispatch his crew to get it and it wasnt there next time I passed.18 just moved out into a shared house
Had the gas boiler in a cupboard in my room
Thing turns on and it was really loud, not being dramatic but it was horrific
Following morning I ring the land lord to tell him it was as loud as a generator and it was unacceptable
Unfortunately I got the word generator muddled with the word vibrator
Had the gas boiler in a cupboard in my room
Thing turns on and it was really loud, not being dramatic but it was horrific
Following morning I ring the land lord to tell him it was as loud as a generator and it was unacceptable
Unfortunately I got the word generator muddled with the word vibrator
I have gotten up, shaved, showered, walked to the train station, got on a train, got off the train at London, walked to the office, walked into the office and sat in my chair. Then thought I'll just nip out to get a coffee as no-one else is in yet... Walked across the road to the coffee shop, which was shut!?!? Then I realised, it was Saturday........
I don't think I've felt more stupid in my life. Made far, far worse by the fact my train was almost empty, and it did not arrive at 7.07 like it normally does...... In my defence I had been working 7-7 at my desk and travelling on top for a week, soooo I was a touch tired....
I don't think I've felt more stupid in my life. Made far, far worse by the fact my train was almost empty, and it did not arrive at 7.07 like it normally does...... In my defence I had been working 7-7 at my desk and travelling on top for a week, soooo I was a touch tired....
Years back, on a skiing trip. Needed a wee on the coach on the way up to the alps. Toilet on the coach was locked. Held on for a bit thinking we'd stop for a break . They didn't. Typically, i didn't need to go on our previous stop. Got to the point where I was in agony so told the rep to stop or I would slash where I stood. Driver pulled over and I went to find a loo. I couldn't find one so decided to 'go' in between 2 parked, empty coaches. Cue both of them to start up and drive away whilst I was mid 'flow'. I then realised I was in an almost empty car park, much to the amusement of the various cars and coaches driving past ! Embarrassing! 
I walked into the local shopping mall and walked quickly in the direction of the shop I wanted. Everyone was standing still, not talking and looking at me. I couldn't understand what was going on, so I carried on. Still more people just standing still, not talking, staring.
I stopped, then remembered.... it was 11 o'clock on Remembrance Day!
I stopped, then remembered.... it was 11 o'clock on Remembrance Day!
This morning. Moving a few things around in the yard to lock down for Christmas as such. One of the brakes on the big box trailer was jammed on (usual occurrence, quick smack on the wheel with a dead blow hammer sorts it out). Gave the offending wheel an almighty whack, but hit the valve. The valve cap shattered - a piece of it going into the valve itself, deflating the tyre.
I bought some powered monitor speaks for my home recording set up.
A bit of grim and raining winters evening 45 minute drive home. Excitedly opened the box and on the top were the two power cables. Both two pin. What.. didn't have adaptors. Went out in the rain again to homebase, . nope, luckily an electrical supplier across the road had them. Bought two,
Finally got home a bit flustered, took the speakers out.... and in the bottom of the box we're two more cables, three pin.
A bit of grim and raining winters evening 45 minute drive home. Excitedly opened the box and on the top were the two power cables. Both two pin. What.. didn't have adaptors. Went out in the rain again to homebase, . nope, luckily an electrical supplier across the road had them. Bought two,
Finally got home a bit flustered, took the speakers out.... and in the bottom of the box we're two more cables, three pin.
My daily commute used to see me go from the gardens on The Embankment, and via a path, I'd come out directly opposite Downing St. One morning I'm hurrying along, and as I turn into Whitehall, it slowly dawns on me there's no one much about. Then I see the police tape and crowds behind it and realise I've somehow walked into a bomb scare. I just kept going, nonchalantly, lifted the tape without breaking my stride, and went to work.
That was when I could walk well. Much later, walking badly, I was shopping at Safeways. Safeways didn't maintain their trolleys, but did tend to stack things just around the corner of an aisle. You can see where I'm going with this..... Yes, I oversteered into a 4ft high stack of picked cabbage which was almost immediately 1ft high. It was like the Red Sea, but bigger, and with bits.
I'm not sure I should mention the Coop incident. I shop online now, it's better for everyone.
That was when I could walk well. Much later, walking badly, I was shopping at Safeways. Safeways didn't maintain their trolleys, but did tend to stack things just around the corner of an aisle. You can see where I'm going with this..... Yes, I oversteered into a 4ft high stack of picked cabbage which was almost immediately 1ft high. It was like the Red Sea, but bigger, and with bits.
I'm not sure I should mention the Coop incident. I shop online now, it's better for everyone.
hairy v said:
I walked into the local shopping mall and walked quickly in the direction of the shop I wanted. Everyone was standing still, not talking and looking at me. I couldn't understand what was going on, so I carried on. Still more people just standing still, not talking, staring.
I stopped, then remembered.... it was 11 o'clock on Remembrance Day!
I was in the supermarket with my wife on Remembrance Sunday many years ago. At 11am, we got an announcememt over the tannoy, and all duly stopped and stood still and silent. My wife hadn't heard the tannoy, and she continued to unload the trolley onto the checkout convenyor. After about thirty seconds of this, she glanced at me, and in a completely silent supermarket she said, in a very loud voice, "Are you just going to stand there like a tI stopped, then remembered.... it was 11 o'clock on Remembrance Day!
t while I do all the work?!"on holiday with the family. me and my brother on the lash. I decided to leave him in the pub whilst i walk back. Back at the apartment, i stumble around in the dark. I finally find my bed. Climb in and start to cuddle the woman in the bed. things start to get a little fruity. my hands and her hands are all over the place.
next thing i know is the light is switched on, my brother is standing there and me and his girlfriend are in bed together naked. My girlfriend comes in and all hell breaks loose.
20 years later, my girlfriend is now my wife and my brothers 'ex' is long gone. He's cool with it but she is an old slapper who has been around the block.
not funny at the time, but we laugh about it now.
next thing i know is the light is switched on, my brother is standing there and me and his girlfriend are in bed together naked. My girlfriend comes in and all hell breaks loose.
20 years later, my girlfriend is now my wife and my brothers 'ex' is long gone. He's cool with it but she is an old slapper who has been around the block.
not funny at the time, but we laugh about it now.
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