12 going on 13yr old son- help (manipulative)
Discussion
OK he's for the most part simply awesome but he has a cunning side. For instance he got me to take him to a TV shop just to look and whilst I was parking up he hopped out and went in... he promptly ordered a TV and paid for it before I got through the front door. This was his birthday and Christmas money etc saved up.
On the run up to this he had picked up my wife's phone and WhatsApp the family group saying it'd be a good idea for the TV (writing from her and referring to me as @first name) something my wife doesn't call me...
The TV? 50".
Previously he's asked me for a word - then said he'd ordered a vape kit for delivery and placed the parcel infront of me. He said don't get mad but.... placed it infront of me.
Turned out it was a apple smart watch and I explained about risk seeing carrying such a watch and at his age etc.
He knew how to set the expectation and I'd be more likely to go phew ok keep the watch.. but didn't..
He agreed to return that... then the TV talk started.
He's well behaved and smart at school, not once has he been introuble.
Recently he's started opening all my post. Is that normal?!
Is any of this normal, to push the boundaries?!!!
On the run up to this he had picked up my wife's phone and WhatsApp the family group saying it'd be a good idea for the TV (writing from her and referring to me as @first name) something my wife doesn't call me...
The TV? 50".
Previously he's asked me for a word - then said he'd ordered a vape kit for delivery and placed the parcel infront of me. He said don't get mad but.... placed it infront of me.
Turned out it was a apple smart watch and I explained about risk seeing carrying such a watch and at his age etc.
He knew how to set the expectation and I'd be more likely to go phew ok keep the watch.. but didn't..
He agreed to return that... then the TV talk started.
He's well behaved and smart at school, not once has he been introuble.
Recently he's started opening all my post. Is that normal?!
Is any of this normal, to push the boundaries?!!!
I think any age from 5 onwards children start to learn manipulation and the pushing of boundaries(?)....so yeah I'd say it's normal.
It's at what point you stop them, how you teach them, and IF they're interested to learn, given that there are precious few real consequences these days that the modern child can't find a way through or around....so as a result everything can be achieved and there are no limits to the continual 'push'
None of the above means the child is malicious or nasty. They've just figured it out.
How you teach them without instigating an arms race of pushing against you vs them feeling actual consequences is the real tough bit.
Maximum empathy from me....
It's at what point you stop them, how you teach them, and IF they're interested to learn, given that there are precious few real consequences these days that the modern child can't find a way through or around....so as a result everything can be achieved and there are no limits to the continual 'push'
None of the above means the child is malicious or nasty. They've just figured it out.
How you teach them without instigating an arms race of pushing against you vs them feeling actual consequences is the real tough bit.
Maximum empathy from me....
Edited by Quickmoose on Tuesday 7th March 14:46
Normal.
Nobody died, he hasn't stolen anything.
Choose your battles!
My son was very similar at that age, every trick in the book - I turned a blind eye to most of it (smoking and beer drinking) and encouraged him to work hard at school. Which he did. He's now at university and doing very well.
Does he have a mentor that he looks up to?
Nobody died, he hasn't stolen anything.
Choose your battles!
My son was very similar at that age, every trick in the book - I turned a blind eye to most of it (smoking and beer drinking) and encouraged him to work hard at school. Which he did. He's now at university and doing very well.
Does he have a mentor that he looks up to?
Well it would seem that he is getting very interested in money and acquiring stuff. That seems fairly normal for one his age. Weren't we all? However, opening all your post!! WTAF?? That's actually unlawful I think since it is not addressed to him (unless you share a name and every single opening was an honest mistake - Thought not). You have to stop that now.
Just my two penn'orth.
JM
Just my two penn'orth.
JM
NDA said:
Normal.
Nobody died, he hasn't stolen anything.
Choose your battles!
My son was very similar at that age, every trick in the book - I turned a blind eye to most of it (smoking and beer drinking) and encouraged him to work hard at school. Which he did. He's now at university and doing very well.
Does he have a mentor that he looks up to?
A politician by the sound of it Nobody died, he hasn't stolen anything.
Choose your battles!
My son was very similar at that age, every trick in the book - I turned a blind eye to most of it (smoking and beer drinking) and encouraged him to work hard at school. Which he did. He's now at university and doing very well.
Does he have a mentor that he looks up to?
OP, my son - also 13 - has become a sneaky bugger when it comes to mobile phone access. He's obsessed.
The TV is mischievous. But if it's his money which he has obtained legitimately, it's up to him to learn how to spend it.
However, opening your post is absolutely not on. Regardless of the contents of it, he needs taking down a peg or two and to learn to respect people's privacy.
When I first got together with my wife, it shocked her a little that I wouldn't go into her handbag for her to retrieve something. Reason being? When I was young, it was drilled into me that under no circumstances do you breach someone's privacy and rifle through their stuff be that a handbag, wallet or anything. Post comes under this category.
However, opening your post is absolutely not on. Regardless of the contents of it, he needs taking down a peg or two and to learn to respect people's privacy.
When I first got together with my wife, it shocked her a little that I wouldn't go into her handbag for her to retrieve something. Reason being? When I was young, it was drilled into me that under no circumstances do you breach someone's privacy and rifle through their stuff be that a handbag, wallet or anything. Post comes under this category.
This isn't normal and you need to stop it, no way a child should be even thinking about doing that, did you or your wife try this growing up? I certainly didn't, id be sending it all back and clamping down big time if my daughter did this, a 50in tv? an Apple Watch, seriously this will end badly for you if you don't act now. im not saying go all victorian parent on him, but boundaries are there to teach real world behaviour
Hugo Stiglitz said:
ZedLeg said:
Is there a reason he feels the need to lie about wanting things? I wouldn't see a problem with a kid spending their own money on a new TV if they wanted one.
Agree but a 50" one for his bedroom? . Presume he has a Recent Xbox/PS5/gaming PC?There's no such thing as too big a screen for 4k gaming.
Hugo Stiglitz said:
ZedLeg said:
Is there a reason he feels the need to lie about wanting things? I wouldn't see a problem with a kid spending their own money on a new TV if they wanted one.
Agree but a 50" one for his bedroom? Hugo Stiglitz said:
ZedLeg said:
Is there a reason he feels the need to lie about wanting things? I wouldn't see a problem with a kid spending their own money on a new TV if they wanted one.
Agree but a 50" one for his bedroom? If he wants to blow it all on a stupid-size TV, it's up to you to teach him the consequences of that decision in that he'll have no money for anything else.
If he's happy having no money for anything else, let him fill his boots.
When I was a kid, I wanted a pair of Nike Air Max. I spent all my money on them and coveted them. My parents thought it was a waste, but I got about 10 years out of those trainers so I was happy.
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