Families...gota love them
Discussion
This is a bit of a "Dear Deidre" type post....before you go thinking its about some sort of sordid issue it isn't 
I have a sibling brother with two children, and he has one on the way. He has become more and more accustomed to dumping them off on my parents on school holidays. They don't live local either. (we do).
For years I've not had any children, but we do from last year and they seen him three time since he was born late last year around restrictions.
I rang my parents for a chat in the week and they appear to have the grandchildren (as I believe its a "school" holiday at the moment).
I'm not feeling jealous here, i'm just getting cheesed off they aren't thinking straight at the moment and life in lockdown is just one waiting game till we are allowed out. It does also wind me up I can't have a sensible dedicated conversation with the kids bouncing around when I call.
My only thought is there maybe some circumstances we aren't privy too, however based on the current restrictions that would need to be some deep issues!
So how do I broach this level of frustration with them regarding lockdown as I just can't state the obvious enough here with how I'm conveying the conversation and telling them what I think, I just think deep down they know they shouldn't be doing this but are being pressured and shrugging it off as well.
I have a sibling brother with two children, and he has one on the way. He has become more and more accustomed to dumping them off on my parents on school holidays. They don't live local either. (we do).
For years I've not had any children, but we do from last year and they seen him three time since he was born late last year around restrictions.
I rang my parents for a chat in the week and they appear to have the grandchildren (as I believe its a "school" holiday at the moment).
I'm not feeling jealous here, i'm just getting cheesed off they aren't thinking straight at the moment and life in lockdown is just one waiting game till we are allowed out. It does also wind me up I can't have a sensible dedicated conversation with the kids bouncing around when I call.
My only thought is there maybe some circumstances we aren't privy too, however based on the current restrictions that would need to be some deep issues!
So how do I broach this level of frustration with them regarding lockdown as I just can't state the obvious enough here with how I'm conveying the conversation and telling them what I think, I just think deep down they know they shouldn't be doing this but are being pressured and shrugging it off as well.
Edited by fourstardan on Saturday 13th February 13:36
My parents think the sun shines out of my brothers arse, he’s actually a manipulative, arrogant and self-absorbed tosser.
I’ve tried telling them but I’m seen as the ‘black sheep’ so I’ve given up.
My parents are in their 70’s, he visits with his family who are not following any social distancing rules.
It’s probably best to just let them get on with it, I’ve had to bite my tongue or I’d do something nasty from which there’d be no turning back.
I’ve tried telling them but I’m seen as the ‘black sheep’ so I’ve given up.
My parents are in their 70’s, he visits with his family who are not following any social distancing rules.
It’s probably best to just let them get on with it, I’ve had to bite my tongue or I’d do something nasty from which there’d be no turning back.
BiL (wife's brother) and his wife are a nightmare with taking the piss when it comes to the MiL (wife's mum), looking after their two boys.
The boys are 5 and 7, bloody hard work and they are always calling on her to look after them, she's in her 70's FFS:
The wife makes the odd comment to the MiL, who makes excuses, he's always been the favoured one though!
The boys are 5 and 7, bloody hard work and they are always calling on her to look after them, she's in her 70's FFS:
- they will go away for a week, she'll look after them.
- SiL has had a stressful week, she'll look after them.
- BiL is on call at the weekend, SiL is tutoring, she'll look after them with the BiL there, taking no interest in them, just in case he's called to work (never happened yet!)
- MiL isn't feeling great so she says she won't be popping over to see everyone, so the "boys will miss you" guilt trip is laid on, she goes.
The wife makes the odd comment to the MiL, who makes excuses, he's always been the favoured one though!
Got nothing to do with my child "missing out".
It's the fact they've felt its fine to do what they done in lockdown when there doesn't appear to be any need other than convenience.
The main problem is grandchildren are 5 and 7 so its all quite a nice happy routine for my brother. Be interesting to see what happens when the next child arrives.
It's the fact they've felt its fine to do what they done in lockdown when there doesn't appear to be any need other than convenience.
The main problem is grandchildren are 5 and 7 so its all quite a nice happy routine for my brother. Be interesting to see what happens when the next child arrives.
Deffo a case "fkin families".
Many years ago now (my 2 are nearly 18 & 21), we got given the "we're not here as your childcare, but happy to be "super-sub" should the RARE need arise" from parents - "We're wanting to enjoy our retirement, not be childminders".
Now Wifey and I took that literally and respectfully, totally understanding where they were coming from. Boundaries etc etc.
We tried our level best never to ask for assistance.
Cue another family member having kids, and it seemed like they were dumped on my parents more often than not, courtesy of "the job being a calling rather than a job".
Did it p1ss the Wife and I off? Oh hell yeh. But it's come around now as my parents drop the cryptic comments about not seeing or hearing from my "kids".
I don't beat down on them as they're now in their 80's, but I have said once or twice that they shouldn't be too surprised as they basically took favourites with the other family member and still kind of do - my two simply saw what was going down.
I don't go looking for arguments with any of them as my life is too important in it's state of zen. As such I do my utmost to not even communicate with them. Can't be bothered with it.
And the funny thing is that they don't even "get" that they've caused the toxic environment - it's most probably seen as my fault as I'm "unapproachable".
Families eh?
My advice would be to just leave it and get on with your life - if I've learned anything this last year is that it's simply too short to get obsessed with this stuff - but that doesn't mean you have to have it in your life
Many years ago now (my 2 are nearly 18 & 21), we got given the "we're not here as your childcare, but happy to be "super-sub" should the RARE need arise" from parents - "We're wanting to enjoy our retirement, not be childminders".
Now Wifey and I took that literally and respectfully, totally understanding where they were coming from. Boundaries etc etc.
We tried our level best never to ask for assistance.
Cue another family member having kids, and it seemed like they were dumped on my parents more often than not, courtesy of "the job being a calling rather than a job".
Did it p1ss the Wife and I off? Oh hell yeh. But it's come around now as my parents drop the cryptic comments about not seeing or hearing from my "kids".
I don't beat down on them as they're now in their 80's, but I have said once or twice that they shouldn't be too surprised as they basically took favourites with the other family member and still kind of do - my two simply saw what was going down.
I don't go looking for arguments with any of them as my life is too important in it's state of zen. As such I do my utmost to not even communicate with them. Can't be bothered with it.
And the funny thing is that they don't even "get" that they've caused the toxic environment - it's most probably seen as my fault as I'm "unapproachable".
Families eh?
My advice would be to just leave it and get on with your life - if I've learned anything this last year is that it's simply too short to get obsessed with this stuff - but that doesn't mean you have to have it in your life
anonymous said:
[redacted]
I dont mean to sound unpleasant but I hope thee are no surprises when your mum passes away.One of my oldest friends was quite close to his brother )thee are 3 children 2 men one woman) I am quite friendly with his sister too
The 2 brothers looked after the ailing mum (they lived nearby) the sister lives some miles away.
Everything seemed fine with that arrangement. The mums will was set amounts for each of the grandchildren then a 3 way split between her children of what was left.
The mother passed away 3 years or so ago and rather surprisingly the will left just about everything to the brother.
It seems very fishy and solicitors are involved but the rift between the 2 brothers and sister is huge and I doubt it will heal anytime soon.
When my friend had a heart attack just over a year ago (we were shocked as he always seems healthy) he didnt want his brother to know or to see him
As the Op says Families huh
fourstardan said:
I rang my parents for a chat in the week and they appear to have the grandchildren (as I believe its a "school" holiday at the moment).
Edited by fourstardan on Saturday 13th February 13:36
become less useful as free baby-minders.
That's always a deal breaker isn't it ?
, " well you live closer, it's your responsibility "
I’m of the opinion that you can’t choose your family therefore I am under no duress to have to love or even like them. If they are unpleasant, selfish or I just dislike them I have no issues with them knowing that and having nothing to do with them. If they don’t like me either I’m not going to care especially. Can cause disagreements on occasions but the benefit of aspergers is that I’m either unaware of their displeasure or I honestly don’t care.
KingofKong said:
My parents have told me I’ll get next to nothing, whilst my narcissistic brother gets everything.
At least it won’t be a surprise I suppose.
Families, f
k them.
This makes me sad reading this.. but if things go wrong in there lives just remind them that your brother can sort it out. At least it won’t be a surprise I suppose.
Families, f
k them.My parents have made it clear that they have changed the will to now include our son in the will on a four way split instead of a three way split as it has been before, im sure that this will cause an issue with one of my two siblings, as they won't be getting as much as expected.
Free is too expensive for her...
coppernorks said:
You have the age old issue of responsibility to look forward too, about which side of the family looks after the ageing and infirm parents when they
become less useful as free baby-minders.
That's always a deal breaker isn't it ?
, " well you live closer, it's your responsibility "
Yes, that will be the next issue. become less useful as free baby-minders.
That's always a deal breaker isn't it ?
, " well you live closer, it's your responsibility "
Trouble with me is I usually try take the high ground as its part of my job to be like this and outside the 9-5 I find it more hassle and aggro I don't want....
Christmas was the previous one when good old Boris said two families allowed, I said no to a group xmas, the risks were too high and one year wouldn't really be the end of the world.......it didn't go down well so maybe my family just don't have the same principles as me in life and seem to have different priorities in life.
With the baby sitting I tend to let it run its cause as the grandkids usually end up misbehaving and pissing them off anyway.
gtidriver said:
My parents have made it clear that they have changed the will to now include our son in the will on a four way split instead of a three way split.
Haha, my BIL actually expects a greater share from his wife’s mother because he has more children than his wife’s siblings do. He’s a fool, in all the time I’ve known him he’s just freeloaded off her (his MIL). She thinks the sun shines out his arse and he’s the only one with any brains.Toxic environment ? Chalk that up to him too.
Personally I make my opinion clear. Life’s too short to put up with idiots, family or not.
Edited by Vee on Monday 15th February 22:15
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