The Chav guide to dog ownership

[CopperBolt]

1. Decide on a whim/at christmas/on chantelle's birthday that you want a dog
2. Decide on the latest fashion dog, pug, border terrier, cockapoo etc.
3. Acquire from someone who knows someone.
4. Spend 2 days trying to train it and get bored.
5. Spend a few days taking it for a walk then get bored.
6. Let it out in the garden to do its business and let it bark at clouds all day long.
7. Take it out occasionally and let it off the lead preferable near a road or when other people and dogs are about so it goes berserk
8. Futilely shout its name at it while it ignores you.
9. Let it jump at everyone passing and just say "oh he's being friendly" as it runs off with their arm.
10. Let it st where it wants. If you do pick up the output in a bag, tie a knot in the top and then hang it off a bush as close to a path as possible.
11. If it happens to st on the pavement on the way home outside someone's house just leave it there.
12. Leave it locked in all day when you go to work so it can bark for 8 hours until you return home.

Have I missed anything?
(all tongue in cheek obviously)

Edited by CopperBolt on Wednesday 13th March 07:53

[hammo19]

CopperBolt said:

1. Decide on a whim/at christmas/on chantelle's birthday that you want a dog
2. Decide on the latest fashion dog, pug, border terrier, cockapoo etc.
3. Acquire from someone who knows someone.
4. Spend 2 days trying to train it and get bored.
5. Spend a few days taking it for a walk then get bored.
6. Let it out in the garden to do its business and let it bark at clouds all day long.
7. Take it out occasionally and let it off the lead preferable near a road or when other people and dogs are about so it goes berserk
8. Futilely shout its name at it while it ignores you.
9. Let it jump at everyone passing and just say "oh he's being friendly" as it runs off with their arm.
10. Let it st where it wants. If you do pick up the output in a bag, tie a knot in the top and then hang it off a bush as close to a path as possible.
11. If it happens to st on the pavement on the way home outside someone's house just leave it there.
12. Leave it locked in all day when you go to work so it can bark for 8 hours until you return home.

Have I missed anything?
(all tongue in cheek obvioulsy)

13. Get a really cheap bad tattoo of the dog and name on your upper arm.
14. Accidentally start a breeding programme when the dog shags the neighbour’s chihuahua

[dundarach]

15. buy the biggest hardest, most unsuitable dog you can

[Spare tyre]

We have a cut way up the side of our house, which leads to fields

There is a lot of puppies that use it, but they seem to get spotted less and less as the get older

I’d say 50% of dogs don’t get the daily exercise they need, which breaks my heart

[v9]

Spare tyre said:

We have a cut way up the side of our house, which leads to fields

There is a lot of puppies that use it, but they seem to get spotted less and less as the get older

I’d say 50% of dogs don’t get the daily exercise they need, which breaks my heart

I’d confidently put the figure well in excess of 50%. I know very few dog owners who walk their dogs at all, never mind daily.
They mostly think I’m daft because we go out every single day, rain or shine. Sometimes only a short walk of a couple of km, but have never missed a single day with our dogs.
When you see the pure joy our dogs get from their walk (they LOVE their food, but will happily leave it to go for a walk) it makes me very sad to see some of our neighbours dogs watching us from the window.

Edited by v9 on Tuesday 12th March 14:42

[TheJimi]

PistonHeads
Chavs & Council Matters

[Lotobear]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDueCnJHno4

[E3134]

Near neighbour is a classic for this, untrained Rottweiler, 11 people in a four bedroom house including three under five years old, three teenagers, a Kia and doesn't wear a shirt, every other word is a doing word.

[wolfracesonic]

E3134 said:

Near neighbour is a classic for this, untrained Rottweiler, 11 people in a four bedroom house including three under five years old, three teenagers, a Kia and doesn't wear a shirt, every other word is a doing word.

What are the other children’s names?

[Nethybridge]

A few of the rules apply to people whom I'd happily term
responsible dog owners, but sadly who have a
slavish devotion to all things canine and a huge blind
spot in that, at the time of writing, it's not a Law
that you MUST be a Dog Person.

[vaud]

I think this applies to quite a lot of middle class non Chavs as well.

[Evanivitch]

21. Replace your entire garden with end to end brillo pad to enhance the smell of dog piss and display dog poo that you won't pick up for a week.

[Timothy Bucktu]

22. Take a photo of your kid playing with your double-hard Dog that is three times your child's size, and put it on FB.
23. All Dogs are cuddly softies, until they aren't.
24. Dog attacks are always the owners fault, their own double-hard known to rip the faces off small children breed is a big softy and definitely well trained.

[Whistle]

25. Let your dog stick its nose right up your wife’s gash, and then say it’s ok he’s only saying hello.

[Ferdy123]

26. Go to a dog friendly pub and let your dog on the seats or off the lead and walk around !! It’s a pub for people that let’s dog in, not a pub for dogs !!!

[Ferdy123]

26. Go to a dog friendly pub and let your dog on the seats or off the lead and walk around !! It’s a pub for people that let’s dog in, not a pub for dogs !!!

[konark]

Nethybridge said:

A few of the rules apply to people whom I'd happily term
responsible dog owners, but sadly who have a
slavish devotion to all things canine and a huge blind
spot in that, at the time of writing, it's not a Law
that you MUST be a Dog Person.

That's a rubbish poem.

[AndySheff]

Ferdy123 said:

26. Go to a dog friendly pub and let your dog on the seats or off the lead and walk around !! It’s a pub for people that let’s dog in, not a pub for dogs !!!

I had a similar thing recently in a dog-friendly hotel. I didn't know/notice it was dog-friendly when I booked. (I never noticed dogs there before). Anyhow, dogs are of course not allowed in the restaurant, so chavvy elderly couple are in reception eating breakfast, with the dogs up on the leather sofas. Owners are making regular trips to the breakfast buffet to fetch bacon, sausages, etc to feed to the dogs !

[Discendo Discimus]

Nethybridge said:

A few of the rules apply to people whom I'd happily term
responsible dog owners, but sadly who have a
slavish devotion to all things canine and a huge blind
spot in that, at the time of writing, it's not a Law
that you MUST be a Dog Person.

I really don't understand your writing style. Could you explain?

[Far Cough]

Don't forget the huge totally inappropriate collar that's resembles a boxers trophy belt and always walk it with your hoodie up regardless of the weather cause you don't want the feds to recognise you ....