Discussion
I need to get something off my chest.....
I no longer speak to my brother as I can’t stand his partner.
He is currently living in her 3 bed flat with 6 of her children and a baby they have together. My brother has 2 of his own children from a previous relationship that stay a couple of nights a week at her property.
He is on a very good wage just short of £50k a year whilst she is on whatever benefits she can get her hands on. She’s not shy in admitting she has never worked, apparently she can’t work as one of her children has autism and her job is to look after him. He hasn’t declared himself to be living with her, he has his own house that has been sat empty for the best part of a year.
We all went away on a family holiday not long back, I was amazed at her children the whole experience was new to them. Her children had never been to the seaside, never been on a train, didn’t know how to swim and were shocked at the site of a proper meal. It was self catering and she had brought a selection of pot noodles, crisps and microwave meals and chocolate bars.
Also, during covid she had managed to get all her kids into school, I can only assume the school must have a similar impression of her as I do.
I am at my wits end with it now, I went to see my parents at the weekend and when I arrived my brothers 2 children from the previous relationship informed me they were staying for the week whilst Dad and his Girlfriend went on holiday!! Her children had all gone to there fathers houses - 6 kids 5 dads. and the baby to her parents.
It is boiling my blood! Am I been irrational? Im actually starting to loose some sleep over it now.
I no longer speak to my brother as I can’t stand his partner.
He is currently living in her 3 bed flat with 6 of her children and a baby they have together. My brother has 2 of his own children from a previous relationship that stay a couple of nights a week at her property.
He is on a very good wage just short of £50k a year whilst she is on whatever benefits she can get her hands on. She’s not shy in admitting she has never worked, apparently she can’t work as one of her children has autism and her job is to look after him. He hasn’t declared himself to be living with her, he has his own house that has been sat empty for the best part of a year.
We all went away on a family holiday not long back, I was amazed at her children the whole experience was new to them. Her children had never been to the seaside, never been on a train, didn’t know how to swim and were shocked at the site of a proper meal. It was self catering and she had brought a selection of pot noodles, crisps and microwave meals and chocolate bars.
Also, during covid she had managed to get all her kids into school, I can only assume the school must have a similar impression of her as I do.
I am at my wits end with it now, I went to see my parents at the weekend and when I arrived my brothers 2 children from the previous relationship informed me they were staying for the week whilst Dad and his Girlfriend went on holiday!! Her children had all gone to there fathers houses - 6 kids 5 dads. and the baby to her parents.
It is boiling my blood! Am I been irrational? Im actually starting to loose some sleep over it now.
OP- all of your problems are with his partner. Why punish yourself and your brother by not maintaining your relationship with him?
What are you hoping to achieve by not speaking to him? Split him up with his partner? What if ten years down the line you are estranged from him and he’s still with her?
How can your absence possibly improve this situation?
Does he even know why you aren’t speaking to him?
Blood is thicker than water- maintain and improve your relationship with your brother as much as possible.
What are you hoping to achieve by not speaking to him? Split him up with his partner? What if ten years down the line you are estranged from him and he’s still with her?
How can your absence possibly improve this situation?
Does he even know why you aren’t speaking to him?
Blood is thicker than water- maintain and improve your relationship with your brother as much as possible.
Try and compartmentalise the things that are making you feel angry and what, if anything, you can do about them. You could probably shop her for having him stay there whilst on benefits but to what end?
As it’s written, there’s a number of issues, but ultimately it seems to fall down to your brother choosing to live his life in a way you don’t approve of or want for him. But it’s not your life to live.
Get on with yours.
As it’s written, there’s a number of issues, but ultimately it seems to fall down to your brother choosing to live his life in a way you don’t approve of or want for him. But it’s not your life to live.
Get on with yours.
Your brother has made his choice. You have to let him get on with it and save your relationship. Try and force him to do something be doesn't want to will cause your relationship to collapse.
Living with her rent free often ends in disaster. Benefit fraud is taken seriously and someone will report them soon enough.
Living with her rent free often ends in disaster. Benefit fraud is taken seriously and someone will report them soon enough.
It’s understandable and in some ways commendable that you’re so upset by seeing your brother and his family live as they do.
However, there’s nothing illegal about most of what you describe, and nothing especially unusual about any of it. If the kids are basically safe, fed and happy then that’s better than many in this country, and millions worldwide. Sure, they don’t live as you would choose to, but this is your brother’s life, not yours. It’s a free country, he’s an adult and allowed to, so it really is his choice.
What does strike me is what a valuable presence in the kids’ lives you might be. What if just one of the kids looks at how you live and thinks: “that’s what I want for my future”? Or is shown by you something that sparks a life long interest? I have an Uncle who we visited just once a year, but just seeing his Aston and Bentley and knowing he’d earnt them from his business was a big inspiration for me.
Might be much happier way for you to live to think less in terms of objecting to their lives, and more in terms of what you could add to them.
However, there’s nothing illegal about most of what you describe, and nothing especially unusual about any of it. If the kids are basically safe, fed and happy then that’s better than many in this country, and millions worldwide. Sure, they don’t live as you would choose to, but this is your brother’s life, not yours. It’s a free country, he’s an adult and allowed to, so it really is his choice.
What does strike me is what a valuable presence in the kids’ lives you might be. What if just one of the kids looks at how you live and thinks: “that’s what I want for my future”? Or is shown by you something that sparks a life long interest? I have an Uncle who we visited just once a year, but just seeing his Aston and Bentley and knowing he’d earnt them from his business was a big inspiration for me.
Might be much happier way for you to live to think less in terms of objecting to their lives, and more in terms of what you could add to them.
I feel for the kids not experiencing lots that other kids do but they clearly know no different . I’m not saying that makes it right btw .
No idea why your brother would get with a girl that has 5 previous kids by as many fathers but each to their own .
As already said , no upside in falling out with him.
Good chance he won’t be with her long term anyway
No idea why your brother would get with a girl that has 5 previous kids by as many fathers but each to their own .
As already said , no upside in falling out with him.
Good chance he won’t be with her long term anyway
PPEhero said:
I need to get something off my chest.....
I no longer speak to my brother as I can’t stand his partner.
He is currently living in her 3 bed flat with 6 of her children and a baby they have together. My brother has 2 of his own children from a previous relationship that stay a couple of nights a week at her property.
Error.I no longer speak to my brother as I can’t stand his partner.
He is currently living in her 3 bed flat with 6 of her children and a baby they have together. My brother has 2 of his own children from a previous relationship that stay a couple of nights a week at her property.
g3org3y said:
PPEhero said:
I need to get something off my chest.....
I no longer speak to my brother as I can’t stand his partner.
He is currently living in her 3 bed flat with 6 of her children and a baby they have together. My brother has 2 of his own children from a previous relationship that stay a couple of nights a week at her property.
Error.I no longer speak to my brother as I can’t stand his partner.
He is currently living in her 3 bed flat with 6 of her children and a baby they have together. My brother has 2 of his own children from a previous relationship that stay a couple of nights a week at her property.
Like women who always fall for bad boys and invariably the relationship goes tits up, I can never fathom why men fall for women with loads of kids, which usually are fathered by various different men, such a red flag.
HTP99 said:
Yep, brother is buggered for the next 18 years, whatever the outcome of the relationship.
Like women who always fall for bad boys and invariably the relationship goes tits up, I can never fathom why men fall for women with loads of kids, which usually are fathered by various different men, such a red flag.
Such women, given their rate of reproduction, must be very attractive to some men. Like women who always fall for bad boys and invariably the relationship goes tits up, I can never fathom why men fall for women with loads of kids, which usually are fathered by various different men, such a red flag.
-Why is a mystery to me, though.
Having two children of our own living in my house is enough for me.
I sympathise with the OP, it must be very frustrating.
Not a brother, but a formerly close friend, known for over 30 years.
He's one of those guys who wasn't quite an Incel, but had some of the characteristics of just generally being a bit inept when it came to women and dating. Then he met Council Bird (CB) - 5 years his senior, really not remotely good looking, 4 kids by 3 or 4 fathers (3 are certain, 1 isn't). She's got a council flat in a particularly notorious estate not far from Brighton. Several of his friends, me included, managed to persuade him that selling his house after he moved in with her was a bad idea, and at least he's rented it out rather than selling it. He's married her, and adopted the youngest child.
The big problem is that you can't see him without CB tagging along. He doesn't seem to be allowed out without her. Of course, none of us particularly like CB, so as a result we don't see much of him anymore either.
He's one of those guys who wasn't quite an Incel, but had some of the characteristics of just generally being a bit inept when it came to women and dating. Then he met Council Bird (CB) - 5 years his senior, really not remotely good looking, 4 kids by 3 or 4 fathers (3 are certain, 1 isn't). She's got a council flat in a particularly notorious estate not far from Brighton. Several of his friends, me included, managed to persuade him that selling his house after he moved in with her was a bad idea, and at least he's rented it out rather than selling it. He's married her, and adopted the youngest child.
The big problem is that you can't see him without CB tagging along. He doesn't seem to be allowed out without her. Of course, none of us particularly like CB, so as a result we don't see much of him anymore either.
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