Do you have anyone you can confide in?
Discussion
Do you have anyone that you can really confide in, expose your worst fears and doubts to and who can offer support? Or do you just keep everything to yourself?
Although I’m very close to my wife and daughter I can’t really be fully open for fear of unsettling them and making them depressed.
I’ve got some good mates but it must be a British bloke thing (or maybe an older British bloke thing) but personal feelings seems to be one of those topics like religion that you just don’t talk about.
Not that there is objectively anything wrong with my life. Yet I do struggle at times with existential nihilism. Sometimes I feel like I constantly “doing” things (learning, changing jobs, changing cars, changing continents) to keep myself from dwelling on the pointlessness of my existence.
Although I’m very close to my wife and daughter I can’t really be fully open for fear of unsettling them and making them depressed.
I’ve got some good mates but it must be a British bloke thing (or maybe an older British bloke thing) but personal feelings seems to be one of those topics like religion that you just don’t talk about.
Not that there is objectively anything wrong with my life. Yet I do struggle at times with existential nihilism. Sometimes I feel like I constantly “doing” things (learning, changing jobs, changing cars, changing continents) to keep myself from dwelling on the pointlessness of my existence.
I used to confide in my best mate, but then he would occasionally mention things to his wife who would then tell my wife because she was dreadful at keeping things to herself. This was during our divorce.
I also had another friend who I used to confide in at the same time but then she accidentally told things to my wife as well.
I now don’t feel I can easily confide properly in anyone.
I also had another friend who I used to confide in at the same time but then she accidentally told things to my wife as well.
I now don’t feel I can easily confide properly in anyone.
Skeptisk said:
Do you have anyone that you can really confide in, expose your worst fears and doubts to and who can offer support? Or do you just keep everything to yourself?
Although I’m very close to my wife and daughter I can’t really be fully open for fear of unsettling them and making them depressed.
I’ve got some good mates but it must be a British bloke thing (or maybe an older British bloke thing) but personal feelings seems to be one of those topics like religion that you just don’t talk about.
Not that there is objectively anything wrong with my life. Yet I do struggle at times with existential nihilism. Sometimes I feel like I constantly “doing” things (learning, changing jobs, changing cars, changing continents) to keep myself from dwelling on the pointlessness of my existence.
Sometimes it is easier to confide in those you don't know, like posting threads for randoms on PH to get involved, in to get advice and experiences from Although I’m very close to my wife and daughter I can’t really be fully open for fear of unsettling them and making them depressed.
I’ve got some good mates but it must be a British bloke thing (or maybe an older British bloke thing) but personal feelings seems to be one of those topics like religion that you just don’t talk about.
Not that there is objectively anything wrong with my life. Yet I do struggle at times with existential nihilism. Sometimes I feel like I constantly “doing” things (learning, changing jobs, changing cars, changing continents) to keep myself from dwelling on the pointlessness of my existence.
Skeptisk said:
Do you have anyone that you can really confide in, expose your worst fears and doubts to and who can offer support? Or do you just keep everything to yourself?
Although I’m very close to my wife and daughter I can’t really be fully open for fear of unsettling them and making them depressed.
I’ve got some good mates but it must be a British bloke thing (or maybe an older British bloke thing) but personal feelings seems to be one of those topics like religion that you just don’t talk about.
Not that there is objectively anything wrong with my life. Yet I do struggle at times with existential nihilism. Sometimes I feel like I constantly “doing” things (learning, changing jobs, changing cars, changing continents) to keep myself from dwelling on the pointlessness of my existence.
Yes, I have people I can confide in, maybe 5 people in total. All are men; a couple from school age, a couple of friends I made later and my brother. Although I’m very close to my wife and daughter I can’t really be fully open for fear of unsettling them and making them depressed.
I’ve got some good mates but it must be a British bloke thing (or maybe an older British bloke thing) but personal feelings seems to be one of those topics like religion that you just don’t talk about.
Not that there is objectively anything wrong with my life. Yet I do struggle at times with existential nihilism. Sometimes I feel like I constantly “doing” things (learning, changing jobs, changing cars, changing continents) to keep myself from dwelling on the pointlessness of my existence.
I wouldn’t necessarily share anything with each of them, e.g. work-related topics go to a couple of them, family stuff with three of them, mental-health stuff with two etc.
But all that said, there are things I’d not share with any of them (probably, I cannot do too much introspection this morning).
And I don’t share a lot of that stuff with my partner. Partly for reasons similar to yourself and partly because she always has more going on.
The last few words of your final paragraph resonate with me: if I think at a very macro level I believe it’s all, ultimately, pointless. But that’s OK. At a micro-level, everything matters - to me, my family, friends and even strangers.
I hope you’re OK.
The question is actually more complicated. You can confide in people, but they may not be trustworthy. Also like a lot of issues, just won't understand. We all have emotional rollercoasters, if you choose the wrong time on the ride, it not not actually reflect the longer term emotions.
A good mix I've found are trusted friends, support groups and professionals . Just don't expect answers.
A good mix I've found are trusted friends, support groups and professionals . Just don't expect answers.
I’m on the different people for different topics list. I could tell my wife anything but there are some things I’d prefer not to burden her with.
Parents are still alive and both are people I can’t confide in. Brothers too.
I’ve one very good friend who’s a bit overly emotional but can be trusted too and is extremely reliable if I ever need to ask for something.
It goes two ways though, all of the above confide the odd thing in me too and I don’t share it with others.
Parents are still alive and both are people I can’t confide in. Brothers too.
I’ve one very good friend who’s a bit overly emotional but can be trusted too and is extremely reliable if I ever need to ask for something.
It goes two ways though, all of the above confide the odd thing in me too and I don’t share it with others.
Having people to bounce things off, without judgement or 'advice' is pretty crucial I think.
My dad killed himself aged 67 and while there were 600 or 700 at his funeral, and he was 'popular', I'm not sure he had friends or work colleagues that he could fully confide in. Nobody knew what was going on for him.
It feels like boys / young men are getting better at life, and meaningful conversations, but that's based on some teens and tweens that I 'coach' or chat with. I'm not saying ALL younger men are so skilled, because the ones I talk are are where my friends have encouraged their boys to talk to me.
When they are old enough I will be encouraging them to go to a Mankind Project weekend. I went in my 50's - it would have been great for me in my late teens. https://mankindprojectuki.org/the-new-warrior-trai...
Also, MKP have self-organising groups who meet every 2 weeks. I'm part of one, and we are very open with each other. It can be tough, of course, but lots of laughs too.
Keep talking !
My dad killed himself aged 67 and while there were 600 or 700 at his funeral, and he was 'popular', I'm not sure he had friends or work colleagues that he could fully confide in. Nobody knew what was going on for him.
It feels like boys / young men are getting better at life, and meaningful conversations, but that's based on some teens and tweens that I 'coach' or chat with. I'm not saying ALL younger men are so skilled, because the ones I talk are are where my friends have encouraged their boys to talk to me.
When they are old enough I will be encouraging them to go to a Mankind Project weekend. I went in my 50's - it would have been great for me in my late teens. https://mankindprojectuki.org/the-new-warrior-trai...
Also, MKP have self-organising groups who meet every 2 weeks. I'm part of one, and we are very open with each other. It can be tough, of course, but lots of laughs too.
Keep talking !
kevinon said:
It feels like boys / young men are getting better at life, and meaningful conversations, but that's based on some teens and tweens that I 'coach' or chat with. I'm not saying ALL younger men are so skilled, because the ones I talk are are where my friends have encouraged their boys to talk to me.
Perhaps there is hope of you men are not as emotionally reticent as their fathers and grandfathers. When I was growing up showing emotions (well certain emotions) was definitely viewed negatively for men, who were expected to be strong, stoic and silent. I am not sure I have any of those 'worst fears or doubts' the OP mentioned - I am probably too thick.
But I do talk with a few mates about 'stuff', not everything, but many things. I got divorced a few years ago and having mates to help organise my thinking and to feel their unwavering support at that time was very beneficial.
But I do talk with a few mates about 'stuff', not everything, but many things. I got divorced a few years ago and having mates to help organise my thinking and to feel their unwavering support at that time was very beneficial.
Of course there are confidential matters such as health and finance for example that I discuss with slouse as necessary but I have no need whatsoever to reveal my deepest fears/concerns/hopes etc.
Strangely I know people who open up to me as I do not offer judgements and never offer advice unless specifically requested.
Strangely I know people who open up to me as I do not offer judgements and never offer advice unless specifically requested.
Jasey_ said:
I'm lucky enough to not give enough s
ts about most things to let them get the better of me.
So far.
I was once thus.ts about most things to let them get the better of me.So far.
I'm not a dweller but everyone needs to get something off their chest once in a while. Bottling it up is not healthy.
Occasionally my wife will think I'm worrying about something that I'm not e.g. a work fallout or similar. I genuinely blank things like that and forget about them, but she'll needle with the questions thinking I'm bottling it up when I've already forgot about it. In my view making the problem bigger than it was. Sometimes it's nice to be able to just zen or zone out of caring about something but it's not always possible. The things that can affect me tomorrow rather than the things that affected me yesterday are the ones I'm more likely to open up about and discuss with trusted people, the past being a different country rings well with my view of the world.
EmailAddress said:
It always ends up personal on some level.
There will always be a point that the other person hits their own threshold.
Drunkenly talking to the dog has less comeback and about the same level of release.
The bit about talking to the dog is true of many including myself.There will always be a point that the other person hits their own threshold.
Drunkenly talking to the dog has less comeback and about the same level of release.
The dog may not truly listen but will not judge or give a toss either and is certainly sure not to accidently blab.
The dog is also easier to talk to and cheaper than a therapist who often is no different.
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