How many pensioners would it take to give you a kicking?

[CloudStuff]

I've had a really odd, and annoying day. So I though I'd start a daft, satirical thread - almost in the style of baboon vs badger https://popbh.com/baboon-v-badger-10-years-on/

In my village there's a group of pensioners who regularly go for countryside walks every Tuesday. They are quite militant about people stopping for them to all cross the road. Cool, no problem. I'm on their side.

Today, I was parked in a side road and preparing to drive off. Of course, I waited for them. But as I waited for them, I found myself wondering what would transpire if I'd not displayed the correct etiquette and I'd driven off. Had they subsequently seen me in the village, how many of them would be required to give me a solid kicking. I'm a lover, not a fighter, so probably not that many.

So my question: assuming no weapons, no sticks, how many 75-yr old pensioners would it take to "bring you the smoke"?

[I know this is a very stupid, flippant thread which probably won't last, but what evs.]

[BoRED S2upid]

What’s the actual question? How many to give you a good kicking or how many would it take to give the rest of us powerfully built director types a similar pensioner kicking?

[SimpleSimonSays]

What happens if the pensioners are retired powerfully built director types?

Is there some sort of force multiplier we need to apply in that case?

[Doofus]

Why were you parked in a side road in your own village?

Stalking someone?

[bitchstewie]

Hmm perhaps they need to add pensioners to this

[BoRED S2upid]

SimpleSimonSays said:

What happens if the pensioners are retired powerfully built director types?

Is there some sort of force multiplier we need to apply in that case?

Handshake, nod and you go on your way. Normally.

[SimpleSimonSays]

BoRED S2upid said:

SimpleSimonSays said:

What happens if the pensioners are retired powerfully built director types?

Is there some sort of force multiplier we need to apply in that case?

Handshake, nod and you go on your way. Normally.

I’ve gone and outed myself as non-powerfully built by not knowing that, haven’t I…

[CloudStuff]

Doofus said:

Why were you parked in a side road in your own village?

Stalking someone?

Calm down Columbo :-) It's the side road directly next to my house as we had a handyman tkaing care of some jobs (£250 per day btw - probably the lowest I'd pay somebody for a days work, to touch on the current, rlated threads).

I've outed myself now as having a small driveway.

[CloudStuff]

SimpleSimonSays said:

What happens if the pensioners are retired powerfully built director types?

Is there some sort of force multiplier we need to apply in that case?

Yes, I think we need to cater for a given % of powerfully built, multiple pensions, diverse invesment portfolio types.

[1690cc]

My neighbour who is in his 70's is ex special forces and an ex bodyguard so based on that I would say 0.5.

[CloudStuff]

1690cc said:

My neighbour who is in his 70's is ex special forces and an ex bodyguard so based on that I would say 0.5.

Genuine, or walt?

Could he be balcony-hanger #284?

[Zarco]

1690cc said:

My neighbour who is in his 70's is ex special forces and an ex bodyguard so based on that I would say 0.5.

Is he on PH?

[Macneil]

Two muggers who picked on my uncle Harold many years ago got a bit of a shock when they woke up in handcuffs, sadly the skills haven't made it down through the genes.

[Mabbs9]

Uncle Harold? Not Nelson by any chance? I've heard of a similar story.

[Heathwood]

Too many variables. A fit 75 year old, especially one that’s led a bit of a life and learned to handle themselves, could be quite a handful I suspect.

Conversely, I reckon I could take on half a dozen if they were all using a zimmerframe, perhaps recovering from a hip replacement.

[Tim Cognito]

Too much variation in a 75 year old. Some would break like wet tissue, others are barely out of decades of manual labour and would eat a ponsy IT worker for breakfast.

[1690cc]

Even assuming average fitness and fighting ability for 75 year olds I think it might be fewer than most would think. If 3 were coming at you all at once the number of fists and boots coming your way would probably be overwhelming.

[Macneil]

Mabbs9 said:

Uncle Harold? Not Nelson by any chance? I've heard of a similar story.

No his surname was Owen, he boxed in the army.

[SimpleSimonSays]

https://youtu.be/9_OIs49m56E?si=kMftDP27BmxThtXM

[s p a c e m a n]

Got to be tactical, a good kick to the knee and 90% of them would be straight down on the floor.