Would you be offended?

[Desiderata]

Would you be offended if someone refused your tip?

Following on from the thread about tipping posties , how would you feel if your postie (or waiter or driver etc) said "Thanks but no thanks"?

As I replied in the other thread, I'm a postie and would rather receive a heart felt thank you or at most a card with a thoughtful message. I actually feel quite guilty when handed cash by my customers, many of whom are pensioners, quite possibly worse off than I am financially.

I retired early with a decent pension and took up the job as a part time postie more for my mental health than the wages. They are nice to have, but I don't really need them and I certainly don't need cash gifts from generous customers.

I'm considering this year handing over any tips to a charity, but I'm wondering whether or not to mention it to my customers so that they have the choice.
Would that be sensitive or crass/awkward?

[InitialDave]

Wouldn't offend me if it's their choice.

Would definitely have an issue with them having to refuse because that's the corporate policy or what have you.

[mmm-five]

I wouldn't be offended at all.

I'd simply offer the tip again to check if they're decision is due to politeness or policy, but then that would be it and I'd get on with my life.

Where I work, in most cases we're not allowed to accept gifts, and where we can there are rules/guidelines in place to avoid claims of bribery or enticements. In cultures where it's seen as disrespectful to refuse a gift during meetings/negotiations we have to fill out a form detailing the reasons why...but if we're going to a specific country where gift giving/receiving is common, this should have been addressed before the trip goes ahead.

Edited by mmm-five on Thursday 11th November 11:34

[Plymo]

I wouldn't be offended, though saying you're going to donate it could come across as awkward depending how it's done.
That said, it's your money so if you feel better donating it, then there's nothing stopping you!

[cmvtec]

Personally, no, I wouldn't be offended. I, for the first time, have the same postman who I see regularly, and he does get a Christmas tip for being very good at making sure I get my post. If he didn't want it or said he was giving it to charity, I'd be absolutely fine about that.

[mybrainhurts]

I would be offended if someone offered my a night out with Greta Thunderbrat.

[shih tzu faced]

I wouldn’t take offence but who knows these days, there’s nowt as queer as folk.

I’d say to them that any tips I receive this year I’ll be donating to a charity that is close to my heart (and tell them which one). If they start to pull a face because they don’t agree with sanctuaries for battered penguins or whatever, tell them you could alternatively donate it to a charity of their choice.

Can’t imagine anyone being offended by that offer but if they are then simply return in the middle of the night and do a ste through their letterbox.

[JimmyConwayNW]

Someone gave me a £20 tip when I sold them a car.

I had made around £3k on the car I sold them and would have had £2k in their PX. It was weird taking the tip.

[Muzzer79]

If I offered you a tip and you said

"No thank you, I only take tips above (xx more than I'm giving)

I'd be offended.



If I offered a tip and you said

"No thank you, you don't need to tip me. I can either take it to give to charity or you can use it for someone else in need"

I'd be quite impressed and not the least bit offended.

[x5tuu]

If someone does get offended by a polite declination of their offer it says way more about them and their motives than anything else.

[Jasandjules]

Perhaps you say "Thank you that is very kind but I am asking anyone who wants to tip to send it to X charity"...

[NMNeil]

As a cop we were prohibited from accept gratuities in any form.
We even had to decline free donuts

[Panamax]

NMNeil said:

As a cop we were prohibited from accept gratuities in any form.
We even had to decline free donuts

Yes, I was about to post "never try to tip a copper"!

[x5tuu]

NMNeil said:

As a cop we were prohibited from accept gratuities in any form.
We even had to decline free donuts

Yet in the US it’s encouraged and on duty and uniformed coppers get complimentary Starbucks etc…

[jdw100]

Left a waitress a tip and she came running down the street afterwards to stop us and return the money.

This was in Osaka.

[WelshRich]

Same thing happened to me in China, she assumed we’d left the change on the restaurant table by mistake.

[Davie]

Drove for a supermarket for a while and used to get a few tips and I always made sure to say "That's very kind but you really don't need to" to which almost everybody offering it would insist on me taking it, at which stage you then need to be careful as declining it can be a bit rude and some people take offence so I'd always rather bashfully say "Thank you, I'll pop it in my little boys piggy bank" or words to that effect. Sometimes it was a pound "for a cup of tea son" and the most was £20 which I refused citing it was very kind but far too much, but the lady was most insistent that I took it stating she'd ordered a huge amount for a party and that I had earned it.

I did have one very elderly lady who I'd delivered to, putting her stuff in her kitchen (when we allowed to do that) and she said "Wait, I'll get your money" to which I figured she was a bit confused so said no, it's all paid for so don't worry (her son had ordered it remotely for her) and she then said that no, all the drivers get a penny and tried to give me £20.00. I refused it, saying she shouldn't give any driver money and was on my way but called her son to advise of what had happened, to which he was very grateful. But sadly, I suspect a few of the others would have pocketed it without a care.

Should you tip somebody for doing their job, probably no... but should you tip somebody for doing their job very well or going that wee bit further to help... I do. Yes they're paid to do a basic job but if the individual goes above and beyond be it their attitude or the workmanship itself, then why shouldn't we reward it. I gave my roofer £50 recently simply because he was outstanding and I frankly don't care if he's adjusted the price to suit, his general "can do" attitude and workmanship was superb, he deserved a bit extra and he was quite taken back by the gesture. Similarly I gave a plastered a bit extra too, again he was superb - way above my expectations. It's nice to be nice.

[Mobile Chicane]

Desiderata said:

Would you be offended if someone refused your tip?

Following on from the thread about tipping posties , how would you feel if your postie (or waiter or driver etc) said "Thanks but no thanks"?

As I replied in the other thread, I'm a postie and would rather receive a heart felt thank you or at most a card with a thoughtful message. I actually feel quite guilty when handed cash by my customers, many of whom are pensioners, quite possibly worse off than I am financially.

I retired early with a decent pension and took up the job as a part time postie more for my mental health than the wages. They are nice to have, but I don't really need them and I certainly don't need cash gifts from generous customers.

I'm considering this year handing over any tips to a charity, but I'm wondering whether or not to mention it to my customers so that they have the choice.
Would that be sensitive or crass/awkward?

Bullst, surely.

Who, in a service capacity, would turn down cash when offered. Did no person, ever.

[beambeam1]

Davie said:

I did have one very elderly lady who I'd delivered to, putting her stuff in her kitchen (when we allowed to do that) and she said "Wait, I'll get your money" to which I figured she was a bit confused so said no, it's all paid for so don't worry (her son had ordered it remotely for her) and she then said that no, all the drivers get a penny and tried to give me £20.00. I refused it, saying she shouldn't give any driver money and was on my way but called her son to advise of what had happened, to which he was very grateful. But sadly, I suspect a few of the others would have pocketed it without a care.

Fair play to you!

I found it uncomfortable being offered the occasional tip when I worked the doors. Due to the venues I worked at it I always had a feeling that it was mostly a way of trying to curry favour with me so that I may turn a blind eye to frequent visits to the bogs or regard other actions as "just having a laugh". Most of the time though I would politely decline and ask that if they really wanted to treat me then buy me a drink at the bar and the bar staff would hold it for me when I finish my shift. I'd get the cash value instead and it was a way of making it less awkward or rude for both of us.

Of course, a long spell went by once without any tips left in the till for me when I cottoned on that one of the bar staff had been pocketing them for himself. Little st. I only found out when I chucked a punter and he argued it was unfair since he always bought me a couple of drinks on a Friday/Saturday without fail...

Stag groups were mostly the best. I'm able to build a rapport with folk quite easily and due to the time spent in the venues by the time they left the occasional whippy had been organised round the group upon departure. Usually enough to buy a takeaway for myself and the other doormen, sometimes more. However, this only really happened once the smoking ban kicked in around 2006 as prior to this my only engagement with most people would be as they entered the premises... the smoking ban gave everyone a bloody licence to talk to me which wasn't always welcome!

Edited by beambeam1 on Friday 12th November 04:51

[jdw100]

WelshRich said:

Same thing happened to me in China, she assumed we’d left the change on the restaurant table by mistake.

I love the Japanese. Most helpful people I have ever met.

Had the opposite experience in USA - nearly a fight in a carpark.

I’m a decent tipper….I really appreciate good service. Especially in a restaurant setting.

This ‘server’ was the most obnoxious, rude person I have ever met in a restaurant setting: disinterested, sighing loudly at any request, slamming food down, stalking off before we could say ‘thanks’ at any point.

We all have bad days…but….wow!

Chased me out to carpark when I didn’t leave a tip.

Certainly not going to get one shouting about not getting one.