Brother won't move out

[dba7108]

My brother is 52 and after splitting up from his wife 5 years ago is still living at my mother's. He doesn't pay any rent or contribute really in any way, buys the odd bit of food. Insists he is on the council tax but hasn't paid the difference. He bosses my mother about and acts like it's his house. He has his 10 yr old son stop over ever other weekend and my mom ends up doing the washing or caring for the child while he is in bed till dinner time as he seems to have a silly work life balance of getting up at mid day and working till 6am.

My mother has said on many occasions how unhappy she is and she wants him to move on. He hasn't sorted his divorce out as he says the solicitor is too expensive. The house is sold and there is £700k in the solicitors bank been sat there for 5 years. In reality I don't think he can accept what has happened so doesn't want to deal with it. Also his wife wants a lot more than half but I think that is the norm if you are the main parent.
I don't want to fall out with him but I'm at a loss as how I can help my mother as she doesn't seem to have the balls to upset him and tell him to move on. He plays on her feelings and will get upset only in front of her.

[x5tuu]

It needs fronting out and quite frankly he needs to be evicted from the house.

Life’s st at times for everyone - hiding behind a parent at that age isn’t cricket.

[coppernorks]

Can't see any way forward if you think there's a solution to this problem that won't upset him.

Confrontation is the only way, you're an adult outline to him all the facts you included in your post.
making clear your mother is not happy with the current arrangements and things must change radically
or an eviction will be arranged.

Your mother shouldn't be a skivvy at her age, she should be enjoying her own house and her retirement.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-evict-a-family-memb...

[Vasco]

Agree with the above. A direct, clear statement of facts (I assume your mother won't just 'give in' for a quiet life?).

I'm surprised that you haven't said something already.

[ConnectionError]

I find it difficult to believe that a solicitor has held £700k in their client account for 7 years

There is more to the story than being told?

[Jimmy No Hands]

Some conversations are hard and upsetting but need to be said - that is life, I'm afraid. He's walking all over your Mother and you are allowing it.

[dba7108]

ConnectionError said:

I find it difficult to believe that a solicitor has held £700k in their client account for 7 years

There is more to the story than being told?

As they haven't sorted divorce then funds will not be released until they can agree on a figure. It will probably end up going to court.

[Spare tyre]

Either have it out with him

Tell mum to start being more needy than hi, need help with food prep washing

Get mum to get house marketed as she fancies a move

[greygoose]

Your brother is a waster, he is ruining your mother’s life and not allowing his ex to move on (and his son in turn). He needs to be told to grow up and sort himself out.

[vulture1]

Kid at 42 5 years later the marriage is over. How old is was is the wife?

This looks on the outside like wife wanted a kid and once past a difficult early period bang no need for the man.

[lizardbrain]

I had a similar situation and tried confronting the brother. He immediately cut me off and it never recovered. He clearly has his own needs as a firm priority over his mother. Sounds like you need to attack this by proxy via the mother. Give her whatever arms she needs to defend herself and repel the intruder

[ARFBY]

One of the problems here as in many situations, is that people (You and Mum) are being upset but don't want to upset the one that's doing the upsetting.

Both You and Mother should work together on this, make a plan together, confront him together.

Maybe, draw up a rental agreement (full market rate)

You have her around at yours when Grandson visits, so she is not there to baby sit.

He loses pro-rata inheritance for unpaid rent on your mothers house.

Lots of options here, but you have to do it with your mother together, so she has support and can't be fooled by manipulation.

[anonymoususer]

Wonder if the brother has his sights set on Mums house ?

[loskie]

Brother is possibly suffering from clinical depression

[normalbloke]

He’s a cuckoo. He wants the house. He playing the long game. He’ll be her carer next, then wants the house when the inevitable happens as it’s his ‘home’. Get shot, now.

[anonymoususer]

normalbloke said:

He’s a cuckoo. He wants the house. He playing the long game. He’ll be her carer next, then wants the house when the inevitable happens as it’s his ‘home’. Get shot, now.

That's pretty much my thinking too

[Vasco]

loskie said:

Brother is possibly suffering from clinical depression

Sounds far more like con man.

[Bill]

vulture1 said:

Kid at 42 5 years later the marriage is over. How old is was is the wife?

This looks on the outside like wife wanted a kid and once past a difficult early period bang no need for the man.

Or maybe she wanted one child and ended up with two...

No idea how to fix it but he may well be depressed which won't be solved by a MTFU chat.

The other thing to consider is that your mum will likely see much less of her grandson if he moves out, and while it may be more work than she wants at the moment does she really want that?