Are all old people as amusing?
Discussion
Mother in law in hospital.. direct quote:
"The woman in the other bed is really ill, she's had to have a cafetiere fitted".
The weak response was 'she's full of beans though'. I'm sure there must be better.
Almost as good as when we watched 'Cliff Hanger' on TV once (the Stallone climbing film). As the title sequence comes up she says "Why do they call this Jurassic Park then?"
Frankeh said:
When I'm old I'm going to pretend i'm senile.
Then the kids that take the piss out of me thinking I'm not noticing, they don't get their inheritance.
The ones that put up with racist rants, pissing my pants, and eating garden ants. They get the money.
Genuine burst out laughing!Then the kids that take the piss out of me thinking I'm not noticing, they don't get their inheritance.
The ones that put up with racist rants, pissing my pants, and eating garden ants. They get the money.
Eating garden ants, inspired!
You forgot about not thanking people as you walk through a door being held open for you, asking a girl who works in a blue movie store to read out the synopsis because you're blind...
Just as I was reading this I had a call from the mother in law.................
Me ............. hello
The daft batty one........... Peter has died.
Me ............. Who's Peter
The daft batty one........... Peter you know <long gap> he was marred to Brenda
Me ............. That's sad, who are we talking about ?
The daft batty one........... You know (raised voice)he lived with us before Mandy was born
Me ............. So Mandy will not remember that then !
The daft batty one........... Well no <yet another long pause> she can't get a death certificate
Me ............. <losing the will to live> Ok I will tell her
Me ............. hello
The daft batty one........... Peter has died.
Me ............. Who's Peter
The daft batty one........... Peter you know <long gap> he was marred to Brenda
Me ............. That's sad, who are we talking about ?
The daft batty one........... You know (raised voice)he lived with us before Mandy was born
Me ............. So Mandy will not remember that then !
The daft batty one........... Well no <yet another long pause> she can't get a death certificate
Me ............. <losing the will to live> Ok I will tell her
Related.
http://twitter.com/s
tmydadsays
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for st. Just sat there. Big let down."
Seemingly the only decent thing on twitter.
Edit:You need to uncensor "Sh!t"
http://twitter.com/s
tmydadsays"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for s
t. Just sat there. Big let down."Seemingly the only decent thing on twitter.
Edit:You need to uncensor "Sh!t"
Edited by Frankeh on Wednesday 2nd September 21:27
Edited by Frankeh on Wednesday 2nd September 21:29
My Grandad (rip 
) did the best laugh out loud moment ever at our wedding. We had little champagne bottles for blowing bubbles on our tables for a bit of fun. Grandad was trying to blow some bubbles but unsuccessfully, in the end my husbands aunt did it for him. Grandad announces - quite loudly for him - that she made this blow job look easy. My hubby's aunt (not the quietest of people just fell about laughing. I think Grandad actually realised after what he'd said, judging by the slight reddening of his cheeks bless him. He was a fantastic person who passed away 18 months ago, still very much missed by the whole family and yes he was always amusing.
) did the best laugh out loud moment ever at our wedding. We had little champagne bottles for blowing bubbles on our tables for a bit of fun. Grandad was trying to blow some bubbles but unsuccessfully, in the end my husbands aunt did it for him. Grandad announces - quite loudly for him - that she made this blow job look easy. My hubby's aunt (not the quietest of people just fell about laughing. I think Grandad actually realised after what he'd said, judging by the slight reddening of his cheeks bless him. He was a fantastic person who passed away 18 months ago, still very much missed by the whole family and yes he was always amusing."The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who sts in something, you own it. Remember that."
Also:
"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."
I think that man is my hero!
ts in something, you own it. Remember that."Also:
"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."
I think that man is my hero!
Frankeh said:
Related.
http://twitter.com/stmydadsays
"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for st. Just sat there. Big let down."
Seemingly the only decent thing on twitter.
Edit:You need to uncensor "Sh!t"
http://twitter.com/s
tmydadsays"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for s
t. Just sat there. Big let down."Seemingly the only decent thing on twitter.
Edit:You need to uncensor "Sh!t"
Edited by Frankeh on Wednesday 2nd September 21:27
Edited by Frankeh on Wednesday 2nd September 21:29[/footnote]
[footnote]Edited by crofty1984 on Wednesday 2nd September 22:19evil len said:
My mother in law was decorating her living room once ... turned to the father in law and proclaimed that she might "put a dildo rail up" round the room ...
I remember driving my mother in law somewhere in the car and had some Zappa on the CD player...
"Gimme dat
Gimme dat
Gimme dat bloooooow job"
Was the chorus
'This is nice dear' (as she sat tapping along to the rhythm) 'what's he singing about?'
Wife's Grandfather when watching a couple of ladies kissing on TV:
"bloody Elizabethans!"
My mother at the dinner table over Sunday Roast the day I introduced her to my now wife:
"We watched an excellent program on Deep Throat last night, it was riveting".
Due to choking, crying, and trying to assist the missus in covering her tears of laughter, we never established what she'd actually watched.
"bloody Elizabethans!"
My mother at the dinner table over Sunday Roast the day I introduced her to my now wife:
"We watched an excellent program on Deep Throat last night, it was riveting".
Due to choking, crying, and trying to assist the missus in covering her tears of laughter, we never established what she'd actually watched.
This is kinda sad but funny at the same time...
My Grandad (god bless,RIP) had terrible short term memory loss. At my house we have a bell that when the door slams shut, the door bell would ring...
SO, he would come round and I would let him in, leaving him to shut the door behind him. He would then shut the door and the turn around and the bell would ring, so he would then turn to open the door and look for whoever would ring the bell.
No one would be their so he would come back in a shut the door... and agin the bell would ring and he would go out side and look for who ever just rang the bell. This would go on untill someone would drag him inside the house.
My Grandad (god bless,RIP) had terrible short term memory loss. At my house we have a bell that when the door slams shut, the door bell would ring...
SO, he would come round and I would let him in, leaving him to shut the door behind him. He would then shut the door and the turn around and the bell would ring, so he would then turn to open the door and look for whoever would ring the bell.
No one would be their so he would come back in a shut the door... and agin the bell would ring and he would go out side and look for who ever just rang the bell. This would go on untill someone would drag him inside the house. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff