The best portable chair in the world - advice needed
Discussion
I have a shed full of petrol station camping chairs, that have been purchased in a hurry on the way to somewhere requiring portable furniture.
When one of my children has a sports fixture, I grab one of these chairs and go and for the most part they are adequate. However, at cricket there is a parent with a truly superb chair. It is light, stylish, sturdy and... it reclines, popping up a foot rest. He sits there, beer in hand and, with the most smug of expressions on his face, pushes back and rejoices in semi-recumbent seating, whilst I am bolt upright in mine, trying to slide the arm rest back onto the supporting tube.
My wife has seen this chap's chair and witnessed the green-eyed monster that emerges from within me when I see it. It was with great excitement, then, on Father's Day yesterday, that I attacked the big, rectangular, gift-wrapped box in the sitting room. I had opened the smaller package, which turned out to be two craft beers, and I felt confident that my chair envy was about to be satiated.
It was with immense disappointment therefore that I unboxed the most bizarre contraption I have ever seen. It IS a portable chair of sorts, but it is like a fishing chair that has been manufactured in a Russian forge. It is absolutely ENORMOUS. The welded tubes have a wall thickness of about 8mm and the weight (without the bag) must be approaching 100kg. This no doubt isn't helped by the built-in cool box on one side, and what appears to be an Elizabethan bookcase on the other.
The next problem is that the chair was designed to accommodate a giant. I am 5ft 10in and when I sit in it my feet don't touch the ground. At all. I can literally swing my legs, like a small child on a full-size dining chair. I can only assume that it must have been commissioned by High and Mighty and released accidentally into the broader market. It simply defies the ergonomics of normal size people.
The final, and possibly biggest problem, though, is that the name of this particular product - "Alpha Camp".
Now, as anyone here who knows me will testify, I am a well put together and strikingly good-looking male. I also take very good care of those attributes with which God blessed me. In short, I am well-presented. I therefore cannot, I repeat cannot, be seen sitting in a chair with "Alpha Camp" emblazoned across the back. It would be less a brand name, more a description.
The nub of all of this is that I now have two problems:
1. How to diplomatically tell my wife and children that the chair gifted to me with great love, after much research probably, will have to be returned. That, even if I could overcome the sheer heft of the thing, and carry it to the cricket pitch, I would immediately be laughed off it again.
2. I need to find and purchase a replacement that will surpass the one that the smug swine at cricket currently has and in which I can sit without losing the use of my legs below the thigh. It has to be the gold standard.
Advice needed.
When one of my children has a sports fixture, I grab one of these chairs and go and for the most part they are adequate. However, at cricket there is a parent with a truly superb chair. It is light, stylish, sturdy and... it reclines, popping up a foot rest. He sits there, beer in hand and, with the most smug of expressions on his face, pushes back and rejoices in semi-recumbent seating, whilst I am bolt upright in mine, trying to slide the arm rest back onto the supporting tube.
My wife has seen this chap's chair and witnessed the green-eyed monster that emerges from within me when I see it. It was with great excitement, then, on Father's Day yesterday, that I attacked the big, rectangular, gift-wrapped box in the sitting room. I had opened the smaller package, which turned out to be two craft beers, and I felt confident that my chair envy was about to be satiated.
It was with immense disappointment therefore that I unboxed the most bizarre contraption I have ever seen. It IS a portable chair of sorts, but it is like a fishing chair that has been manufactured in a Russian forge. It is absolutely ENORMOUS. The welded tubes have a wall thickness of about 8mm and the weight (without the bag) must be approaching 100kg. This no doubt isn't helped by the built-in cool box on one side, and what appears to be an Elizabethan bookcase on the other.
The next problem is that the chair was designed to accommodate a giant. I am 5ft 10in and when I sit in it my feet don't touch the ground. At all. I can literally swing my legs, like a small child on a full-size dining chair. I can only assume that it must have been commissioned by High and Mighty and released accidentally into the broader market. It simply defies the ergonomics of normal size people.
The final, and possibly biggest problem, though, is that the name of this particular product - "Alpha Camp".
Now, as anyone here who knows me will testify, I am a well put together and strikingly good-looking male. I also take very good care of those attributes with which God blessed me. In short, I am well-presented. I therefore cannot, I repeat cannot, be seen sitting in a chair with "Alpha Camp" emblazoned across the back. It would be less a brand name, more a description.
The nub of all of this is that I now have two problems:
1. How to diplomatically tell my wife and children that the chair gifted to me with great love, after much research probably, will have to be returned. That, even if I could overcome the sheer heft of the thing, and carry it to the cricket pitch, I would immediately be laughed off it again.
2. I need to find and purchase a replacement that will surpass the one that the smug swine at cricket currently has and in which I can sit without losing the use of my legs below the thigh. It has to be the gold standard.
Advice needed.
shih tzu faced said:
Can’t really help but have just had a quick look at these manly chairs on Amazon. My favourite is the one with a canopy roof built in 
I have just searched Amazon for the one I have. It is described as "oversized". OVERSIZED does not describe the gargantuan proportions of the beast. The seat is wide enough for two ordinary size people to sit side-by-side.I also note that it was quite expensive. Which makes me feel just a little bit worse.
I cannot really keep it and put up with it in the name of love, can I?
It’s a tricky one! Maybe keep the Alpha beast and tell your loved ones it’s “for best” and just use it once a year in the garden. Order yourself a more appropriate one and tell them it’s “nowhere near as good but you don’t want your special one getting damaged” then everyone’s happy!
PS Is it seriously 100kg?!! And 8mm wall thickness in the tubing? Teeny exaggeration?
PS Is it seriously 100kg?!! And 8mm wall thickness in the tubing? Teeny exaggeration?
It'll be great, sitting there in your ginormous alpha camp chair when someone asks what the model of your superb chair.
"Oh, this? It's my Big Boy XL"
"Oh, this? It's my Big Boy XL"
Edited by jfdi on Monday 19th June 09:18
Louis Balfour said:
I have just searched Amazon for the one I have. It is described as "oversized". OVERSIZED does not describe the gargantuan proportions of the beast. The seat is wide enough for two ordinary size people to sit side-by-side.
Amazon also suggests it's rated to 450 lbs. That's over 32 stone! Are you sure your family aren't trying to tell you something?maccboy said:
Great initial description but useless without pics (or link)!
I feel like I would be betraying my wife and children if I post a link. I don't know why, it just feels wrong. Like I'd taken the birthday card they painted me down to the pub so people could laugh at the artwork and poor spelling.![](https://thumbsnap.com/sc/7TERGayP.jpg[/img]</a> <a href="https://thumbsnap.com/PxDemUCz" Target="_blank" rel="nofollow">[img]https://thumbsnap.com/sc/PxDemUCz.jpg)
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