Discussion
Anyone remember Bloodninja? The teen 'cyber' chat wierdness that achieved b-list internet fame some years back...
Probably not worksafe, but it's only text... http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcy...
Some of them are absolute comedy gold.
Having just remembered it and checked it out, my ribs are genuinely sore from chortling.
Probably not worksafe, but it's only text... http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcy...
Some of them are absolute comedy gold.
Having just remembered it and checked it out, my ribs are genuinely sore from chortling.
bloodninja said:
Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f**king charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f**king charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: thats it.
Edited by Stu R on Monday 12th January 22:35
k. 
Blast from the past:
Kat – Hi, I’m Kat.
Eric the Aviator – Hi.
Kat -Wanna cyber?
Eric the Aviator – Do I want a cyber?
Kat – Yeah.
Eric the Aviator – What’s that then?
Eric the Aviator – Is it an alcoholic drink, like a cider?
Kat - No cyber, you know, talk dirty.
Eric the Aviator – OK
Kat - Oooh I’m so horny baby, real horny.
Kat - I’m just lying here in a really short skirt and bra, it’s so hot…
Kat – Are you horny Eric?
Kat - Are you there?
Eric the Aviator – Yes.
Kat - What are you doing?
Eric the Aviator - I’m talking dirty, as per your suggestion.
Kat - Go on then.
Eric the Aviator - I am already. If you wanted my to type dirty you should have said so. You need to be more specific. I can’t stand inaccuracy, especially when this internet connection is by the minute.
Kat - OK, shall we type dirty?
Eric the Aviator - OK.
Kat - What do you look like? I’m 18, blonde, with 34F breasts and a shaven pussy.
Eric the Aviator - You actually have a bald cat? How does it survive through the winter months?
Kat - Oh, for Christ’s sake, do you want to do this or not?
Eric the Aviator - What?
Kat - Have a dirty MSN chat with me?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I find it difficult to type and masturbate at the same time. Much like the pilot whilst hovering above the ground needs both hands to steady the pitch and yaw of the aircraft.
Kat - Hhhhmmmnn, are you a pilot then Eric? Mmmm, like in Top Gun, that turns me on…
Eric the Aviator - No, I’m actually an accountant. But aviation is an interest of mine.
Kat - Can you pretend to be a pilot for me? That’d really turn me on Eric; I’m getting wet just thinking about you in that uniform.
Eric the Aviator - OK, We’re in the cockpit of a McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II, a two-seat supersonic long-range all-weather fighter-bomber first produced for the U.S. Navy. The Phantom flew in U.S. service from 1960 to 1996; it also served with the armed forces of eleven other nations. As of 2001, more than 1,000 F-4s remained in service around the world.
Kat - Ooooh, Eric, are you going to take me to heaven and back?
Eric the Aviator - The McDonnell Douglas F4 has a realistic envelope limit of 45,000ft. I doubt heaven will be achievable.
Kat - I always wanted to make love to a pilot. I’m touching my breasts Eric, let’s take to the skies…
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Sorry, I’m just carrying out the pre-flight checks. There appears to be a slight leak from the rudder yaw sensors, I’m going to phone maintainance to check the situation. BRB.
Kat - FFS!
Eric the Aviator - …OK, maintainance have confirmed all is well, I’m taxi-ing out to the runway.
Kat - Oh, Eric, I’ve never been in a fighter before. My trousers are getting wet through.
Eric the Aviator - It’s a G-Suit, not trousers.
Kat - My G-Suit is getting soaked.
Kat - Eric?
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Apologies, I was just breaking off to masturbate. If you recall, I find masturbating and typing difficult. I realised I’ve never been in an F4 before. I haven’t been this hard since I saw a harrier hovering at Farnborough.
Kat - Oooh Eric, I’m reaching round and unbuttoning your suit…
Eric the Aviator - I am elevating flaps to 40 degrees, engines to full power.
Kat - I’m opening my flaps too Eric.
Eric the Aviator - You can not reach the controls from there. We are accelerating down the runway, and begin to liftoff. A wing is a surface used to produce an aerodynamic force normal to the direction of motion by travelling in air or another gaseous medium, facilitating flight. It is a specific form of airfoil.
Kat - Oh Eric we’re flying… Take me! Take me supersonic.
Eric the Aviator - Kat, we have just taken off from Halton in Buckinghamshire. It will be at least on hour before supersonic flight is achievable.
Kat - This is rubbish.
Eric the Aviator - I am afraid I can not flout CAA regulations simply because you wish to have intercourse with me in the cockpit of my aircraft.
Kat - Can we pretend?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I’d like to keep an element of realism.
Kat - OK, I’m climbing around to your seat to straddle you. I’m looking straight into your eyes.
Eric the Aviator - Jesus woman! This is some of the most crowded airspace in europe. Do you not recall the British European Airways Flight 548, a Hawker-Siddeley Trident 1B operated by British European Airways (BEA), crashed two minutes after takeoff from Heathrow Airport, killing all 118 passengers and crew on board. The crash occurred close to the town of Staines in Surrey, United Kingdom, and was until the Lockerbie disaster of 1988 the worst air accident to have occurred on British soil.
Kat – Eric, this isn’t sexy, come on!
Eric the Aviator - I burn thrusters to full reheat ripping through the clouds and out into the blinding sunshine.
Kat - Eric, I always wanted to a pilot! I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit.
Eric the Aviator - They zip, not button.
Kat - I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit, I can feel your hard cock pressing against my pussy…
Eric the Aviator - Under CAA regulation 14323 pets are not allowed in the cockpit of military aircraft.
Kat - I expose my breasts and stroke my nipples softly over your mouth…
Eric the Aviator - I head east out of the North Sea, ripping towards the rising sun.
Kat - I’m touching you now, I can feel your huge dick in my hands, oh Eric, does that feel sexy.
Eric the Aviator - Trimming flaps to 10 degrees I cruise at mach 1.5. I can see the sun shimmering off the ocean below. I knew it was the right decision to be a pilot and not an accountant. If I were an accountant I’d just be sat in my office dreaming of being a pilot, but not here, oh no. I’ve made something of my life. This Dublin boy’s the toast of his community back home, not like his accountant brother.
Kat - Eric, for s sake! Do you want to cyber or not? This isn’t turning me on.
Eric the Aviator - I fly back to base and next I fly The Fairchild-Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II, a single-seat, twin-engine jet aircraft designed to provide close air support (CAS) of ground forces by attacking tanks, armored vehicles, and other ground targets.
Kat - Single seat? Oh off you aviation geek.
Kat - /Kat leaves the room.
Eric the Aviator - No, wait. I’m really hard now. Wait. One experimental two-seat version was built. The Night Adverse Weather aircraft was developed by Fairchild from an A-10 prototype for consideration by the USAF. It included a second seat for a weapons officer responsible for ECM, navigation, and target acquisition.
Eric the Aviator - I swoop through the Vietnam jungle strafing gunfire left and right, the shells spearing left and right in a manner not unlike that of double entry book keeping. I’m flying an A10, Arrgh, SAM lock on!
Eric the Aviator – Kat, fire electronic counter measures, I’m, I’m gonna blow….
Kat – Hi, I’m Kat.
Eric the Aviator – Hi.
Kat -Wanna cyber?
Eric the Aviator – Do I want a cyber?
Kat – Yeah.
Eric the Aviator – What’s that then?
Eric the Aviator – Is it an alcoholic drink, like a cider?
Kat - No cyber, you know, talk dirty.
Eric the Aviator – OK
Kat - Oooh I’m so horny baby, real horny.
Kat - I’m just lying here in a really short skirt and bra, it’s so hot…
Kat – Are you horny Eric?
Kat - Are you there?
Eric the Aviator – Yes.
Kat - What are you doing?
Eric the Aviator - I’m talking dirty, as per your suggestion.
Kat - Go on then.
Eric the Aviator - I am already. If you wanted my to type dirty you should have said so. You need to be more specific. I can’t stand inaccuracy, especially when this internet connection is by the minute.
Kat - OK, shall we type dirty?
Eric the Aviator - OK.
Kat - What do you look like? I’m 18, blonde, with 34F breasts and a shaven pussy.
Eric the Aviator - You actually have a bald cat? How does it survive through the winter months?
Kat - Oh, for Christ’s sake, do you want to do this or not?
Eric the Aviator - What?
Kat - Have a dirty MSN chat with me?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I find it difficult to type and masturbate at the same time. Much like the pilot whilst hovering above the ground needs both hands to steady the pitch and yaw of the aircraft.
Kat - Hhhhmmmnn, are you a pilot then Eric? Mmmm, like in Top Gun, that turns me on…
Eric the Aviator - No, I’m actually an accountant. But aviation is an interest of mine.
Kat - Can you pretend to be a pilot for me? That’d really turn me on Eric; I’m getting wet just thinking about you in that uniform.
Eric the Aviator - OK, We’re in the cockpit of a McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II, a two-seat supersonic long-range all-weather fighter-bomber first produced for the U.S. Navy. The Phantom flew in U.S. service from 1960 to 1996; it also served with the armed forces of eleven other nations. As of 2001, more than 1,000 F-4s remained in service around the world.
Kat - Ooooh, Eric, are you going to take me to heaven and back?
Eric the Aviator - The McDonnell Douglas F4 has a realistic envelope limit of 45,000ft. I doubt heaven will be achievable.
Kat - I always wanted to make love to a pilot. I’m touching my breasts Eric, let’s take to the skies…
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Sorry, I’m just carrying out the pre-flight checks. There appears to be a slight leak from the rudder yaw sensors, I’m going to phone maintainance to check the situation. BRB.
Kat - FFS!
Eric the Aviator - …OK, maintainance have confirmed all is well, I’m taxi-ing out to the runway.
Kat - Oh, Eric, I’ve never been in a fighter before. My trousers are getting wet through.
Eric the Aviator - It’s a G-Suit, not trousers.
Kat - My G-Suit is getting soaked.
Kat - Eric?
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Apologies, I was just breaking off to masturbate. If you recall, I find masturbating and typing difficult. I realised I’ve never been in an F4 before. I haven’t been this hard since I saw a harrier hovering at Farnborough.
Kat - Oooh Eric, I’m reaching round and unbuttoning your suit…
Eric the Aviator - I am elevating flaps to 40 degrees, engines to full power.
Kat - I’m opening my flaps too Eric.
Eric the Aviator - You can not reach the controls from there. We are accelerating down the runway, and begin to liftoff. A wing is a surface used to produce an aerodynamic force normal to the direction of motion by travelling in air or another gaseous medium, facilitating flight. It is a specific form of airfoil.
Kat - Oh Eric we’re flying… Take me! Take me supersonic.
Eric the Aviator - Kat, we have just taken off from Halton in Buckinghamshire. It will be at least on hour before supersonic flight is achievable.
Kat - This is rubbish.
Eric the Aviator - I am afraid I can not flout CAA regulations simply because you wish to have intercourse with me in the cockpit of my aircraft.
Kat - Can we pretend?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I’d like to keep an element of realism.
Kat - OK, I’m climbing around to your seat to straddle you. I’m looking straight into your eyes.
Eric the Aviator - Jesus woman! This is some of the most crowded airspace in europe. Do you not recall the British European Airways Flight 548, a Hawker-Siddeley Trident 1B operated by British European Airways (BEA), crashed two minutes after takeoff from Heathrow Airport, killing all 118 passengers and crew on board. The crash occurred close to the town of Staines in Surrey, United Kingdom, and was until the Lockerbie disaster of 1988 the worst air accident to have occurred on British soil.
Kat – Eric, this isn’t sexy, come on!
Eric the Aviator - I burn thrusters to full reheat ripping through the clouds and out into the blinding sunshine.
Kat - Eric, I always wanted to a pilot! I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit.
Eric the Aviator - They zip, not button.
Kat - I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit, I can feel your hard cock pressing against my pussy…
Eric the Aviator - Under CAA regulation 14323 pets are not allowed in the cockpit of military aircraft.
Kat - I expose my breasts and stroke my nipples softly over your mouth…
Eric the Aviator - I head east out of the North Sea, ripping towards the rising sun.
Kat - I’m touching you now, I can feel your huge dick in my hands, oh Eric, does that feel sexy.
Eric the Aviator - Trimming flaps to 10 degrees I cruise at mach 1.5. I can see the sun shimmering off the ocean below. I knew it was the right decision to be a pilot and not an accountant. If I were an accountant I’d just be sat in my office dreaming of being a pilot, but not here, oh no. I’ve made something of my life. This Dublin boy’s the toast of his community back home, not like his accountant brother.
Kat - Eric, for s sake! Do you want to cyber or not? This isn’t turning me on.
Eric the Aviator - I fly back to base and next I fly The Fairchild-Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II, a single-seat, twin-engine jet aircraft designed to provide close air support (CAS) of ground forces by attacking tanks, armored vehicles, and other ground targets.
Kat - Single seat? Oh off you aviation geek.
Kat - /Kat leaves the room.
Eric the Aviator - No, wait. I’m really hard now. Wait. One experimental two-seat version was built. The Night Adverse Weather aircraft was developed by Fairchild from an A-10 prototype for consideration by the USAF. It included a second seat for a weapons officer responsible for ECM, navigation, and target acquisition.
Eric the Aviator - I swoop through the Vietnam jungle strafing gunfire left and right, the shells spearing left and right in a manner not unlike that of double entry book keeping. I’m flying an A10, Arrgh, SAM lock on!
Eric the Aviator – Kat, fire electronic counter measures, I’m, I’m gonna blow….
G'kar said:
Blast from the past:
Kat – Hi, I’m Kat.
Eric the Aviator – Hi.
Kat -Wanna cyber?
Eric the Aviator – Do I want a cyber?
Kat – Yeah.
Eric the Aviator – What’s that then?
Eric the Aviator – Is it an alcoholic drink, like a cider?
Kat - No cyber, you know, talk dirty.
Eric the Aviator – OK
Kat - Oooh I’m so horny baby, real horny.
Kat - I’m just lying here in a really short skirt and bra, it’s so hot…
Kat – Are you horny Eric?
Kat - Are you there?
Eric the Aviator – Yes.
Kat - What are you doing?
Eric the Aviator - I’m talking dirty, as per your suggestion.
Kat - Go on then.
Eric the Aviator - I am already. If you wanted my to type dirty you should have said so. You need to be more specific. I can’t stand inaccuracy, especially when this internet connection is by the minute.
Kat - OK, shall we type dirty?
Eric the Aviator - OK.
Kat - What do you look like? I’m 18, blonde, with 34F breasts and a shaven pussy.
Eric the Aviator - You actually have a bald cat? How does it survive through the winter months?
Kat - Oh, for Christ’s sake, do you want to do this or not?
Eric the Aviator - What?
Kat - Have a dirty MSN chat with me?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I find it difficult to type and masturbate at the same time. Much like the pilot whilst hovering above the ground needs both hands to steady the pitch and yaw of the aircraft.
Kat - Hhhhmmmnn, are you a pilot then Eric? Mmmm, like in Top Gun, that turns me on…
Eric the Aviator - No, I’m actually an accountant. But aviation is an interest of mine.
Kat - Can you pretend to be a pilot for me? That’d really turn me on Eric; I’m getting wet just thinking about you in that uniform.
Eric the Aviator - OK, We’re in the cockpit of a McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II, a two-seat supersonic long-range all-weather fighter-bomber first produced for the U.S. Navy. The Phantom flew in U.S. service from 1960 to 1996; it also served with the armed forces of eleven other nations. As of 2001, more than 1,000 F-4s remained in service around the world.
Kat - Ooooh, Eric, are you going to take me to heaven and back?
Eric the Aviator - The McDonnell Douglas F4 has a realistic envelope limit of 45,000ft. I doubt heaven will be achievable.
Kat - I always wanted to make love to a pilot. I’m touching my breasts Eric, let’s take to the skies…
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Sorry, I’m just carrying out the pre-flight checks. There appears to be a slight leak from the rudder yaw sensors, I’m going to phone maintainance to check the situation. BRB.
Kat - FFS!
Eric the Aviator - …OK, maintainance have confirmed all is well, I’m taxi-ing out to the runway.
Kat - Oh, Eric, I’ve never been in a fighter before. My trousers are getting wet through.
Eric the Aviator - It’s a G-Suit, not trousers.
Kat - My G-Suit is getting soaked.
Kat - Eric?
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Apologies, I was just breaking off to masturbate. If you recall, I find masturbating and typing difficult. I realised I’ve never been in an F4 before. I haven’t been this hard since I saw a harrier hovering at Farnborough.
Kat - Oooh Eric, I’m reaching round and unbuttoning your suit…
Eric the Aviator - I am elevating flaps to 40 degrees, engines to full power.
Kat - I’m opening my flaps too Eric.
Eric the Aviator - You can not reach the controls from there. We are accelerating down the runway, and begin to liftoff. A wing is a surface used to produce an aerodynamic force normal to the direction of motion by travelling in air or another gaseous medium, facilitating flight. It is a specific form of airfoil.
Kat - Oh Eric we’re flying… Take me! Take me supersonic.
Eric the Aviator - Kat, we have just taken off from Halton in Buckinghamshire. It will be at least on hour before supersonic flight is achievable.
Kat - This is rubbish.
Eric the Aviator - I am afraid I can not flout CAA regulations simply because you wish to have intercourse with me in the cockpit of my aircraft.
Kat - Can we pretend?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I’d like to keep an element of realism.
Kat - OK, I’m climbing around to your seat to straddle you. I’m looking straight into your eyes.
Eric the Aviator - Jesus woman! This is some of the most crowded airspace in europe. Do you not recall the British European Airways Flight 548, a Hawker-Siddeley Trident 1B operated by British European Airways (BEA), crashed two minutes after takeoff from Heathrow Airport, killing all 118 passengers and crew on board. The crash occurred close to the town of Staines in Surrey, United Kingdom, and was until the Lockerbie disaster of 1988 the worst air accident to have occurred on British soil.
Kat – Eric, this isn’t sexy, come on!
Eric the Aviator - I burn thrusters to full reheat ripping through the clouds and out into the blinding sunshine.
Kat - Eric, I always wanted to a pilot! I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit.
Eric the Aviator - They zip, not button.
Kat - I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit, I can feel your hard cock pressing against my pussy…
Eric the Aviator - Under CAA regulation 14323 pets are not allowed in the cockpit of military aircraft.
Kat - I expose my breasts and stroke my nipples softly over your mouth…
Eric the Aviator - I head east out of the North Sea, ripping towards the rising sun.
Kat - I’m touching you now, I can feel your huge dick in my hands, oh Eric, does that feel sexy.
Eric the Aviator - Trimming flaps to 10 degrees I cruise at mach 1.5. I can see the sun shimmering off the ocean below. I knew it was the right decision to be a pilot and not an accountant. If I were an accountant I’d just be sat in my office dreaming of being a pilot, but not here, oh no. I’ve made something of my life. This Dublin boy’s the toast of his community back home, not like his accountant brother.
Kat - Eric, for s sake! Do you want to cyber or not? This isn’t turning me on.
Eric the Aviator - I fly back to base and next I fly The Fairchild-Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II, a single-seat, twin-engine jet aircraft designed to provide close air support (CAS) of ground forces by attacking tanks, armored vehicles, and other ground targets.
Kat - Single seat? Oh off you aviation geek.
Kat - /Kat leaves the room.
Eric the Aviator - No, wait. I’m really hard now. Wait. One experimental two-seat version was built. The Night Adverse Weather aircraft was developed by Fairchild from an A-10 prototype for consideration by the USAF. It included a second seat for a weapons officer responsible for ECM, navigation, and target acquisition.
Eric the Aviator - I swoop through the Vietnam jungle strafing gunfire left and right, the shells spearing left and right in a manner not unlike that of double entry book keeping. I’m flying an A10, Arrgh, SAM lock on!
Eric the Aviator – Kat, fire electronic counter measures, I’m, I’m gonna blow….
You kept that? WierdoKat – Hi, I’m Kat.
Eric the Aviator – Hi.
Kat -Wanna cyber?
Eric the Aviator – Do I want a cyber?
Kat – Yeah.
Eric the Aviator – What’s that then?
Eric the Aviator – Is it an alcoholic drink, like a cider?
Kat - No cyber, you know, talk dirty.
Eric the Aviator – OK
Kat - Oooh I’m so horny baby, real horny.
Kat - I’m just lying here in a really short skirt and bra, it’s so hot…
Kat – Are you horny Eric?
Kat - Are you there?
Eric the Aviator – Yes.
Kat - What are you doing?
Eric the Aviator - I’m talking dirty, as per your suggestion.
Kat - Go on then.
Eric the Aviator - I am already. If you wanted my to type dirty you should have said so. You need to be more specific. I can’t stand inaccuracy, especially when this internet connection is by the minute.
Kat - OK, shall we type dirty?
Eric the Aviator - OK.
Kat - What do you look like? I’m 18, blonde, with 34F breasts and a shaven pussy.
Eric the Aviator - You actually have a bald cat? How does it survive through the winter months?
Kat - Oh, for Christ’s sake, do you want to do this or not?
Eric the Aviator - What?
Kat - Have a dirty MSN chat with me?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I find it difficult to type and masturbate at the same time. Much like the pilot whilst hovering above the ground needs both hands to steady the pitch and yaw of the aircraft.
Kat - Hhhhmmmnn, are you a pilot then Eric? Mmmm, like in Top Gun, that turns me on…
Eric the Aviator - No, I’m actually an accountant. But aviation is an interest of mine.
Kat - Can you pretend to be a pilot for me? That’d really turn me on Eric; I’m getting wet just thinking about you in that uniform.
Eric the Aviator - OK, We’re in the cockpit of a McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II, a two-seat supersonic long-range all-weather fighter-bomber first produced for the U.S. Navy. The Phantom flew in U.S. service from 1960 to 1996; it also served with the armed forces of eleven other nations. As of 2001, more than 1,000 F-4s remained in service around the world.
Kat - Ooooh, Eric, are you going to take me to heaven and back?
Eric the Aviator - The McDonnell Douglas F4 has a realistic envelope limit of 45,000ft. I doubt heaven will be achievable.
Kat - I always wanted to make love to a pilot. I’m touching my breasts Eric, let’s take to the skies…
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Sorry, I’m just carrying out the pre-flight checks. There appears to be a slight leak from the rudder yaw sensors, I’m going to phone maintainance to check the situation. BRB.
Kat - FFS!
Eric the Aviator - …OK, maintainance have confirmed all is well, I’m taxi-ing out to the runway.
Kat - Oh, Eric, I’ve never been in a fighter before. My trousers are getting wet through.
Eric the Aviator - It’s a G-Suit, not trousers.
Kat - My G-Suit is getting soaked.
Kat - Eric?
Kat - Eric?
Eric the Aviator - Apologies, I was just breaking off to masturbate. If you recall, I find masturbating and typing difficult. I realised I’ve never been in an F4 before. I haven’t been this hard since I saw a harrier hovering at Farnborough.
Kat - Oooh Eric, I’m reaching round and unbuttoning your suit…
Eric the Aviator - I am elevating flaps to 40 degrees, engines to full power.
Kat - I’m opening my flaps too Eric.
Eric the Aviator - You can not reach the controls from there. We are accelerating down the runway, and begin to liftoff. A wing is a surface used to produce an aerodynamic force normal to the direction of motion by travelling in air or another gaseous medium, facilitating flight. It is a specific form of airfoil.
Kat - Oh Eric we’re flying… Take me! Take me supersonic.
Eric the Aviator - Kat, we have just taken off from Halton in Buckinghamshire. It will be at least on hour before supersonic flight is achievable.
Kat - This is rubbish.
Eric the Aviator - I am afraid I can not flout CAA regulations simply because you wish to have intercourse with me in the cockpit of my aircraft.
Kat - Can we pretend?
Eric the Aviator - OK, but I’d like to keep an element of realism.
Kat - OK, I’m climbing around to your seat to straddle you. I’m looking straight into your eyes.
Eric the Aviator - Jesus woman! This is some of the most crowded airspace in europe. Do you not recall the British European Airways Flight 548, a Hawker-Siddeley Trident 1B operated by British European Airways (BEA), crashed two minutes after takeoff from Heathrow Airport, killing all 118 passengers and crew on board. The crash occurred close to the town of Staines in Surrey, United Kingdom, and was until the Lockerbie disaster of 1988 the worst air accident to have occurred on British soil.
Kat – Eric, this isn’t sexy, come on!
Eric the Aviator - I burn thrusters to full reheat ripping through the clouds and out into the blinding sunshine.
Kat - Eric, I always wanted to a pilot! I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit.
Eric the Aviator - They zip, not button.
Kat - I’m unbuttoning your G-Suit, I can feel your hard cock pressing against my pussy…
Eric the Aviator - Under CAA regulation 14323 pets are not allowed in the cockpit of military aircraft.
Kat - I expose my breasts and stroke my nipples softly over your mouth…
Eric the Aviator - I head east out of the North Sea, ripping towards the rising sun.
Kat - I’m touching you now, I can feel your huge dick in my hands, oh Eric, does that feel sexy.
Eric the Aviator - Trimming flaps to 10 degrees I cruise at mach 1.5. I can see the sun shimmering off the ocean below. I knew it was the right decision to be a pilot and not an accountant. If I were an accountant I’d just be sat in my office dreaming of being a pilot, but not here, oh no. I’ve made something of my life. This Dublin boy’s the toast of his community back home, not like his accountant brother.
Kat - Eric, for s sake! Do you want to cyber or not? This isn’t turning me on.
Eric the Aviator - I fly back to base and next I fly The Fairchild-Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II, a single-seat, twin-engine jet aircraft designed to provide close air support (CAS) of ground forces by attacking tanks, armored vehicles, and other ground targets.
Kat - Single seat? Oh off you aviation geek.
Kat - /Kat leaves the room.
Eric the Aviator - No, wait. I’m really hard now. Wait. One experimental two-seat version was built. The Night Adverse Weather aircraft was developed by Fairchild from an A-10 prototype for consideration by the USAF. It included a second seat for a weapons officer responsible for ECM, navigation, and target acquisition.
Eric the Aviator - I swoop through the Vietnam jungle strafing gunfire left and right, the shells spearing left and right in a manner not unlike that of double entry book keeping. I’m flying an A10, Arrgh, SAM lock on!
Eric the Aviator – Kat, fire electronic counter measures, I’m, I’m gonna blow….
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