Kids and lockdown
Discussion
Hi....I'm a single dad with two kids - daughter (8) and son (7) plus a dog (the only sane one in the house)
I'm fortunate enough to be able to work from home but like all other parents trying to teach, feed and entertain two young kids and hold down a job is a huge challenge.
Anyhow, over the last couple of weeks my son has become more and more angry to the point that he erupts and screams abuse at his sister and me and stomps off to his room. He then calms down and then the whole thing starts again about an hour later. I've tried talking to him to see if there's something upsetting him but he's not for sharing. There are times I have to resort to just sending him to his bedroom until he is ready to apologise - but nothing seems to be breaking the cycle.
Not sure if this is normal young boy behaviour or if being cooped up with just his sister and me for the last couple of months is just getting to him?
Anyone else experiencing similar or can offer words of advice or wisdom?
I'm fortunate enough to be able to work from home but like all other parents trying to teach, feed and entertain two young kids and hold down a job is a huge challenge.
Anyhow, over the last couple of weeks my son has become more and more angry to the point that he erupts and screams abuse at his sister and me and stomps off to his room. He then calms down and then the whole thing starts again about an hour later. I've tried talking to him to see if there's something upsetting him but he's not for sharing. There are times I have to resort to just sending him to his bedroom until he is ready to apologise - but nothing seems to be breaking the cycle.
Not sure if this is normal young boy behaviour or if being cooped up with just his sister and me for the last couple of months is just getting to him?
Anyone else experiencing similar or can offer words of advice or wisdom?
Lack of exercise? Lack of social interaction?
Ours are doing much better this time but we are being stricter with routine, less fizzy drinks and an enforced 1hr dog walk per day.
The promise of facetiming friends in the afternoon keeps them going.
We have also limited screen time which has helped greatly - was hard getting them off at first and they were bored all the time. However now they dont mind reading, painting, drawing, lego etc
Ours are doing much better this time but we are being stricter with routine, less fizzy drinks and an enforced 1hr dog walk per day.
The promise of facetiming friends in the afternoon keeps them going.
We have also limited screen time which has helped greatly - was hard getting them off at first and they were bored all the time. However now they dont mind reading, painting, drawing, lego etc
Difficult it could be one of so many causes!
Winter, cooped up, not seeing mates?
Is he able to get out side much when you’re working, eg private, safe back garden?
If not, have you got indoor space for exercise and play.
Maybe try to get a routine going with schoolwork etc at set time, then break and play to fit in with you. Give one of them each day responsibility for making sure they stay on the timetable, ie out one in charge.
Kids love taking a bit of responsibility. Try to get a propr lunchtime and do some proper cooking together, let them / him make some parts of the meal, cups of tea, stuff like that. If you have one of the coffee pod machines, kids love those and the are pretty safe.
My kids are older but they find it far easier this time, now school has them all working to timetable, registration etc, then set lessons. The day seems to fly for them, whereas before, they had set homework then when done, usually lunchtime, it was boredom!
I don’t think there’s a simple answer until you know what’s at the cause. But maybe giving him an opportunity to take some responsibility for a few things to help you all out may make him feel a bit more like this life he’s having to lead has some genuine worth ?
I don’t envy you the task, that’s for sure. Can’t be easy.
Winter, cooped up, not seeing mates?
Is he able to get out side much when you’re working, eg private, safe back garden?
If not, have you got indoor space for exercise and play.
Maybe try to get a routine going with schoolwork etc at set time, then break and play to fit in with you. Give one of them each day responsibility for making sure they stay on the timetable, ie out one in charge.
Kids love taking a bit of responsibility. Try to get a propr lunchtime and do some proper cooking together, let them / him make some parts of the meal, cups of tea, stuff like that. If you have one of the coffee pod machines, kids love those and the are pretty safe.
My kids are older but they find it far easier this time, now school has them all working to timetable, registration etc, then set lessons. The day seems to fly for them, whereas before, they had set homework then when done, usually lunchtime, it was boredom!
I don’t think there’s a simple answer until you know what’s at the cause. But maybe giving him an opportunity to take some responsibility for a few things to help you all out may make him feel a bit more like this life he’s having to lead has some genuine worth ?
I don’t envy you the task, that’s for sure. Can’t be easy.
Very probably as said above, boredom manifesting itself as anger, which is a pretty raw emotion for a young 'un.
My daughter is 12, and we had a spate of "issues" which we nailed down to too much social interaction online. Removing the phone access solved it, it was redressed by encouraging her to do stuff she enjoyed prior to spending time on the phone, such as painting on canvas and now she's also into cooking and although it may seem at odds with my point, making tik tok videos together (trying to compromise on encouraging creativity and allowing screen time but without the toxic stuff on What'sapp etc).
We have seen some positive results, getting her outside was a challenge at first but stuff like frisbee or kicking a ball around in the park for an hour or two a day helps a lot.
My daughter is 12, and we had a spate of "issues" which we nailed down to too much social interaction online. Removing the phone access solved it, it was redressed by encouraging her to do stuff she enjoyed prior to spending time on the phone, such as painting on canvas and now she's also into cooking and although it may seem at odds with my point, making tik tok videos together (trying to compromise on encouraging creativity and allowing screen time but without the toxic stuff on What'sapp etc).
We have seen some positive results, getting her outside was a challenge at first but stuff like frisbee or kicking a ball around in the park for an hour or two a day helps a lot.
Don’t be hard in yourself, limit your expectations of what you can do in terms of education, they have time to catch up. Right now we’re focusing on keeping our six year old happy and content. At this age, they can catch up on the curriculum.
I feel for her, She clearly misses her friends and just being a child, being around other kids and playing silly games, not being part of this very adult crisis, but she is coping very well on the whole. We’re all working from home so decided a happy home is better than forcing her to do schoolwork we struggle to teach and she is getting frustrated by.
If the schoolwork is proving too hard to teach, twinkl is about a fiver a month (though you’ll burn through paper and printer cartridges!) and had loads of good workbooks and resources. White rose maths has some free resources too. The children will be able to work through them independently.
We’re making a big fuss over weekends too, treats and special dinners, just simple things but also making it clear that no laptops are turned on, no one does homework etc
Have you tried Joe Wicks or Cosmic Yoga? Can you do some physical activity in the street like a beep test (there should be free ones on line) so he’s getting enough exercise to get him sleepy.
I feel for her, She clearly misses her friends and just being a child, being around other kids and playing silly games, not being part of this very adult crisis, but she is coping very well on the whole. We’re all working from home so decided a happy home is better than forcing her to do schoolwork we struggle to teach and she is getting frustrated by.
If the schoolwork is proving too hard to teach, twinkl is about a fiver a month (though you’ll burn through paper and printer cartridges!) and had loads of good workbooks and resources. White rose maths has some free resources too. The children will be able to work through them independently.
We’re making a big fuss over weekends too, treats and special dinners, just simple things but also making it clear that no laptops are turned on, no one does homework etc
Have you tried Joe Wicks or Cosmic Yoga? Can you do some physical activity in the street like a beep test (there should be free ones on line) so he’s getting enough exercise to get him sleepy.
Edited by anonymous-user on Wednesday 27th January 21:13
Breeks said:
Hi....I'm a single dad with two kids - daughter (8) and son (7) plus a dog (the only sane one in the house)
I'm fortunate enough to be able to work from home but like all other parents trying to teach, feed and entertain two young kids and hold down a job is a huge challenge.
Anyhow, over the last couple of weeks my son has become more and more angry to the point that he erupts and screams abuse at his sister and me and stomps off to his room. He then calms down and then the whole thing starts again about an hour later. I've tried talking to him to see if there's something upsetting him but he's not for sharing. There are times I have to resort to just sending him to his bedroom until he is ready to apologise - but nothing seems to be breaking the cycle.
Not sure if this is normal young boy behaviour or if being cooped up with just his sister and me for the last couple of months is just getting to him?
Anyone else experiencing similar or can offer words of advice or wisdom?
I would strongly urge you to get out as a family as much as possible. I really hope you’re not concerned about government guidelines given your circumstances. Get out, exercise, have fun. . I'm fortunate enough to be able to work from home but like all other parents trying to teach, feed and entertain two young kids and hold down a job is a huge challenge.
Anyhow, over the last couple of weeks my son has become more and more angry to the point that he erupts and screams abuse at his sister and me and stomps off to his room. He then calms down and then the whole thing starts again about an hour later. I've tried talking to him to see if there's something upsetting him but he's not for sharing. There are times I have to resort to just sending him to his bedroom until he is ready to apologise - but nothing seems to be breaking the cycle.
Not sure if this is normal young boy behaviour or if being cooped up with just his sister and me for the last couple of months is just getting to him?
Anyone else experiencing similar or can offer words of advice or wisdom?
Thanks.....they literally get dragged out to walk the dog three times a day pretty much without fail so I think (hope) they are getting enough fresh air and exercise.
Screen time is a big problem though and I blame myself in a lot of ways as it's almost the default play option these days (and a way of getting peace to work), I try and get schoolwork out of the way by lunchtime / dog walk and to be fair they are reasonably good at working through most things themselves but do need help - it's one big f
king guilt trip.
After that I generally leave them to do their own thing until teatime - their own thing inevitably means iPad or Switch. I just don't think I'm giving him enough one on one time as I get the whole "you don't care about me!" thing thrown out regularly.
I agree though - maybe more structure and responsibilities, quality time togther and try and get some playdates arranged if other parents are up for it. Sometimes it's good to get the obvious pointed out to you.
It sometimes feels like a race as to who is going to go insane first!
Screen time is a big problem though and I blame myself in a lot of ways as it's almost the default play option these days (and a way of getting peace to work), I try and get schoolwork out of the way by lunchtime / dog walk and to be fair they are reasonably good at working through most things themselves but do need help - it's one big f
king guilt trip. After that I generally leave them to do their own thing until teatime - their own thing inevitably means iPad or Switch. I just don't think I'm giving him enough one on one time as I get the whole "you don't care about me!" thing thrown out regularly.
I agree though - maybe more structure and responsibilities, quality time togther and try and get some playdates arranged if other parents are up for it. Sometimes it's good to get the obvious pointed out to you.
It sometimes feels like a race as to who is going to go insane first!
A walk is ok, but you might want to mix it up with some more "fun" - e.g. geocaching - which they both can do.
I set a points scheme to win fun screen time - not just homework but also tidying table, etc. Didn't take many points to "win" but helped a tiny bit. I bought some (cheap) tat from Amazon that they like as rewards.
We also broke the guidance and arranged a socially distanced chat with my daughters friends. Literally a 5+metre gap but that seemed to help - just seeing friends, even if they can't play. Alternatively a park and throwing a frisbee to each other might help?
I set a points scheme to win fun screen time - not just homework but also tidying table, etc. Didn't take many points to "win" but helped a tiny bit. I bought some (cheap) tat from Amazon that they like as rewards.
We also broke the guidance and arranged a socially distanced chat with my daughters friends. Literally a 5+metre gap but that seemed to help - just seeing friends, even if they can't play. Alternatively a park and throwing a frisbee to each other might help?
Breeks said:
Thanks.....they literally get dragged out to walk the dog three times a day pretty much without fail so I think (hope) they are getting enough fresh air and exercise.
Screen time is a big problem though and I blame myself in a lot of ways as it's almost the default play option these days (and a way of getting peace to work), I try and get schoolwork out of the way by lunchtime / dog walk and to be fair they are reasonably good at working through most things themselves but do need help - it's one big fking guilt trip.
After that I generally leave them to do their own thing until teatime - their own thing inevitably means iPad or Switch. I just don't think I'm giving him enough one on one time as I get the whole "you don't care about me!" thing thrown out regularly.
I agree though - maybe more structure and responsibilities, quality time togther and try and get some playdates arranged if other parents are up for it. Sometimes it's good to get the obvious pointed out to you.
It sometimes feels like a race as to who is going to go insane first!
Mate I feel for you, I think you are doing a very hard job and you’re doing it very well. Keep pushing through, be strong. Spring will be better I am sure of it. Screen time is a big problem though and I blame myself in a lot of ways as it's almost the default play option these days (and a way of getting peace to work), I try and get schoolwork out of the way by lunchtime / dog walk and to be fair they are reasonably good at working through most things themselves but do need help - it's one big f
king guilt trip. After that I generally leave them to do their own thing until teatime - their own thing inevitably means iPad or Switch. I just don't think I'm giving him enough one on one time as I get the whole "you don't care about me!" thing thrown out regularly.
I agree though - maybe more structure and responsibilities, quality time togther and try and get some playdates arranged if other parents are up for it. Sometimes it's good to get the obvious pointed out to you.
It sometimes feels like a race as to who is going to go insane first!
I have a 7yr old boy and he exhibits similar behaviour as yours currently although the triggers may be different. He is moodier and he copes with setbacks badly compared to previously.
It is clear he misses his mates at school.... The silly games, chatting nonsense and the childish jokes and games running about screaming etc etc...... Interaction that cannot be replicated at home by 40yr olds....... I walk my boy with the dog but it just isn't stimulating enough for him really....
The best you me and any other parent can do is keep your lid on straight and Level and keep them happy, loved and informed of it as much as you can.
Sack off work and take them down the park for a play with some other kids before they forget how to......
It is clear he misses his mates at school.... The silly games, chatting nonsense and the childish jokes and games running about screaming etc etc...... Interaction that cannot be replicated at home by 40yr olds....... I walk my boy with the dog but it just isn't stimulating enough for him really....
The best you me and any other parent can do is keep your lid on straight and Level and keep them happy, loved and informed of it as much as you can.
Sack off work and take them down the park for a play with some other kids before they forget how to......
Can you change your working hours? It may be possible to work 1200-1800 then a few hours in the evening. That way you at least get mornings with them. Maybe just extend lunch for an hour or two so you get 1200-1500 with them to supervise school work?
Don’t beat yourself up about screen time, this is strange for all of us.
Don’t beat yourself up about screen time, this is strange for all of us.
Some solid advice in managing their day, but what do you do for work? It’s especially important that your kids have an understanding that this is putting a roof over their head and you’re not ignoring them because you don’t care but working because you do!
Mine are a bit younger and I’m more fortunate in my work as being self employed I can mostly choose what I’m doing and when. However, at breakfast we go over lesson plans - including mine. The kids know what tasks they and I have for the day and times I’ll be unavailable (teams calls etc).
Because they have an understanding that work helps us all they’re a bit more tolerant than lockdown 1 where I didn’t have this in place. I also get them to help with tasks - shredding paper etc, stuff that doesn’t ‘need’ to be done, but it’s very exciting to help dad! Anything you can task them with they’ll lap up.
Mine are a bit younger and I’m more fortunate in my work as being self employed I can mostly choose what I’m doing and when. However, at breakfast we go over lesson plans - including mine. The kids know what tasks they and I have for the day and times I’ll be unavailable (teams calls etc).
Because they have an understanding that work helps us all they’re a bit more tolerant than lockdown 1 where I didn’t have this in place. I also get them to help with tasks - shredding paper etc, stuff that doesn’t ‘need’ to be done, but it’s very exciting to help dad! Anything you can task them with they’ll lap up.
It might not be lockdown related. There's a thing called the stroppy sevens (like the terrible twos)
https://www.diaryofthedad.co.uk/2017/06/stroppy-se...
https://www.diaryofthedad.co.uk/2017/06/stroppy-se...
National Academy.
https://www.thenational.academy/
Teach 'em to cook.
Iron.
Wash the car.
Get out now, plant some mail order bulbs and some seeds / herbs, watch 'em grow.
Pay a bit of pocket money.
Best on I've had for time killing (after Got Simulator, sorry) was make my PC an emulator and play original Pacman....why isn't that on mobiles!!!!!
https://www.thenational.academy/
Teach 'em to cook.
Iron.
Wash the car.
Get out now, plant some mail order bulbs and some seeds / herbs, watch 'em grow.
Pay a bit of pocket money.
Best on I've had for time killing (after Got Simulator, sorry) was make my PC an emulator and play original Pacman....why isn't that on mobiles!!!!!
Just replying back to my original topic....son is a lot calmer now. Things I did differently - made a conscious effort to break the routine and spend more quality time with him rather than letting my job (as an employee and parent) dominate the day. This has taken the form of board games, drawing, jigsaws, dog walks, things like little treasure hunts round the house, making a few model aeroplanes - badly.....I was just too focussed on every day as a "to-do" list.
I also relented on Fortnite! I've never approved of online gaming at his age - but he's now connecting with kids from his class and having a laugh with people of his own age and interests - rather than boring old me. It's great to hear him just be a boy with other boys! So, ummm, thank you Fortnite I guess and thanks to everyone who suggested things and encouraged me when I originally posted.
I also relented on Fortnite! I've never approved of online gaming at his age - but he's now connecting with kids from his class and having a laugh with people of his own age and interests - rather than boring old me. It's great to hear him just be a boy with other boys! So, ummm, thank you Fortnite I guess and thanks to everyone who suggested things and encouraged me when I originally posted.
Breeks said:
Just replying back to my original topic....son is a lot calmer now. Things I did differently - made a conscious effort to break the routine and spend more quality time with him rather than letting my job (as an employee and parent) dominate the day. This has taken the form of board games, drawing, jigsaws, dog walks, things like little treasure hunts round the house, making a few model aeroplanes - badly.....I was just too focussed on every day as a "to-do" list.
I also relented on Fortnite! I've never approved of online gaming at his age - but he's now connecting with kids from his class and having a laugh with people of his own age and interests - rather than boring old me. It's great to hear him just be a boy with other boys! So, ummm, thank you Fortnite I guess and thanks to everyone who suggested things and encouraged me when I originally posted.
Sounds positive, glad to hear it’s going well!I also relented on Fortnite! I've never approved of online gaming at his age - but he's now connecting with kids from his class and having a laugh with people of his own age and interests - rather than boring old me. It's great to hear him just be a boy with other boys! So, ummm, thank you Fortnite I guess and thanks to everyone who suggested things and encouraged me when I originally posted.
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