A story from an HMRC bloke...
Discussion
I just remembered after reading another thread a story I was told by a customs officer.
His team had a tip off that there was to be some importation of contraband coming in through a certain port. They had a description but no names.
Mr. Shifty fitted the description and appeared to be doing his best to keep out of the way and stay very quiet as he came through, very suspicious. When he was spoken to he was acting very strange and also apparently looked like he was having issues walking in a similar fashion to someone who had contraband up their 'arris.
Anyhow, fitting the description, all the other clues, the rubber gloves are on and they are in a room.
Stripped, they begin a cavity search. HAHA! A string, they pull it, they've caught him.
Man screams with pain and comes mentions he has just had his Hemorrhoids stitched....
His team had a tip off that there was to be some importation of contraband coming in through a certain port. They had a description but no names.
Mr. Shifty fitted the description and appeared to be doing his best to keep out of the way and stay very quiet as he came through, very suspicious. When he was spoken to he was acting very strange and also apparently looked like he was having issues walking in a similar fashion to someone who had contraband up their 'arris.
Anyhow, fitting the description, all the other clues, the rubber gloves are on and they are in a room.
Stripped, they begin a cavity search. HAHA! A string, they pull it, they've caught him.
Man screams with pain and comes mentions he has just had his Hemorrhoids stitched....
AB said:
I just remembered after reading another thread a story I was told by a customs officer.
His team had a tip off that there was to be some importation of contraband coming in through a certain port. They had a description but no names.
Mr. Shifty fitted the description and appeared to be doing his best to keep out of the way and stay very quiet as he came through, very suspicious. When he was spoken to he was acting very strange and also apparently looked like he was having issues walking in a similar fashion to someone who had contraband up their 'arris.
Anyhow, fitting the description, all the other clues, the rubber gloves are on and they are in a room.
Stripped, they begin a cavity search. HAHA! A string, they pull it, they've caught him.
Man screams with pain and comes mentions he has just had his Hemorrhoids stitched....
Why did the man not mention this when he was told to bend over? I smell something unsavoury...His team had a tip off that there was to be some importation of contraband coming in through a certain port. They had a description but no names.
Mr. Shifty fitted the description and appeared to be doing his best to keep out of the way and stay very quiet as he came through, very suspicious. When he was spoken to he was acting very strange and also apparently looked like he was having issues walking in a similar fashion to someone who had contraband up their 'arris.
Anyhow, fitting the description, all the other clues, the rubber gloves are on and they are in a room.
Stripped, they begin a cavity search. HAHA! A string, they pull it, they've caught him.
Man screams with pain and comes mentions he has just had his Hemorrhoids stitched....
GTIR said:
I did a google search for "Mr Shifty" and got this

May be some truth in the story as he looks very angry about getting his arse yanked.
On the upside he will play a tune while filling you full of lead, if your a customs officer.
Is that Russel Brand in 10 years time?
May be some truth in the story as he looks very angry about getting his arse yanked.
On the upside he will play a tune while filling you full of lead, if your a customs officer.
Edited by GTIR on Wednesday 9th September 17:29
Mr Dave said:
GTIR said:
Is that Russel Brand in 10 years time?
I have a feeling that picture is used in his online dating profile.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff




" into every thread.
