Lies you’ve told your kids, and lies you were told as a kid

[ChevronB19]

I told my daughter honey was bee vomit.

And for me, as a child...

1) whilst learning to talk, dad would point to things like a coffee cup and tell me it was a greenhouse (or similar)

2) a few months later, while in the ‘rabbiting on endlessly’ phase, he told me people were born with a certain number of words, and I had to be careful not to run out. As evidence, he pointed out that very old people are in general quite quiet.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Told my kids when the ice cream van plays a tune, it means he's run out of ice cream.

Also, having 2 boys 2 years apart, if one of them ever said "why's he got a bigger piece than me" or "why has he got a bigger drink than me", my answer would always be "because I love him more". Got a few funny looks in restaurants and the like.

[StuntmanMike]

Told my eldest daughter I built her in the shed.

Told the youngest I built her in the shed with the left over parts.

[ClaphamGT3]

We told our two that the overhead air vents in an aeroplane were cameras so that the captain and co-pilot could keep an eye on all the children on board and make sure they were behaving

[Huntsman]

Told my boy the burglary alarm sensors are Santa cameras.

[filthypig]

Friends dad told us condoms were what miners wore when they were down the pit so they didn’t have to come back to the surface to wee. Guess who told that to his whole class in sex education...

My dad told my brother that “Tinken tonken, plincken plonken” was indicator in German. My brother happily told his new German teacher he knew a German word and repeated that.

[Rayy]

Told my kids that grandma belonged to a motorcycle gang.

Also that she played keyboards for Hawkwind.

[The Rotrex Kid]

filthypig said:

Friends dad told us condoms were what miners wore when they were down the pit so they didn’t have to come back to the surface to wee. Guess who told that to his whole class in sex education...

My dad told my brother that “Tinken tonken, plincken plonken” was indicator in German. My brother happily told his new German teacher he knew a German word and repeated that.

On a similar vein, my dad once told my younger sister (while on holiday) that ‘eetzer veetzen votzen vizza’ was German for ‘I would like some pizza’ and she spent the next week asking for pizza like that at restaurants. Cruel.

[Turn7]

I told my brother there was only a limited number of clouds, and Id quite often look up, and say...oh, yeah, seen that one before.........

[Psycho Warren]

surely santa lies are up there?

[500 Miles]

Mum told me that my dog had went to live on a farm....

I only realised that was a lie 20 years later....

Was also told that my grandad used to paint the RAF symbol on planes during the war... I’m still not sure if that’s true or not..

[Meeten-5dulx]

Huntsman said:

Told my boy the burglary alarm sensors are Santa cameras.

This!
When the light comes on, I tell them it's Santa getting a report from the elves on how they have been behaving.....

[konark]

When I was about 5 my mum told me that if I swore 3 times a little bell would ring in the police station and I would be arrested.

[Lim]

This is good stuff. Just coming up to this age with my gang and I’ll be going in armed.

[HTP99]

"Joe Robin" always knew what I'd been up to or when I'd been naughty, he'd then report back to my dad.

Dates are sticky because the camels pick them off the tree with their mouths and spit them straight into the box, that was another of my dads things!

[kainedog]

I remember the classics things our parents told us when we were kids, eating carrots helped you see in the dark or some crap, that Jack Frost would get you if you didn’t wear you’re gloves and hat, thankfully though I was never taught to fear god and wouldn’t say my folks are religious, my little girl though is from Irish Catholic stock and is as a very religious schools so have to tell a few white lies now and again. The internet has put an end to anything else we try to bull sh*t them with

[Defcon5]

I only realised when I had my own kids at about 30 that the crust of bread was not actually where all the goodness is

[jimmytheone]

That cow pats were done by really really constipated wood lice

[Johnspex]

you know those little white lights in the middle of the road that shine so you can see where you're going? My Dad used to turn those on as we drove along and turned them out as soon as we'd passed. If I looked out of the back window I could see they weren't alight any longer. Only he could do that.

[Glosphil]

I told our daughters there were no programmes on television in the afternoons in the summer.
A friend told her daughter their television could only receive BBC.
Both the above were 30+ years ago.
When my daughter was 6 I called her ballet lessons anti-elephant classes. When the ballet teacher asked the kids to take in a sofr toy my daughter took an elephant. You can guess what she said when the teacher asked why she chose an elephant.