Neighbours - what would you do?
Discussion
The retired couple next door have moved their daughter and her 4 children in from elsewhere in the country. She's just left an abusive relationship after 10 years and is now on a council waiting list to be re-housed somewhere around this neck of the woods.
I don't know who the partner was but as the daughter looks like Geoff Capes and can clearly hold her own, I did wonder if there was aggrivation from her side. Her behaviour and general manner does not suggest 'meek & mild victim'. I know that shows my complete misunderstanding of domestic violence, but based on how she carries herself I can imagine it being 50/50. That's not the issue though.
Eldest children are 16 and 9 years old. They appear to be okay. Eldest is starting a college course and the second eldest is enjoying his new school.
Youngest two are toddler age; I think one is about 18 months and the other is just about to start nursery, so is that about 3-4 years old?
I work from home.
Every day, without fail, from the early morning onwards, the youngest two are bellowed at. There may be an hour or two where it goes quiet but they are few and far between. There is screaming and crying constantly, with the bellowing over the top of that.
• ‘Go away’
• ‘Leave me alone’
• ‘Get away from me’
• ‘Stop it’
• ‘You’re doing my head in’
Those kind of comments, bellowed (in a fish-wife manner) at pre-school toddlers. I’ve never heard any positive reinforcement. This is mostly from the children’s mother, but also her equally brusque mother/grandmother chimes in sometimes. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The whole close can’t fail to hear it and other neighbours have commented on it.
The grandmother / our neighbour has been on our doorstep in tears apologising. She knows how bad it is but seems to fail to see she is part of the issue. The couple’s three Dashunds get spoken to and treated better than their grandchildren. This is has been going on for a couple of months now. I don't want to be ’that neighbour’ but I’m a parent and whilst all parents have been tested at times, I’ve never heard such a continued barrage of shouting and threats made to small children on such a constant basis.
Out of desparation and in a way - to vent - I contacted the NSPCC with the above info (minus my prejudiced thoughts on her previous situation). I wasn't expecting a reply as the NSPCC site said they are very busy and can take up to 10 days to respond, but the next day they got in touch thanking me for raising the issue and wanting more specifics.
This in all honesty was a shock. I've now got to back down or follow through. The neighbours themselves are fine - tiny bit rough around the edges but decent people. They have two other grown-up children; a son and another daughter who suffers from the current afflictions du jour; anxiety, adhd - all that malarkey.
What would you do?
I don't know who the partner was but as the daughter looks like Geoff Capes and can clearly hold her own, I did wonder if there was aggrivation from her side. Her behaviour and general manner does not suggest 'meek & mild victim'. I know that shows my complete misunderstanding of domestic violence, but based on how she carries herself I can imagine it being 50/50. That's not the issue though.
Eldest children are 16 and 9 years old. They appear to be okay. Eldest is starting a college course and the second eldest is enjoying his new school.
Youngest two are toddler age; I think one is about 18 months and the other is just about to start nursery, so is that about 3-4 years old?
I work from home.
Every day, without fail, from the early morning onwards, the youngest two are bellowed at. There may be an hour or two where it goes quiet but they are few and far between. There is screaming and crying constantly, with the bellowing over the top of that.
• ‘Go away’
• ‘Leave me alone’
• ‘Get away from me’
• ‘Stop it’
• ‘You’re doing my head in’
Those kind of comments, bellowed (in a fish-wife manner) at pre-school toddlers. I’ve never heard any positive reinforcement. This is mostly from the children’s mother, but also her equally brusque mother/grandmother chimes in sometimes. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The whole close can’t fail to hear it and other neighbours have commented on it.
The grandmother / our neighbour has been on our doorstep in tears apologising. She knows how bad it is but seems to fail to see she is part of the issue. The couple’s three Dashunds get spoken to and treated better than their grandchildren. This is has been going on for a couple of months now. I don't want to be ’that neighbour’ but I’m a parent and whilst all parents have been tested at times, I’ve never heard such a continued barrage of shouting and threats made to small children on such a constant basis.
Out of desparation and in a way - to vent - I contacted the NSPCC with the above info (minus my prejudiced thoughts on her previous situation). I wasn't expecting a reply as the NSPCC site said they are very busy and can take up to 10 days to respond, but the next day they got in touch thanking me for raising the issue and wanting more specifics.
This in all honesty was a shock. I've now got to back down or follow through. The neighbours themselves are fine - tiny bit rough around the edges but decent people. They have two other grown-up children; a son and another daughter who suffers from the current afflictions du jour; anxiety, adhd - all that malarkey.
What would you do?
Franco5 said:
f
k em. Let scrotes be scrotes while the state supports them with our money. Do you think these kind of people are grateful that they get free housing and benefits? Are they fk they’ll batter or abuse you if you look at them wrong.
The parents are okay in themselves. He was a skilled electrical engineer working on large projects from what I can gather, some maritime; massively into wildlife photography, golf. Quiet bloke, friendly, wouldn't say boo to a goose.k em. Let scrotes be scrotes while the state supports them with our money. Do you think these kind of people are grateful that they get free housing and benefits? Are they fk they’ll batter or abuse you if you look at them wrong.His wife is a sturdy woman; imagine Shed's (of Shed of the Week's) other half. That.
Not sure the daughter's ever worked. Parent's bought her car and they all have personalised plates. I think they chuck money at their kids if they hold their hands out.
It's hard hearing small children being treated like that. My ex-wife was a Deputy Head and through her I heard stories of troubled families and how the children suffer. It's a tough call. I couldn't care less about the mum.
Are the NSPCC able to receive information from you anonymously, without you being named and actively involved?
If you feel the children are at risk then you could report it to the police, whilst they might not be looking at prosecuting they can signpost to other agencies and social services etc.
If you feel the children are at risk then you could report it to the police, whilst they might not be looking at prosecuting they can signpost to other agencies and social services etc.
If you are very concerned then I would suggest making a referral to social services. It’ll be assessed based on the risk to the children before a case worker is allocated and from what you’ve said will likely have a family worker (or equivalent) allocated, rather than a social worker. Although given the history of domestic violence, it may be escalated higher, or indeed they may already have somebody involved.
My wife has had cases before where the women appear to be able to look after themselves however through a combination of factors, mainly the men being absolute scumbags, they’re no better able to protect themselves than if they were smaller.
ETA: people make referrals, as you would be doing, all the time. Social services rely on people doing so, so don’t feel uncomfortable about doing so.
My wife has had cases before where the women appear to be able to look after themselves however through a combination of factors, mainly the men being absolute scumbags, they’re no better able to protect themselves than if they were smaller.
ETA: people make referrals, as you would be doing, all the time. Social services rely on people doing so, so don’t feel uncomfortable about doing so.
Edited by MrBarry123 on Friday 15th August 19:43
Yes, anything through the NSPCC would be anonymous but I suspect they could easily work out who reported it out the 9 houses in the close.
My partner says don't cause ructions, and hopefully they'll be rehoused and gone before Christmas (the council said it would be 6 months max due to the Dom Violence).
I'm inclined to sit on it and not rush into escalating it with the NSPCC. If it's still happening at the end of Sept after they've been there a good few months and settled then perhaps I'll do something.
My partner says don't cause ructions, and hopefully they'll be rehoused and gone before Christmas (the council said it would be 6 months max due to the Dom Violence).
I'm inclined to sit on it and not rush into escalating it with the NSPCC. If it's still happening at the end of Sept after they've been there a good few months and settled then perhaps I'll do something.
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