Discussion
Now for my next family dilemma.
My partner and I were gifted £1000 for Christmas with the suggestion we use it on a break away....
I immediately knew why, my father mentioned to my other half that my brother had been looking for holidays and couldn't see anything affordable with his 201 kids so basically he had his begging bowl out and the gift to us was to be equal.
My issue with this is I really am grateful but I really don't want the retirement money my mother and father have to be used like this.
Especially as I manage my finances where I can and know what I can/can't afford, whereas my brother doesn't seem to understand with his ever growing family he needs to make sacrifices.
I guess the other side of this my parents are having about 6 weeks of holiday a year at the moment, I think this is irrational and so it probably also looks like it to my brother that they have endless pots of money. I'm a bit of a forward planner and consider things like potential care/nursing costs one day.
The moneys been sent into my account so sending it back feels like it will raise tensions and make me look ungrateful. I can store it away and save it which is all relative as I'll eventually spend it on them for Birthdays, xmases etc
What would you do?
My partner and I were gifted £1000 for Christmas with the suggestion we use it on a break away....
I immediately knew why, my father mentioned to my other half that my brother had been looking for holidays and couldn't see anything affordable with his 201 kids so basically he had his begging bowl out and the gift to us was to be equal.
My issue with this is I really am grateful but I really don't want the retirement money my mother and father have to be used like this.
Especially as I manage my finances where I can and know what I can/can't afford, whereas my brother doesn't seem to understand with his ever growing family he needs to make sacrifices.
I guess the other side of this my parents are having about 6 weeks of holiday a year at the moment, I think this is irrational and so it probably also looks like it to my brother that they have endless pots of money. I'm a bit of a forward planner and consider things like potential care/nursing costs one day.
The moneys been sent into my account so sending it back feels like it will raise tensions and make me look ungrateful. I can store it away and save it which is all relative as I'll eventually spend it on them for Birthdays, xmases etc
What would you do?
Ultimately it's up to your parents what they do with their money. If they want to give it to you and your brother then that's their choice.
In your position I'd accept it, but I'd also have a quiet word with them when the time is right to make sure they are leaving themselves enough money to live comfortably and enjoy life.
If you refuse the money then the risk is your parents will just give "your" share to your brother, and so he won't really learn. If your parents continue with the "equals" treatment then next time your brother drops hints (or goes begging) for holiday money / new car / sofa / TV / etc then they might think twice as it means it will be double the outlay.
In your position I'd accept it, but I'd also have a quiet word with them when the time is right to make sure they are leaving themselves enough money to live comfortably and enjoy life.
If you refuse the money then the risk is your parents will just give "your" share to your brother, and so he won't really learn. If your parents continue with the "equals" treatment then next time your brother drops hints (or goes begging) for holiday money / new car / sofa / TV / etc then they might think twice as it means it will be double the outlay.
My sister who is 2 years older than me is a night mare
Always leaning on dad for 4 tyres, mot etc
Go to her house and she has another new sofa “it’s only £15 a week”
Mention that her car hasn’t moved for a few days, oh she’s gone to Barcelona for the weekend with her mates and the kids have gone with dad to xyz
My folks then give me a bonkers Xmas gift and I say it’s far too much £££, mum will say something like “it’s not enough”
I now just don’t think about it, i can’t stop it, just one of those things
Annoying though
Always leaning on dad for 4 tyres, mot etc
Go to her house and she has another new sofa “it’s only £15 a week”
Mention that her car hasn’t moved for a few days, oh she’s gone to Barcelona for the weekend with her mates and the kids have gone with dad to xyz
My folks then give me a bonkers Xmas gift and I say it’s far too much £££, mum will say something like “it’s not enough”
I now just don’t think about it, i can’t stop it, just one of those things
Annoying though
As an older person and a parent of a now middle aged Daughter I would suggest your parents will receive much joy at seeing you spend the money as they suggest.
As parents we much often prefer the idea of seeing monies put to use now rather than leave it in a will. We get pleasure from it.
As parents we much often prefer the idea of seeing monies put to use now rather than leave it in a will. We get pleasure from it.
There comes a time when one becomes an adult and stands on their own two feet no longer requiring subsidising with pocket money, just like you have done OP.
If the parents had said 'here kids, have a grand each and chuck it straight at the mortgage', great, its gone towards something of real value not a holiday.
If the parents had said 'here kids, have a grand each and chuck it straight at the mortgage', great, its gone towards something of real value not a holiday.
fourstardan said:
I guess the other side of this my parents are having about 6 weeks of holiday a year at the moment, I think this is irrational and so it probably also looks like it to my brother that they have endless pots of money. I'm a bit of a forward planner and consider things like potential care/nursing costs one day.
I find it odd that you think your parents taking 6 weeks holiday is irrational. Presumably they are retired or close to it? Sounds to me like they're spending their money exactly as they wish; family and travel. Good on them. Spare tyre said:
My sister who is 2 years older than me is a night mare
Always leaning on dad for 4 tyres, mot etc
Go to her house and she has another new sofa “it’s only £15 a week”
Mention that her car hasn’t moved for a few days, oh she’s gone to Barcelona for the weekend with her mates and the kids have gone with dad to xyz
My folks then give me a bonkers Xmas gift and I say it’s far too much £££, mum will say something like “it’s not enough”
I now just don’t think about it, i can’t stop it, just one of those things
Annoying though
I'm the older one btw.Always leaning on dad for 4 tyres, mot etc
Go to her house and she has another new sofa “it’s only £15 a week”
Mention that her car hasn’t moved for a few days, oh she’s gone to Barcelona for the weekend with her mates and the kids have gone with dad to xyz
My folks then give me a bonkers Xmas gift and I say it’s far too much £££, mum will say something like “it’s not enough”
I now just don’t think about it, i can’t stop it, just one of those things
Annoying though
This is like my situation.
Brother goes out spending money on extravagants like consoles, apparently a 500 quid trip for his son away (that slipped out last week), all sat in the front room last week with Ipads/iPhones....and who knows what else.
He's quite frankly a nightmare and will never learn, I guess he's happy doing what he does with money.
CharlesdeGaulle said:
I find it odd that you think your parents taking 6 weeks holiday is irrational. Presumably they are retired or close to it? Sounds to me like they're spending their money exactly as they wish; family and travel. Good on them.
Odd? You don't know how much the holidays are though mate. I see the other side of where they don't spend their money where they should.
fourstardan said:
Spare tyre said:
My sister who is 2 years older than me is a night mare
Always leaning on dad for 4 tyres, mot etc
Go to her house and she has another new sofa “it’s only £15 a week”
Mention that her car hasn’t moved for a few days, oh she’s gone to Barcelona for the weekend with her mates and the kids have gone with dad to xyz
My folks then give me a bonkers Xmas gift and I say it’s far too much £££, mum will say something like “it’s not enough”
I now just don’t think about it, i can’t stop it, just one of those things
Annoying though
I'm the older one btw.Always leaning on dad for 4 tyres, mot etc
Go to her house and she has another new sofa “it’s only £15 a week”
Mention that her car hasn’t moved for a few days, oh she’s gone to Barcelona for the weekend with her mates and the kids have gone with dad to xyz
My folks then give me a bonkers Xmas gift and I say it’s far too much £££, mum will say something like “it’s not enough”
I now just don’t think about it, i can’t stop it, just one of those things
Annoying though
This is like my situation.
Brother goes out spending money on extravagants like consoles, apparently a 500 quid trip for his son away (that slipped out last week), all sat in the front room last week with Ipads/iPhones....and who knows what else.
He's quite frankly a nightmare and will never learn, I guess he's happy doing what he does with money.
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