Discussion
Whatever you decide, I have two comments based on experience.
Do not let him divide and conquer. Ensure you both have an agreed position and message to him . Sons can often wrap their mum's around their fingers. Paint dad out as the bad one and play the poor victim. Mums always see their son's as their little boys , at any age .
Secondly do it now , it gets worse as they get older .You don't want to be here when he is approaching 30.
Do not let him divide and conquer. Ensure you both have an agreed position and message to him . Sons can often wrap their mum's around their fingers. Paint dad out as the bad one and play the poor victim. Mums always see their son's as their little boys , at any age .
Secondly do it now , it gets worse as they get older .You don't want to be here when he is approaching 30.
Oh wow, that sounds tough. Have you considered having a chat with his parents about this?
You know, the ones who provide the roof over his head and the food he leisurely enjoys at 11am? Might be worth mentioning that if he’s going to play entrepreneur from the comfort of their home, he should at least contribute—either by paying rent or by demonstrating that this ‘business’ is something more than a YouTube binge session. The parents needs to take some responsibility here.
You know, the ones who provide the roof over his head and the food he leisurely enjoys at 11am? Might be worth mentioning that if he’s going to play entrepreneur from the comfort of their home, he should at least contribute—either by paying rent or by demonstrating that this ‘business’ is something more than a YouTube binge session. The parents needs to take some responsibility here.
said:
Do not let him divide and conquer. Ensure you both have an agreed position and message to him
Absolutely this. Work as a team.95% certainty that your son is not running an online business and if he is, is unlikely to be meaningful with any prospect of it becoming so.
But....
5% chance he could be and that it has potential.
A trick to tease the reality from him is not to just ask what he's doing but overly praise his commitment to enterprise. Tell others about it and tell him that you've told others. Ask what you can do to help. The attention you create will either encourage him to raise his game to the life he has claimed to have or reveal the truth from which you cam all move forward from.
Seventyseven7 said:
Oh wow, that sounds tough. Have you considered having a chat with his parents about this?
You know, the ones who provide the roof over his head and the food he leisurely enjoys at 11am? Might be worth mentioning that if he’s going to play entrepreneur from the comfort of their home, he should at least contribute—either by paying rent or by demonstrating that this ‘business’ is something more than a YouTube binge session. The parents needs to take some responsibility here.
Strange post. You know, the ones who provide the roof over his head and the food he leisurely enjoys at 11am? Might be worth mentioning that if he’s going to play entrepreneur from the comfort of their home, he should at least contribute—either by paying rent or by demonstrating that this ‘business’ is something more than a YouTube binge session. The parents needs to take some responsibility here.
geek84 said:
Hi
Yes that would be the final action.
However, we would rather not come to that.
We’ve a similar issue with our youngest, who’s a year younger. Yes that would be the final action.
However, we would rather not come to that.
To encourage focus we asked him to pay back the money we’d lent him to buy a car, which he had and did, we then asked him do to contribute fully towards food and a 1/4 of household costs, somehow he’s making enough that he’s still doing both 6 months later…..
2 GKC said:
Seventyseven7 said:
Oh wow, that sounds tough. Have you considered having a chat with his parents about this?
You know, the ones who provide the roof over his head and the food he leisurely enjoys at 11am? Might be worth mentioning that if he’s going to play entrepreneur from the comfort of their home, he should at least contribute—either by paying rent or by demonstrating that this ‘business’ is something more than a YouTube binge session. The parents needs to take some responsibility here.
Strange post. You know, the ones who provide the roof over his head and the food he leisurely enjoys at 11am? Might be worth mentioning that if he’s going to play entrepreneur from the comfort of their home, he should at least contribute—either by paying rent or by demonstrating that this ‘business’ is something more than a YouTube binge session. The parents needs to take some responsibility here.
I'm not a parent, but I think he needs to understand that he is an adult now and unless he is in education, he needs to support himself. Don't give him any money (presents for birthdays, not cash), don't keep any food in the house that he likes, don't get any family takeaways when he is around, don't give him lifts anywhere.
Instead ask why he hasn't bought a car yet and if he complains about the food you're providing, tell him where the supermarket is. Try not to be too much of a dick about it because the idea is to subtly suggest and convince, rather than have a row.
Instead ask why he hasn't bought a car yet and if he complains about the food you're providing, tell him where the supermarket is. Try not to be too much of a dick about it because the idea is to subtly suggest and convince, rather than have a row.
Who is funding the university fees?
Either way you need help needs to understand his responsibilities, including rent, food and chores.
Offer to sit down and understand his business plan better so that you can offer the right support.
Explain to him the scams. Advise him on prepaying for the “courses” on how to make millions. Have him explain his thinking - eg if they have made millions why are they wasting time on £1000 courses on YouTube?
When my friends son finished uni he had a t-shirt made saying “the bank of dad is now closed”
Either way you need help needs to understand his responsibilities, including rent, food and chores.
Offer to sit down and understand his business plan better so that you can offer the right support.
Explain to him the scams. Advise him on prepaying for the “courses” on how to make millions. Have him explain his thinking - eg if they have made millions why are they wasting time on £1000 courses on YouTube?
When my friends son finished uni he had a t-shirt made saying “the bank of dad is now closed”
As above, if an April fools it would be a bit odd.
At 23 one would expect him to have already finished his course. Was there a gap between finishing school and going to university? If yes why? What did he do in that period?
There may be a lot going on that isn’t covered in the OP’s description of the situation so hard to advise. Sounds like the son needs help. Throwing him out or putting pressure on him might work…or might lead to a worse situation. It depends a lot on his personality and mental health too. Some people flourish under adversity. Some just break.
At 23 one would expect him to have already finished his course. Was there a gap between finishing school and going to university? If yes why? What did he do in that period?
There may be a lot going on that isn’t covered in the OP’s description of the situation so hard to advise. Sounds like the son needs help. Throwing him out or putting pressure on him might work…or might lead to a worse situation. It depends a lot on his personality and mental health too. Some people flourish under adversity. Some just break.
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