The one single moment you thought 'this is rock bottom'
Discussion
Reading the "The one single moment when you realised you had 'made it' thread got me a pondering a fair bit. There is undoubtedly some very successful (both in a career and a financial sense, at least) on PistonHeads and that is fairly evident wherever you look.
In an excercise of contrast, I thought we could regale over tales of woe and misfortune. Have you ever had a moment where you thought "this is rock bottom for me"?
In the interests of this not being the most depressing topic on the internet, it would be nice to hear bounce back stories. Lets call it motivational.
In an excercise of contrast, I thought we could regale over tales of woe and misfortune. Have you ever had a moment where you thought "this is rock bottom for me"?
In the interests of this not being the most depressing topic on the internet, it would be nice to hear bounce back stories. Lets call it motivational.
Sat in cells for 5 nights thinking I might have killed someone. Purely accidental but it was looking like one of those "bouncer kills man with one punch" type scenarios. Thankfully, all was well and he recovered (and actually apologised to me, mad!). For those five nights though, very little info was coming my way but it was bad enough that he was in hospital for a month with fractured skull and bleed/swelling of the brain. As soon as it happened and I put him into the recovery position only to see blood spurting out of the ear facing up I thought both our lives were finished.
It was the kick up the arse I needed. Ended up jacking in the venue where I worked, getting a decent stable gig with pension/benefits, went back to OU to finish my degree then got my masters. Now married with a newborn kid, working same job and holding down an internship as I try to use the masters to launch into a new career!
Rock bottom can be tough but sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you.
It was the kick up the arse I needed. Ended up jacking in the venue where I worked, getting a decent stable gig with pension/benefits, went back to OU to finish my degree then got my masters. Now married with a newborn kid, working same job and holding down an internship as I try to use the masters to launch into a new career!
Rock bottom can be tough but sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you.
beambeam1 said:
Sat in cells for 5 nights thinking I might have killed someone. Purely accidental but it was looking like one of those "bouncer kills man with one punch" type scenarios. Thankfully, all was well and he recovered (and actually apologised to me, mad!). For those five nights though, very little info was coming my way but it was bad enough that he was in hospital for a month with fractured skull and bleed/swelling of the brain. As soon as it happened and I put him into the recovery position only to see blood spurting out of the ear facing up I thought both our lives were finished.
It was the kick up the arse I needed. Ended up jacking in the venue where I worked, getting a decent stable gig with pension/benefits, went back to OU to finish my degree then got my masters. Now married with a newborn kid, working same job and holding down an internship as I try to use the masters to launch into a new career!
Rock bottom can be tough but sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you.
Oh Christ, that sounds absolutely terrifying. I remember a similar incident several years ago now that happened in Bradford. Bouncer had a guy in a head lock, the lad fell and fractured his skull and ultimately died from it. Bouncer got 4 years.It was the kick up the arse I needed. Ended up jacking in the venue where I worked, getting a decent stable gig with pension/benefits, went back to OU to finish my degree then got my masters. Now married with a newborn kid, working same job and holding down an internship as I try to use the masters to launch into a new career!
Rock bottom can be tough but sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you.
Fantastic news about your progression, I hope it continues to go well for you.
The day I decided to take my life.
My wife had left me because I spent more time at work than at home, I hated my job, my wife had my dog put to sleep and I couldn't see any future. My best friend since childhood had said he didn't want to see me again because 'it was a family rule'.
I got hold of some pills and got up very early in the morning, just me in the house. I put the kettle on to make a drink to wash the pills down. i don't know why but I turned on the radio. The first words were 'there is light at the end of the tunnel'.
My wife had left me because I spent more time at work than at home, I hated my job, my wife had my dog put to sleep and I couldn't see any future. My best friend since childhood had said he didn't want to see me again because 'it was a family rule'.
I got hold of some pills and got up very early in the morning, just me in the house. I put the kettle on to make a drink to wash the pills down. i don't know why but I turned on the radio. The first words were 'there is light at the end of the tunnel'.
Picking myself up off a hotel room floor in a puddle of phlegm and vomit with a belt round my neck.
Got counselling, left the relationship that was crushing my will to live and after a period of living on my own got into a new relationship with the most wonderful, kind and non-controlling person I've ever met.
Got a new job a couple of years ago and I seem to be very popular with the board, two promotions already, much more financially comfortable, still see plenty of my son and actually feel happy for pretty much the first time in my life.
When it feels like there is no way, there is always a way. I didn't seek mental health care for a lot of years because both my parents worked in the local NHS, one of them in mental health so I was worried about them finding out how f
ked up I was and how I'd dealt with very low self esteem for as long as I can remember. There are still odd occasions when the gloom descends but they're few and far between and I'm much better equipped to deal with them now.
Never feel ashamed to call someone. CALM, Samaritans, a friend, whatever. Or feel free to drop me a DM.
Got counselling, left the relationship that was crushing my will to live and after a period of living on my own got into a new relationship with the most wonderful, kind and non-controlling person I've ever met.
Got a new job a couple of years ago and I seem to be very popular with the board, two promotions already, much more financially comfortable, still see plenty of my son and actually feel happy for pretty much the first time in my life.
When it feels like there is no way, there is always a way. I didn't seek mental health care for a lot of years because both my parents worked in the local NHS, one of them in mental health so I was worried about them finding out how f
ked up I was and how I'd dealt with very low self esteem for as long as I can remember. There are still odd occasions when the gloom descends but they're few and far between and I'm much better equipped to deal with them now.Never feel ashamed to call someone. CALM, Samaritans, a friend, whatever. Or feel free to drop me a DM.
Quite a few saying suicide. same here. I was found when I was gassing myself with exhaust fumes. For context, it was a remote car park in middle of nowhere in middle of the night and some old couple turned up and dragged me out the car semi concious. Still to this day not sure what the chances of that happening were!
It was then laying there realising my attempt had failed that i felt my worst as i couldnt even kill myself, even fked that up.
It was then laying there realising my attempt had failed that i felt my worst as i couldnt even kill myself, even f
ked that up. Mine was aged around 20 when I got the st seriously kicked out of me by a chav outside a nightclub.
I realised immediately that I needed to change my life, circle of friends and get out of my home town.
The following Monday I registered for the extra A levels I needed to go to university. 5 years later I was graduating and starting a job in the city.
That beating was literally the best thing that ever happened to me but it was hard at the time!
t seriously kicked out of me by a chav outside a nightclub.I realised immediately that I needed to change my life, circle of friends and get out of my home town.
The following Monday I registered for the extra A levels I needed to go to university. 5 years later I was graduating and starting a job in the city.
That beating was literally the best thing that ever happened to me but it was hard at the time!
If anyone is reading this and suffering from depression, it’s ok to be no ok.
The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is leading a movement against suicide. Every week 125 people in the UK take their own lives. And 75% of all UK suicides are male.
CALM exists to change this.
www.thecalmzone.com
There is a free, confidential helpline 0800 58 58 58 open 1700-midnight 365 days a year.
The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is leading a movement against suicide. Every week 125 people in the UK take their own lives. And 75% of all UK suicides are male.
CALM exists to change this.
www.thecalmzone.com
There is a free, confidential helpline 0800 58 58 58 open 1700-midnight 365 days a year.
Several from age 14, the 80’s were crap. No food most weekends, last meal at school on a Friday, next meal Monday lunchtime. Skipped school to work in the fields to bring in money. Good friends and their families helped too. Left home at 17 ended up homeless and slept in doorways for a few nights.
I found a bedsit, luckily not drawn or tempted to join the heroin addict neighbour but fought with drink and recreational doobies, bedsits attract bad guys, lost a few friends along the way.
I messed about for a while but I met decent folk who supported me, people often need help, encouragement.
The fabrication workshop boss who took me on as a YTS youth and paid me on top. The company who gave me a chance at an engineering apprenticeship. The person who told me I was good enough for a degree, so with their help I gained a degree, I was determined to escape the struggle, but wanted to quit most weeks, however, I pulled and chipped away.
I’m just starting to come to terms with past issues, therapies, to reduce my anxious thoughts, I should have done it years ago, but…
life could not be different.
Wife, she’s very patient, children, dog, a nice home, good job, really no worries.
Companionship and good family support, love, is so important. My children have never craved those things.
I found a bedsit, luckily not drawn or tempted to join the heroin addict neighbour but fought with drink and recreational doobies, bedsits attract bad guys, lost a few friends along the way.
I messed about for a while but I met decent folk who supported me, people often need help, encouragement.
The fabrication workshop boss who took me on as a YTS youth and paid me on top. The company who gave me a chance at an engineering apprenticeship. The person who told me I was good enough for a degree, so with their help I gained a degree, I was determined to escape the struggle, but wanted to quit most weeks, however, I pulled and chipped away.
I’m just starting to come to terms with past issues, therapies, to reduce my anxious thoughts, I should have done it years ago, but…
life could not be different.
Wife, she’s very patient, children, dog, a nice home, good job, really no worries.
Companionship and good family support, love, is so important. My children have never craved those things.
After nearly a year without work, I’d sold my classic car, camera gear, anything remotely valuable I could lay my hands on and eventually sold my daily driver for materially less than it was worth to make the next mortgage payment. Out of savings, out of things to sell. As far as I could see, the house was the next thing to go.
Fortunately I picked up a job that month, the interview for which I drove to in a borrowed knackered car which I hid in the depths of a nearby car park.
I place this significantly closer to rock bottom than subsequent cancer diagnosis.
Fortunately I picked up a job that month, the interview for which I drove to in a borrowed knackered car which I hid in the depths of a nearby car park.
I place this significantly closer to rock bottom than subsequent cancer diagnosis.
Some properly sobering ones there.
Nothing I've had is as bad as that... Abuse as a child, ex wife getting me to drive her down to Cornwall on holiday for our 2nd wedding anniversary and breaking up with me, registering my heart at 280bpm and being told that I needed surgery. All of that is crap to happen to someone, but I've never been pushed to consider ending it. Kudos to those who are brave enough to talk about it.
Nothing I've had is as bad as that... Abuse as a child, ex wife getting me to drive her down to Cornwall on holiday for our 2nd wedding anniversary and breaking up with me, registering my heart at 280bpm and being told that I needed surgery. All of that is crap to happen to someone, but I've never been pushed to consider ending it. Kudos to those who are brave enough to talk about it.
Crikey.
In a similar thread on PH in the past, a forum member wrote about ending it. He took himself out on his last walk with it all planned. On the way he stopped and looked down into the banks of a stream and happened to notice something down there that looked a bit out of place.
It was enough to pique his interest so he went down and fished the item out of the water, which turned out to be a cannon ball. If I recall he saw it as some sort of sign and his plans were changed. It's now in his home, kept as a reminder that, when things seem bad, they could be worse.
And to recall something I saw some years ago which must genuinely must have been a low point, a bar I used to pass had an open mic night. One summer there was quite a few people milling around outside. One of the homeless who featured in the area quite a lot, along with a friend with very similar interests, had managed to pick up an unfinished bottle of beer.
There he was, feeling included with this crowd, with his beer on a warm summer night, enjoying the music. And in what must have been some hallucinogenic state, he was lying on the pavement, propped up on one elbow, beer in hand, while he also enjoyed what he thought was a pizza.
I saw the realisation on his face when he figured out why the pizza kept slipping between his fingers as he tried to eat - someone's perfectly circular and substantial splatter of vomit.
In a similar thread on PH in the past, a forum member wrote about ending it. He took himself out on his last walk with it all planned. On the way he stopped and looked down into the banks of a stream and happened to notice something down there that looked a bit out of place.
It was enough to pique his interest so he went down and fished the item out of the water, which turned out to be a cannon ball. If I recall he saw it as some sort of sign and his plans were changed. It's now in his home, kept as a reminder that, when things seem bad, they could be worse.
And to recall something I saw some years ago which must genuinely must have been a low point, a bar I used to pass had an open mic night. One summer there was quite a few people milling around outside. One of the homeless who featured in the area quite a lot, along with a friend with very similar interests, had managed to pick up an unfinished bottle of beer.
There he was, feeling included with this crowd, with his beer on a warm summer night, enjoying the music. And in what must have been some hallucinogenic state, he was lying on the pavement, propped up on one elbow, beer in hand, while he also enjoyed what he thought was a pizza.
I saw the realisation on his face when he figured out why the pizza kept slipping between his fingers as he tried to eat - someone's perfectly circular and substantial splatter of vomit.
Jimmy No Hands said:
beambeam1 said:
Sat in cells for 5 nights thinking I might have killed someone. Purely accidental but it was looking like one of those "bouncer kills man with one punch" type scenarios. Thankfully, all was well and he recovered (and actually apologised to me, mad!). For those five nights though, very little info was coming my way but it was bad enough that he was in hospital for a month with fractured skull and bleed/swelling of the brain. As soon as it happened and I put him into the recovery position only to see blood spurting out of the ear facing up I thought both our lives were finished.
It was the kick up the arse I needed. Ended up jacking in the venue where I worked, getting a decent stable gig with pension/benefits, went back to OU to finish my degree then got my masters. Now married with a newborn kid, working same job and holding down an internship as I try to use the masters to launch into a new career!
Rock bottom can be tough but sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you.
Oh Christ, that sounds absolutely terrifying. I remember a similar incident several years ago now that happened in Bradford. Bouncer had a guy in a head lock, the lad fell and fractured his skull and ultimately died from it. Bouncer got 4 years.It was the kick up the arse I needed. Ended up jacking in the venue where I worked, getting a decent stable gig with pension/benefits, went back to OU to finish my degree then got my masters. Now married with a newborn kid, working same job and holding down an internship as I try to use the masters to launch into a new career!
Rock bottom can be tough but sometimes it can be the best thing that happens to you.
Fantastic news about your progression, I hope it continues to go well for you.
What actually happened was he was on an all-day bender with a group of people I knew well. By early evening he was beyond drunk and if it was anyone else I would have chucked him, sent him home with someone that could mind him. He was outside and approached me to speak but his breath was stinking of vomit and I visibly winced at the smell. As I placed my hands up and said to back up a bit all I felt was him trying to slap or claw my face so I shoved him squarely in the chest. Even someone half-cut would have retained their balance as they went backwards but I remember one foot fell behind the other and he just fell backwards. His back first, his shoulder next then his skull with a thickening smack.
Just one of those things. My mistake that night was letting someone in that state stick around the pub for so long. Anyone else would have been long gone but I let it go past the point where he probably couldn't mind himself. I ended up in the cells Friday evening until late Tuesday afternoon because it was a court holiday on the Monday. All I knew when questioned late Friday was he was in a coma with a description of his injuries and a big *might* be OK but over the next few days with zero updates I was building up the worst case scenario all the time.
As far as I know, he turned himself around too of the back of that. As soon as he was out of hospital a month later we were messaging each other on FB and I even heard that his family were relaying support to my brothers and friends to say they knew it wasn't anything of malice.
Just wanted to tack on to some of the statements about suicide/depression/mental health. There is help out there and in some places you wouldn't have thought to look. If any of you are in further education and/or have kids in further education then do seek out ResLife type services that the majority of Universities provide. It is there and often has many arms and legs in which assist you, many of them have their own pool of trained professionals that you can access if the NHS waiting lists are too long or the private options are too expensive.
Perhaps a different scenario to others but still what I consider my rock-bottom moment of clarity, realising I had to change.
43 years old. Just come out of a 14 year long relationship. Amicable split due to her mental-health issues but, I now realise, I was carrying a fair bit of guilt but also had ended up acting in my own self-interest . We both took time off and she ended up returning to her home country.
I then had two years of living on my own. Met a lady overseas and saw her a number of times in different countries. Could have moved to be with her but bottled it.
Continued with going out with friends. We always were a party crowd and this got worse (or better depending on your viewpoint). Kept meeting new ladies. Usually in a bar - bit of coke - arrange to meet up the next week…repeat the next weekend, repeat...
Handled a situation with friend really badly after she expressed her feelings for me…I realise now that I had led her on for years just for my own gratification/sense of power. That’s never been quite the same since I rebuffed her and she deserved way better.
Got involved with the ex of a mate - stupid mistake. Met another girl, who I really liked and should have focused on - that’s now a real ‘what if..’ Messed her around. What a tt.
I had mine and ex’s nice house (I was paying mortgage and we had agreed a split for when it got sold), nice car. Free travel in to London - 20 minute train journey to St Pancras, Job was okay but I was losing interest. Working with a personal trainer twice a week; not for fitness but purely to look good. I had always kept fit but this had morphed in to a ‘i want to look fit’ narcissistic approach.
Met a girl who was out with a bunch of her friends - mid 20s. Ended up having a bit of a thing with her. A few of us were doing a weekend in Ibiza so took her with me. Didn’t react well to E and I had to take her from Pacha VIP section to a first aid room. All I could think was how much this was ruining my night. That’s just one example…there are more.
Thought this was all a ‘good time’ but now realise it was the rock bottom point in my life.
I was on the South Bank having drinks on a sunny afternoon with the usual crowd and all of the above hit me out of nowhere. I was living this shallow existence, where the fk was any of this going. I had treated some people really badly, been insensitive, hugely self-centred….it was like a-hammer-blow as all of the above smashed in to me.
I looked around and thought ‘most of my friends here will be doing the same thing next year and the year after and year after..then suddenly we’ll all be 60’
An epiphany I guess. I genuinely felt sick. Put down my glass and walked off.
Got home and made a pleading phone call. Six months later, a few flights back and forth I had moved to a new country to be with lady I had met on my travels. She understood why I had bottled the original move.
Five years later I am married and have a daughter.
I have done a lot of apologising.
Might not be eating dried pasta with a needle sticking out of my arm and police at the door…..but it was absolutely the bottom of a deep hole and I was there holding a spade ready to dig further.
Some of it still makes me feel sick. A lot of very different and better decisions I could have made.
Glad to get this off my chest!!
Edit: writing this has made me think back to other events from that time…cringe worthy does not even sum them up. I really was a selfish idiot. Gah!!!.
43 years old. Just come out of a 14 year long relationship. Amicable split due to her mental-health issues but, I now realise, I was carrying a fair bit of guilt but also had ended up acting in my own self-interest . We both took time off and she ended up returning to her home country.
I then had two years of living on my own. Met a lady overseas and saw her a number of times in different countries. Could have moved to be with her but bottled it.
Continued with going out with friends. We always were a party crowd and this got worse (or better depending on your viewpoint). Kept meeting new ladies. Usually in a bar - bit of coke - arrange to meet up the next week…repeat the next weekend, repeat...
Handled a situation with friend really badly after she expressed her feelings for me…I realise now that I had led her on for years just for my own gratification/sense of power. That’s never been quite the same since I rebuffed her and she deserved way better.
Got involved with the ex of a mate - stupid mistake. Met another girl, who I really liked and should have focused on - that’s now a real ‘what if..’ Messed her around. What a t
t.I had mine and ex’s nice house (I was paying mortgage and we had agreed a split for when it got sold), nice car. Free travel in to London - 20 minute train journey to St Pancras, Job was okay but I was losing interest. Working with a personal trainer twice a week; not for fitness but purely to look good. I had always kept fit but this had morphed in to a ‘i want to look fit’ narcissistic approach.
Met a girl who was out with a bunch of her friends - mid 20s. Ended up having a bit of a thing with her. A few of us were doing a weekend in Ibiza so took her with me. Didn’t react well to E and I had to take her from Pacha VIP section to a first aid room. All I could think was how much this was ruining my night. That’s just one example…there are more.
Thought this was all a ‘good time’ but now realise it was the rock bottom point in my life.
I was on the South Bank having drinks on a sunny afternoon with the usual crowd and all of the above hit me out of nowhere. I was living this shallow existence, where the f
k was any of this going. I had treated some people really badly, been insensitive, hugely self-centred….it was like a-hammer-blow as all of the above smashed in to me.I looked around and thought ‘most of my friends here will be doing the same thing next year and the year after and year after..then suddenly we’ll all be 60’
An epiphany I guess. I genuinely felt sick. Put down my glass and walked off.
Got home and made a pleading phone call. Six months later, a few flights back and forth I had moved to a new country to be with lady I had met on my travels. She understood why I had bottled the original move.
Five years later I am married and have a daughter.
I have done a lot of apologising.
Might not be eating dried pasta with a needle sticking out of my arm and police at the door…..but it was absolutely the bottom of a deep hole and I was there holding a spade ready to dig further.
Some of it still makes me feel sick. A lot of very different and better decisions I could have made.
Glad to get this off my chest!!
Edit: writing this has made me think back to other events from that time…cringe worthy does not even sum them up. I really was a selfish idiot. Gah!!!.
Edited by jdw100 on Wednesday 1st September 02:26
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