Phrases that you enjoy the most

[Pixelpeep Electric]

Time for a positive spin on a well established PH thread.

"sounds like a you problem" i've been particularly enjoying over the last week, delivery is everything to avoid any hard feelings.

I also enjoy "a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"

share your gems please

[Blib]

Blimey! You're a team player.

[Punctilio]

I do like doing the world's smallest violin mime when someone is grizzling about an insignificance.

[sinbaddio]

I would love to be able to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

[Pixelpeep Electric]

Blib said:

Blimey! You're a team player.

made me laugh out loud... i am a team player, but i like to manage expectations of people thinking i'm an easy target to just dump stuff on

[Jonquil]

To describe an individual or team that isn't very good.

He/she/they suffer(s) from delusions of adequacy.

Some one who's really bad at gas welding. Oxymoron.

[GliderRider]

Dim as a Toc H lamp
Bright as a blackout
If he had brains he would be dangerous
A village is missing its idiot

A sign in stores at work many years ago, "Actually I'm a bit of a bullstter myself, but carry on, I'm still listening".

A Post-It note I handed to a newly employed permanent colleague who was replacing me (a contractor), when she was going into great detail about something which would occur after I had left the company, "sts given, <1".

[StescoG66]

As much use as Anne Franks drum kit

For someone with great delusions of grandeur - would use their own st as toothpaste

[PositronicRay]

Apart from that Mrs Lincon did you enjoy the theatre?

[droopsnoot]

I'm in the middle of my tether.

(courtesy of Mark and Lard)

[Johnspex]

Of 2 people neither of whom is very bright- added together they wouldn't make an idiot.

[Sycamore]

You might be able to tell me the square root of an orange, but you couldn't peel the thing, so ps off and let me do my job

You don't have 20 years' experience - You have 1 years' experience that you've repeated 20 times.

[Spare tyre]

sinbaddio said:

I would love to be able to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you

[Tango13]

Out of their depth on a freshly mopped floor...

[Deranged Rover]

For a difficult task - "Like trying to nail blancmange to the ceiling"

My boss's favourite - "The worst they can do is not fire me"

To describe distractions - "When you're up to your arse in alligators, it's difficult to remember that the original plan was to drain the swamp"

And courtesy of Viz:

When describing a 'less well endowed' lady - "Flatter than a plate of piss"

When describing a 'fuller-figured' lady - "Expecting a tough winter"

[Tango13]

Deranged Rover said:

For a difficult task - "Like trying to nail blancmange to the ceiling"

My boss's favourite - "The worst they can do is not fire me"

To describe distractions - "When you're up to your arse in alligators, it's difficult to remember that the original plan was to drain the swamp"

And courtesy of Viz:

When describing a 'less well endowed' lady - "Flatter than a plate of piss"

When describing a 'fuller-figured' lady - "Expecting a tough winter"

I can remember Viz captioning a picture of Patsy Kensit with 'Fried eggs'

[jimwilli]

Stick a broom up my arse and ill sweep up while im at it

[Pixelpeep Electric]

Deranged Rover said:

For a difficult task - "Like trying to nail blancmange to the ceiling"

My boss's favourite - "The worst they can do is not fire me"

To describe distractions - "When you're up to your arse in alligators, it's difficult to remember that the original plan was to drain the swamp"

And courtesy of Viz:

When describing a 'less well endowed' lady - "Flatter than a plate of piss"

When describing a 'fuller-figured' lady - "Expecting a tough winter"

Love all those

[Ash_]

If Brains were dynamite they wouldn't have enough to blow their nose.

[Ash_]

And one my wife hates, "It is, what it is", in other words, worry about what you can control, don't worry about what you can't control.