How would you cope?

[Ranger 6]

A friend of ours, who we'd lost touch with, got back in contact before Christmas. After a couple of text/whatsapp messages with my wife to re-kindle contact we offered an open invitation for him to call in for a coffee/chat to see how things were going. Wished him Happy Christmas and said 'see you soon'.

Hi pinged me on WhatsApp yesterday - turns out he'd lost his daughter last year.

https://news.met.police.uk/news/man-guilty-of-murd...

I'll be completely honest - I had no idea about what had happened and didn't know what to say. How would you cope in his circumstances? If it was one of mine, I think I'd be the internet hard man and say that I'd 'save the government some money by keeping him in prison' and take my own 'retribution' - knowing full well I wouldn't be capable of doing anything of the sort.

[PlywoodPascal]

What I would say is important is that you avoid avoiding the subject to prevent your own discomfort. Both ‘aggressive positivity’ (unlikely in this situation I admit - but you know what I mean - telling cancer sufferers to think positively and they’ll beat it,, etc.) and simple avoidance of the matter can easily make victims of tragedy or those experiencing suffering or grief feel like their feelings are not ok.

To be honest, I’d say all you need to do is listen and empathise. What sort of message is there for a friend to give here beyond ‘that really, really sucks’ and ‘that sounds hard’?

[Al Gorithum]

Sounds like he wants some tea and sympathy (otherwise why reach-out?), so I'd be inclined to offer him exactly that.

Best wishes to all involved.

[Ranger 6]

Yes, inadvertently when meeting friends in the past that had suffered loss, illness or similar I would recognise what had happened, but then, avoided the subject completely. I then found out that many would had these significant events, simply didn't want to keep going over it and benefited from discussing other things completely.

I'm pushing him to come round and have a natter - we do have loads to catch up on anyway.

[interstellar]

Did I read it right that he was found guilty at the old Bailey yesterday?

That might help your friend a bit but what a tragic loss.

It’s any fathers or mothers worst nightmare.

[Franco5]

Parallels with the Nottingham murders. Government policies have consequences whether you choose to see them or not.

[DaveH23]

Be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

[Jasandjules]

DaveH23 said:

Be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

It is this. You may also add that if there is anything you can do to help, he need but ask.