Its taken me to (nearly) 40 to realise..

[A500leroy]

..That in reality nobody (except a lucky few) are really happy and most adults are just bumming along making the best of it. Really takes a load off when you stop trying to be as happy as what you THINK everyone else is.

[Dynion Araf Uchaf]

it took me far longer to realise that those people who appeared to be doing extraordinarily well in their late 20s/ early 30's were in fact the beneficiaries of trust funds, family money and business ownership that allowed them to be MD's at 30, and have big houses.

For some reason I thought they'd all earned it, but realistically how many people can actually afford a £1m house at 30 without being the beneficiary of someone else's wealth?

I sleep a lot better knowing that I am not the abject failure I thought I was at 30.

[Blib]

Do not compare your 'insides' with everyone else's 'outsides'.

[anonymous-user]

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

it took me far longer to realise that those people who appeared to be doing extraordinarily well in their late 20s/ early 30's were in fact the beneficiaries of trust funds, family money and business ownership that allowed them to be MD's at 30, and have big houses.

For some reason I thought they'd all earned it, but realistically how many people can actually afford a £1m house at 30 without being the beneficiary of someone else's wealth?

I sleep a lot better knowing that I am not the abject failure I thought I was at 30.

This, I tried to work out how other people could afford the lifestyle they had and this was the only answer. Only today my mother was telling me that her hairdresser was telling her about her five bedroom house and their BTL. Her husband is a teacher so there has to be family money there.

My girlfriend works with a guy who is the same level as her, yet he has a massive detached house with an air B&B in the grounds, his wife doesn't work and when he recently crashed his car he just went out and bought a brand new premium SUV. He also told her that he had hit his maximum pension contribution that year and assumed she had done the same (no where near).

Like you say, it's not the sort of lifestyle you will get by doing a few hours overtime per week.

[C69]

It must be even worse for the generation that's grown up with social media. Constantly seeing people on YouTube or Insta or whatever, who are 'living their best lives' thanks to carefully-edited videos or an over-filtered photos. In reality, it's mostly an illusion.

[Spare tyre]

I do ok at the moment, not unhappy with life so to speak

Out of all my chums I’d say I’m the happiest, most are on a race to have the newest numberplate car or special sofa

I happy taking a walk up the woods with the dog and family.

I learnt to slow down a bit and enjoy the simpler things, I did have cancer recently so did my wife so certainly make you realise money doesn’t make you happy, but lack of it can

If I can pay off my mortgage before 45 it will be a mental weight off my mind

[GilletteFan]

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

it took me far longer to realise that those people who appeared to be doing extraordinarily well in their late 20s/ early 30's were in fact the beneficiaries of trust funds, family money and business ownership that allowed them to be MD's at 30, and have big houses.

For some reason I thought they'd all earned it, but realistically how many people can actually afford a £1m house at 30 without being the beneficiary of someone else's wealth?

I sleep a lot better knowing that I am not the abject failure I thought I was at 30.

You can't do much about this. I've dated a girl who is the only child of parents that were also only childs. The number of properties she had lined up was phenomenal. She was batst crazy though. Had to dump her hard and almost had to change my identity. What I'm saying is it doesn't matter how minted they are. They have their own issues.

Now, for what I can control, I've done. Always proud that the my current squeeze is always fit

[GiantCardboardPlato]

Blib said:

Do not compare your 'insides' with everyone else's 'outsides'.

suggest also not comparing everyone else's insides with your outside. firstly it's messy, secondly people don't like it (painful for them), thirdly, you get caught in the end.

[Jamescrs]

I'm 42 and i'm pretty happy with my lot all things considered, i'm certainly not minted but I do ok, I have an above average salary that covers my bills and mortgage and allows me to have a few holidays every year (no where too exotic).

I'm my own worst enemy in some respects in that when things are calm and comfortable I will take on a project wither DIY or car related that will make my life harder again for a while and put stress on myself, my wife is adamant I have ADHD and she's probably right.

All that being said I anticipate being mortgage free and retired by my 55th Birthday at which point I will no doubt take on another silly project to entertain myself again.

[Ash_]

OP, you may find this piece interesting.

https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yu...

[covmutley]

OP, glad this appears a more positive post that some of your previous ones on here. Hope you're feeling better.

And yes, most people are generally less happy than they seem. Social media often exaggerated, or people covering up their unhappiness and problems.

What is that lyric in the sunscreen song? something like, stop comparing yourself to other people, in the end its only a race against yourself...

[csd19]

covmutley said:

OP, glad this appears a more positive post that some of your previous ones on here. Hope you're feeling better.

And yes, most people are generally less happy than they seem. Social media often exaggerated, or people covering up their unhappiness and problems.

What is that lyric in the sunscreen song? something like, stop comparing yourself to other people, in the end its only a race against yourself...

"Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."

Pretty much nailed it I think.

[evenflow]

I read something once that tried to boil happiness down into an equation. Something like:

Happiness = Your Current Situation / Your Expectations

You can therefore tweak your happiness level by changing your current situation (the things in your control anyway), or adjusting your expectation. Jealousy of others through social media, for example, is a potential cause of warped expectation.

I like simplicity and for me that's a pretty good summation.

Unfortunately I haven't managed to put it into practice, and my balance is way off.

[Franco5]

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

it took me far longer to realise that those people who appeared to be doing extraordinarily well in their late 20s/ early 30's were in fact the beneficiaries of trust funds, family money and business ownership that allowed them to be MD's at 30, and have big houses.

For some reason I thought they'd all earned it, but realistically how many people can actually afford a £1m house at 30 without being the beneficiary of someone else's wealth?

I sleep a lot better knowing that I am not the abject failure I thought I was at 30.

I understand wealthy people having kids to pass this wealth on to because they can give them so many advantages. Anyone that can’t do this why are you having kids?

[Mastodon2]

A500leroy said:

..That in reality nobody (except a lucky few) are really happy and most adults are just bumming along making the best of it. Really takes a load off when you stop trying to be as happy as what you THINK everyone else is.

Chin up, you're always obsessing about happiness. The less you try and force it, the easier you'll find it.

[shambolic]

GilletteFan said:

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

it took me far longer to realise that those people who appeared to be doing extraordinarily well in their late 20s/ early 30's were in fact the beneficiaries of trust funds, family money and business ownership that allowed them to be MD's at 30, and have big houses.

For some reason I thought they'd all earned it, but realistically how many people can actually afford a £1m house at 30 without being the beneficiary of someone else's wealth?

I sleep a lot better knowing that I am not the abject failure I thought I was at 30.

You can't do much about this. I've dated a girl who is the only child of parents that were also only childs. The number of properties she had lined up was phenomenal. She was batst crazy though. Had to dump her hard and almost had to change my identity. What I'm saying is it doesn't matter how minted they are. They have their own issues.

Now, for what I can control, I've done. Always proud that the my current squeeze is always fit

Does she wear a Rolex or an Apple Watch?
You do come across as a bit of a weirdo with patter from the 70s/80s “current squeeze is always fit”
Chest hair and medallion optional.

[CharlesdeGaulle]

shambolic said:

GilletteFan said:

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

it took me far longer to realise that those people who appeared to be doing extraordinarily well in their late 20s/ early 30's were in fact the beneficiaries of trust funds, family money and business ownership that allowed them to be MD's at 30, and have big houses.

For some reason I thought they'd all earned it, but realistically how many people can actually afford a £1m house at 30 without being the beneficiary of someone else's wealth?

I sleep a lot better knowing that I am not the abject failure I thought I was at 30.

You can't do much about this. I've dated a girl who is the only child of parents that were also only childs. The number of properties she had lined up was phenomenal. She was batst crazy though. Had to dump her hard and almost had to change my identity. What I'm saying is it doesn't matter how minted they are. They have their own issues.

Now, for what I can control, I've done. Always proud that the my current squeeze is always fit

Does she wear a Rolex or an Apple Watch?
You do come across as a bit of a weirdo with patter from the 70s/80s “current squeeze is always fit”
Chest hair and medallion optional.

He's definitely a weirdo, even by PH standards.

[Doofus]

Jamescrs said:

I'm 42 and i'm pretty happy with my lot all things considered, i'm certainly not minted but I do ok, I have an above average salary that covers my bills and mortgage and allows me to have a few holidays every year (no where too exotic).

I'm my own worst enemy in some respects in that when things are calm and comfortable I will take on a project wither DIY or car related that will make my life harder again for a while and put stress on myself, my wife is adamant I have ADHD and she's probably right.

All that being said I anticipate being mortgage free and retired by my 55th Birthday at which point I will no doubt take on another silly project to entertain myself again.

This post appears to be against the sentiment of the thread.

The point is that scoring your life against your perception of the lives of others isn't healthy, and you've now posted your (external) score against which others may well measure themselves.

[LeeM135i]

In my mid 20's I tried to keep up with the Jones's by having the latest flash car or watch but I spent borrowed money and got into real trouble when the 2008 banking crisis hit, I lost my job and nearly everything.

Now live a much more conservative life, we still have toys but we make sure we can live on either mine or my wife's salery incase one of us is out of work and have some cash in the bank in case it all goes wrong again and we sleep better for it.

I have a couple of mates who have flash houses, cars, holidays, watches etc etc all rented or on finance / credit cards who look like they are living the life but I think are in for a horrible time in the next few years.

Someone will always have something nicer / flasher / newer / shinier than you, be happy with what you have.

[Hoofy]

Poor mental health is at epidemic levels so I know that very few people are happy.

So you have to consider, what really is happiness? And how can you achieve that happiness?