Family, am I being a dick?
Discussion
So for ever Christmas has always been at my mums house.
In August this year my sister stopped replying to texts, literally there was no obvious reason. Well our dad was trying to transfer the house she lives in to her name, literally giving her £400k, so she stopped talking to him, myself or our mum (divorced from dad). (Something she has not even thanked him for!!!)
At one point solicitors needed something and she was blanking dad so I texted her asking if she was in the s
t etc… no reply.
So niece, 22, texts mum today expecting everything to be normal for Christmas. So mum replies that she is not sure what is going on as she has not spoken to my sister in months and might be a bit weird etc.
So niece replies that her mum is expecting me to pick them up tomorrow as normal. Sister is a vegan and there 8s no vegan food at all. I have not got her a present or anything.
It’s not the first time she has decided to ghost everyone.
Part of me thinks she is being an entitled dick as per usual and she expects to turn up and be fed a watered for a week like nothing has happened.
Mum is not happy does not really want to see my sister tomorrow, she says if she had called yesterday or last week and made peace/ apologised it would be ok.
Just trying to vent in a semi anonymous place lol. If anyone has any advice I am all ears.
In August this year my sister stopped replying to texts, literally there was no obvious reason. Well our dad was trying to transfer the house she lives in to her name, literally giving her £400k, so she stopped talking to him, myself or our mum (divorced from dad). (Something she has not even thanked him for!!!)
At one point solicitors needed something and she was blanking dad so I texted her asking if she was in the s
t etc… no reply.So niece, 22, texts mum today expecting everything to be normal for Christmas. So mum replies that she is not sure what is going on as she has not spoken to my sister in months and might be a bit weird etc.
So niece replies that her mum is expecting me to pick them up tomorrow as normal. Sister is a vegan and there 8s no vegan food at all. I have not got her a present or anything.
It’s not the first time she has decided to ghost everyone.
Part of me thinks she is being an entitled dick as per usual and she expects to turn up and be fed a watered for a week like nothing has happened.
Mum is not happy does not really want to see my sister tomorrow, she says if she had called yesterday or last week and made peace/ apologised it would be ok.
Just trying to vent in a semi anonymous place lol. If anyone has any advice I am all ears.
Your not being a dick, family is hard work.
We used to have everyone at ours until my half sister got her own place with her bird and helped financially by my parents, they then invited them for xmas day with the others parents with no invite for us! Nothing more to add other than I prefer xmas without them.
My suggestion for tomorrow would be go with the flow and serve double helpings of turkey with pigs in blankets.
Merry Xmas to you and yours.
We used to have everyone at ours until my half sister got her own place with her bird and helped financially by my parents, they then invited them for xmas day with the others parents with no invite for us! Nothing more to add other than I prefer xmas without them.
My suggestion for tomorrow would be go with the flow and serve double helpings of turkey with pigs in blankets.
Merry Xmas to you and yours.
nikaiyo2 said:
lol my plan is to tell her I had a couple of bucks fit for breakfast so can t pick her up lol
Good plan.Alos some thoughts:
Have you tried ringing her, or just texts? Does she just screen the calls?
She’s using your niece as a human shield so she doesn't have to face the music. Don't play that game. Even though the niece is 22, this is between you, your mum, and your sister.
I’d text the niece back saying something like: "You are welcome to come, but your mum needs to speak to us properly. We can't make plans through you when she hasn't said a word to us in months."
And definitely do not go pick them up. If she wants to be there, she can make her own way over. She can drive or pay for a taxi.
As for the food and presents? Don't do anything. That’s on her. If she turns up, she can make do with roasties and veg. If she moans about no vegan main or no gifts, just tell her straight: "We didn't think you were coming. You haven't spoken to us since August, not even after your dad gave you a £400k house."
hidetheelephants said:
Is it possible to accommodate her without making much/any effort? Ostentatiously feed her whatever meagre vegan offerings that the corner shop offer, Linda McCartney veg torpedoes etc? 
It's christmas and supposedly a time of forgiveness but forgiveness generally requires contrition.
Normally mum makes so much effort for her, gets special vegan bits in, sis only eats tangerines not any other orange so mum would always by bags of them, cherry tomatoes etc. It's christmas and supposedly a time of forgiveness but forgiveness generally requires contrition.I might be weird but for instance I would ask mum if it’s ok to have a biscuit, she would take the last one without asking, earlier this year we all had fish and chips, for one reason or another there was only a few pickled onions left, sister took all of them.
quote=vaud]
Good plan.
Alos some thoughts:
Have you tried ringing her, or just texts? Does she just screen the calls?
She s using your niece as a human shield so she doesn't have to face the music. Don't play that game. Even though the niece is 22, this is between you, your mum, and your sister.
I d text the niece back saying something like: "You are welcome to come, but your mum needs to speak to us properly. We can't make plans through you when she hasn't said a word to us in months."
And definitely do not go pick them up. If she wants to be there, she can make her own way over. She can drive or pay for a taxi.
As for the food and presents? Don't do anything. That s on her. If she turns up, she can make do with roasties and veg. If she moans about no vegan main or no gifts, just tell her straight: "We didn't think you were coming. You haven't spoken to us since August, not even after your dad gave you a £400k house."
I really like that reply to niece will send it.
nikaiyo2 said:
In August this year my sister stopped replying to texts, literally there was no obvious reason. Well our dad was trying to transfer the house she lives in to her name, literally giving her £400k, so she stopped talking to him....
I'm probably missing something here, but why would she have a problem with being given a house, to the extent that she stopping talking to dad?Sheepshanks said:
nikaiyo2 said:
In August this year my sister stopped replying to texts, literally there was no obvious reason. Well our dad was trying to transfer the house she lives in to her name, literally giving her £400k, so she stopped talking to him....
I'm probably missing something here, but why would she have a problem with being given a house, to the extent that she stopping talking to dad?Assume your sister is 40+ from the fact she has a 22 year old daughter?
Why can't she or your niece drive to your mums?
If my sibling hadn't spoken to me for 5 months then used their kids to make contact rather than talk to me in person, they'd be told to FRO in short order.
Don't even entertain that nonsense, going to pick her up would just be positive reinforcement that she can act how she pleases without fear of consequence.
Why can't she or your niece drive to your mums?
If my sibling hadn't spoken to me for 5 months then used their kids to make contact rather than talk to me in person, they'd be told to FRO in short order.
Don't even entertain that nonsense, going to pick her up would just be positive reinforcement that she can act how she pleases without fear of consequence.
Your sister needs to make the first move - a phone call, apology, explanation, something. Showing up expecting everything to be normal after months of silence is taking everyone's hospitality and forgiveness for granted. If this is a pattern ("not the first time"), she may be used to getting away with it.
The vegan food issue is almost symbolic - she's made zero effort to communicate, yet expects you to cater to her needs. That's entitled behavior.
What does your mum actually want to happen? Supporting her decision is probably the most important thing right now.
The vegan food issue is almost symbolic - she's made zero effort to communicate, yet expects you to cater to her needs. That's entitled behavior.
What does your mum actually want to happen? Supporting her decision is probably the most important thing right now.
Sheepshanks said:
nikaiyo2 said:
In August this year my sister stopped replying to texts, literally there was no obvious reason. Well our dad was trying to transfer the house she lives in to her name, literally giving her £400k, so she stopped talking to him....
I'm probably missing something here, but why would she have a problem with being given a house, to the extent that she stopping talking to dad?My sister - I wrote about her in the sibling estrangement thread - was given a load of money (about £150k) by our mother to pay off her mortgage and also give her a float of about £30k towards some home improvements. Literally on the day of the gift, my mother asked her what she was going to spend the float money on, at which point my sister flew into a rage and screamed about it being her money, she’ll do with it what she wants, then she physically assaulted my mother resulting in ABH - broken elbow and 2 ribs - before my nephew could step in to restrain his mother.
These manipulative narcissists just think that whatever they want, everyone else should pre-empt and provide. I can see exact parallels between the OP’s sister and mine. The lack of rational thinking seems unbelievable but it’s how they are.
I just cut all ties with her, she can lead her own life wallowing in her own misery and rancour, I don’t have time in my life for that crap any more after accommodating it for 20 years or so.
OP - I agree with others, tell her that her refusal to communicate for 6 months meant that no plans were made to accommodate her. If it were me I’d tell she she wasn’t welcome, the more lenient line would be to say they can make their own way over and take you as she finds you.
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