Cutting yourself off from family.....
Cutting yourself off from family.....
Author
Discussion

Cara Van Man

Original Poster:

29,977 posts

272 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Has anyone decided that their family are not worth being in contact with? Do you feel that you gain nothing from them in terms of friendship, support or happiness?

I'm talking parents and siblings.

I don't buy into this "you'll regret it one day".

Thoughts and experiences?

Thanks.

Lemmonie

6,314 posts

276 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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I quite agree. Dont see why you should feel anything for people who dont deserve it just cause they are "family"


Simpo Two

90,765 posts

286 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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Here are three sayings for you, in no particular order:


Friends you can choose, family you're stuck with.

Blood is thicker than water.

Friends come and go but enemies only accumulate.

T350 Al

624 posts

212 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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I don't get on with my Dad, so never see/speak to him. Is my life worse for him not being in it? Fook no! Can't see me regretting it anytime soon!

LividSV

1,335 posts

213 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
A friend from work, Muslim, got caught having relations with a white girl, drinking Alcahol etc...

He has been thrown out of his parents house and his mum and dad do not want anything to do with him anymore...
He seems pretty upbeat about it all

Glassman

24,235 posts

236 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Cutting off could mean simply not bothering anymore.

At the age of six, I ended up with a stepmum and a dad who was pussy-whipped by her. I left home at 15 and have never looked back.

Cheeky Jim

1,276 posts

301 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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If you genuinely don't get anything from it, then cut off or scale back your involvement, but just do it subtly rather then telling them they are all a bunch of tts... just in case!!


Mr Trophy

6,811 posts

224 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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I don't think I ever could?

Cara Van Man

Original Poster:

29,977 posts

272 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
I cut off contact from my sister several years ago as she is pure scum......treated my parents and me very badly.

I've now come to the conclusion I do not want my parents or my brother in my life also as they do nothing but leech off of me, let me down and do things behind my back. They've now welcomed my using, disgusting sister back into the family as if nothing has happened.

Examples are:

1) I leant my parents £5000 in 1991( by taking a bank loan out) and didn't get it back until 2005 (with no added interest for my trouble or what it cost me)
2) I leant my mother £3000 to help pay for my sisters wedding because she said "mum is useless for not being able to give me the wedding I want"
3) I leant my brother several thousand pounds to help him buy his first house which I had trouble getting back as he "didn't want to sell his motorbike to pay me"
4) Bought my parents a house as they are complete financial fkwits who ended up with no money or savings at retirement age. I rent it to them but the rent does not cover the mortgage.


There is more, but I don't want to seem petty or mean. It's not just about the money, but the way I have been treated with a lack of respect and how it has held my plans back to support my wife and children.

Los Palmas 7

29,908 posts

251 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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Fell out with Mum (and therefore, by default, Dad as well) last September when I forgot to ring her on her birthday. Received a very nasty letter in the post and that was it for me. I finally relented on Mother's Day, sent some flowers and made the call.

The only contact with my family in that time was with my Sister, via Facebook and the occasional text.

Things are better now, but contact is still pretty sporadic.

Jasandjules

71,794 posts

250 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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I think it would take an awful lot for me to do that.

BUT, I am pretty lucky in the main with my family...

crofty1984

16,725 posts

225 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
LividSV said:
A friend from work, Muslim, got caught having relations with a white girl, drinking Alcahol etc...

He has been thrown out of his parents house and his mum and dad do not want anything to do with him anymore...
He seems pretty upbeat about it all
That's just because he's drunk and having sexual intercourse.

Cara Van Man

Original Poster:

29,977 posts

272 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Glassman said:
I left home at 15 and have never looked back.
I left home at 16 and joined the forces to get away from my father because of things that happened, and I'm still suffering for his behaviour some 21 years later.

I feel that things are coming to a head and I finally want to break all ties. My wife is happy to deal with the rent side of things and to let our daughter see her grandparents, but I will cut all contact.

Edited by Cara Van Man on Sunday 17th May 21:57

Glassman

24,235 posts

236 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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Explain: "cut all contact" ??

Parrot of Doom

23,075 posts

255 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Haven't seen anyone in my family for 2 years, and haven't seen my Dad for 5 years.

I really couldn't care less. I don't really like them (apart from a few aunts/uncles and my younger sister).

Nolar Dog

8,786 posts

216 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
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I have no contact at all with my biological father and haven't since I was 9 years old.
I wouldn't respond if he contacted me, nor would I ever seek to contact him.

For the last 3 years I have had very minima contact with my eldest sister.
I think in that time I have seen her 4 times and the last 2 have been quick sightings as I've dropped my mum off at sisters house.

I intend never to speak to her again. I don't like her and have nothing in common with her other than the fact we share the same parents.

I heard she speaks highly of me too wink

Cara Van Man

Original Poster:

29,977 posts

272 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Glassman said:
Explain: "cut all contact" ??
Not talk too. Not phone. Not send cards. Never see again.

I don't feel like I'll be losing anything.

The only contact I'll have is that my wife will deal with anything to do with the house or dropping my daughter off for visits (which doesn't happen often as they are 150 miles away)

escargot

17,122 posts

238 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Sell the house and kick them out.

Cara Van Man

Original Poster:

29,977 posts

272 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
escargot said:
Sell the house and kick them out.
I discussed that with my wife, but the timing is crap with house prices and we wouldn't really recoup what we put into it 4 years ago....we may as well keep it as a nest egg for a few years time.

Glassman

24,235 posts

236 months

Sunday 17th May 2009
quotequote all
Cara Van Man said:
Glassman said:
Explain: "cut all contact" ??
Not talk too. Not phone. Not send cards. Never see again.

I don't feel like I'll be losing anything.

The only contact I'll have is that my wife will deal with anything to do with the house or dropping my daughter off for visits (which doesn't happen often as they are 150 miles away)
Seems quite reasonable from your point of view. How does wifey feel about the arrangement, and how do you think it will impact on your daughter?