new guy in the team - management speak at its worst....

[buzzer]

We have a new guy in the team… he ha been “on board” a couple of months. He constantly talks in “management speak” and we have all started to take the p**s…

In a 2 hour project meeting yesterday he came out with…..


This is a blue water project (still don’t know what that means…)

The flash to bang on the project is in the order of 30 weeks

We need to ensure we pick the low hanging fruit first

We need to shoot the crocodiles’ closest to the canoe first

We need a session to thought harvest ideas

We need to think outside the box on this one


There were others I have forgot…


You would think he would take the hint after all the p*ss taking…. But he just carries on… wonder if he knows what a tit he sounds?

[10 Pence Short]

Just assure him that when you say "we need to tw*t the new guy first", it isn't management speak.

[scottri]

I find all this management talk amusing.

One i heard a while ago "9 women can't have a baby in a month"

Perhaps this will make your meetings much fun

http://www.heretical.com/miscellx/wkword.html

[Bodo]

buzzer said:

This is a blue water project (still don’t know what that means…)

Could this be the little sister of blue sky thinking?

[sleep envy]

if he asks you what the next steps are spark him

irritating s at the best of times

[dickymint]

Bodo said:

buzzer said:

This is a blue water project (still don’t know what that means…)

Could this be the little sister of blue sky thinking?

As used by LG.

[RobbieL]

the best one I heard recently was from an outside consultant who instead of saying "brainstorming session" or similar - came out with this corker:

Feature rich innovation surface!!

WTF?

[Antony Moxey]

OP - why not just tell the guy in plain, normal English to stop talking like an idiot and to please speak in plain, normal English. In front of lots of people too, so that hopefully he realises that it's not just you who finds him irritating, but that everyone else does too.

[Man-At-Arms]

just tell him he's a Seagull Manager


flies in, sts on everything and then flies off

[The Hypno-Toad]

RobbieL said:

the best one I heard recently was from an outside consultant who instead of saying "brainstorming session" or similar - came out with this corker:

Feature rich innovation surface!!

WTF?

Sssssshhhh...... you're not allowed to say brain storming anymore, it offends epileptics.

[okgo]

"think outside the box" isn't too bad, fairly normal saying in most work places. However the rest is awful.

[Graham E]

"as used by LG"

I thought LG's whole marketing ethos was making a st, 3rd rate product, but make it all shiny and with blue lights so the proles buy them en masse despite the shoddy quality of their goods? Seems to have worked for their tellys, computer screens etc..

[Marf]

Print out one of these

http://www.bbc.co.uk/berkshire/voices2005/buzzword...

and leave it on his desk.

Then leave it a couple of days, and start shouting bingo! house! etc after he utters any phrase that is close.

Edited by Marf on Saturday 25th July 11:19

[aw51 121565]

One mick-take would be "we need to touch cloth on this" ('cloth' should be 'base' ). And if he mentions 'brainstorm' or 'thought shower' then he needs to be told he is being un-PC with reference to epilepsy - but I suspect he moved on from such terms many preston guilds ago!

Personally, I'm still stuck at the 'parking this up' and 'putting this to bed' stage ...

[Tunku]

Going forward

[DrTre]

Introduce some more of your own, say them seriously and regularly and he'll pick up on them.

Things like:

"We need to hit the market hard with this product. Give the competition a good lubbocking and leave them adrift in the blue water"

"I think we've identified the final solution und so we must engage in implementation"

"Not only do we need to take the low hanging fruit but also the strange fruit, the innovative ideas"

"This one has been dragging on and we're getting nowhere. I suggest we shipman it and move on"

[Beyond Rational]

I'm wondering if this management is useful to avoid litigation or being tied down to actaully doing anything, afterall what is being said could be interpreted differently.

[wildcat45]

lubbocking

I thought it was just me who used that word! I intruced it in my department many years ago for a punishment more severe than a bking.

An ex employee taxed me only the other day to tell me he'd seen an old boss of hour and was tempted to give him a good lubbocking.

I take it you know the orgins of the term?

[mattviatura]

I honestly thought I'd pioneered the use of the verb to Lubbock, never mind.

OP, when does this wker roll out the project?

[mattviatura]

Another thought as someone else has mentioned, next time he uses one of his phrases in a meeting why not ask him what he means?