Wife's job

[dba3087108]

My wife is 45 she has been an air stewardess pretty much since she was 19. We have been together since she was 30 and I look after her children as well as mine. They are now teenagers (hers) but probably more messy than when they were kids. I work from home and sometimes she is gone 3 or 4 days on a trip. It's starting to really drain me. I don't know what to suggest but I don't want her doing this job anymore. The kids dad is basically useless and sees them maybe once or twice a month. She jokes that if she worked in Lidl she would actually work more hours a month which is probably true but it's the days away etc and all down to me I'm finding it difficult. I feel worn down and her kids don't appreciate me at all

[Wacky Racer]

Difficult one.

Having to look after messy teenagers is bad enough, but when they are not even yours.......

All I can suggest is talk to her about it, and how you are struggling.

Good luck.

[AB]

Definitely a difficult one.

I assume she loves her job, how did she cope with the job/kids before you met?

Can she take shorter flights? Different airline?

My wife's cousin was the same up until she had kids, now she works from home doing customer service, it just became impossible.

You don't see many older people (relatively speaking) doing the job, probably for this reason.

Have a chat.

[hammo19]

Really sorry to hear of your situation, it can’t be easy.

A marriage is supposed to be a two way contract and it feels like she is getting what she wants all the time. Yep, you have to talk to her and tell her what your feelings are as you cannot continue like this. It’s a totally unfair on you.

[BunkMoreland]

This isn't about her job.

This is about her not raising her kids right and you having to endure it. IF the teens weren't entitled s, you wouldn't worry about her being away for a few days regularly.


Start planning your exit. There will be no changes. You will raise it, and she will tell you you're over reacting, and then there will be an argument.

The fact you are asking on here, suggests you know already how this will play!

[Macneil]

Maybe you both need to sit down with the kids and spell out a few things before you open this particualr can of worms.

[INeedAHero]

TBF, she probably doesn't enjoy the job either. I can imagine the stress of having to deal with airports and passengers quite exhausting.

Perhaps, she will be looking to retire soon? Either that or you set some boundaries or ger a cleaner?

My 19yr old son fancied fighting me, so I gave him a thump and since then he's not asked me again. 😀 The point being, sometimes you have to take the bull by its horn and teach them who's boss. Regardless of who it is.

[Nicetobenice]

Time for a chat - tell her it's doing your head in and see what she says

And her kids are nearly adults so it doesn't seem unreasonable to lay the ground rules with them either.

If they don't make adjustments then you are on to the next steps.

[dba3087108]

We have had chats before and she has spoken to the kids but she still comes back with well this is all I've ever done. She used to work for a Reginal airline so just there and back but now she does long haul and I feel worn down with itm she was offered winter work (she only works march till Oct) and without even asking me accepted it from work. I kicked off and she has retracted the winter work. I feel for her in that she loves her job and if she did something else she would possibly resent me. But when my kids won't see her until Tuesday (she flew this morning) then it hurts me as well as them.

[Purosangue]

dba3087108 said:

My wife is 45 she has been an air stewardess pretty much since she was 19. We have been together since she was 30 and I look after her children as well as mine. They are now teenagers (hers) but probably more messy than when they were kids. I work from home and sometimes she is gone 3 or 4 days on a trip. It's starting to really drain me. I don't know what to suggest but I don't want her doing this job anymore. The kids dad is basically useless and sees them maybe once or twice a month. She jokes that if she worked in Lidl she would actually work more hours a month which is probably true but it's the days away etc and all down to me I'm finding it difficult. I feel worn down and her kids don't appreciate me at all

I would be setting some ground rules , With her and the kids , If possible can you all go on a short break away even in the UK .

a rental like a farmhouse for a week then get the kids to do simple tasks , but make it fun ,they have to make the meals , wash up each individual kid is in charge for a day

set time out for yourself , wife away on a business trip = take a day off ( business trip) go and visit friends for the whole day even for a bbq / down the pub etc repeat the holiday experience . whilst away let the kids sort them selves out ,

if all else fails and her kids or her are not willing to play ball then they never will . in this scenario say .. right im off for a week take your kids with you see her and the kids reaction if nothing changes . then i would be having an exit strategy

[Mr Penguin]

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

Presumably your previous problems were sorted but is it just one thing after another and perpetual drama?

[Nicetobenice]

Mr Penguin said:

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

Presumably your previous problems were sorted but is it just one thing after another and perpetual drama?

Probably not much point discussing it with her then.

[ExBoringVolvoDriver]

dba3087108 said:

We have had chats before and she has spoken to the kids but she still comes back with well this is all I've ever done. She used to work for a Reginal airline so just there and back but now she does long haul and I feel worn down with itm she was offered winter work (she only works march till Oct) and without even asking me accepted it from work. I kicked off and she has retracted the winter work. I feel for her in that she loves her job and if she did something else she would possibly resent me. But when my kids won't see her until Tuesday (she flew this morning) then it hurts me as well as them.

I presume that your kids are not hers?

Given your previous issues when she had a little fling along with her taking on more work without discussing it with you, I would say you are being taken advantage of in a big way.

You need to have a very serious discussion with her with the aim of getting her to understand your position, She needs to ge5 her kids to pull their weight as does she. If she doesn’t or can’t, then there may be little option to stop doing anything for her kids,

Accept this is hard but tough love and all that.

[blueg33]

INeedAHero said:

TBF, she probably doesn't enjoy the job either. I can imagine the stress of having to deal with airports and passengers quite exhausting.

Perhaps, she will be looking to retire soon? Either that or you set some boundaries or ger a cleaner?

My 19yr old son fancied fighting me, so I gave him a thump and since then he's not asked me again. ? The point being, sometimes you have to take the bull by its horn and teach them who's boss. Regardless of who it is.

My son at 19 was 3 inches taller than me and a Second Dan Blackbelt who reached the quarterfinals of the student nationals in Taekwondo. When he was 12 he knocked out a 15 year old with a single kick. . I
wouldn t thump him! He might thump back.

Op. You need to tell your wife how you feel and agree then implement a strategy with the kids.

Also, family counselling is a thing.

Edited by blueg33 on Saturday 9th May 03:37

[g3org3y]

Mr Penguin said:

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

Presumably your previous problems were sorted but is it just one thing after another and perpetual drama?

Being cheated on and still playing live in carer for her kids.

This is not a good relationship for you.

[dundarach]

g3org3y said:

Mr Penguin said:

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

Presumably your previous problems were sorted but is it just one thing after another and perpetual drama?

Being cheated on and still playing live in carer for her kids.

This is not a good relationship for you.

Bloody hell pal, you need leave!

[bennno]

Given the context from your other thread, are you worried she might be seeing other people during her regular trips away?

Out of curiosity, how old are her children? Since you’ve been together 15 years, I assume they’re teenagers or older and probably approaching the age where they’ll be more independent. If that’s the case, it could mean the childcare needs will naturally decrease soon, which might make her less dependent on your childcare.

I’ve known quite a few flight attendants who switched to shorter routes, went part-time, or left long-haul altogether in similar situations to prioritise time with their family. An open and honest two-way conversation seems essential here.

[Doofus]

If her kids are teenagers, and you've been with her for fifteen years, then their behaviour is as much your fault as anyone else's.

The fact that you still see them as 'her' kids says a lot.

Edited by Doofus on Saturday 9th May 08:03

[Jamescrs]

If she really wanted to change her routes to short haul ten i'm sure she could, I suspect she is more than happy with her lifestyle as it is now.

Regards the teenagers is there any likelihood they will be going off to Uni in the near future which will take the pressure off you?

Based on your previous thread I think you need to have a serious think on where this is all going and if it is what you want long term

[dba3087108]

Her arguement is that she gets paid better for the longer trips than working lots of shorter routes. I understand her but it leaves a bitter taste when she was unfaithful before. Also my kids miss her when she is gone for long periods. Difficult one.