Stay in France or Return to the UK? Separation issues...
Discussion
Hi everyone,
I’m really struggling with a decision and could use some advice or perspective from others who may have gone through something similar.
Two years ago, my partner and I moved to France with hopes of building a new life together. We had big dreams — our daughter was born here last year, and I even built a house, which was finished in September 2024. I truly believed we were building our "happily ever after."
But things didn’t go as planned. We’re now separated, and that dream feels like it’s lost its shine. The house doesn’t feel like a home anymore, and while France has many positives, I’m starting to feel isolated.
The UK has always been home. I have a strong support network there — family, friends, familiarity — but the idea of giving up on what I’ve built here is painful. Part of me hates the idea of going back, like I’m admitting defeat. Another part of me wonders if returning is the healthiest thing I could do for myself and my daughter.
I’m torn.
Have any of you faced a similar crossroads?
What helped you decide whether to stay or go?
Any thoughts, advice, or shared experiences would really mean a lot right now.
Thanks in advance.
I’m really struggling with a decision and could use some advice or perspective from others who may have gone through something similar.
Two years ago, my partner and I moved to France with hopes of building a new life together. We had big dreams — our daughter was born here last year, and I even built a house, which was finished in September 2024. I truly believed we were building our "happily ever after."
But things didn’t go as planned. We’re now separated, and that dream feels like it’s lost its shine. The house doesn’t feel like a home anymore, and while France has many positives, I’m starting to feel isolated.
The UK has always been home. I have a strong support network there — family, friends, familiarity — but the idea of giving up on what I’ve built here is painful. Part of me hates the idea of going back, like I’m admitting defeat. Another part of me wonders if returning is the healthiest thing I could do for myself and my daughter.
I’m torn.
Have any of you faced a similar crossroads?
What helped you decide whether to stay or go?
Any thoughts, advice, or shared experiences would really mean a lot right now.
Thanks in advance.
Could any of your network come and stay with you for a bit or at least sporadically? Mixing that with some holiday time in the UK? If life is good there you aren't living the other side of the world in terms of ease of transport.
Where will the two kids you have together be based? Surely this impacts greatly on the decision?
It's no doubt all a little raw at present and running back to a readily available support network is tempting. I would, however, let the dust settle a little more before any decisions are made.
Where will the two kids you have together be based? Surely this impacts greatly on the decision?
It's no doubt all a little raw at present and running back to a readily available support network is tempting. I would, however, let the dust settle a little more before any decisions are made.
I notice from a quick profile browse that you were pondering a return even before the issues arose?
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
If you weren't content when all was well and you were in union with your partner, then no wonder its now a serious contemplation.
I would still think long and hard about it, but that is me. I think you need to pad out a bigger picture for anyone to truly comment (where the kids will be staying/custody/work situation (can you spend extended periods in each of the countries?)/property position (if you still have your WOT home then could you spend a month here and a month there etc?
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
If you weren't content when all was well and you were in union with your partner, then no wonder its now a serious contemplation.
I would still think long and hard about it, but that is me. I think you need to pad out a bigger picture for anyone to truly comment (where the kids will be staying/custody/work situation (can you spend extended periods in each of the countries?)/property position (if you still have your WOT home then could you spend a month here and a month there etc?
Shnozz said:
I notice from a quick profile browse that you were pondering a return even before the issues arose?
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
If you weren't content when all was well and you were in union with your partner, then no wonder its now a serious contemplation.
I would still think long and hard about it, but that is me. I think you need to pad out a bigger picture for anyone to truly comment (where the kids will be staying/custody/work situation (can you spend extended periods in each of the countries?)/property position (if you still have your WOT home then could you spend a month here and a month there etc?
The issue arose a while back. I just chose to ignore it. The country isn't the problem, it was always the relationship! https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
If you weren't content when all was well and you were in union with your partner, then no wonder its now a serious contemplation.
I would still think long and hard about it, but that is me. I think you need to pad out a bigger picture for anyone to truly comment (where the kids will be staying/custody/work situation (can you spend extended periods in each of the countries?)/property position (if you still have your WOT home then could you spend a month here and a month there etc?
So the split wasn't because one wanted the UK one wanted France?
Not quite the same but a pal, about 22 years ago moved with his wife, to France. his sister lived there IIRC
Over the next few years the youngest child made friends and now speaks french, has a french boyfriend etc
The older of the two girls didn't take to the country and headed back to the UK to live with her Aunt and now lives in London with husband, and kids
About two years ago, my pal's wife died rather unexpectedly in her very early 60's
He's now alone out there although his youngest daughter lives nearby.
He's in the process of building a new smaller home for himself but will NEVER return to the UK.
When were you last here in the UK and whereabouts. It's not the rosy little country of chocolate boxes anymore. Well not in many laces but there are some lovely enclaves.
Not quite the same but a pal, about 22 years ago moved with his wife, to France. his sister lived there IIRC
Over the next few years the youngest child made friends and now speaks french, has a french boyfriend etc
The older of the two girls didn't take to the country and headed back to the UK to live with her Aunt and now lives in London with husband, and kids
About two years ago, my pal's wife died rather unexpectedly in her very early 60's
He's now alone out there although his youngest daughter lives nearby.
He's in the process of building a new smaller home for himself but will NEVER return to the UK.
When were you last here in the UK and whereabouts. It's not the rosy little country of chocolate boxes anymore. Well not in many laces but there are some lovely enclaves.
If you want to be a significant part of your daughter's life go where your x and daughter go.
I split with my french partner.
She had custody of our 2 year old daughter.
I returned to the uk. (illness partly).
I spent the next 14 years making around 650 flights, a couple of years equivalent in hotels, etc trying to be a father.
Good luck.
I split with my french partner.
She had custody of our 2 year old daughter.
I returned to the uk. (illness partly).
I spent the next 14 years making around 650 flights, a couple of years equivalent in hotels, etc trying to be a father.
Good luck.
As others have said, I’d be wanting to stay within a reasonable distance of the kids personally.
Where abouts in France will they be?
Appreciate France is a big place but could you position yourself nearer Calais, or near an airport while still being able to see the kids but also hop on a flight/eurotunnel back to the UK?
Where abouts in France will they be?
Appreciate France is a big place but could you position yourself nearer Calais, or near an airport while still being able to see the kids but also hop on a flight/eurotunnel back to the UK?
Has as been said, I’d stay put. Google (autorité parentale conjointe)
I’ve gone through something similar. If you’re happy in France then it’s best to stop and rebuild your life there. The French family courts are very good and should Mum ‘start to play-up’ over custody then they’re much better at enforcing than the unfit, not fit for purpose, E&W family courts in the UK.
Should you UK return, then you’re into jurisdiction boundaries that the E&W family courts won’t enforce.
That said, and on the flip side, if you are legally married the French court system still promotes (prestation compensatoire) which is, in its rudest terms, Spousal Maintenance. It’s a double edged sword.
I used an Anglo-French team of Lawyers called Raydon Solictiors whom were very good - especially Claire Wood - so I think you need to take legal advice as it’s complicated.
I’m sorry for the circumstances we have to correspond. It must be horrendous.
I’ve gone through something similar. If you’re happy in France then it’s best to stop and rebuild your life there. The French family courts are very good and should Mum ‘start to play-up’ over custody then they’re much better at enforcing than the unfit, not fit for purpose, E&W family courts in the UK.
Should you UK return, then you’re into jurisdiction boundaries that the E&W family courts won’t enforce.
That said, and on the flip side, if you are legally married the French court system still promotes (prestation compensatoire) which is, in its rudest terms, Spousal Maintenance. It’s a double edged sword.
I used an Anglo-French team of Lawyers called Raydon Solictiors whom were very good - especially Claire Wood - so I think you need to take legal advice as it’s complicated.
I’m sorry for the circumstances we have to correspond. It must be horrendous.
She would follow us back to the UK. I just have to pay her rent for 6 months until she finds a job, which she will have no problems finding as she is a teaching assistant.
No one will be able to make a decision for me I know. I'm really torn between both countries. Waiting another 12 months could help but it's another year for the kids to feel even more settled here should we decide to go back at a later date. And if my ex feels even more settled here then I can wave bye bye to the UK for a long long time.
No one will be able to make a decision for me I know. I'm really torn between both countries. Waiting another 12 months could help but it's another year for the kids to feel even more settled here should we decide to go back at a later date. And if my ex feels even more settled here then I can wave bye bye to the UK for a long long time.
We lived in France f or 15years and I moved back with my adult children last year following the death of my wife and their mother.
I can hand on heart,honestly say it’s the best thing we have done.The support from family and friends has been invaluable and it surprised us how much we had actually missed it while living in France.
I have settled so well I don’t think of France or what we had in France.
It is now just a memory of a period of time in my life which came to a very sad,abrupt end.
Do I miss it,not a single bit.
I can hand on heart,honestly say it’s the best thing we have done.The support from family and friends has been invaluable and it surprised us how much we had actually missed it while living in France.
I have settled so well I don’t think of France or what we had in France.
It is now just a memory of a period of time in my life which came to a very sad,abrupt end.
Do I miss it,not a single bit.
You need to ask yourself a couple of key questions:
1. How much you want to be in the life of your children
2. How much you value your life in France
3. How much discomfort you are willing to put yourself through if the answer to 1 and 2 is "alot".
I say this as someone who lives in another country to my children but still manages to work full time and have the kids for 1/3 of the time. Similar to another poster, its more than 50 flights a year, car hire, accommodation costs, a ton of travel time, flights at unsociable times etc. Not comfortable but this is the life I have chosen.
As much as you feel drawn to the UK, your children are young and its a long time to live this kind of life. Perhaps you could look at ways to build a support network around you with expats, similar interests etc.
Edit - missed the ball on my first reply.
1. How much you want to be in the life of your children
2. How much you value your life in France
3. How much discomfort you are willing to put yourself through if the answer to 1 and 2 is "alot".
I say this as someone who lives in another country to my children but still manages to work full time and have the kids for 1/3 of the time. Similar to another poster, its more than 50 flights a year, car hire, accommodation costs, a ton of travel time, flights at unsociable times etc. Not comfortable but this is the life I have chosen.
As much as you feel drawn to the UK, your children are young and its a long time to live this kind of life. Perhaps you could look at ways to build a support network around you with expats, similar interests etc.
Edit - missed the ball on my first reply.
Edited by Pete102 on Wednesday 11th June 09:07
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