Sibling Issue. Why do I bother...
Discussion
My brother is an idiot. Put simply, if he was not my brother, I would not go out of my way to be his friend. However, he is still my brother, and it troubles me how things are with him.
Firstly, his attitude to our Mum and Dad stinks. He is rude and foul mouthed when he gets in to a disagreement. He has a massive chip on his shoulder, and seems to think the world owes him a living. He is judgmental, self righteous, never wrong, has a ridiculously short fuse (sometimes violent), and Jeremy Kyle-esque issues within his family that radiate out and become everybody else's problems (and he expects others to pick up the pieces). He constantly expects people to bail him out, which they have done numerous times over the years. He never contacts me to see how I am, always the reverse. I sometimes wonder how long it would take him to do that if I just left him to his own devices. In fact, the only time he has every rung me in the last twelve months is to borrow a significant amount of cash, and to borrow my trailer.
I've tried to help him with things in the past, he never remembers this, instead he gets the hump (never to my face) if I am not able to help him out with one of his ridiculous problems of his own making.
The only issue is we both have kids, and those relationships are important. Yet every part of me wants to just not bother with him anymore. Problem is I can't reason with him, he just doesn't listen.
Have it out or try and ignore/carry on?
Firstly, his attitude to our Mum and Dad stinks. He is rude and foul mouthed when he gets in to a disagreement. He has a massive chip on his shoulder, and seems to think the world owes him a living. He is judgmental, self righteous, never wrong, has a ridiculously short fuse (sometimes violent), and Jeremy Kyle-esque issues within his family that radiate out and become everybody else's problems (and he expects others to pick up the pieces). He constantly expects people to bail him out, which they have done numerous times over the years. He never contacts me to see how I am, always the reverse. I sometimes wonder how long it would take him to do that if I just left him to his own devices. In fact, the only time he has every rung me in the last twelve months is to borrow a significant amount of cash, and to borrow my trailer.
I've tried to help him with things in the past, he never remembers this, instead he gets the hump (never to my face) if I am not able to help him out with one of his ridiculous problems of his own making.
The only issue is we both have kids, and those relationships are important. Yet every part of me wants to just not bother with him anymore. Problem is I can't reason with him, he just doesn't listen.
Have it out or try and ignore/carry on?
Just because he’s your brother doesn’t mean you have to remain in contact. I’ve not contacted my older brother for 5 years now. He’s a complete knobhead. I’m sure he thinks similar of me. But he tried to screw us after our mum died. I’m one of four. Looking back he’s always been the bully, and I’m now glad he’s nothing to do with my life.
fatboy b said:
Just because he’s your brother doesn’t mean you have to remain in contact. I’ve not contacted my older brother for 5 years now. He’s a complete knobhead. I’m sure he thinks similar of me. But he tried to screw us after our mum died. I’m one of four. Looking back he’s always been the bully, and I’m now glad he’s nothing to do with my life.
Would do that, its just the kids who are all quite fond of each other. I'm extremely conflicted with it.As I've said on numerous other threads, on subjects from toxic parents to adoption, the importance of DNA is hugely overrated. People put up with decades of misery simply because they share a few strands of genetic material with someone who under other circumstances, they wouldn't cross the road to p1ss on if they were on fire.
fatboy b said:
Just because he’s your brother doesn’t mean you have to remain in contact. I’ve not contacted my older brother for 5 years now. He’s a complete knobhead. I’m sure he thinks similar of me. But he tried to screw us after our mum died. I’m one of four. Looking back he’s always been the bully, and I’m now glad he’s nothing to do with my life.
‘Kin hell, that’s pretty much how I would’ve added to this thread - in fact are you me, or at least my other brother ?I don't get this whole DNA stuff.
Theres one or two people I'm DNA related to that I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.
My daughter isn't 'mines' but that's okay, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
The only way I'd maybe think otherwise was if it would cause upset with elderly parents/grandparents if siblings were at each others throats. I'd be willing to pretend everything was fine until they all died off.
Theres one or two people I'm DNA related to that I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.
My daughter isn't 'mines' but that's okay, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
The only way I'd maybe think otherwise was if it would cause upset with elderly parents/grandparents if siblings were at each others throats. I'd be willing to pretend everything was fine until they all died off.
I wish I'd cut ties with my brother years ago. He's always been a self obsessed liar and fantasist (spoilt by parents because he was a child prodigy and got a scholarship to Cambridge when he was 16).
He had a massive tantrum when my mother didn't leave him everything in her will, claiming he'd be "left in penury".
Shortly before she died he moved into her house, transferred all her money to his accounts, and refused to even hand over a single photograph.
He's obsessed with the freemasons, and that's his family.
My daughters don't miss him...they just remember him treating my mother like a servant and shouting at her and them when they "cut the nose off the cheese..."
He had a massive tantrum when my mother didn't leave him everything in her will, claiming he'd be "left in penury".
Shortly before she died he moved into her house, transferred all her money to his accounts, and refused to even hand over a single photograph.
He's obsessed with the freemasons, and that's his family.
My daughters don't miss him...they just remember him treating my mother like a servant and shouting at her and them when they "cut the nose off the cheese..."
Lim said:
I don’t get on with my brother and recognise a lot of this, but try to be the better person for sake of wider family. I tell myself he probably wants to be a better person. He didn’t choose to be a cockwomble. It helps some.
'The better person' is basically saying 'put up with other people's s
t' while they keep shovelling it. I'd tell him to FRO or I'd put up and shut up. Kids will find new friends, they're just kids.WinkleHoff said:
Would do that, its just the kids who are all quite fond of each other. I'm extremely conflicted with it.
The past year would’ve been the perfect time to phase him/his family out of your life! I grew up only seeing my cousins 2/3 times a year even though they lived a mile down the road, all decent people but only blood in common.
Sounds like he is taking steroids or other drugs, short fuse, occasionally violent.
I think you need to tell him the impact of his actions, do you really want your kids around a violent, foul mouthed guy on a short fuse?
I do believe family is important, its where you learn first to comprise and negotiate. But once you are an adult there becomes somethings you can’t tolerate.
coppernorks said:
Unfortunately we're only hearing Penny Lane on this 7 inch double A Sided platter so we can scant make a
informed opinion one way or tuther.
Chances could be that the OP is a world class arsington and his brother be a reasonable, balanced damned
good egg.
Well, that was helpful. I particularly enjoyed the nonsensical reference to Penny Lane. Well done coppernorks, the whole situation tied up nicely.informed opinion one way or tuther.
Chances could be that the OP is a world class arsington and his brother be a reasonable, balanced damned
good egg.
Seriously. WTF was that all about?
Gargamel said:
Sounds like he is taking steroids or other drugs, short fuse, occasionally violent.
I think you need to tell him the impact of his actions, do you really want your kids around a violent, foul mouthed guy on a short fuse?
I do believe family is important, its where you learn first to comprise and negotiate. But once you are an adult there becomes somethings you can’t tolerate.
Yes. It's pretty intolerable at times. I do think there is a substance issue at hand, in fact I know there is.I think you need to tell him the impact of his actions, do you really want your kids around a violent, foul mouthed guy on a short fuse?
I do believe family is important, its where you learn first to comprise and negotiate. But once you are an adult there becomes somethings you can’t tolerate.
Johnspex said:
coppernorks said:
Unfortunately we're only hearing Penny Lane on this 7 inch double A Sided platter so we can scant make a
informed opinion one way or tuther.
Chances could be that the OP is a world class arsington and his brother be a reasonable, balanced damned
good egg.
Well, that was helpful. I particularly enjoyed the nonsensical reference to Penny Lane. Well done coppernorks, the whole situation tied up nicely.informed opinion one way or tuther.
Chances could be that the OP is a world class arsington and his brother be a reasonable, balanced damned
good egg.
Seriously. WTF was that all about?
Regards,
Mr W.C. Arsington
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