Killing a bird

[staceyb]

If I find and kill this bird in the back garden that won't fecking shut-up, and feed it to the cat so there won't be any evidence I won't get in trouble will I? The god damn thing hasn't shut up all week with its stupid two tone whistle and it is driving me barmy.

[sleep envy]

upgrade your cat so it does the job for you

[Man-At-Arms]

unless the cat pukes it up

[sleep envy]

depends on the bird - mrs envy's cat dragged in a pigeon this morning which he couldn't swallow

probably still stuffed from the two sparrows he scoffed yesterday

[MacGee]

you'd probably get a pardon if it was Harriett Harmon or that other poisoned dwarf in Labour.

[staceyb]

The cat has recently eaten 4 birds, a mouse and 3/4's of a frog, so I'm pretty sure he would stomach it.

The O/H finds this highly amusing.

[fastka]

entice her inside with a couple of bacardi breezers left on the back step and have the door open with robbie i'm a tt williams on the boogie box

as soon as she steps inside...cave her head in
chop her up into 6 bits (head, torso, arms & legs)
bin bag
then into suitcase
borrow your mates credit card
book a seat on mega-bus.com (stranraer is far enough away)
put the case on the bus, then go to the toilet and don't come out until the bus has left
go home and find the whistle before some other bird does
sorted

ps. if she is fit then perhaps delay caving her head in until after certain privileges have been performed (well, it has cost you 2 bacardi breezers and a bus ticket so fairs fair)

pps. you never seen me, right?

[sleep envy]

I like the cut of your jib

do you do private jobs?

[pits]

trying to kill one bird? pffff come back when you have killed two stones with one bird

[Man-At-Arms]

staceyb said:

The cat has recently eaten 4 birds, a mouse and 3/4's of a frog, so I'm pretty sure he would stomach it.

fat bd !

just use an air rifle instead

[fastka]

sleep envy said:

do you do private jobs?

i do all my jobs in my private
door locked
tap running
even a bit of radio 4

then i open the window for a bit before i leave...class!

[Stickers]

staceyb said:

If I find and kill this bird in the back garden that won't fecking shut-up, and feed it to the cat so there won't be any evidence I won't get in trouble will I? The god damn thing hasn't shut up all week with its stupid two tone whistle and it is driving me barmy.

Hmmmmmmm, if only it were that simple to kill 'a bird' that won't fecking shut up.......

[JohnnyJones]

fastka said:

entice her inside with a couple of bacardi breezers left on the back step and have the door open with robbie i'm a tt williams on the boogie box

as soon as she steps inside...cave her head in
chop her up into 6 bits (head, torso, arms & legs)
bin bag
then into suitcase
borrow your mates credit card
book a seat on mega-bus.com (stranraer is far enough away)
put the case on the bus, then go to the toilet and don't come out until the bus has left
go home and find the whistle before some other bird does
sorted

ps. if she is fit then perhaps delay caving her head in until after certain privileges have been performed (well, it has cost you 2 bacardi breezers and a bus ticket so fairs fair)

pps. you never seen me, right?

PMSL at this!

John.

[colonel c]

Why don't the OP just kill himself or at least stick a red hot poker in his lugholes.
I much rather hear the birds than yowling kids, gossiping women or chavs in stupid hatchbacks with crappy loud exhausts.

[staceyb]

colonel c said:

Why don't the OP just kill himself or at least stick a red hot poker in his lugholes.
I much rather hear the birds than yowling kids, gossiping women or chavs in stupid hatchbacks with crappy loud exhausts.

The OP is a herself not a himself. And I love hearing birds in the back garden and the fields around the house, the problem was a single bird singing the same two-tone song constantly for the past week.

[Famous Graham]

The cat probably won't be interested in eating it if it hasn't killed it itself.

[hondafanatic]

staceyb said:

If I find and kill this bird in the back garden that won't fecking shut-up, and feed it to the cat so there won't be any evidence I won't get in trouble will I? The god damn thing hasn't shut up all week with its stupid two tone whistle and it is driving me barmy.

Just make sure it's not called 'Speckled Jim' or you could be court marshalled.

[WorAl]

staceyb said:

colonel c said:

Why don't the OP just kill himself or at least stick a red hot poker in his lugholes.
I much rather hear the birds than yowling kids, gossiping women or chavs in stupid hatchbacks with crappy loud exhausts.

The OP is a herself not a himself. And I love hearing birds in the back garden and the fields around the house, the problem was a single bird singing the same two-tone song constantly for the past week.

You'll probably find its the mating call and its only trying to get its leg over.

imagine if someone killed you every time you tried to?

[911motorsport]

Magpies are the worse culprits; driving me scatty with that ugly cawing at first light every morning. And they killed the baby tits in my bird box Evil things. Mix alka seltzer tablets with bread. It makes then explode.

ETA. And one of the fat bds has moved my aerial showing off taking off really hard.

Edited by 911motorsport on Wednesday 8th July 11:30

[okgo]

Shoot the bird and hurl it into the road.