When you get old and frail

[Four Cofffee]

..do you expect your kids to look after you?

I don't mean a bit doddery so you need help climbing on the table at the rugby club, but to the point where you are house/bed bound?

It had never occured to me that my kids would either move back to my area or move me to their area to live with them/be near them in my dottage/pi55y pants but I had assumed that if my old Mum needed me she could move in here and my wife and I have had that discussion about her parents too. My own financial planning was to include a couple of years at the end watching day time Tv at full volume with 20 other old duffers and with someone wiping my arse twice a day.

But expecting the kids to do it is a big ask isn't it? My Mum moved her Mum in (God rest her soul)when she got to the point of leaving the gas turned on and falling over but it was just too much and she ended up in a nursing home where she spent the last 5 or 6 years biting the staff and talking to her long gone sister.

I hate to depress you all on this but what are your expectations of the family when you start to lose the plot, and do you have something set aside for some minimum wage slave to help you lose your dignity??

[M400 NBL]

I think most people are the same. I will look after my Dad, who is now in his 70's, if need be.

But I won't take for granted that my yet to be born kids will do the same for me. But they will most likely have the same view as me and look after me.

In the end, the oldies get looked after

[stifler]

When I get to the stage of severe memory loss and incontinence, I expect them to shoot me. They will be told this. I will have paperwork saying that it is my request. I would prefer for their inheritance be spent on them and their children rather that a nursing home that stinks of piss for me to fester away in. The wife feels the same. Better not to be a burden.

[trumpet600]

When I am too old to live life, and by that I mean in control of my faculties, I would like to be offered a nice little pill that will prevent me being a burden to anybody.

[tegwin]

stifler said:

When I get to the stage of severe memory loss and incontinence, I expect them to shoot me. They will be told this. I will have paperwork saying that it is my request. I would prefer for their inheritance be spent on them and their children rather that a nursing home that stinks of piss for me to fester away in. The wife feels the same. Better not to be a burden.

I agree... better to die with a smile on your face than to die in a bed, with sores and urine not knowing who you are or what you are doing!

[stifler]

tegwin said:

stifler said:

When I get to the stage of severe memory loss and incontinence, I expect them to shoot me. They will be told this. I will have paperwork saying that it is my request. I would prefer for their inheritance be spent on them and their children rather that a nursing home that stinks of piss for me to fester away in. The wife feels the same. Better not to be a burden.

I agree... better to die with a smile on your face than to die in a bed, with sores and urine not knowing who you are or what you are doing!

A pill, a gun, not fussed. I just don't want to be a burden in any way shape or form.

[M3CHA-MONK3Y]

My nan looked after her mum until it became too much.
She had an annexe (sp?) built on the side of their house where she lived for 10 years independently. When she got to 90. she became too much to handle and went to a nursing home. She didn't like it because she was so independent but stayed there for 3 years before she died.

I'd look after my folks but wouldn't want to be a strain on my kids.
If I can't drive a TVR any more, then life truly is over for me.

[pokethepope]

Dignitas for me, unless I decide to go out with a bang, but I wont start planning that just yet.

[ewenm]

stifler said:

tegwin said:

stifler said:

When I get to the stage of severe memory loss and incontinence, I expect them to shoot me. They will be told this. I will have paperwork saying that it is my request. I would prefer for their inheritance be spent on them and their children rather that a nursing home that stinks of piss for me to fester away in. The wife feels the same. Better not to be a burden.

I agree... better to die with a smile on your face than to die in a bed, with sores and urine not knowing who you are or what you are doing!

A pill, a gun, not fussed. I just don't want to be a burden in any way shape or form.

I'd like to be able to decide that enough is enough and die with dignity. Quality rather than length of life is important to me.

[mechsympathy]

ewenm said:

I'd like to be able to decide that enough is enough and die with dignity. Quality rather than length of life is important to me.

That sums it up for me, and I hope I can go through with it when the time comes. I also hope my family doesn't try to keep me going, death is a part of life (IYSWIM) but too few people can accept that.

[Marf]

stifler said:

tegwin said:

stifler said:

When I get to the stage of severe memory loss and incontinence, I expect them to shoot me. They will be told this. I will have paperwork saying that it is my request. I would prefer for their inheritance be spent on them and their children rather that a nursing home that stinks of piss for me to fester away in. The wife feels the same. Better not to be a burden.

I agree... better to die with a smile on your face than to die in a bed, with sores and urine not knowing who you are or what you are doing!

A pill, a gun, not fussed. I just don't want to be a burden in any way shape or form.

[OllieWinchester]

I think its a nice idea, but people often underestimate what a full time undertaking it can be looking after an elderly relative. When my Grandad started losing his marbles with dementia he became like a toddler and could get quite aggressive.

[Austin.J]

pokethepope said:

Dignitas for me, unless I decide to go out with a bang, but I wont start planning that just yet.

A bang? gun for you then.

[Silent1]

I'll be dead at 44 so it's no worry to me.

[Four Cofffee]

So in a nutshell, the long term plan is to top yourselves?

I am guessing most people say that but then why are the nursing homes stuffed full to their pissy rafters?

I had my kids very young so by the time I am in my late 70's they will be looking at retirement (and some time to themselvs I guess) too. By then they will have lives and families of their own so I feel a need to make financial provision for myself. Also my second wife has no kids or even nephews and nieces so her options are even more limited.

Having recently lived closely with someone with physical and mental issues arising from old age, it ain't no picnic for the family. It is not about the old duffer in the annex being given his evening meal. It is about 24/7 care where going to the shop for a newspaper or to fill the car up requires planning.

[davido140]

I wont be wiping any ones arse thats for certain.

Will give my parents a hand as aften as they need it, until when it comes to daytime TV and nappy wearing I'l leave that in the hands of the professionals.

I'd expect nothing more or less from my son.

[Speed addicted]

I watched my mother go through sheltered housing (alarm cords, people to help with tasks)where she was well looked after and reasonably happy. Then as the MS left her incapable of movement and requiring more care she had to be moved into a nursing home, untill she died in Jan at the ripe old age of 64.

There is no way I'm ever going into a nursing home, the good ones are pretty depressing, the bad ones are hell.
If you're not senile (my mum wasn't) it's truly horrible.

I'm for the easy way out every time! It's not about being a burden, it's about quality of life. People in nursing homes don't have any so what's the point in continuing?