Wife refuses to change job
Discussion
My wife works in the airline industry and often is away for trips couple times a month for 4/5 days. She has 4 children of her own and we have 2. The dad of the 4 is off the scene. Last year i said I can't cope with the situation and want her to either give up work (we have no mortgage) or find something else. She flatly refuses saying she has done the job for 20 years and she isn't giving it up. I feel that this job is going to destroy our marriage.
wjwren said:
My wife works in the airline industry and often is away for trips couple times a month for 4/5 days. She has 4 children of her own and we have 2. The dad of the 4 is off the scene. Last year i said I can't cope with the situation and want her to either give up work (we have no mortgage) or find something else. She flatly refuses saying she has done the job for 20 years and she isn't giving it up. I feel that this job is going to destroy our marriage.
Your choices are :1. put up with it.
2. leave.
We own our own home outright and have 2 rentals. Yes I've said many times. Often to the point I'm upset and tell her I can't cope. I feel she doesn't listen to me. She tried to lower her hours by 50% this year but it was refused. She has October to start of march off which balances things slightly.
wjwren said:
19 17 15 13 hers
6 4 ours.
She will say hers look after themselves but they don't really. They give me back chat and expect to be cooked for. I'm unhappy with the situation and feel something will eventually snap.
The teenagers can each start cooking 1 day a week, even if it's lobbing oven chips in a tray and waiting for the ping. They can also start helping with laundry and vacuuming if they don't already, you aren't running a hotel.6 4 ours.
She will say hers look after themselves but they don't really. They give me back chat and expect to be cooked for. I'm unhappy with the situation and feel something will eventually snap.
king someone else.wjwren said:
We own our own home outright and have 2 rentals. Yes I've said many times. Often to the point I'm upset and tell her I can't cope. I feel she doesn't listen to me. She tried to lower her hours by 50% this year but it was refused. She has October to start of march off which balances things slightly.
However, you continue coping. A boundary with no consequence is not a boundary.
'If you continue is this manner then I will........'
The trick is to carry out the consequence that's after 'I will.....'
If you fail to carry out rhe consequence and stick to it nothing will change.
After all, why should your wife change her behaviour if you continue to let her carry on that way? She doesn't need to listen.
K87 said:
Must admit, that I could not cope with Gobby teenagers who were not mine.
Yep, AND expect you to provide food, hot water and heating.Sounds like the OPer's wife is using the OPer as free child care and support.
(Sorry, I know this reply is of no use to you but I feel for your situation, OPer.)
Edited by Hoofy on Saturday 9th December 15:32
Jesus christ, the people on here telling you to break up your marriage and family with such minimal information need to have a word with themselves - this isn't a video game.
Sounds like you have some fairly big issues currently, but these could well dissappear on their own within 5 years as the kids age.
In the meantime, sounds like you're reasonably wealthy, what about getting a part time nanny/baby sitter to take the strain off you to either give you and your wife some space to talk or simply kick the can down the road until the problem dissappears on its own?
Sounds like you have some fairly big issues currently, but these could well dissappear on their own within 5 years as the kids age.
In the meantime, sounds like you're reasonably wealthy, what about getting a part time nanny/baby sitter to take the strain off you to either give you and your wife some space to talk or simply kick the can down the road until the problem dissappears on its own?
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