Divorce Petition - Train Crash type situation
Discussion
Finally came through today, so after a bit of panicking and rampant googling I am a bit calmer.
Are there any legal bods that can tell me what happens next? After I complete the Acknowledgment form and send it back will the court start the ball rolling on financial settlement automatically? Will they request all my financial details and then start drawing up the court orders of which there seem to be many - Maintenance pending suit, periodical payments order, secured provision order, lump sum, property adjustment and pension (and breathe)?
My situation - No kids, two properties, one rental, both in negative equity. The house has a stonker 15k penalty on the mortgage for the next 8 years (reducing to 12k in 2012) adding to the financial misery. The negative equity on the house, mainly down to unforeseen circumstances, is too much to even think of selling up right now. So after much deliberation we have decided to share the house and see where we are in 2 years time. There is no room in the budget for one of us to move into rental accommodation and all our (MY) savings were put into the house she wanted so badly (not bitter at all).
Her income is half the size of mine (including the rental in mine) and we have agreed she will continue contribute to 30% of the monthly bills/food etc.
All fine (as it can be). However this is not written down and formalised as a plan. Do we need to do this before the Acknowledgment is sent off or is it something we can do after? Really don't want the courts to go in and change our informal agreement and also want to keep costs/hastle down to a minimum.
I think everything will work out but I have this nagging voice telling me I am being very naive and if I'm not careful I'll be thrown out of the house by the courts and end up slumming it on a friends floor whilst still paying two thirds of the cost of my nice house, losing half the rental income to her and generally being in real difficulty.
Naive or paranoid, what's the PH verdict? Any help on the procedures question greatly appreciated.
Are there any legal bods that can tell me what happens next? After I complete the Acknowledgment form and send it back will the court start the ball rolling on financial settlement automatically? Will they request all my financial details and then start drawing up the court orders of which there seem to be many - Maintenance pending suit, periodical payments order, secured provision order, lump sum, property adjustment and pension (and breathe)?
My situation - No kids, two properties, one rental, both in negative equity. The house has a stonker 15k penalty on the mortgage for the next 8 years (reducing to 12k in 2012) adding to the financial misery. The negative equity on the house, mainly down to unforeseen circumstances, is too much to even think of selling up right now. So after much deliberation we have decided to share the house and see where we are in 2 years time. There is no room in the budget for one of us to move into rental accommodation and all our (MY) savings were put into the house she wanted so badly (not bitter at all).
Her income is half the size of mine (including the rental in mine) and we have agreed she will continue contribute to 30% of the monthly bills/food etc.
All fine (as it can be). However this is not written down and formalised as a plan. Do we need to do this before the Acknowledgment is sent off or is it something we can do after? Really don't want the courts to go in and change our informal agreement and also want to keep costs/hastle down to a minimum.
I think everything will work out but I have this nagging voice telling me I am being very naive and if I'm not careful I'll be thrown out of the house by the courts and end up slumming it on a friends floor whilst still paying two thirds of the cost of my nice house, losing half the rental income to her and generally being in real difficulty.
Naive or paranoid, what's the PH verdict? Any help on the procedures question greatly appreciated.
Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 13:59
When I got separated most solicitors would allow you a free half hour to discuss your situation (obviously hoping that you'd stay with them for the rest of the process). Might be worth trying this approach or even CAB? I can't comment on your financial situation as it is quite different to what mine was (some years ago now too, so mine was easier to sort out, like you no kids at the time either).
I hope you can get something sorted out as I only managed a short while sharing the house with my ex when it all kicked off and it was relatively amicable. Might be better off considering a lodger or two if it helps with the money side and buying her out? Best of luck anyway.
I hope you can get something sorted out as I only managed a short while sharing the house with my ex when it all kicked off and it was relatively amicable. Might be better off considering a lodger or two if it helps with the money side and buying her out? Best of luck anyway.
Edited by OldSkoolRS on Saturday 27th June 14:54
More divorce threads. 
I would have thought the courts will split everything 50/50, in which case you'll be wanting her to contribute 50/50 for everything asap in my opinion. You're just burning money otherwise. If nothing else it'll wake her up to what's to come once the divorce is finalised. Of course if it means you'd be defaulting on the mortgages it might not be this clear cut but the longer you leave it the longer you'll be getting taken for a ride.
I would have thought the courts will split everything 50/50, in which case you'll be wanting her to contribute 50/50 for everything asap in my opinion. You're just burning money otherwise. If nothing else it'll wake her up to what's to come once the divorce is finalised. Of course if it means you'd be defaulting on the mortgages it might not be this clear cut but the longer you leave it the longer you'll be getting taken for a ride.
I can't buy her out and ask her to leave as there is no equity. She would have to in effect pay me what she owes in her share of the negative equity which is a lot and she has no way of raising it in any case. She won't move to her parents and mine are too far away. I will have to get a lodger if she does move out as my income has halved since the credit crunch and ensuing recession. She wants to leave the country debt free in two years time.
My worry is that the court will order me out and I'll be stuck with no money and no where to live, but as someone else said they could order her to contribute more.
As I understand it the courts tend to be quite predictable on this if you have experience with cases.
ETA if she keeps contributing as she is then the bills and mortgage are covered, money is tight but I expect so is everyones at the moment. Everything is paid though and no debt is being built up.
My worry is that the court will order me out and I'll be stuck with no money and no where to live, but as someone else said they could order her to contribute more.
As I understand it the courts tend to be quite predictable on this if you have experience with cases.
ETA if she keeps contributing as she is then the bills and mortgage are covered, money is tight but I expect so is everyones at the moment. Everything is paid though and no debt is being built up.
Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 15:38
gingerpaul said:
More divorce threads.
I would have thought the courts will split everything 50/50, in which case you'll be wanting her to contribute 50/50 for everything asap in my opinion. You're just burning money otherwise. If nothing else it'll wake her up to what's to come once the divorce is finalised. Of course if it means you'd be defaulting on the mortgages it might not be this clear cut but the longer you leave it the longer you'll be getting taken for a ride.
Just used your Problem Solving Flowsheet on the scenario, I keep ending up at "You Poor bI would have thought the courts will split everything 50/50, in which case you'll be wanting her to contribute 50/50 for everything asap in my opinion. You're just burning money otherwise. If nothing else it'll wake her up to what's to come once the divorce is finalised. Of course if it means you'd be defaulting on the mortgages it might not be this clear cut but the longer you leave it the longer you'll be getting taken for a ride.
d". 
Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 15:46
Road Pest said:
gingerpaul said:
More divorce threads.
I would have thought the courts will split everything 50/50, in which case you'll be wanting her to contribute 50/50 for everything asap in my opinion. You're just burning money otherwise. If nothing else it'll wake her up to what's to come once the divorce is finalised. Of course if it means you'd be defaulting on the mortgages it might not be this clear cut but the longer you leave it the longer you'll be getting taken for a ride.
Just used your Problem Solving Flowsheet on the scenario, I keep ending up at "You Poor bI would have thought the courts will split everything 50/50, in which case you'll be wanting her to contribute 50/50 for everything asap in my opinion. You're just burning money otherwise. If nothing else it'll wake her up to what's to come once the divorce is finalised. Of course if it means you'd be defaulting on the mortgages it might not be this clear cut but the longer you leave it the longer you'll be getting taken for a ride.
d". Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 15:46
Just to add I think the problem with divorces, or at least the stories on PH, is that the other party seems to expect the support you gave when you were happily married but without you.
For me it's pretty clear cut and either you both pay half and you get divorced or you stay together and you subsidise her existance. For you to continue paying more than your half after divorce papers have been filed is throwing money away. She'll more than likely be awarded even more of your money after the split if you are earning more than she is. I'd bring reality home now while it's still your decision to make.
That said it's easy for me to say that when I'm single. After reading some of the stories on here I'm not convinced I'll be getting married any time soon!
For me it's pretty clear cut and either you both pay half and you get divorced or you stay together and you subsidise her existance. For you to continue paying more than your half after divorce papers have been filed is throwing money away. She'll more than likely be awarded even more of your money after the split if you are earning more than she is. I'd bring reality home now while it's still your decision to make.
That said it's easy for me to say that when I'm single. After reading some of the stories on here I'm not convinced I'll be getting married any time soon!
gingerpaul said:
For me it's pretty clear cut and either you both pay half and you get divorced or you stay together and you subsidise her existance. For you to continue paying more than your half after divorce papers have been filed is throwing money away. She'll more than likely be awarded even more of your money after the split if you are earning more than she is. I'd bring reality home now while it's still your decision to make.
You see this is it. She can't afford to pay half so what do I do? When you say she'll be awarded even more of my money after the split how is that possible? I know there are different court orders that they could ask me to pay, which gets me back to being kicked out onto the street and being ordered to pay up for her to live in the house. would the court do this If we went 50/50 on the current bills I could afford to move out and rent but she wouldn't be able to afford to live.
ALL our (MY) savings went into the house (she couldn't live in a flat anymore), there are no assets just debt, her pension is bigger than mine. The debt is serviceable as it stands and the aim is that we either sell up when the market is more bouyant/eco town plans have been quashed or I may be back in a financial position to have everything signed over to me.
My worry at the moment is how the courts are going to see it. The petition says she finds it intolerable living with me, this she has told me isn't the case but of course the court won't know that. I could do with finding out some examples from anyone in the same position or a solicitor who has dealt with something similar to get an idea of the likely outcome.
Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 18:43
Cotty said:
gingerpaul said:
After reading some of the stories on here I'm not convinced I'll be getting married any time soon!
Me neither king don't. I was a sensible saving man when I first met her 7 years ago. We went from one must have to another, while she consumed her way through things and spent mine and her money. I paid her credit cards off 3 times now and she ran them up again since then, which is the debt she now has to clear on her own. Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 19:16
Road Pest said:
You see this is it. She can't afford to pay half so what do I do?
IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM!Split the expenses 50/50 and move out. Seek professional advice. Preferably in that order.
You won't be making rational decisions right now and, in the fullness of time, you'll look back and wonder WTF you were thinking of. Attempting to live under the same roof will be uncomfortable at best and exceedingly unpleasant at worst. (Personal experience.)
ETA in view of the post above: sounds familiar. Run, do not walk, etc. You'll be surprised by her ability to cope without you subsidising her. Add checking your credit report to your list of things to do and repeat on a regular basis.
Edited by TVC on Saturday 27th June 19:02
TVC said:
Road Pest said:
You see this is it. She can't afford to pay half so what do I do?
IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM!Split the expenses 50/50 and move out. Seek professional advice. Preferably in that order.
You won't be making rational decisions right now and, in the fullness of time, you'll look back and wonder WTF you were thinking of. Attempting to live under the same roof will be uncomfortable at best and exceedingly unpleasant at worst. (Personal experience.)
ETA in view of the post above: sounds familiar. Run, do not walk, etc. You'll be surprised by her ability to cope without you subsidising her. Add checking your credit report to your list of things to do and repeat on a regular basis.
Edited by TVC on Saturday 27th June 19:02
If I force her to pay 50% of the outgoings then I will force her to walk away and leave me holding the baby so to speak, then the payments won't be kept up and the house will be repo'd by the Lender. Unless anyone can tell me that they wouldn't?
Despite my best efforts I cannot see a possible clean break scenario here.
Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 19:18
Tough times, my heart goes out to you.
Don't believe this lot of doom mongers, although they are right. Get yourself to a free 30 min interview with a solicitor (in fact do several to confirm you are getting the right message).
Make sure you safely have the docs showing what investments you made in the purchase, what you have contributed to the house and other bills and what you brought to the marriage in assets. If she expects half she should be paying half the bills, not a third. Quietly make a full list of everything of value before her jewellery disappears and you can't recall what she had and what it was worth.
I personaly don't think there is any chance you can live in the same house once solicitors get involved (if only because you have to have lived apart as I recall) because it rarely stays amicable ( we all say and think it will but it doesn't, especially when assets are tight and you both have a new life to build).
No chance it could still work with a bit of counselling/mediation???
B&B,
If there was an option to move out I'd take it but at the moment there isn't enough spare cash for me to rent even a box and live. She could move to her parents but she won't as that involves her getting a car, money she won't spend. We have a car worth 1500-2000 pounds I suggested that we sell it and get her a car so she can do this but she turned it down.
The way of least cost is to share the house, and besides because of the hours I work we hardly see each other anyway. Part of the reason for the divorce in the first place.
My worry is not whether I can move out but if the courts order it. If further down the line it gets impossible then we'll have to find another way. Maybe I'll move in with her parents!
ETA on the subject of assets. I will list the jewelery and I think I'll need to call my solicitor to go through all this. It appears my last appointment was taken a bit prematurely.
If there was an option to move out I'd take it but at the moment there isn't enough spare cash for me to rent even a box and live. She could move to her parents but she won't as that involves her getting a car, money she won't spend. We have a car worth 1500-2000 pounds I suggested that we sell it and get her a car so she can do this but she turned it down.
The way of least cost is to share the house, and besides because of the hours I work we hardly see each other anyway. Part of the reason for the divorce in the first place.
My worry is not whether I can move out but if the courts order it. If further down the line it gets impossible then we'll have to find another way. Maybe I'll move in with her parents!
ETA on the subject of assets. I will list the jewelery and I think I'll need to call my solicitor to go through all this. It appears my last appointment was taken a bit prematurely.
Edited by Road Pest on Saturday 27th June 20:24
loafer123 said:
Sorry to hear your situation.
I agree with those who have said it is going to be hard to live together in the house, so a key question is whether getting a lodger would mean you could afford to keep the house?
It's not the best but I'll get through it, the "how far will house prices fall" thread keeps me occupied and the mind off things from time to time.I agree with those who have said it is going to be hard to live together in the house, so a key question is whether getting a lodger would mean you could afford to keep the house?
I could get two lodgers and it would cover her current contribution, it's a three bed so it wouldn't be ideal. I doubt the lender would agree to the mortgage being signed over to me, and the soon to be ex won't budge until she is ready to move abroad.
I am resigned to the fact the only option is to continue to share the house. Our relationship is quite relaxed, we have in effect spoken about the "elephant in the corner".
The plan is I'll get a lodger or two when she moves out of I need to, but my current issue is with the courts and those pesky court order thingies in the petition.
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