Being the subject of racist abuse
Discussion
I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I'm feeling pretty fragile about this, and, for the very first time in my life am actually considering going to therapy regarding it.
I suppose it's easier to write something, largely anonymously. Also, typing is far easier than having to say anything out loud about this.
I am brown.
Born in the UK.
See myself as British.
I have a good job, am well educated.
I am Christian, though that shouldn't really matter.
My friendship group is mixed in terms of race.
Skin colour doesn't matter to me.
My wife is white.
Many of my hobbies, many groups of my friends, many places I have worked, many hobbies I have had, I am frequently the ONLY non-white person.
I do notice it, I largely don't think about it. Generally everyone is nice.
I have however noticed certain looks, little comments etc. I usually just brush them off, sweep it under a rug, forget about it and move on.
Things like motorsports, sprint races I'm usually the only non-white person at the entire event. There's plenty of other examples as well.
I was attacked by a group of 4 men when I was 11 yrs old. They were all late 20s and early thirties. It was fairly bad, but luckily just as one of them was about to stamp on my face (foot raised) one of the others said to him that I was just a kid. Unfortunately, this was on my jounrwy home from school, and I was pretty worried for some time. I should point out, that I live in a nice area as well.
I've not thought about that for a long time.
About a month ago I was racially abused at a quite exclusive Club (not nightclub).
I had suggested to another member that he calm down. He was fairly drunk, it was late and he was behaving rather poorly.
A friendly request, was met with horrible racist abuse. And a threat to beat me up.
It had been a long time since I'd been called a P-KI.
I was stunned and shocked. My friends noticed something was wrong. I was encouraged by them to report it. One of them had heard it as well.
Since then, one month ago, it has just gone from bad to worse.
It has been an experience of this Club seeking every avenue not to do anything about this. Picking holes in my statement. Picking holes in my friends, utter lack of action.
The have been very good at questioning me over and over again to try and trip me up.
I'm not the only non-white member at this Club, but I'm one of the few who has been chosen by peers to take on an organisational role.
It feels as though this Club will do everything in its power not to do anything about this.
If this had been a woman abused by a man, they would have been out on their ear. And I say that from experience of witnessing this and the male member being gone in days. Yet experiencing the same on racism grounds instead seems not to encourage a similar response.
It has left me feeling that something I've put a lot of time into, I am not welcome out due to my colour.
That, I am less valued because of my colour.
Basically that because of my appearance I simply do not belong.
It is certainly mostly white. But, I would have hoped it was more progressive.
I do not want to blame this on an older generation, as I've friends of all ages from many backgrounds.
It has left me feeling just awful, worthless, and also that my issues don't matter.
If someone says something racist to me, well I should know my place, shut up, and just get one with it.
Anyway, I suppose I've just written this as it's been somewhat cathartic.
Go easy, this has been pretty awful for me.
I suppose it's easier to write something, largely anonymously. Also, typing is far easier than having to say anything out loud about this.
I am brown.
Born in the UK.
See myself as British.
I have a good job, am well educated.
I am Christian, though that shouldn't really matter.
My friendship group is mixed in terms of race.
Skin colour doesn't matter to me.
My wife is white.
Many of my hobbies, many groups of my friends, many places I have worked, many hobbies I have had, I am frequently the ONLY non-white person.
I do notice it, I largely don't think about it. Generally everyone is nice.
I have however noticed certain looks, little comments etc. I usually just brush them off, sweep it under a rug, forget about it and move on.
Things like motorsports, sprint races I'm usually the only non-white person at the entire event. There's plenty of other examples as well.
I was attacked by a group of 4 men when I was 11 yrs old. They were all late 20s and early thirties. It was fairly bad, but luckily just as one of them was about to stamp on my face (foot raised) one of the others said to him that I was just a kid. Unfortunately, this was on my jounrwy home from school, and I was pretty worried for some time. I should point out, that I live in a nice area as well.
I've not thought about that for a long time.
About a month ago I was racially abused at a quite exclusive Club (not nightclub).
I had suggested to another member that he calm down. He was fairly drunk, it was late and he was behaving rather poorly.
A friendly request, was met with horrible racist abuse. And a threat to beat me up.
It had been a long time since I'd been called a P-KI.
I was stunned and shocked. My friends noticed something was wrong. I was encouraged by them to report it. One of them had heard it as well.
Since then, one month ago, it has just gone from bad to worse.
It has been an experience of this Club seeking every avenue not to do anything about this. Picking holes in my statement. Picking holes in my friends, utter lack of action.
The have been very good at questioning me over and over again to try and trip me up.
I'm not the only non-white member at this Club, but I'm one of the few who has been chosen by peers to take on an organisational role.
It feels as though this Club will do everything in its power not to do anything about this.
If this had been a woman abused by a man, they would have been out on their ear. And I say that from experience of witnessing this and the male member being gone in days. Yet experiencing the same on racism grounds instead seems not to encourage a similar response.
It has left me feeling that something I've put a lot of time into, I am not welcome out due to my colour.
That, I am less valued because of my colour.
Basically that because of my appearance I simply do not belong.
It is certainly mostly white. But, I would have hoped it was more progressive.
I do not want to blame this on an older generation, as I've friends of all ages from many backgrounds.
It has left me feeling just awful, worthless, and also that my issues don't matter.
If someone says something racist to me, well I should know my place, shut up, and just get one with it.
Anyway, I suppose I've just written this as it's been somewhat cathartic.
Go easy, this has been pretty awful for me.
I hope I’m proved wrong but I fear this won’t go well for you OP. There are plenty on PH that have fairly objectionable views when it comes to race and colour (although it could be a small but highly vocal minority).
You don’t say but can we assume that the person that abused you is someone senior in the club or a long-standing member?
It seems to be a feature of human organisations that they seem to draw together to protect members even when outsiders would think that the guilty party should be castigated. Look at all the kiddy fiddlers in the church, orphanages and other examples where you would hope they would be stopped but for the sake of the organisation it is all hushed up or overlooked.
You don’t say but can we assume that the person that abused you is someone senior in the club or a long-standing member?
It seems to be a feature of human organisations that they seem to draw together to protect members even when outsiders would think that the guilty party should be castigated. Look at all the kiddy fiddlers in the church, orphanages and other examples where you would hope they would be stopped but for the sake of the organisation it is all hushed up or overlooked.
That sounds awful chap. I've unfortunately been recipient of similar racism in the past and the majority of the PH crowd were absolutely fantastic. I wanted to send you a PM but you don't accept them - but keep your chin up and don't sink to the level of the idiots who can't look past their own prejudices. I've posted on here previously about my experience involving a few smacks to the nose, and the level of support I got was amazing. I'd be happy to share them with you - drop me a PM.
Also if you want to get anything off your chest, feel free to send me a message too. I sometimes find it cathartic to write a big rant about something that's pissed me off, and then delete it. Everybody works in different ways, so just make sure you do what's best for you.
Also if you want to get anything off your chest, feel free to send me a message too. I sometimes find it cathartic to write a big rant about something that's pissed me off, and then delete it. Everybody works in different ways, so just make sure you do what's best for you.
Terminator X said:
I'd just stay away from the place. Life is far too short + 99.9% of people are not racist so just hang around with them.
TX.
Although understandable it seems a bit defeatist and possibly self perpetuating ie if he doesn’t make a stand then will the club ever change?TX.
It certainly would have been easier for Rosa Parks to sit at the back of the bus but someone has to make a stand to make change.
The problem of course is that not everyone is as brave as Rosa (not sure I would be). A friend told me that her daughter had been groomed and then abused/raped by men she met online. What surprised was that the mother didn’t want to involve the police and get the men prosecuted. I understood that she didn’t want her daughter to go through a further ordeal in having to go to the police and possibly court but on the other hand I was appalled that three sexual predators were on the loose and no doubt looking for their next, vulnerable victim.
Personally I think I would be taking legal advice and considering options. If he takes this further then most likely it will result in negative publicity for the club. If I were club President I certainly wouldn’t want the local press writing that a) the club has racists and b) the club did their best not to resolve the issue. Not a good look (unless they actively want to recruit racists!)
SlimJim16v said:
s. Tell this exclusive club, that if they fail to deal with it to your satisfaction, you will report it to the police, local news and MP. They will probably st themselves. What a st experience. Genuinely grateful that I don't have to go through this kind of stuff as life is a pain in the ass at the best of times.
Just remember that the vast majority of other people are not racist and many would (hopefully) also speak up for or support you.
Take it further, people shouldn't be allowed to say things like that and not face repercussions.
t experience. Genuinely grateful that I don't have to go through this kind of stuff as life is a pain in the ass at the best of times.Just remember that the vast majority of other people are not racist and many would (hopefully) also speak up for or support you.
Take it further, people shouldn't be allowed to say things like that and not face repercussions.
I wouldn’t let it lie.
I also wouldn’t let it get me down, though it might be very difficult to avoid. Sometimes people are jealous/distorted internally. It stays hidden, but alcohol can bring it out. If the only way this person can make a strike at you is by using your physical appearance, then that’s what they‘ll do. Yes, it’s racism… but I‘m white and have had verbal abuse/threats of violence for the crime of being Irish!
Don’t let it get to you.
I’m sorry that you had that experience.
I also wouldn’t let it get me down, though it might be very difficult to avoid. Sometimes people are jealous/distorted internally. It stays hidden, but alcohol can bring it out. If the only way this person can make a strike at you is by using your physical appearance, then that’s what they‘ll do. Yes, it’s racism… but I‘m white and have had verbal abuse/threats of violence for the crime of being Irish!
Don’t let it get to you.
I’m sorry that you had that experience.
Sounds awful. Unforgiveable behaviour by the ahole and the club.
Perhaps try the therapy - you clearly have a lot of mates who think highly of you, and letting some pissed up prick affect your sense of self worth is clearly damaging to you and perhaps bringing back issues you never dealt with as a kid. The beating does sound horrific.
Something to consider... Do you think it was racist in the same way as when you were beaten up, or was it simply that being brown is your most obvious external characteristic?
Someone drunk will always reach for a simple insult as it's all their booze addled brain can manage...i.e if you're fat or very tall you'd have been called a fat or lanky bd.
Still highly unpleasant but not quite so damaging in a scary way...bringing back memories of an awful hate crime and reinforcing the scariest aspect of racism.
Neither is remotely acceptable, but one interpretation isn't quite so damaging to your self worth.
Hope you get a result out of the club. Good luck.
hole and the club.Perhaps try the therapy - you clearly have a lot of mates who think highly of you, and letting some pissed up prick affect your sense of self worth is clearly damaging to you and perhaps bringing back issues you never dealt with as a kid. The beating does sound horrific.
Something to consider... Do you think it was racist in the same way as when you were beaten up, or was it simply that being brown is your most obvious external characteristic?
Someone drunk will always reach for a simple insult as it's all their booze addled brain can manage...i.e if you're fat or very tall you'd have been called a fat or lanky b
d.Still highly unpleasant but not quite so damaging in a scary way...bringing back memories of an awful hate crime and reinforcing the scariest aspect of racism.
Neither is remotely acceptable, but one interpretation isn't quite so damaging to your self worth.
Hope you get a result out of the club. Good luck.
People do and say stupid things when drunk. Irrational things come out, that they perhaps don't really mean, but just use at the time as a weapon against you. I say this not to justify it, but to suggest that you do not take it too personally. Hard, I'm sure.
But I agree with others above, the guy did do it, and he is absolutely wrong, and it shouldn't be tolerated! You should keep pushing the club. It sounds like friends are helping you, which is good.
But I agree with others above, the guy did do it, and he is absolutely wrong, and it shouldn't be tolerated! You should keep pushing the club. It sounds like friends are helping you, which is good.
Edited by covmutley on Wednesday 15th September 07:11
What's the most disappointing thing here is that seemingly other (white especially ) members of the club didn't step in and tell the overgrown child fool (who can't control himself or hold his drink) to shut his foul mouth, surprised he didn't receive a hard slap because others must have been embarrassed/enraged by this, i would have been, if other members weren't in the least bothered you already know your course of action...cheerio.
The lack of any sort of action, at the time or since, suggests to me the fool concerned is maybe known as a bully or thug, maybe whoever is supposed to deal with this at the club is actually afraid of him.
Seeing as the club have effectively as far as you are concerned closed ranks here, either through fear of the cave man ,or apathy, or maybe the place simply isn't worth being part of and you should find somewhere that decent people with honour and standards of behaviour use.
Assuming your witness is a credible (not being funny or nasty here needs to be reliable, believable) witness, i'd be inclined to forget the club, write it off as a place that accommodates scum, maybe it is, report the incident to the police and leave them to make life very uncomfortable for all those involved, you could of course report it and carry on at the club, thought it might be uncomfortable someone has to be a Rosa Parks.
Thankfully they are rare but bullies and the ignorant who lack common decency do exist unfortunately.
The lack of any sort of action, at the time or since, suggests to me the fool concerned is maybe known as a bully or thug, maybe whoever is supposed to deal with this at the club is actually afraid of him.
Seeing as the club have effectively as far as you are concerned closed ranks here, either through fear of the cave man ,or apathy, or maybe the place simply isn't worth being part of and you should find somewhere that decent people with honour and standards of behaviour use.
Assuming your witness is a credible (not being funny or nasty here needs to be reliable, believable) witness, i'd be inclined to forget the club, write it off as a place that accommodates scum, maybe it is, report the incident to the police and leave them to make life very uncomfortable for all those involved, you could of course report it and carry on at the club, thought it might be uncomfortable someone has to be a Rosa Parks.
Thankfully they are rare but bullies and the ignorant who lack common decency do exist unfortunately.
Edited by Smint on Wednesday 15th September 07:20
Sorry to hear this OP. I can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be in that situation, so am not really in a position to offer advice.
I would say a couple of things though.
First don’t let it go. If you do the individual and establishment have basically won. Their poor behaviour needs to be highlighted and not ignored.
Secondly in regard to people saying things they don’t mean when drunk. I would suggest it’s actually the opposite and when they’ve had a few the veil slips.
It’s really sad that in 2021 people still have these prejudices let alone feel confident to voice them.
I would say a couple of things though.
First don’t let it go. If you do the individual and establishment have basically won. Their poor behaviour needs to be highlighted and not ignored.
Secondly in regard to people saying things they don’t mean when drunk. I would suggest it’s actually the opposite and when they’ve had a few the veil slips.
It’s really sad that in 2021 people still have these prejudices let alone feel confident to voice them.
I’m at a loss as to why they simply haven’t revoked this persons membership and told him not to come back?
It’s not a difficult decision to make.
You say he’s just an ordinary member but has he got any connections which would make it embarrassing to throw him out?
Regardless I’d give them an ultimatum. Throw him out or I go to the police and the press.
Sorry to hear this OP. 
s. Tell this exclusive club, that if they fail to deal with it to your satisfaction, you will report it to the police, local news and MP. They will probably st themselves. +1 I'd probably have started here TBH.+1 for this.
Bill said:
SlimJim16v said:
s. Tell this exclusive club, that if they fail to deal with it to your satisfaction, you will report it to the police, local news and MP. They will probably st themselves. TCruise said:
I fear you might be right, but I hope you might be wrong.
It was not a long standing member, prominent member or anything of the sort. Yes, he was white.
I don't see how I've done anything wrong.
You haven't. At all.It was not a long standing member, prominent member or anything of the sort. Yes, he was white.
I don't see how I've done anything wrong.
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