Ex inlaws making comments to my son
Discussion
Short story.
Me and my sons mum split up 3 and a bit years ago.
Very messy but i have full custody of him and he has had no contact for over 2.5 years. I keep in contact with her mum mainly only around chrismass and bairns birthday.
Now sons mother has been aplying for legal aid for last 6 months with a few differant lawyers and with differant reasons. So things have been a bit off with me and bairns gran.
Tonight bairn went down to see her as its his birthday tomorrow and shes away on holiday so cant see him...
He went with his pal on there bikes.
It turns out that there have been comments made by her(gran) and her husband to my son.
Making a "joke" about a serious thing from my sons past.
And also about me. Im old enough and ugly enough to deal with whats said about me behind my back.
But what i dont like is the "joke" about my son.
And when i called them and asked why they said it i was told it was a joke and got phone put down in me.
I dunno where im going here. Just a vent proberly.
But where do i go from here?
Just block all comms from that side. Frozen sausages?
Me and my sons mum split up 3 and a bit years ago.
Very messy but i have full custody of him and he has had no contact for over 2.5 years. I keep in contact with her mum mainly only around chrismass and bairns birthday.
Now sons mother has been aplying for legal aid for last 6 months with a few differant lawyers and with differant reasons. So things have been a bit off with me and bairns gran.
Tonight bairn went down to see her as its his birthday tomorrow and shes away on holiday so cant see him...
He went with his pal on there bikes.
It turns out that there have been comments made by her(gran) and her husband to my son.
Making a "joke" about a serious thing from my sons past.
And also about me. Im old enough and ugly enough to deal with whats said about me behind my back.
But what i dont like is the "joke" about my son.
And when i called them and asked why they said it i was told it was a joke and got phone put down in me.
I dunno where im going here. Just a vent proberly.
But where do i go from here?
Just block all comms from that side. Frozen sausages?
Families and relatives can be s
t at times and they never actually forget or forgive and this works all ways with all parties involved.
If contact is only twice per year then leave it all until Christmas and at that time possibly give some measured instructions about behaviour.
Be prepared to give a little to gain respect in return.
t at times and they never actually forget or forgive and this works all ways with all parties involved.If contact is only twice per year then leave it all until Christmas and at that time possibly give some measured instructions about behaviour.
Be prepared to give a little to gain respect in return.
Only time gran sees the bairn is if i take him pub for lunch where she works or birthday or christmass.
But as she said tonight to my son. Its easier for her amd her husband for my son to go down to theres rather than them come up here.
We live in same town maybe half mile apart.
But my son could not go down until after 5 today as she was getting her hair done to go on holiday tomorrow.
Yes i am still wound up about it and venting.
But as she said tonight to my son. Its easier for her amd her husband for my son to go down to theres rather than them come up here.
We live in same town maybe half mile apart.
But my son could not go down until after 5 today as she was getting her hair done to go on holiday tomorrow.
Yes i am still wound up about it and venting.
On the surface it has not upset him.
He made a sarcastic comment back to what they said to him. But he is "tough" and been through a lot and ive told him all ins and outs over last few years.
I told him today on way back from icerink that he need to go see them and his words were " id rather watch paint dry"
He made a sarcastic comment back to what they said to him. But he is "tough" and been through a lot and ive told him all ins and outs over last few years.
I told him today on way back from icerink that he need to go see them and his words were " id rather watch paint dry"
I have always been shield for him. As in he said he didnt want to go down at christmass because his mum might have been there but he didnt want to upset his mum or gran. So i took the fall for it saying we had other plans.
Court order says him mum should not be near him at all but his gran tried to ignore that.
He doesnt want anything to do with them he only wants to see his sister (my ex step daughter) who wasnt even there last night. Or last 2 times hes been down.
Court order says him mum should not be near him at all but his gran tried to ignore that.
He doesnt want anything to do with them he only wants to see his sister (my ex step daughter) who wasnt even there last night. Or last 2 times hes been down.
vw_99 said:
Court order says him mum should not be near him at all but his gran tried to ignore that.
This is a massive red flag imo.How old is he, and how old is his (presumably 1/2) sister? And where does she live? What I'm heading towards is how soon can the two of them meet up independently of that side of the family?
He doesn't want to see them, they try to circumvent the court order, and when he does see them they are making wky comments.
.....So cut contact with them?
Everyone is happy that way. Well they wont be, but fk them.
As the above poster says sooner or later he'll be able to meet up with his sister depending on their age.
ky comments......So cut contact with them?
Everyone is happy that way. Well they wont be, but f
k them. As the above poster says sooner or later he'll be able to meet up with his sister depending on their age.
vw_99 said:
But as she said tonight to my son. Its easier for her amd her husband for my son to go down to theres rather than them come up here.
We live in same town maybe half mile apart.
I wonder if that’s more an age thing on her part. My mum is 75 and she won’t even travel 15 miles in the car to the nearest town with me any more as it’s “too far”.We live in same town maybe half mile apart.
She won’t even walk 300 yards down the road to my sisters house. Parents seem to get even weirder when they get old.
Edited by NelsonM3 on Friday 5th April 08:10
Edited by NelsonM3 on Friday 5th April 08:10
vw_99 said:
I told him today on way back from icerink that he need to go see them and his words were " id rather watch paint dry"
I think that's your answer then - no reason to make him do it if he doesn't want to, and there's fallout for you.There's a strange thing about putting up with "family" no matter how awful they are which doesn't make sense to me. Put your time and energy into the people who are worth it.
He's made the choice for you, by making it clear he'd rather watch paint dry. The grandparents want to make "jokes", they can live with the consequences of that
Every time they ask to visit, ask him, then "Sorry, he doesn't want to visit. He doesn't think much of your jokes."
As for his sister, she'll be 18 shortly and I'm sure they can arrange to meet if they want to.
Every time they ask to visit, ask him, then "Sorry, he doesn't want to visit. He doesn't think much of your jokes."
As for his sister, she'll be 18 shortly and I'm sure they can arrange to meet if they want to.
Yea i think so.
He has enough family and support from my side (2 grandads a gran and 3 uncles and an aunt) not to miss them.
As i speak he is away with my mum and her man and a pal to go-ape for his birthday then i will bemeeting them for a meal later. He has just returned last night from 4 days with my dad including 2 night away in aviemore.
He has enough family and support from my side (2 grandads a gran and 3 uncles and an aunt) not to miss them.
As i speak he is away with my mum and her man and a pal to go-ape for his birthday then i will bemeeting them for a meal later. He has just returned last night from 4 days with my dad including 2 night away in aviemore.
I split from my alcoholic wife when my son was 10. We apparently had joint custody, but very quickly it became apparent that she was drunk every time he was there and one incident was very nasty with police involvement to 'rescue' my son.
My solicitor said that if I left my son in her sole care and something happened, I could be charged with wilful neglect of my son. From that moment on, he saw her three times. Each time she took him to the pub for dinner.
In the end, he said he wanted nothing more to do with her. He hasn't seen her since. He's 21 this year.
There was never a court order, I just respected his wishes. He decided to cut her off. I always said I would assist in making contact if he ever wished it. It's never happened.
TL:DR Do what your son wants. Don't insist on him seeing anyone he doesn't want to. He will feel much happier and 'safe' knowing you have his back.
My solicitor said that if I left my son in her sole care and something happened, I could be charged with wilful neglect of my son. From that moment on, he saw her three times. Each time she took him to the pub for dinner.
In the end, he said he wanted nothing more to do with her. He hasn't seen her since. He's 21 this year.
There was never a court order, I just respected his wishes. He decided to cut her off. I always said I would assist in making contact if he ever wished it. It's never happened.
TL:DR Do what your son wants. Don't insist on him seeing anyone he doesn't want to. He will feel much happier and 'safe' knowing you have his back.
vw_99 said:
Yea i think so.
He has enough family and support from my side (2 grandads a gran and 3 uncles and an aunt) not to miss them.
As i speak he is away with my mum and her man and a pal to go-ape for his birthday then i will bemeeting them for a meal later. He has just returned last night from 4 days with my dad including 2 night away in aviemore.
I mean this in the nicest way. But you've said it's his birthday today and he seems all over the place. I'm sure he's got a lot of support but try and be there as much as possible - it's a very impressionable age.He has enough family and support from my side (2 grandads a gran and 3 uncles and an aunt) not to miss them.
As i speak he is away with my mum and her man and a pal to go-ape for his birthday then i will bemeeting them for a meal later. He has just returned last night from 4 days with my dad including 2 night away in aviemore.
Jordie Barretts sock said:
I split from my alcoholic wife when my son was 10. We apparently had joint custody, but very quickly it became apparent that she was drunk every time he was there and one incident was very nasty with police involvement to 'rescue' my son.
My solicitor said that if I left my son in her sole care and something happened, I could be charged with wilful neglect of my son. From that moment on, he saw her three times. Each time she took him to the pub for dinner.
In the end, he said he wanted nothing more to do with her. He hasn't seen her since. He's 21 this year.
There was never a court order, I just respected his wishes. He decided to cut her off. I always said I would assist in making contact if he ever wished it. It's never happened.
TL:DR Do what your son wants. Don't insist on him seeing anyone he doesn't want to. He will feel much happier and 'safe' knowing you have his back.
I went through the exact same with his mum. My solicitor said that if I left my son in her sole care and something happened, I could be charged with wilful neglect of my son. From that moment on, he saw her three times. Each time she took him to the pub for dinner.
In the end, he said he wanted nothing more to do with her. He hasn't seen her since. He's 21 this year.
There was never a court order, I just respected his wishes. He decided to cut her off. I always said I would assist in making contact if he ever wished it. It's never happened.
TL:DR Do what your son wants. Don't insist on him seeing anyone he doesn't want to. He will feel much happier and 'safe' knowing you have his back.
Split up etc she went to hostle and was too drunk to get in so i have had my son since. Then 2 years worth of court to get the bit paper to make it all legal.
Petrus1983 said:
vw_99 said:
Yea i think so.
He has enough family and support from my side (2 grandads a gran and 3 uncles and an aunt) not to miss them.
As i speak he is away with my mum and her man and a pal to go-ape for his birthday then i will bemeeting them for a meal later. He has just returned last night from 4 days with my dad including 2 night away in aviemore.
I mean this in the nicest way. But you've said it's his birthday today and he seems all over the place. I'm sure he's got a lot of support but try and be there as much as possible - it's a very impressionable age.He has enough family and support from my side (2 grandads a gran and 3 uncles and an aunt) not to miss them.
As i speak he is away with my mum and her man and a pal to go-ape for his birthday then i will bemeeting them for a meal later. He has just returned last night from 4 days with my dad including 2 night away in aviemore.
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