25, unmarried, dads rights?
Discussion
Looking for advice for a lad at work, especially as the internet looks quite bleak for him. Fully aware of the three sides of the story but gist is that he knocked up his girlfriend and they’ve got a three year old. Recently split up with agreement along the lines of she had kid during the week and he had kid weekends but she’s apparently started “weaponising” the kid and not letting him see her. They’ve got mediation this week but he thinks she won’t take it seriously, he’s stressing out quite a lot and I’ve never been in such a situation and don’t know anyone who has to offer advice. Anyone?!
popegregory said:
Looking for advice for a lad at work, especially as the internet looks quite bleak for him. Fully aware of the three sides of the story but gist is that he knocked up his girlfriend and they’ve got a three year old. Recently split up with agreement along the lines of she had kid during the week and he had kid weekends but she’s apparently started “weaponising” the kid and not letting him see her. They’ve got mediation this week but he thinks she won’t take it seriously, he’s stressing out quite a lot and I’ve never been in such a situation and don’t know anyone who has to offer advice. Anyone?!
I’m not sure if he has many rights but I assume money may help control the situation.If he wants it formaliased he has to go for a child arrangement order, they will get cafcass to write a report and then make a decision, he can represent himself so it doesn't have to cost loads.
Unless there is domestic violence he will need to attend mediation which is typically £90 a session.
The court will want the best interest of the child.
It's £253 for a child arrangement order application, if he gets a solicitor it will cost around 7-8k including barrister fees if all goes through on 1 to 2 hearings.
Unless there is domestic violence he will need to attend mediation which is typically £90 a session.
The court will want the best interest of the child.
It's £253 for a child arrangement order application, if he gets a solicitor it will cost around 7-8k including barrister fees if all goes through on 1 to 2 hearings.
I saw a piece about this very situation on BBC News a long time ago, ~10 years, so it might have changed, but here goes.
It was about the term common law wife, where word on the street says if you live with a man for X years you have right to claim a proportion of the house. A lawyer said it is absolutely false, the only way there is a claim, is if they can prove financial contribution towards the house. The lawyer then went on to say the father of a child born out of marriage has zero rights.
Both statements true my surprised me.
It was about the term common law wife, where word on the street says if you live with a man for X years you have right to claim a proportion of the house. A lawyer said it is absolutely false, the only way there is a claim, is if they can prove financial contribution towards the house. The lawyer then went on to say the father of a child born out of marriage has zero rights.
Both statements true my surprised me.
Megaflow said:
I saw a piece about this very situation on BBC News a long time ago, ~10 years, so it might have changed, but here goes.
It was about the term common law wife, where word on the street says if you live with a man for X years you have right to claim a proportion of the house. A lawyer said it is absolutely false, the only way there is a claim, is if they can prove financial contribution towards the house. The lawyer then went on to say the father of a child born out of marriage has zero rights.
Both statements true my surprised me.
How is that remotely relevant or helpful? It was about the term common law wife, where word on the street says if you live with a man for X years you have right to claim a proportion of the house. A lawyer said it is absolutely false, the only way there is a claim, is if they can prove financial contribution towards the house. The lawyer then went on to say the father of a child born out of marriage has zero rights.
Both statements true my surprised me.
Megaflow said:
The lawyer then went on to say the father of a child born out of marriage has zero rights.
Both statements true my surprised me.
If a child is born after 2003 the father has parental responsibility and has lots of rights. also the last few years has seen a shift in attitudes and it is much more likely to be awarded a 50/50 split if it is possible but none the less the courts are very interested in children having both parents.Both statements true my surprised me.
I have recently won full custody of my child with no provision of visitation even for the mother but I am still to send pictures and get her to call as part of the order.
It has been a long time since men had no rights.
Sheets Tabuer said:
If a child is born after 2003 the father has parental responsibility and has lots of rights. also the last few years has seen a shift in attitudes and it is much more likely to be awarded a 50/50 split if it is possible but none the less the courts are very interested in children having both parents.
I have recently won full custody of my child with no provision of visitation even for the mother but I am still to send pictures and get her to call as part of the order.
It has been a long time since men had no rights.
It was a long time ago, as I said, and it really surprised me. I’m glad it has been addressedI have recently won full custody of my child with no provision of visitation even for the mother but I am still to send pictures and get her to call as part of the order.
It has been a long time since men had no rights.
Its not unknown for the mother to just enjoy making life difficult for the ex/father and to see how high he is prepared to go in terms of financing her new lifestyle without him and being generally messed around. Usually once another bloke turns up she will be only to happy to have a free babysitter. Sitting tight and waiting is often the best approach.
There is also a difference depending on whether he is on the birth certificate:
- father named on the birth certificate - has parental responsibility
- father not named on the birth certificate - may need to the courts to establish rights and responsibilities
If not named on the birth certificate, then a father can be added - either by the mother choosing to do so, or through a court 'declaration of parentage': https://www.gov.uk/adding-fathers-name-birth-certi...
if married at the time of the birth or subsequently then the father should legally be on the birth certificate, but if never married, then it is back to the options above
worth being on the certificate as it brings with it parental responsibility - which is very significant, a good overview here:
https://raydensolicitors.co.uk/blog/fathers-rights...
- father named on the birth certificate - has parental responsibility
- father not named on the birth certificate - may need to the courts to establish rights and responsibilities
If not named on the birth certificate, then a father can be added - either by the mother choosing to do so, or through a court 'declaration of parentage': https://www.gov.uk/adding-fathers-name-birth-certi...
if married at the time of the birth or subsequently then the father should legally be on the birth certificate, but if never married, then it is back to the options above
worth being on the certificate as it brings with it parental responsibility - which is very significant, a good overview here:
https://raydensolicitors.co.uk/blog/fathers-rights...
GliderRider said:
Its not unknown for the mother to just enjoy making life difficult for the ex/father and to see how high he is prepared to go in terms of financing her new lifestyle without him and being generally messed around. Usually once another bloke turns up she will be only to happy to have a free babysitter. Sitting tight and waiting is often the best approach.
This. I used to work with a guy who got a girl pregnant after seeing her for 3 months. They split before the baby was born, and straight away she weaponised the child and refused to let him see his son. They eventually reached a compromise which involved him giving her money for his son, and her posting on Facebook all the new things she had purchased for herself over the weekend.Last I heard she wanted him to go guarantor on a flat she wanted to rent and he point blank refused which obviously meant he was suddenly not allowed to see his son anymore.
EmailAddress said:
I'd recommend he seriously considers his lifestyle for the next decade if he'd like to enjoy being a father.
I don't mean in a pious, virtuos way. Rather, if there is a sniff of anything the mother can use against him there's a chance he could miss out on key life stages growing up and as their early years are so short it's worth biting a bullet to remain squeaky clean.
Don't get caught drinking, drugs, fines etc. Have a safe and consistent place for the kid to come and stay. Pay support regularly and on time. Have a taxed income. Keep a diary of activities and spending for the child - shoes, food, school items etc.
Never argue with the mother. Bend to her will but stand his ground. Never lose his temper. Take the frustration out at home in private.
Remember the end game and good luck.
Sensible advice. These kind of disputes can turn incredibly nasty and there are no winners. I don't mean in a pious, virtuos way. Rather, if there is a sniff of anything the mother can use against him there's a chance he could miss out on key life stages growing up and as their early years are so short it's worth biting a bullet to remain squeaky clean.
Don't get caught drinking, drugs, fines etc. Have a safe and consistent place for the kid to come and stay. Pay support regularly and on time. Have a taxed income. Keep a diary of activities and spending for the child - shoes, food, school items etc.
Never argue with the mother. Bend to her will but stand his ground. Never lose his temper. Take the frustration out at home in private.
Remember the end game and good luck.
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