How do we punish a 13-year old who just won't listen?
Discussion
Probably the wrong area to post...
Background: my girlfriend has a 13-year old son who is acting up in a big way. He is currently on bail for fighting, skives off school, shouts and swears at her and throws major tantrums, smokes, takes 3 hours to get home from school which is ten minutes away and totally ignores her. It now looks like she will have to give up her job and go on benefits so she can walk with him to school and pick him up after because he just can't be trusted.
How can she punish him? She doesn't want to go on benefits but her job hours mean that there would be times when he would be responsible for getting himself home etc and he has clearly shown that he won't do that. The worry about it all is making her sick.
I've suggested totally emptying his room of everything except the bed, and if he's 2 hours late for his dinner sending him to bed without it. But nothing seems to work. He is the typical chav and yet his mum isn't the typical chav-mum.
Any sensible suggestions would be gratefully received, as at this rate he is going to end up in one of Her Majesty's institutions which would devestate his mum
Background: my girlfriend has a 13-year old son who is acting up in a big way. He is currently on bail for fighting, skives off school, shouts and swears at her and throws major tantrums, smokes, takes 3 hours to get home from school which is ten minutes away and totally ignores her. It now looks like she will have to give up her job and go on benefits so she can walk with him to school and pick him up after because he just can't be trusted.
How can she punish him? She doesn't want to go on benefits but her job hours mean that there would be times when he would be responsible for getting himself home etc and he has clearly shown that he won't do that. The worry about it all is making her sick.
I've suggested totally emptying his room of everything except the bed, and if he's 2 hours late for his dinner sending him to bed without it. But nothing seems to work. He is the typical chav and yet his mum isn't the typical chav-mum.
Any sensible suggestions would be gratefully received, as at this rate he is going to end up in one of Her Majesty's institutions which would devestate his mum
Before the standard PH replies...........
Try contacting the local young offenders institution. Many will offer talks to errant youths and show them the harsh facts about where they are heading.
Even better if you are near Feltham and can get to talk to people there. It isn't pleasant and the fact that this could be his home for a few years will hopefully shock him into line.
Try contacting the local young offenders institution. Many will offer talks to errant youths and show them the harsh facts about where they are heading.
Even better if you are near Feltham and can get to talk to people there. It isn't pleasant and the fact that this could be his home for a few years will hopefully shock him into line.
Both my kids rebelled a bit at that age, and for quite a few years after, but they had been brought up to respect their parents, actually I know my son actually feared me at one time which I did not like, but if they were grounded for bad behavour they knew we meant it and they had to stay in, if a privilege was taken away they didn't like it but they got on with it.
As for your gf's kid sounds to me like the basic respect has not been instilled and she is in for a rough ride, not blaming her, particularly if she has been bringing him up of her own and working, but if he has been allowed to get away with s
t up to now it will be even harder to break the habit.
As for your gf's kid sounds to me like the basic respect has not been instilled and she is in for a rough ride, not blaming her, particularly if she has been bringing him up of her own and working, but if he has been allowed to get away with s
t up to now it will be even harder to break the habit.Forget trying to 'punish' him - all you will do is make him even more pissed off and non-compliant.
Something will be contributing to this behaviour. Is the behavioural deterioration recent? Has his peer group changed? Any suspicions concerning alcohol/substance misuse? Are there any issues with siblings?
How is his behaviour at school? What is he like with his friends' parents, or elsewhere outside of the home (e.g. Grandparents etc.)?
I suggest that you identify something that he enjoys - music, sport, clothes - whatever. Then implement some kind of simple, easy to understand points/reward system. For example each time he arrives home when he should/spends an evening with you without being abusive/carries out household chores etc give him a point. When he gets to ten points take him to a football match/buy him a new baseball cap/CD etc. You get the idea.
Something will be contributing to this behaviour. Is the behavioural deterioration recent? Has his peer group changed? Any suspicions concerning alcohol/substance misuse? Are there any issues with siblings?
How is his behaviour at school? What is he like with his friends' parents, or elsewhere outside of the home (e.g. Grandparents etc.)?
I suggest that you identify something that he enjoys - music, sport, clothes - whatever. Then implement some kind of simple, easy to understand points/reward system. For example each time he arrives home when he should/spends an evening with you without being abusive/carries out household chores etc give him a point. When he gets to ten points take him to a football match/buy him a new baseball cap/CD etc. You get the idea.
Sounds like you are already doing the right things. Beating him wont work, you have to lay down rules and be consistant. Maybe your other half has to give up work for a bit and sort him out.
Take him to a really terrible place (lets say Leeds) and explain his own actions will dictate how his life turns out. Mabe a holiday will help as people including teenagers tend to relax more and listen. When your back be firm and consistant. It wont happen over night but it will make a difference.
Take him to a really terrible place (lets say Leeds) and explain his own actions will dictate how his life turns out. Mabe a holiday will help as people including teenagers tend to relax more and listen. When your back be firm and consistant. It wont happen over night but it will make a difference.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff