The wife

[Billybobboomerang]

Not a new member just a new profile.

Currently at my wits end. Basically I have zero trust in the wife.
Get the popcorn out.

Facts: Married, house, she has 1 kid. Been together 15yrs.

Its not been easy. Ive been caught out talking to people online / phone in unnaceptable manners + porn. She had a 3 / 4 month affair with another married man in lockdown.

After which we went to therapy for approx 1 yr to build the relationship again. I stopped seeing the therapist as my porn addiction was culled in my eyes.
She continues to see therapist off and on and I see them maybe twice a year to touch base etc.


Since 2021 however she has a new job. Basically a office manager for a guy that has a few restaurants / properties etc. Now on the face of it the guy seems ok. Ive been to his house for the odd occasion etc. Thats where my suspicions started. Just noting her body language etc.
Then there is the extravagant Christmas presents. For 2021 it was a £700 Ysl handbag. This year it was a £1750 Ysl handbag and a £300 bottle of perfume.

For reference I dont have that sort of wedge to gift on her. Not that I would.

Or the fact she calls him pretty much when she leaves in the car (checked phone logs on a few seperate occasions) I pulled her up about this (I make no secret that I do not like thier "relationship" or the gifts) She says she calls him when shes out the house so she isnt doing work stuff at home / trying to be respectful etc.

I know that if it sounds like a duck and looks like a duck...


Just looking for an outsiders perspective.

[ReverendCounter]

You already know.

[LordHaveMurci]

Where there is doubt, there is no doubt.

Sorry

[grumbledoak]

ReverendCounter said:

You already know.

^^^

[Caddyshack]

Once trust is gone it is very hard to get back. Sounds like you both may be happier if you moved on but therapy would have probably told you what you both need to know.


Sorry to hear you are in this situation….it is easy to say but life is too short to hang about unhappy.

[Kes Arevo]

As has been said, you already know.

[jm8403]

Caddyshack said:

Once trust is gone it is very hard to get back. Sounds like you both may be happier if you moved on but therapy would have probably told you what you both need to know.


Sorry to hear you are in this situation….it is easy to say but life is too short to hang about unhappy.

100% - the sooner you get it over the sooner you can move on. it wont be easy but keep posting.

[Jasandjules]

Billybobboomerang said:

Currently at my wits end. Basically I have zero trust in the wife.

If you can not see that changing, and from what you say it does not seem likely to me, you know the answer. Your posting on here also shows you know the answer.

[Steamer]

Billybobboomerang said:

Just noting her body language etc.

Ouch - Body language doesn't lie.

But this is the bit I've got to ask about... and asking on P/H 'home of the powerfully built director' may not be the ideal audience... Are gifts like that to a married woman appropriate?

Billybobboomerang said:

Then there is the extravagant Christmas presents. For 2021 it was a £700 Ysl handbag. This year it was a £1750 Ysl handbag and a £300 bottle of perfume.

I just don't think thats quite cricket.

'IF' she was my Girl Friday / Number 1 employee.. and I respected her and her situation on a totally professional level - I think the gifts should be either something 'family inclusive' or in the form of a financial bonus.

There is just something a bit creepy / snide about the handbags & perfume... its in the same postcode as lingerie.

[CrgT16]

Well you have form… she had an affair, you were looking at things you shouldn’t if you were in a happy and fulfilled relationship… you tried to patch it but the problems probably are deeper than you think. It’s harsh but probably pass the point if no return for you guys. Best of luck!

[Tye Green]

Billybobboomerang said:

Or the fact she calls him pretty much when she leaves in the car

I know that if it sounds like a duck and looks like a duck...

can't really help though I've been there before and she said I was imagining stuff so I left a recording device in the car and I was correct.

if you need to hear if it also talks like a duck search on eBay 'mini gps tracker ' .

stty situation you're in and you've my sympathy

[Shuff4]

Run!

Once it’s done it’s done, therapy is more a bandage than a fix.

[hajaba123]

Billybobboomerang said:

Not a new member just a new profile.

Currently at my wits end. Basically I have zero trust in the wife.
Get the popcorn out.

Facts: Married, house, she has 1 kid. Been together 15yrs.

Its not been easy. Ive been caught out talking to people online / phone in unnaceptable manners + porn. She had a 3 / 4 month affair with another married man in lockdown.

After which we went to therapy for approx 1 yr to build the relationship again. I stopped seeing the therapist as my porn addiction was culled in my eyes.
She continues to see therapist off and on and I see them maybe twice a year to touch base etc.


Since 2021 however she has a new job. Basically a office manager for a guy that has a few restaurants / properties etc. Now on the face of it the guy seems ok. Ive been to his house for the odd occasion etc. Thats where my suspicions started. Just noting her body language etc.
Then there is the extravagant Christmas presents. For 2021 it was a £700 Ysl handbag. This year it was a £1750 Ysl handbag and a £300 bottle of perfume.

For reference I dont have that sort of wedge to gift on her. Not that I would.

Or the fact she calls him pretty much when she leaves in the car (checked phone logs on a few seperate occasions) I pulled her up about this (I make no secret that I do not like thier "relationship" or the gifts) She says she calls him when shes out the house so she isnt doing work stuff at home / trying to be respectful etc.

I know that if it sounds like a duck and looks like a duck...


Just looking for an outsiders perspective.

[Tango13]

Steamer said:

Billybobboomerang said:

Then there is the extravagant Christmas presents. For 2021 it was a £700 Ysl handbag. This year it was a £1750 Ysl handbag and a £300 bottle of perfume.

I just don't think thats quite cricket.

'IF' she was my Girl Friday / Number 1 employee.. and I respected her and her situation on a totally professional level - I think the gifts should be either something 'family inclusive' or in the form of a financial bonus.

There is just something a bit creepy / snide about the handbags & perfume... its in the same postcode as lingerie.

More than a bit creepy if you ask me.

Makes me wonder if he has a thing for married women or just wants the thrill of the chase and once he's succeeded he'll move along to the next challenge?

[BoRED S2upid]

Steamer said:

Billybobboomerang said:

Just noting her body language etc.

Ouch - Body language doesn't lie.

But this is the bit I've got to ask about... and asking on P/H 'home of the powerfully built director' may not be the ideal audience... Are gifts like that to a married woman appropriate?

Billybobboomerang said:

Then there is the extravagant Christmas presents. For 2021 it was a £700 Ysl handbag. This year it was a £1750 Ysl handbag and a £300 bottle of perfume.

I just don't think thats quite cricket.

'IF' she was my Girl Friday / Number 1 employee.. and I respected her and her situation on a totally professional level - I think the gifts should be either something 'family inclusive' or in the form of a financial bonus.

There is just something a bit creepy / snide about the handbags & perfume... its in the same postcode as lingerie.

Agree with that. Creepy as. Employee bonus is usually cash is it not? I’ve only ever given cash or booze.

[rallye101]

Start your new life.....

[Jenny Tailor]

OP - Are you Welshbeef in disguise?

Apart from that - as painful as it is for all parties - it is likely best that you both move on.

[Jonmx]

Respectfully, it sounds like you've both been as bad as each other in the past. Whilst you've taken measures to sort yourself out, she hasn't. Given both of your previous indiscretions, it sounds like you'd both be happier single.
I wish you luck OP. I think you already know where the relationship is headed.

[visitinglondon]

Jenny Tailor said:

OP - Are you Welshbeef in disguise?

Apart from that - as painful as it is for all parties - it is likely best that you both move on.

Fermit I reckon

[soad]

Leaving her an option? Would be for the best, Shirley? Whilst emotionally painful, time’s a healer and all that.

If you can’t trust her, it won’t end well.