Ideas to deal with milk thief

[Dog Star]

We have had a couple of occurrences now where some toe rag is rocking up and helping himself to our milk.






The milkman then left the milk hidden under the tree - the fker actually came up this morning for a speculative look for it, but none found.

I could get up at 5am and jump him, but I might get myself in trouble as I take an EXTREMELY dim view of thieving. I wouldn’t mind if it was just the once but this guy obviously thinks I’m going to provide for him.

He takes quite a detour to get to the hallowed milk stash too - through our gates (back past the light over his left shoulder) and up two flights of steps - it’s not like he just swipes it in passing.

I’m thinking of playing some prank on him - obviously I can’t go lacing it with bleach, since modern UK legislation is very wishy-washy on such matters, however anyone got any other ideas?

[Jonmx]

All you need to do is wait and open the door to him shouting 'surprise motherfker' and he'll never be back.

[TGTiff]

Get hold of some silver nitrate. Put a few drops in the milk.
Give it 30 minutes after he has stolen it and the contents of his ar5e will spectacularly fall out!!

[Dog Star]

TGTiff said:

Get hold of some silver nitrate. Put a few drops in the milk.
Give it 30 minutes after he has stolen it and the contents of his ar5e will spectacularly fall out!!

Liking this one.

[Byker28i]

Keep one bottle of milk out the fridge for a week or more. Put that one on the doorstep instead.

Must be local. Lower camera by the door, another as he leaves the property, get a picture of his face.
Posters on the lamp posts asking if anyone knows this person who's been steeling from doorsteps in the area...

[B'stard Child]

Byker28i said:

Keep one bottle of milk out the fridge for a week or more. Put that one on the doorstep instead.

Warm place would be better

[lllnorrislll]

Could you not get a wooden box, secure it to an anchor point on the wall or floor, locked shut with a coded lock, which is then shared with your milk man / woman?

[ikarl]

lllnorrislll said:

Could you not get a wooden box, secure it to an anchor point on the wall or floor, locked shut with a coded lock, which is then shared with your milk man / woman?

I thought this was going down the Wile E Coyote / Roadrunner theme at first...

[Blib]

A limp-wristed Liberal writes:

Milk's a strange thing to steal. Maybe the lad's skint and needs the milk for a child?

OK, I'll leave now.

[Cotty]

TGTiff said:

Get hold of some silver nitrate. Put a few drops in the milk.
Give it 30 minutes after he has stolen it and the contents of his ar5e will spectacularly fall out!!

Probably not a good idea if he is stealing it for his childrens cereal

[miniman]

Jonmx said:

All you need to do is wait and open the door to him shouting 'surprise motherfker' and he'll never be back.

This, but naked.

[CKY]

Cotty said:

TGTiff said:

Get hold of some silver nitrate. Put a few drops in the milk.
Give it 30 minutes after he has stolen it and the contents of his ar5e will spectacularly fall out!!

Probably not a good idea if he isto be stealing it for his childrens cereal

FTFY, play stupid games win stupid prizes. Why should this individual be above cleaning up their (no doubt theoretical) children's squits by dint of being a milk thief?

[cliffords]

Blib said:

A limp-wristed Liberal writes:

Milk's a strange thing to steal. Maybe the lad's skint and needs the milk for a child?

OK, I'll leave now.

I immediately thought this. He is not steeling alcohol, cigarettes or money. He must really need this milk. I would leave a note asking if he needs some help, so he knows you have seen him.

Edited by cliffords on Monday 18th December 14:31

[SlowcoachIII]

A healthy dose of laxatives would be amusing if caught on camera but the clean up afterwards not so much.

Not sure if Udder Lok would work?

[anonymous-user]

Blib said:

A limp-wristed Liberal writes:

Milk's a strange thing to steal. Maybe the lad's skint and needs the milk for a child?

OK, I'll leave now.

I must admit, I did have the thought.

Surely nobody goes pinching a worthless consumable at 5am unless they are desperate. Not that it makes it ok.

[TGCOTF-dewey]

I would hide a photo inside the bottle ready to be stolen.

The photo will be a montage of you topping up previously stolen milk bottles from a bottle marked pig semen.

[Somebody]

miniman said:

Jonmx said:

All you need to do is wait and open the door to him shouting 'surprise motherfker' and he'll never be back.

This, but naked.

Don't even need to open the door. Just shout at him via the 2 way comms when you get notified of motion on the video doorbell.

[hyperblue]

Glue a bottle to your doorstep, let’s them know you know and possibly get a comedy video.

Don’t ask me how to remove the glue though.

[Hoofy]

JackJarvis said:

Blib said:

A limp-wristed Liberal writes:

Milk's a strange thing to steal. Maybe the lad's skint and needs the milk for a child?

OK, I'll leave now.

I must admit, I did have the thought.

Surely nobody goes pinching a worthless consumable at 5am unless they are desperate. Not that it makes it ok.

It also crossed my mind but we have food banks so there's no excuse for stealing someone else's food.

[sherman]

Perimiter trip wire coonnected to shotgun blanks. Fishing wire trip wire should catch him and scare him off.
Cancel the milk for a few days but put out dummy bottles so as to not scare the milkman.