Off duty Soldiers + beer
Discussion
http://www.arrse.co.uk/Forums/viewtopic/t=10839.ht...
In case you haven't seen this before, it is well worth a read. But not in a quiet office as you'll probably s
t yourself trying not to laugh.
In case you haven't seen this before, it is well worth a read. But not in a quiet office as you'll probably s
t yourself trying not to laugh.Some brilliant stories on there!
Good ideas for wedding speeches!!
He finished off, with what is, to this date, the most inappropriate wedding anecdote i've ever heard.
"I'm having a lovely day, so i'll finish with this little story (mass groan). Everyone in the block knows that Pete's got smelly feet, but last year it got ridiculous. The smell was killing us. After a week of threats, we couldn't get him to change his socks, so had to take drastic action. We moved all his bedspace in the drying room and made him live there. He lost 40lbs in three days. But blow me down, the smell didn't go away. It turned out that it wasn't Pete after all......... Someone had had a sh-it, in one of the empty lockers, and it had gone off."
I had to be given oxygen. The brides mum had a face like John Prescotts arrse.
Good ideas for wedding speeches!!
He finished off, with what is, to this date, the most inappropriate wedding anecdote i've ever heard.
"I'm having a lovely day, so i'll finish with this little story (mass groan). Everyone in the block knows that Pete's got smelly feet, but last year it got ridiculous. The smell was killing us. After a week of threats, we couldn't get him to change his socks, so had to take drastic action. We moved all his bedspace in the drying room and made him live there. He lost 40lbs in three days. But blow me down, the smell didn't go away. It turned out that it wasn't Pete after all......... Someone had had a sh-it, in one of the empty lockers, and it had gone off."
I had to be given oxygen. The brides mum had a face like John Prescotts arrse.
Forum said:
As he started his speech they were already looking alarmed. He put his hand on his wifes shoulder and said,
"Before I launch into my speech, i've got a small announcement to make. Helen has told me to expect to started washing a few nappies."
"Aaaaaahhhh," they all said, perhaps he isn't horrible after all. He continued,
"Apparently all the muscles in her arrse have packed up."
I found it funny, as did my ten mates, but there were 140 people their, with 130 not laughing, the miserables.
"Before I launch into my speech, i've got a small announcement to make. Helen has told me to expect to started washing a few nappies."
"Aaaaaahhhh," they all said, perhaps he isn't horrible after all. He continued,
"Apparently all the muscles in her arrse have packed up."
I found it funny, as did my ten mates, but there were 140 people their, with 130 not laughing, the miserable
s.
Brilliant!
It turns out that as soon as my head hit the pillow, i was snoring. Ten minutes later, i awoke declaring loudly that i needed to p1ss like a racehorse. I got out of bed, completely butt naked, left the room and headed out into the corridor. After about ten paces, i stopped and urinated there and then, all up the wall next to a fire hose. I then walked to a completely different door and started banging on it, demanding entry. The door was opened by no lesser person than the mother of the bride who was shocked to see the apparition standing before her. After wanting to know who the fk she was and what was she doing in my house , i was called to the right room by Mrs Blackrat whereapon i crashed. Most of the corridor had heard or seen what had happened.
Needless to say breakfast was interesting and the honour of the Army was upheld.
It turns out that as soon as my head hit the pillow, i was snoring. Ten minutes later, i awoke declaring loudly that i needed to p1ss like a racehorse. I got out of bed, completely butt naked, left the room and headed out into the corridor. After about ten paces, i stopped and urinated there and then, all up the wall next to a fire hose. I then walked to a completely different door and started banging on it, demanding entry. The door was opened by no lesser person than the mother of the bride who was shocked to see the apparition standing before her. After wanting to know who the f
k she was and what was she doing in my house , i was called to the right room by Mrs Blackrat whereapon i crashed. Most of the corridor had heard or seen what had happened.Needless to say breakfast was interesting and the honour of the Army was upheld.
Edited by difontaine42 on Wednesday 19th August 19:19
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