I am your Father... or am I?

[Milkyway]

A few years ago my ageing Dad politely informed me that one of my Children, possibly both aren’t mine.
Long story... quite short.

Met my ex in early nineties, who had a five year old ‘fatherless’ son. Bought a house in ‘93.
We tried for a family for many years, & after about five early miscarriages, we finally had a son in ‘99, followed swiftly by a daughter fifteen months later.
During this time She worked part time, mainly evenings & weekends at the local Safeway supermarket... mainly on the checkout & then a supervisory role.

We split up in 2006... but this is where it get interesting.
My SIL, told my Dad & my Dear departed Mother the following tale.
My SIL’s friend worked at said Safeway’s & knew my ex... she thought that I was the BUTCHER who worked there & rumblings of my missus getting extra sausage.
( Thinking back now, our freezer did always seem quite full... & quite a few ‘late home’ scenarios, usually due to a takings issue.)


So, it’s seems that my family knew about all this... but kept it to themselves. I understand now why my Brother & his wife never
invited US around to their house.

My Dad is convinced that both my kids aren’t mine...to make matters even better, he’s seen the ‘Butcher of Safeways’... & my son is the spitting image of him.

I have politely told my Dad... that I WON’T be participating in any DNA tests, & definitely not after reading a few similar online stories.
It wouldn’t end well... for anybody.

Edited by Milkyway on Sunday 15th January 15:37

[Jordie Barretts sock]

But now you've always got the doubt.

Not a chance I'd let that go mate.

[21TonyK]

Milkyway said:

I have politely told my Dad... that I WON’T be participating in any DNA tests, & definitely not after reading a few similar online stories.
It wouldn’t end well... for anybody.

It's your business and only for you to decide. Only fly in the ointment if if the kids are made aware other than by you.

[MDMA .]

Milkyway said:

A few years ago my ageing Dad politely informed me that one of my Children, possibly both aren’t mine.
Long story... quite short.

Met my ex in early nineties, who had a five year old ‘fatherless’ son. Bought a house in ‘93.
We tried for a family for many years, & after about five early miscarriages, we finally had a son in ‘99, followed swiftly by a daughter fifteen months later.
During this time She worked part time, mainly evenings & weekends at the local Safeway supermarket... mainly on the checkout & then a supervisory role.

We split up in 2006... but this is where it get interesting.
My SIL, told my Dad & my Dear departed Mother the following tale.
My SIL’s friend worked at said Safeway’s & knew my ex... she thought that I was the BUTCHER who worked there & rumblings of my missus getting extra sausage.

So, it’s seems that my family knew about all this... but kept it to themselves. I understand now why my Brother & his wife never
invented US around their house.

My Dad is convinced that both my kids aren’t mine...to make matters even better, he’s seen the ‘Butcher of Safeways’... & my son is the spitting image of him.

I have politely told my Dad... that I WON’T be participating in any DNA tests, & definitely not after reading a few similar online stories.
It wouldn’t end well... for anybody.

Edited by Milkyway on Sunday 15th January 15:29

Safeway checkout girl sounds familiar

[dundarach]

Why on earth are you posting this on here?

What do you want as a reply?

[Milkyway]

dundarach said:

Why on earth are you posting this on here?

What do you want as a reply?

Nothing... just wonder how other PH’ers would feel.
I’ve taken my Brave pill... seems to be bugging my Dad though.
( of course... he’s know about this a lot longer than me).

Edited by Milkyway on Sunday 15th January 15:39

[Stick Legs]

Milkyway said:

dundarach said:

Why on earth are you posting this on here?

What do you want as a reply?

Nothing... just wonder how other PH’ers would feel.

I was going to reply that:

1) Validation. Your father is spiteful for dropping that information after so long.

2) Sympathy. I can only imagine how sh**ty thst must feel.

3) Advice. People may have experienced something similar themselves & may suggest alternative reasons why DNA is/isn’t the way to go.

4) Getting it off your chest. It helps to talk it out.

So from s psychological point of view actually there are loads of reasons to bring it up on the forum.

[boxst]

Milkyway said:

Nothing... just wonder how other PH’ers would feel.
I’ve taken my Brave pill... seems to be bugging my Dad though.
( of course... he’s know about this a lot longer than me).

Edited by Milkyway on Sunday 15th January 15:39

Why don't you get a DNA test? No one has to know the result about from you. I agree with someone above that it'll constantly be at the back of your mind. If it isn't your biological child, it is still YOUR child by the sounds of it so nothing will change.

[Monkeylegend]

Milkyway said:

I have politely told my Dad... that I WON’T be participating in any DNA tests, & definitely not after reading a few similar online stories.
It wouldn’t end well... for anybody.

Edited by Milkyway on Sunday 15th January 15:37

Nothing more to do then than carry on treating them as you always have done.

[dundarach]

I'm not sure I'd want to know, depends on your relationship with your children.

If all the financial and emotional stuff are now sorted, nothing good will come from knowing if they're not yours.

Also, I'd be tempted to punch my dad, if yours was mine!

[KarlMac]

I’m think you should talk it through with your son and see what his feelings are. It might not make a difference to either of you if you raised him but conversely he might also want closure on who his biological father was/is.

It’s also really important they understand the type of person their mother is.

Worse case scenario is that he finds out eventually and finds out that you knew, that could damage your relationship permanently as he might see it as a betrayal.

[Milkyway]

cheers

Obviously, my love for them won’t change... I’m in the ‘I’d rather not know’ stage at the moment.

But IF that was the case... my Children have, potentially half siblings & extra family.
I have no hard feelings towards my family...it’s a difficult subject to broach.
But yes, if I had been made aware at the time... maybe I would have handled the situation differently.

[durbster]

Even if it is true, it doesn't change the simple truth that if you've raised them, to them you're their Dad and to you they're your kids.

[Milkyway]

I will still love them as I always have...they are young, happy & just beginning to find their feet.
I’m proud of both of them... no way am I going to rock any boats.
They already have two half brothers... so I think that’s enough.

PS: My Dad is 94, just get the felling that he would like to know... sooner rather than later.
( I admit, It does explain the slight awkwardness when my kids pop around to see him...My Sons side of things is a bit more recent though)

Edited by Milkyway on Sunday 15th January 16:01

[A500leroy]

Milkyway said:

cheers

Obviously, my love for them won’t change... I’m in the ‘I’d rather not know’ stage at the moment.

But IF that was the case... my Children have, potentially half siblings & extra family.
I have no hard feelings towards my family...it’s a difficult subject to broach.
But yes, if I had been made aware at the time... maybe I would have handled the situation differently.

if I was your son id want to know, if only for potential inheritence and medical history, but your always the one that raised him.

[Sheets Tabuer]

I'd want to know, that would eat away at me until the grave.

[Punctilio]

durbster said:

Even if it is true, it doesn't change the
simple truth that if you've raised them, to them you're
their Dad and to you they're your kids.

Indeed, it really makes no odds who fertilised the egg, you are their father, always will be

[Milkyway]

Punctilio said:

Indeed, it really makes no odds who fertilised the egg, you are their father, always will be

That’s the way I look at it.

[Jenny Tailor]

Sheets Tabuer said:

I'd want to know, that would eat away at me until the grave.

What good will come out of it?

Once you start on this - it could be more than just devistating than for you.
If it is found out that you did DNA testing - even with the result you want - all trust will be gone.

Right now - you are the only one hurting and the basis is a rumour.

Do you see a course of action that won't make it worse?

[Jenny Tailor]

Milkyway said:

Punctilio said:

Indeed, it really makes no odds who fertilised the egg, you are their father, always will be

That’s the way I look at it.

This