People who don't ask questions back

[donnie85]

I was talking to my wife about this the other day who agreed she notices it all the time.

I'm a pretty chatty, friendly guy. I hate awkwardness in conversations when it is silent so always go out my way to ask someone for example 'how their weekend was', 'what they have been upto', etc...but very rarely do I get the same question asked back. One guy at work for example is a pretty quiet guy, nice enough but in our group he rarely joins in the conversations or 'banter'. I try and include him in everything so he doesn't feel left out but he rarely bothers to join in. Fair enough he is quiet but if I didn't ask him anything he would never talk and I would be sat next to him in awkward silence. I asked him what he was upto this weekend. He talked for about 2 minutes what he was upto, seeing mates etc....then the conversation stopped. I expected him to ask me the same question back as it's the polite thing to do even if he and I both don't really give a damn what each other are upto but nah didn't get asked. Another woman at work talks and talks about herself constantly but never asks anyone anything about themselves. My wife says it's very common at her work as well.

Are people just self absorbed these days? Lack social skills? Just rude? Or am I being annoying asking a simple question ?? :confused

Edited by donnie85 on Sunday 19th June 08:40

[PositronicRay]

donnie85 said:

I was talking to my wife about this the other day who agreed she notices it all the time.

I'm a pretty chatty, friendly guy. I hate awkwardness in conversations when it is silent so always go out my way to ask someone for example 'how their weekend was', 'what they have been upto', etc...but very rarely do I get the same question asked back. One guy at work for example is a pretty quiet guy, nice enough but in our group he rarely joins in the conversations or 'banter'. I try and include him in everything so he doesn't feel left out but he rarely bothers to join in. Fair enough he is quiet but if I didn't ask him anything he would never talk and I would be sat next to him in awkward silence. I asked him what he was upto this weekend. He talked for about 2 minutes what he was upto, seeing mates etc....then the conversation stopped. I expected him to ask me the same question back as it's the polite thing to do even if he and I both don't really give a damn what each other are upto but nah didn't get asked. Another woman at work talks and talks about herself constantly but never asks anyone anything about themselves. My wife says it's very common at her work as well.

Are people just self absorbed these days? Lack social skills? Just rude? Or am I being annoying asking a simple question ?? :confused

I'm not keen on chit chat for the sake of it, happy with silence if there's nothing to say. When you can sit in silence with someone you know its quite special.
ETA barbers are the worst, if im pressured i just make stuff up.

Edited by PositronicRay on Sunday 19th June 08:47

[GranpaB]

donnie85 said:

I was talking to my wife about this the other day who agreed she notices it all the time.

I'm a pretty chatty, friendly guy. I hate awkwardness in conversations when it is silent so always go out my way to ask someone for example 'how their weekend was', 'what they have been upto', etc...but very rarely do I get the same question asked back. One guy at work for example is a pretty quiet guy, nice enough but in our group he rarely joins in the conversations or 'banter'. I try and include him in everything so he doesn't feel left out but he rarely bothers to join in. Fair enough he is quiet but if I didn't ask him anything he would never talk and I would be sat next to him in awkward silence. I asked him what he was upto this weekend. He talked for about 2 minutes what he was upto, seeing mates etc....then the conversation stopped. I expected him to ask me the same question back as it's the polite thing to do even if he and I both don't really give a damn what each other are upto but nah didn't get asked. Another woman at work talks and talks about herself constantly but never asks anyone anything about themselves. My wife says it's very common at her work as well.

Are people just self absorbed these days? Lack social skills? Just rude? Or am I being annoying asking a simple question ?? :confused

Edited by donnie85 on Sunday 19th June 08:40

Maybe nobody likes either of you?

[PHuzzy]

Why go through the motions of a chat when you also admit that you don't actually care and are just talking for the sake of talking?

[anonymous-user]

GranpaB said:

donnie85 said:

I was talking to my wife about this the other day who agreed she notices it all the time.

I'm a pretty chatty, friendly guy. I hate awkwardness in conversations when it is silent so always go out my way to ask someone for example 'how their weekend was', 'what they have been upto', etc...but very rarely do I get the same question asked back. One guy at work for example is a pretty quiet guy, nice enough but in our group he rarely joins in the conversations or 'banter'. I try and include him in everything so he doesn't feel left out but he rarely bothers to join in. Fair enough he is quiet but if I didn't ask him anything he would never talk and I would be sat next to him in awkward silence. I asked him what he was upto this weekend. He talked for about 2 minutes what he was upto, seeing mates etc....then the conversation stopped. I expected him to ask me the same question back as it's the polite thing to do even if he and I both don't really give a damn what each other are upto but nah didn't get asked. Another woman at work talks and talks about herself constantly but never asks anyone anything about themselves. My wife says it's very common at her work as well.

Are people just self absorbed these days? Lack social skills? Just rude? Or am I being annoying asking a simple question ?? :confused

Edited by donnie85 on Sunday 19th June 08:40

Maybe nobody likes either of you?

[grumbledoak]

donnie85 said:

I was talking to my wife about this the other day who agreed she notices it all the time.

I'm a pretty chatty, friendly guy. I hate awkwardness in conversations when it is silent so always go out my way to ask someone for example 'how their weekend was', 'what they have been upto', etc...but very rarely do I get the same question asked back. One guy at work for example is a pretty quiet guy, nice enough but in our group he rarely joins in the conversations or 'banter'. I try and include him in everything so he doesn't feel left out but he rarely bothers to join in. Fair enough he is quiet but if I didn't ask him anything he would never talk and I would be sat next to him in awkward silence. I asked him what he was upto this weekend. He talked for about 2 minutes what he was upto, seeing mates etc....then the conversation stopped. I expected him to ask me the same question back as it's the polite thing to do even if he and I both don't really give a damn what each other are upto but nah didn't get asked. Another woman at work talks and talks about herself constantly but never asks anyone anything about themselves. My wife says it's very common at her work as well.

Are people just self absorbed these days? Lack social skills? Just rude? Or am I being annoying asking a simple question ?? :confused

Yes. People are just self absorbed. You don't like "awkward" silences in conversations so you are trying to fill them yourself or to force the other party to do so, and blaming them when they don't.

Why don't you try to spend more time with that woman?

[Fusion777]

Not everyone wants to talk all the time. Some people are quite happy with their own company, and might seek out interaction if/when they want it.

Personally I find the constant "What are you up to this weekend?", "What did you get up to at the weekend?" chat a bit tiring. For a lot of people, their weekends and routines are fairly similar week to week

[CrgT16]

My brother in law is like that, very quiet but his parents are just the same. Some people don’t like chit chat. It’s not a bad thing.

Maybe he just sees work as work and happy to go in do his job and get out. No need to socialise, it’s not like he doesn’t say good morning or good bye is it? He is just happy to be as he is. Maybe he finds you annoying by trying to make him be like you?

[mike74]

It's funny how irritating chatter boxes who love the sound of their own voice and constantly feel the need to make banal small talk and inane chit chat always seem to accuse those who aren't that way inclined of being rude/ignorant/socially awkward.

[Pistom]

I get where the OP is coming from and yes I have noticed a diminishing of social skills but at the same time I hate it when I've trying to get on with something and someone insists on wanting to talk to me - especially if it's the "how was your weekend" kind of question.

[Fusion777]

What's worse? Pretending to be interested in someone so you can fulfil your need of not being in silence, or not engaging in the first place? Does the OP talk to these people out of work?

[this is my username]

Have you ever heard of introverts?

amongst other things we find people who want to talk the whole time about nothing very frustrating.

I'm not antisocial, I have good friends and I enjoy spending time with them, but I would cross the road to avoid many of the extroverts I have known over the years just to avoid their constant desire for interaction and their lack of self-awareness. The only reason I engage with them at all is because the social norms set by extroverts require me to.

I found this a good watch:

https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_...

Edited by this is my username on Sunday 19th June 09:22

Edited by this is my username on Sunday 19th June 09:23

[PositronicRay]

Oi Donnie, speak up, you're awfully quiet at the back.

[Roofless Toothless]

PositronicRay said:

I'm not keen on chit chat for the sake of it, happy with silence if there's nothing to say. When you can sit in silence with someone you know its quite special.
ETA barbers are the worst, if im pressured i just make stuff up.

Edited by PositronicRay on Sunday 19th June 08:47

Nothing in life comes without its compensations.

When getting my hair cut I can simply remove my hearing aids and have a quiet relaxing ten minutes without explaining whether I’m going somewhere nice for my holiday or not.

[Pitre]

IMHO this is simply being polite.

Nothing worse (*) than talking to self-obsessed people who cannot engage socially and show zero interest in the lives and wellbeing of others.

(*) Not true, obviously, just making a point.

[PositronicRay]

Roofless Toothless said:

PositronicRay said:

I'm not keen on chit chat for the sake of it, happy with silence if there's nothing to say. When you can sit in silence with someone you know its quite special.
ETA barbers are the worst, if im pressured i just make stuff up.

Edited by PositronicRay on Sunday 19th June 08:47

Nothing in life comes without its compensations.

When getting my hair cut I can simply remove my hearing aids and have a quiet relaxing ten minutes without explaining whether I’m going somewhere nice for my holiday or not.

A lad has opened a barbers in the village, apparently very good albeit a bit expensive. What i don't understand is punters get 40min chair time (according to his blurb)

What the hell are we going to talk about for 40 mins?

[Wacky Racer]

If you've got nothing to say say nothing

Everyone is different. It's a fact of life.

[Roofless Toothless]

PositronicRay said:

Roofless Toothless said:

PositronicRay said:

I'm not keen on chit chat for the sake of it, happy with silence if there's nothing to say. When you can sit in silence with someone you know its quite special.
ETA barbers are the worst, if im pressured i just make stuff up.

Edited by PositronicRay on Sunday 19th June 08:47

Nothing in life comes without its compensations.

When getting my hair cut I can simply remove my hearing aids and have a quiet relaxing ten minutes without explaining whether I’m going somewhere nice for my holiday or not.

A lad has opened a barbers in the village, apparently very good albeit a bit expensive. What i don't understand is punters get 40min chair time (according to his blurb)

What the hell are we going to talk about for 40 mins?

In truth, I don’t have very much hair.

[Vasco]

mike74 said:

It's funny how irritating chatter boxes who love the sound of their own voice and constantly feel the need to make banal small talk and inane chit chat always seem to accuse those who aren't that way inclined of being rude/ignorant/socially awkward.

Yes, this.

It gets a bit frustrating with someone determined to have some banal chit chat for no real reason. It's as if they have something missing in their own empty lives.

[PositronicRay]

Roofless Toothless said:

PositronicRay said:

Roofless Toothless said:

PositronicRay said:

I'm not keen on chit chat for the sake of it, happy with silence if there's nothing to say. When you can sit in silence with someone you know its quite special.
ETA barbers are the worst, if im pressured i just make stuff up.

Edited by PositronicRay on Sunday 19th June 08:47

Nothing in life comes without its compensations.

When getting my hair cut I can simply remove my hearing aids and have a quiet relaxing ten minutes without explaining whether I’m going somewhere nice for my holiday or not.

A lad has opened a barbers in the village, apparently very good albeit a bit expensive. What i don't understand is punters get 40min chair time (according to his blurb)

What the hell are we going to talk about for 40 mins?

In truth, I don’t have very much hair.

Not reflected in chair time and price.